Conflict

What is conflict? Conflict: A disagreement between 2 or more people who have different ideas It occurs in all relationships at 1 time or another If not resolved: Stress Interfere with your well being

Healthy vs. Unhealthy When a relationship is healthy…. People talk about what is causing the conflict Work together to find a solution When a relationship is unhealthy… Conflict can go unresolved Unresolved conflict interferes with well being and can cause stress, depression, anger and resentment

Managing Conflict Does not always mean eliminating the conflict completely Instead… Means you are able to recognize what is causing the conflict & that you can cope with it in an honest and respectful way.

Types of conflict The way you respond to conflict depends on what it is & how it affects your well being Minor and short lived: Resolve by talking about them and coming to a compromise or agreement Example: Disagreeing with a co-worker about who should clean up the lunchroom

Types of conflict Serious or ongoing conflict: Example: Refusing to promote a product your company sells or disagreeing with the way your supervisor treats co- workers Often comes from conflicting values and could be difficult- or even impossible- to resolve Solutions: Agree to disagree Other times, you may have to end the relationship

Causes of conflict: Any disagreement can cause conflict Understanding what causes disagreements can help you resolve the conflict more quickly. 3 causes of conflict: Differences in Values and standards Ineffective communication and misunderstanding Personal qualities like stubbornness Differences in values and standards: your supervisor might schedule you to work on Sunday, but it is important to you to spend sundays with your family. Ineffective communication and misunderstandings: if your supervisor doesn’t tell you that she will be alte for work, you might schedule a meeting for her. Then you are angry when you must change the schedule. Conflict may be caused by personal qualities such as stubbornness or conceit. Your co-worker might refused to turn down the music volume when you are trying to talk to a customer on the phone

Resolving Conflict You will be more successful in resolving or minimizing conflict by working with the other person! Steps to take: 1. Together you can identify the disagreement or problem. 2. You can then negotiate -Negotiate: discuss options that will lead to an agreement that satisfies everyone 3. Finally, you can compromise & select the implement the best solution

Tips for resolving conflict Show respect & understanding for the other person Remain calm & objective Take responsibility for your own actions & feelings, without blaming anyone else. Use effective communication Ie: send a clear, concise message; listening carefully Insults hurt & cause new conflict. You can attack the conflict without attacking the other person

Resolving conflict Hardest thing to do… Apologize! Even if you don’t think you caused the conflict or did anything wrong, you can apologize for making the other person feel bad. If someone refuses to resolve the conflict or refuses to admit there is a problem then you will have to decided whether you need to take action on your own or just walk away.

Anger management Conflict can make you mad and when you are angry you might not be reasonable or realistic about conflict Tips: Take a deep breath Count to ten Exercise Identify your role in the conflict Brainstorm solutions Consider what you could say to start resolving the conflict Ask someone you trust for advice Once you calm down, you will be able to think critically about what is causing the conflict and how to resolve it.

Asserting yourself Positive way to cope with conflict: Be assertive: Stand up for yourself! Express your feelings & thoughts with confidence, in a strong, honest, & direct way When you are assertive, you show others that you have a right to be treated with respect

Asserting your self Negative way to cope with conflict: Be aggressive: force your opinion on others You express your feelings and thoughts in a hostile, or angry, way. When you are aggressive: shows others that you have no respect for their thoughts or feelings.

Unresolved Conflict Slowly eat away at a relationship When you don’t speak up you can start to resent the other person Resent: blame him for your unhappiness Unless you speak up, you will not be able to resolve the conflict and move forward toward your common goals.

Which option do you pick? Odors in the office Scenario Which option do you pick? The co-worker who sits at the next desk wears a very strong cologne. It gives you a headache and makes it difficult for you to concentrate on your work. What steps can you take to successfully solve the problem? Take lots of Advil to make your headache feel better Sit at your desk & complain about it in a loud voice, hoping he will overhear you. Leave an anonymous note about it on his desk Buy him a brand of cologne that you like Ask to speak with him privately, explain the situation, & see if you can work together to find a solution Ask your supervisor to speak with him about changing his behavior IF he will not change his behavior, request a different desk