SURVIVING THE TEENAGE YEARS! Amy Bonnington Pastoral Lead/ Head of Year 10 Oaklands Catholic School

Key issues facing teenagers… Social Media Peer relationships Managing strong emotions Feeling like an adult but not actually being one Pleasing everyone Exams and expectations

Communication Positive Relationships Pick your moment Communicate on their level Open questions Descriptive praise Opt in and out of family activities 5 minutes is quality time Just be there

Realistic Expectations & Mixed Messages ‘They ought to know better’ ‘They’re doing it deliberately, just to annoy me’ ‘You’re a teenager now – start acting like it’ ‘Take some responsibility’ ‘You’re still a child – do as I say’ ‘You would never have got away with that when I was younger’

Responsibility Key task for parents Developing independence Allow them to make decisions and learn through experience Balance the responsibility – not too much! Objective – allowing your child to manage independently and learn crucial life skills Build a relationship of trust

NEGOTIATE – NEGOTIATE - NEGOTIATE

Clear And Calm Requests Get the timimg right Get close and gain your teenagers attention Describe what you want to do – specific! Allow time for co-operation Praise co-operation Consequences for non co-operation

Social Media You can’t avoid it; you have to learn to deal with it Best practice Have a cut off time Monitor but build trust Talk about it Be their friend on social media Build in boundaries

Working with us… Pastoral support an absolute priority at Oaklands If we don’t know about it we can’t act on it Communication is key Building a working relationship

The Oaklands Way What we are doing to help… A clear culture and ethos High expectations on teaching and learning Pastoral Support Half term focus Proactive more than reactive Working with outside agancies

GETTING IT RIGHT Research says that parents only have to get it ‘right’ 80% of the time Accept we make mistakes – don’t be hard on yourself Take time to do the things you enjoy – you are allowed!