1. “Balancing your anger balances your life”
Module 5/ Chapter 5
Managing Anger and
Resolving Conflicts
“Balancing your anger balances your life”

2. CHAPTER 5 OUTLINE What is Anger? Managing the Anger Within
Anger and Stress: The Connection
Dealing with an Angry Person
Transactional analysis
The time-out procedure
The “upset” philosophy
Active listening
Summary Points

3. Basic Terms
Anger: A normal emotion one normally encounters when presented with an obstacle or difficulty in accomplishing a desired goal in a desired way in a desired time frame.
Conflict: A situation involving anger between two or more people.

4. What Anger is… A Warning signal A way to new learning A normal feeling
An emotional response
A Warning signal
A way to new learning
A normal feeling
Healthy within limits
A protective mechanism
Useful within limits

5. What Anger is Not … Not an outlet for revenge Not projection
Not a problem solving tool
Not an outlet for revenge
Not projection
Not being violent
Not a way of control
Not healthy if it exceeds limits
Not useful if inappropriate

6. Managing The Anger Within: Unhealthy Ways
Denying: I don’t have this problem
Hiding: Not showing overt feelings
Repressing: Using it a later time
Suppressing: It is not a norm to be angry
Free expression: Venting out
Creative aggression (constructive anger): Expression in a controlled and dignified manner with the hope that others will listen
Unconditional Forgiveness: Often impractical and may result in harm in other forms

7. Managing The Anger Within: Best Healthy Way
According to Rational Emotive Therapy the BEST Healthy Way is by:
Showing annoyance and irritation

8. Managing Anger: The Eastern Way
Introspection: A self-analysis process exploring the reasons and motivations behind one’s own behaviors.
Apologizing & Determining to Rectify our contribution
Understanding that not everything can be changed, altered or fixed
Letting Go

9. Dealing with an Angry Person: Transactional Analysis
An interpersonal analysis technique based on assumption of three ego states, parent, adult, and child within each individual.
Best way to deal with an angry person is to give a “caring parent” response followed by a “rational adult” response.

10. Dealing with an Angry Person: Time Out …1
Three steps: STOP, THINK, ACT
A. STOP (NEED FOR TIME OUT)
Indicate that you are feeling angry
Discuss the need for time out and/or time away from the situation
Leave the situation

11. Dealing with an Angry Person: Time Out …2
B. THINK (TAKE TIME TO ASSESS THE SITUATION)
Work at calming down the body
CALMING REMINDERS:
Avoid taking anger personally
Maintain a sense of self worth
Maintain perspective
Avoid feeding fears
Decide to be in control
Avoid being judgmental
Maintain a problem solving attitude
Become receptive to views of others

12. Dealing with an Angry Person: Time Out …3
C. ACT (COMING BACK AFTER TAKING TIME OUT)
Be willing to admit to self and others that you might have been a contributing factor
Agree to work together to continue discussing problems
Empathic listening: “What you were saying was ...”
Fogging: “Let me think about that ...”
Admitting mistake: “You were right, it was wrong for me to ...”
Negative inquiry: “Are there other things that I do to hurt you ...”

13. Dealing with an Angry Person: “Upset” Philosophy
TRIGGERING SITUATION
SOLUTION
DEPENDENCY Person cannot find alternatives
EXPLORE CHOICES
AUTHORITY: Position, expertise or wealth
DISCUSS or IGNORE
UNCLEAR LIMITS
ASKING SECIFIC DIRECTIONS
COMPLEXITY
BREAKING DOWN TASK IN SMALLER UNITS
PRIOR UNRESOLVED CONFLICT
FORGIVE & FORGET
COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS
LISTEN & DISCUSS
CONFLICT OF INTEREST

14. Dealing with an Angry Person: Active Listening
Diagnostic tool
Disarming device
Helps in clarification
Helps in rationalizing
Develops clear thinking
Improves communication
Preserves dignity

15. Conflict Resolution Modes
Competition: Quick decisions
Collaboration: Integrating solutions
Avoidance: Trivial issues
Accommodation: Show being reasonable when you are wrong
Compromise: When goals are important but not worth the effort to cause any disruption

16. Thoughts for Reflection
Read and reflect with a partner:
5.1 What anger is
5.2 What anger is not
5.3 Points to Ponder
5.4 Resolving conflicts by managing anger
5.5 Five conflict handling orientations
5.6 Calming reminders
5.7 The value of “I” messages

17. Skill Building Activities
Complete Worksheet 5.1:
Self-Assessment of Anger
Complete Worksheet 5.2:
Managing Your Anger
Complete Worksheet 5.3:
Learning Active Listening
Complete Worksheet 5.4:
Transforming Anger into Behavior Change
Goals