Lesson 5: Unspoken Rules of Work Learning to Work It Out Soft Skills for Workplace Success Lesson 5: Unspoken Rules of Work Revised for 2015+ Module 2: From Home to Work © 2015 by Steve Parese, Ed.D. 2/5/2019

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“Business is just business. It’s nothing personal.” Pearl of Wisdom “Business is just business. It’s nothing personal.” What do you get out of this? How does it apply to you? 2/5/2019

Today’s Lesson 1. Read a new story about Jayda Today's lesson on unspoken rules of the workplace will explore some of the things employers expect new workers to understand, but seldom explain out loud. 1. Read a new story about Jayda 2. Discuss six unspoken rules of work 3. Learn how to “code-switch” from home to work 4. Review & MiniQuiz 2/5/2019

Questions after reading: Jayda’s Story 2 Let’s read along on page 30. “The day after their argument, Jayda’s aunt said…” Questions after reading: 1. What are Jayda's beliefs about what is okay to do at work? 2. What is Tony's perspective about how she should act? 3. Have you ever found yourself in Jayda's shoes, reacting personally in a professional situation? 2/5/2019

Jayda in conflict with Tony Beliefs Problem Consequences Thoughts Feelings Physical Changes Behavior 2/5/2019 Based on a model created by Nicholas Long, Ph.D.

About Unspoken Rules of Work It seems obvious, but work doesn't operate by the same rules as in our personal lives. Employers have a different set of expectations about how we should handle ourselves. To them, these rules are so ‘common sense’ that they don't need to be explained. 2/5/2019

Common Sense Baby Sitter Rules Imagine that you’ve hired a babysitter for the evening. What are some common sense expectations of him/her?

Imagine you own your own business. “You’re the Boss” Activity Imagine you own your own business. 1. What kind of business? 2. What are your common sense expectations of your workers? 3. What would you do with employees who didn’t abide by your rules?

Employer Expectations At work, it’s considered “common sense” that we are expected to: 1. Do what you’re asked to do without arguing. 2. Accept constructive criticism without getting defensive. 3. Be honest about mistakes so you can learn from them. 4. Put work first. Leave home and family issues at the door. 5. Be nice to customers, even if they are not nice to you. 6. Stay out of other people’s problems, unless you are asked. 2/5/2019

Personal vs Professional Many times, the beliefs we hold dear in our PERSONAL LIVES conflict with the unspoken RULES OF WORK. Look for opposing rules: 1. You shouldn’t let people get away with being rude to you. 2. You should put family first, no matter what. 3. You should stand up for yourself if someone puts you down. 4. You shouldn’t let anyone boss you around/tell you what to do. 5. A real friend should always have your back. 6. You should keep your mistakes to yourself. 1. Do what you’re asked to do without arguing. 2. Accept constructive criticism without getting defensive. 3. Be honest about mistakes so you can learn from them. 4. Put work first. Leave home and family issues at the door. 5. Be nice to customers, even if they are not nice to you. 6. Stay out of other people’s problems, unless you are asked. 2/5/2019

About Code Switching Code-switching is a mental technique that allows us to quickly switch from one set of mental rules to another. Code-switching lets us behave differently without feeling like we betrayed our values and beliefs. 2/5/2019

Football vs Basketball Rules Imagine that you’re an All-Star defensive linebacker on your high school football team. After the football season ends, the basketball coach approaches you and says, “I need you on my team!”

Three Code-Switchers 1. “Their House, their rules.” 2. “Choose your battles.” 3. “Try to See the OPV.”

1. Jayda’s Home v. Work 4. Don’t let anyone boss you around… Jayda has a job at a pizza place, but has a hard time getting along with her manager. Every time Tony tries to straighten her out on something, Jayda has a come-back. Jayda (angry): “You what know, Tony? Just cuz you’re my boss doesn’t give you the right to tell me what to do. It’s MY life, and I’ll make up my OWN mind.” Which PERSONAL belief is Jayda using at work? 4. Don’t let anyone boss you around… 2/5/2019

1. Tony’s Point of View 1. Do what you’re asked to do… Tony (calmly): “You just don’t seem to get this, so let me explain it to you. At home, you do what you WANT. At work, you do what you’re TOLD.” Which WORK RULE is Tony referring to? How can Jayda “code-switch?” 1. Do what you’re asked to do… Tell herself that it’s “Their house, their rules…” 2/5/2019

2. Marcos’ Home v. Work 2. Put family first… Marcos drives a taxi cab at night. One evening, his daughter Alyssa called his cell phone, begging him to drop her and her girlfriends at the movie theater. Later, he got in trouble with his supervisor Joanne over it. Marcos (defensive): “My little girl needed me, and I helped her out. If helping your kids is a crime, then I’m guilty. So be it!” Which PERSONAL belief is Marcos using at work? 2. Put family first… 2/5/2019

2. Joanne’s Point of View 4. Work comes first… Joanne(calmly): “If they’d called dispatch and paid the fare, that would be one thing. But you can’t use a work vehicle for a personal trip, Marcos. That’s just how it is.” Which WORK RULE is Joanne referring to? How can Marcos “code-switch?” 4. Work comes first… Tell himself to “Choose your battles…” 2/5/2019

Summary Today, we’ve learned that there can sometimes be a clash between our personal and work belief systems. If we are going to be successful, we have to find a way to abide by these rules without giving up who we are as people. Our next lesson will begin Module 3, Managing Emotional Work Situations. In that class, we’ll learn how to recognize our personal warning signs and apply the Stop & Think skill. 2/5/2019

KEY POINT #1 The workplace has its own set of unspoken rules that guide expectations of behavior at work. Serious problems can happen when we use personal beliefs to judge what is right or wrong at work. 2/5/2019

KEY POINT #2 The key to workplace success is mentally “code- switching” from a personal perspective to a professional one. This lets us adjust our expectations and react differently to problems at work than we would at home. 2/5/2019

Let’s complete the MiniQuiz in the workbook and review it as a group. √ Let’s complete the MiniQuiz in the workbook and review it as a group. 2/5/2019

Today’s Pearl of Wisdom: “Business is just business. It’s nothing personal.” How does this fit in with our lesson? What is ONE THING you learned in this class that you will remember after leaving? 2/5/2019