Communication Styles “Conversation is the art of telling people a little less than they want to know.”

Motivator “GREAT JOB”

Personal Assessment Communication Complete the assessment handout. Determine which style of communication you prefer.

Communication Styles --Touch Hugging, holding hands, physically close --Verbal Sharing one’s feelings, listening, heart-to-heart talks, caring words --Task Achievement, accomplishments, hard work, status, things

Term Symbol Description Words Touch “A” Hand Hugging Holding Hands Physically close Verbal “B” Ear and Mouth Sharing one’s feelings Listening Heart-to-heart talks Caring Words Task “C” Eye Achievement Accomplishments Hard Work Status/Things

Case Study #1 DISCUSSION: Do you think Andy's love for Susan has really worn off? What orientation is Susan? Do you think Susan wants constant public displays of affection? What other things might Andy do to keep the communication in their marriage functioning well? Have a student read the Case Study #1

Case Study #2 DISCUSSION: What orientation is the son? What orientation is the mom? What might improve the relationship between the son and his mother? Have a student read the Case Study #1 Have a student read the Case Study #2

Case Study #3 What orientation is Jackie? What orientation s Steve? Is Steve really immature and insecure? Is it realistic or even fair for Jackie to expect him to change his love language? How might this couple compromise and resolve the problem? Have a student read the Case Study #3

Case Study #4 Why did Sandy want John to do the jobs himself? Do you think John is a task-oriented person? What might the couple do to solve their problem? Have a student read the Case Study #4

You should remember: A person’s primary orientation is determined by the highest score on the quiz. The secondary orientation is determined by the second highest score on the quiz. Some people will have scores that are very close or may use a different communication under different circumstances. It is important that you understand the following terms: Communication --- the way one sends and receives messages of acceptance, affection, and appreciation.

Where do our communication styles come from? It comes from a reflection of or reaction to your home life. If your mother is task-oriented person and you are also a task-oriented person you reflect your home love language. If, on the other hand, your mother is task-oriented and you are touch-oriented, you reacting to your home love language.

One is not better or worse, but it is important to recognize that you do or do not speak the same love language as those around you. Most people have learned their love language –so it can be changed. However, change is not what is needed, understanding is.

How does a Touch-Oriented, Verbal-Oriented, & a Task-Oriented Person respond to the following situations? A child comes home with good grades A co-worker gets a promotion or a raise. A close friend slipped on the ice and broke their leg. A sibling just broke up with their boy/girl friend. Their grandparents 50th anniversary is coming up.

Golden Rule with a Twist Do unto others as they would have you do to them, not as you would have them do to you. Speak to your partner, friend, family member in whatever communication style he/she speaks.

METHODS OF DECODING OTHER’S COMMUICATION STYLES: Ask him/her to take the quiz Recognize how he/she reacts and shows love to others. Observe his/her reactions when a compliment, hug, or gift is given. Which do you think means the most?

It is important to know that in a crisis, many people move to a different communication style, just to combat the crisis, and then move back to their original style when the crisis has passed. Watch for signs of a different communication style when stressed or crisis occurs.

Summary The greatest human emotional need is ACCEPTANCE. This is especially true in a marriage. The question “Do you love me?” translates to “Do you accept me? In spite of all my fears and faults will you stay with me? If I am totally revealed to you, all my good and bad, can I trust you to love me and care for me? By using the love language you can learn to communicate this complete kind of acceptance to your loved ones.