The Worthington Approach For videos and more training materials go to

Problems are in love, faith or work Discipleship- lack of Christian maturity, use approach to improve their maturity in relationships as Christ sees them Loss of love- Fail to value and actively devalue each other Losing faith- negative attributions based on negative interactions Reducing work- Why pour energy into a lost cause?

Underlying needs (meaning/vision) not met Relationship history (attachment, modeling of family) Marital behavioral interaction- Discuss-avoid (one talks the other avoids), demand-refuse (one attempt to influence and the other refuses), criticize-defend, accuse-deny (breach in trust), distance-pursue, mental defenses, avoiding

If loss of love is the primary problem, whats the answer? Not by will Can will to value, show increased love will experience increased love

Faith- deciding to believe the best. Counselor act in faith Active- get them actively improving their marriage Use presuppositions I can see you both want to make a positive marriage. The problem is you are going about it ineffectively. We need to work on ways you can get what you wanta better marriagemore effectively: (implication you want change, havent give up hope).

1. Relationship- How do you create a relationship quickly with your clients? If you dont get it within two session, therapy is likely to fail. 2. Quickly show them that change is possiblequick and effective intervention early on. Then point out changes in sessions 2 +

Strategic approach. Written weekly plan for the session, but be flexible. Couples main problem: Session # Area we intend to work on Intervention Homework

Assessment and Report Vision/ Perfect Marriage/ Covenant Love Bank Communication Wheel/Mat (97 & 99) TANGO (06-09) Leveling and Editing (97 & 99) LOVE (Listen, Observe, Value, Evaluate) Space in the room as metaphor for intimacy Forgiveness: making confessions, letter from other Create memorial

Flesh out what a perfect marriage would look like Miracle question Examine vision and interests behind the descriptions Frame in terms of marriage covenant Have them share some of their thoughts on vision at home

Teach importance of 5:1 ratio Identify what deposits in love bank they appreciate Variety of techniques to enact love-bank as homework. Ask couple to come up with way to put it into practice Make commitment to do it and follow-up

Speaker-Listener technique Active Listening skills in structured format Interpersonal communication program (Miller)

Tell what happened Affected you (emotionally) Nurturing statement Get it? Reflect Observe effects

On the level When feeling disconnected Not when angry or upset Editing Not stating hurtful thoughts Things that are hot buttons for spouse love busters

Listen. Reflect. Focus on listening to meaning behind words, and content Observe. See what effect the conversation is having on spouse, is it what you want? Valuing. Theme of stating and remembering to value spouse throughout problem-solving

Evaluate Common Interests (Fisher & Ury)Fisher & Ury Interests behind positions Examine influence of childhood Look to vision/hope for marriage Consider all options that will meet interest, not necessarily position

Sculpting-type technique Have couple discuss issue Repeatedly move to reflect feelings of intimacy- actually standing matters Reflect on feelings Ripley marriage enrichment alteration: Loving & Hugging Keep saying loving things until feel close enough to hug

Defining forgiveness & reconciliation Teaching how to confess Taking responsibility for ones part Only explaining situational variables after confession is being accepted Exploring resistances Empathy interventions (letter) Commitment

Based on story of Joshua and Jordan Part of termination Couple design their own memorial Write letter describing what therapy time has meant to them Put momentos in a box Take special picture as a couple Creative artsy projects

Summarize progress in treatment Describe interventions and homework Suggest 3-5 more things to continue to work on Takes minutes

Faith working through love Strategic short term couples therapy Christian interventions & homework as appropriate Techniques support the conceptualization focused on the area of the relationship most in need of attention