Parenting Program Dr. Rebecca Rahschulte, Ph.D., NCSP Nationally Certified School Psychologist Ivy Tech Dean of University & Transfer Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Welcome & Introductions Your Name Number of Children (Names? Ages?) One Hope for the Future One Perceived Challenge for the Future Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Five Basic Parenting Skills Encouragement Can Do! Choices Self-Control Respecting Feelings Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Encouragement Children’s behavior and belief in themselves is strongly influenced by their parents’ reactions. When their parents have confidence in them, children gain self- confidence. ENCOURAGEMENT is a socialization skill grounded in respect for self and others. By using ENCOURAGEMENT parents learn to appreciate their child’s abilities. ENCOURAGEMENT gives parents a way to express their good feelings toward the child. It also helps them recognize their child’s efforts despite mistakes in behavior or learning. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Encouragement 1. Notice something you like. 2. Notice how you feel. (example: proud, happy, excited) 3. Say it! (“I feel . . . that you. . . .”) 4. Notice how your child responds. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Can do!! CAN DO teaches parents how to redirect children’s behavior. CAN DO helps parents set limits on children’s behavior in constructive, appropriate ways. Overusing negative words reduces parents’ effective influence with their children. “No,” “Don’t,” “Stop,” and “Quit,” when used too often, when you are annoyed or impatient, or when your children are acting out, will soon lose their impact. Strong words like these are most effective when saved for emergency situations. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Can do!! 1. Notice what you don’t want your child to do. 2. Think of something your child can do instead. 3. Tell your child what he or she can do. 4. Help your child if necessary. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Choices CHOICES builds on the ENCOURAGEMENT and CAN DO skills to develop cooperation between parent and child. Parents are asked to be openminded and allow children to become increasingly involved in determining the resolution to a shared problem. CHOICES is very different from CAN DO, and the distinction should be made clear. Parents may give their children alternative CAN DO’S (“You can do ‘A’ or you can do ‘B.’ Which one do you want to do?”), but that is not the same as CHOICES, in which parents and children find a cooperative resolution. The family works together to reach a decision Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Choices 1. Help your child understand the problem. 2. Your child and you think of two or more reasonable choices. 3. Have your child choose and tell you the choice. 4. Help your child follow through. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Self-control The way parents choose to handle their emotions in explosive situations models ways for their children to behave when angry or upset. SELF-CONTROL is a skill to help parents avoid acting hurtfully toward their children. By gaining self-control before deciding how to act with their children, parents can interact with their children in helpful ways, even during stressful moments. Using SELF-CONTROL will help parents stop before acting impulsively. As adults become more aware of the early signs of frustration, they begin to slow down their first response and think about alternatives to unconstrained behavior while planning a more rational response. The SELF-CONTROL skill is intended to help parents understand the effect emotions have on the body and become aware of their personal signs of increasing agitation. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Self-control 1. Pay attention to body messages telling you that you are about to lose control. 2. Think of ways to control yourself. 3. Choose a way and get control of yourself. 4. Decide how to act with your child. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Respecting feelings RESPECTING FEELINGS is an empathy-building skill. It helps people acknowledge that everyone has feelings, usually a wide range of them. Usually it helps to talk about these emotions with another person who will listen respectfully. RESPECTING FEELINGS is a skill to practice giving attention to another person and listening for feelings. A parent can help a child learn to understand the importance of her or his feelings by using this skill. RESPECTING FEELINGS is a “reflecting” skill. Think of yourself as a mirror, helping your child understand himself and his emotions more clearly. RESPECTING FEELINGS gives children the chance to think out loud. It teaches children to respect themselves and to respect the feelings of others. It acknowledges the importance of their feelings, their right to these feelings, and their value as human beings. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Respecting feelings 1. Watch and listen to your child. 2. Think of a word that describes what your child might be feeling. 3. Think about why your child might be feeling this way. 4. Check your ideas with your child. Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995

Thank you! Please feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions: RRahschulte@ivytech.edu Curriculum adapted from Bailey, Perkins, & Wilson, 1995