Mindful Listening More than meets the ear

Listening-most important Reading- 17.1% Speaking- 16.1% Media Listening-27.9% Writing- 11.4% Interpersonal Listening-27.5% + 50% Listening

Listening process Hearing Listening Sound waves striking eardrum causing vibration Does not require energy Listening Reconstructs electro impulses into a representation of the original sound + gives meaning Active, complex process

Process Mindfulness-being fully present in the moment Fosters dual perspective Enhances effectiveness of other’s communication Must make commitment to attend

process Physically receiving messages-automatic & unhindered Harder to pay attention with noise Women generally more attentive than men, noticing details Have better developed right lobes for creative & holistic thinking & will listen with both lobes of the brain Men have better developed left lobes for analytic & linear information processing

process Selecting & organizing material-what we attend to & how we organize it to understand the message Interests, cognitive structures, expectations (package we all carry around supports the selection part of process) Intense, standouts, unusual in flow of conversation Greater challenging with nonassertive, quiet communication Schemata assists us in making sense out of the message once we focus & select Prototypes Personal constructs Stereotypes Scripts Note: we construct others & their communication when we use our schemata to makes sense of situations & people

process Interpreting-be person-centered in order to get the message on the other’s terms Make earnest effort to understand Stay out of the other’s way

process Responding –show you are following & interested throughout the interaction using: Eye contact Nodding Attentive posture Questions & comments that invite elaboration Responsiveness demonstrates we care

process Remembering –retaining what you heard Recall only about 50% of what we heard immediately after hearing it That drops to about 35% within 8 hours In a couple of months, drops to 25% Figure out ways to improve that retention rate & recall

Types of ineffective listening- non-listening behaviors Pseudolistening-imitating the real thing Stage-hogging or Monopolizing-focus on self Selective listening-focus only on what’s interesting Insulated listening-avoid topics not want to deal w/ Defensive listening-take other’s comments as a personal attack-shaky-touchy-insecure Ambushing-only to collect info & attack you Insensitive listening-respond to superficial content & miss more important emotional information Literal listening-getting & responding to only content & missing the relationship level of meaning

Why we don’t listen better External obstacles: Message Overload Message Complexity External Noise Lack of Training

Why we don’t listen cont. Internal Obstacles: Preoccupation Rapid thought Effort Prejudgment/faulty assumptions Lack of apparent advantages Reacting to emotionally loaded language Failure to adapt to listening styles Skills needed Diverse culture requires it

Listening better Listening for pleasure Be mindful Control distractions

Better listening Listening for information-gain & evaluate information Be mindful Control obstacles Ask questions Use aids to recall Organize information

Listening to support Be mindful Use prompting Paraphrase Is issue complex enough Time & concern? Withhold judgment? Paraphrase in proportion to other responses Supporting –expressions of concern, care, affection, interest, especially in times of stress & upset DO NOT deny other the right to their feelings Do not have to agree or approve Note other’s reaction to your support Support may not always be welcome

More listening to support Analyzing –offering an interpretation of speaker’s message Offer tentatively Be sure other will be receptive to your analysis Check your motive (ego-driven?) Advising –help by offering a solution Is advice needed? Wanted? Give in right sequence Come from expertise/experience You need to be a close, trusted friend Judging –evaluate other’s thoughts/behaviors Make sure it is requested Be genuinely constructive

Final guidelines Be Mindful Adapt Listen Actively It’s a choice It’s a commitment It compliments the other Adapt Situation Other person Listen Actively You can burn calories! It takes effort & an investment