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A Parallel Process: No One is an Island Presented by Kyle Stansbury, MSW Assistant Clinical Therapist, Open Sky Wilderness Therapy

Intro page/Agenda Part I: Family Systems: No One is an Island Part II: What does it say about you that your child needs help: Part III: Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community Part IV: Bringing it home: Your Parallel Process

Family Systems: No One is an Island -No one is to blame or at fault in your family -You are part of a larger organism

Family Systems: No One is an Island -How does your child being away effect your relationship with your partner, husband, wife, children -How emotionally attuned are you in your relationships -How well do you set personal boundaries

Family Systems: No One is an Island -Start shifting your relationship with yourself, then your partner, child, parents, relatives, dear friends, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, employees, supervisors, members of your community, those outside your community, human and non-human companions in life, our community as a whole, larger collective communities as a whole, countries, cultures, human kind, our earth… You are a Person in an Environment

Family Systems: No One is an Island -Mirror, mirror on the wall I am my mother after all… -What role models are there for being a parent in our current culture

Family Systems: No One is an Island Homeostasis/Equilibrium: why we really just want to keep it the way it is -Families develop typical ways of being which are reliable and predictable. As humans we long for this, think of the Big Mac, not what we really want for lunch, but reliable and predictable so we might as well super size it.

Family Systems: No One is an Island -So we establish Family Rules and Roles to help maintain and define the concept of “our family”. -Despite if these roles and rules are working or not, as family systems we are constantly working to maintain Homeostasis/Equilibrium. -Good news is that change is constant and inevitable- this is were awareness comes in

What does it say about you that your child needs help? -Is there anyone in your life that understands what it is like behind your front door -Feelings of inadequacy as a parent

What does it say about you that your child needs help? -Guilt that you are to blame -‘What are you talking about it is all their fault’ -Hiding from your shadow

Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community “…for a person to "grow", they need an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).” -Carl Rogers -How is your internal environment for growth

Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community -Unfortunately, the starting point-

Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community - What goes into being healthy on a Mind, Body, Heart and Soul level -Mind-Body connection -Movement, exercise and rest -Nutrition -Personal and Professional development -Physical Environment -Relationships and connections -Spirituality Duke Wheel of Health

Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community -Setting personal boundaries -Does the word homework still make you cringe -Practicing what we preach, self-care

Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community - Come to understand your own negative patterns in relationships i.e. -rescuer -yeller -withdrawer -distracter -stoicism -workaholic -lecturer -addict -worrier -The Parallel Process, Krissy Pozatek LICSW Come to understand your own positive patterns in relationships too…

Creating a healthy environment for growth in the home and community -looking beyond the obvious, implications for being a positive change agent in this world and the real mission of Open Sky.

Bringing it home: Your Parallel Process -What are you doing in your home and why -Where are you in the stages of change for yourself -pre-contemplation -contemplation -preparation -action -maintenance -relapse -What beliefs do you cling to that inhibiting you from finding greater harmony

Bringing it home: Your Parallel Process - Suggestions for the process -Declaring your intentions -Regular therapy, individually and as a family -Not only seek but, encourage both positive and constructive feedback from trusted loved ones -Pushing outside of your comfort zone

Bringing it home: Your Parallel Process -Daily journaling -4-Line checks: Mind, Body, Heart and Soul -The all powerful ‘I Feel’ statement…

Bringing it home: Your Parallel Process - I feel _____ when ______, I imagine I feel this way because ________, in the future _______. I feel distracted when you are asking me to do my chores, I imagine I feel this way because, I was just made fun of by someone who I thought was my friend, in the future I hope I can be more present when we are talking.

Bringing it home: Your Parallel Process Reflecting the ‘I Feel’ back I hear you feel _____ when_______, you imagine you feel this way because __________, in the future you ___________. I hear you feel distracted when I talk to you about chores, you imagine you feel this way because you were made fun of by someone who you thought was a friend, and in the future you hope you can be more present when we talk.

Your Home Work READ -The Parallel Process: Growing alongside your adolescent or young adult child in treatment -Krissy Pozatek, LICSW WATCH -Brene Brown, The Power of Vulnerability - DO -Look at yourself in the eyes using a mirror for 3-5 minutes everyday this week and just pay attention to what comes up for you.

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