Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Director, LifeSTAR of St. George, UT

Mixed Signals

► porne : female captive, slave, prostitute, or harlot ► graphos : writing or drawing ► pornography : writing or drawings of harlots or prostitutes. ► Any material that stimulates the senses to illicit a sexual response. ► If material is sexually arousing for you, it is safe to treat it as if it is pornography for you, even if it is not pornography by other definitions.

Highly Addictive Changes the Brain Destroys Emotional, Physical, & Spiritual Health Negative Impact on Relationships Distorts Healthy Sexuality Promotes Objectification Decreases Empathy and Sensitivity to Others Connected to Illegal Activities

3/10 second to begin chain reaction in body 14 neurotransmitters and hormones activated Become hooked on mood altering state

Short attention span Impulsivity Procrastination Disorganization Poor judgment Lack of empathy and insight (SPECT scan of 14 year old with ADHD)

Social Spiritual IntellectualEmotional Physical

PHYSICAL Spiritual IntellectualEmotional Social

Highly Addictive Changes the Brain Destroys Emotional, Physical, & Spiritual Health Negative Impact on Relationships Distorts Healthy Sexuality Promotes Objectification Decreases Empathy and Sensitivity to Others Connected to Illegal Activities

“Sex may sell, but showing sexually transmitted diseases, addictions, failing relationships, unwanted pregnancies, less than perfect bodies, sexual abuse, and mental illness tends to have a negative effect on profits.” - Dr. Jill Manning “What’s the Big Deal About Pornography?”

80% of unwanted Internet pornography exposure is taking place in the home

Unusual curiosity about sexuality for his or her age Signs of premature sexual activity Unusual or unexplained credit card charges Increased pop-ups or inappropriate s on computer Erased Internet history Computer screen changes quickly when you walk into a room Noticeable changes in behavior (i.e., mood changes, increased secretiveness, increased defensiveness, isolation, etc.) - Internet Safety 101, Enough.org

STAY CALM Do NOT shame them Recognize children are curious about sex Find out what it means to them Emotional first-aid Keep it above the surface Affirm their worth and value to you Reinforce your values

Technological Non- Technological

Internet Filters Parental Controls on Devices Monitoring Software Computer Placement Joining Your Child’s Online World Rules/Boundaries with Devices Rules/Boundaries with Online Activities

Open lines of communication with child Avoid shaming or overreacting One-on-One time with each child Family dinner Teach healthy sexuality (the “Talk” vs. the “Talks”) Media Literacy (

Teach respect for the opposite sex Teach healthy relationships Teach healthy emotional regulation (BLAHST) Healthy physical touch Ongoing conversations about their world Ask questions – listen to what they say and what they don’t say

To be loving, nurturing adults To accept mistakes as correctable and not as proof that they are bad. To know that they are loved and their parents are there for them physically and emotionally. To depend on their parents for standards and values. To take risks and not be afraid of making mistakes To rely on other people To accept the full range of emotional experiences as desirable and non-threatening. - Harper & Hoopes, “Uncovering Shame”, 1990

Back then, in family, neighborhood, [church], and school life….we made room for each other to grow, to make dumb mistakes, to change, and to begin to develop at least some…reflexes. Today, some anxious parents seem to insist on constantly pulling up the daisies to see how the roots are doing. – Neal A. Maxwell

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT LifeSTAR of St. George, UT