The Backdoor to Success…. Failure: The Backdoor to Success….

Life = Risk -- Motivation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yetHqWODp0

DEFINING FAILURE a : lack of success b : a failing in business : bankruptcy a : a falling short : deficiency <a crop failure> b : deterioration, decay : one that has failed http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/failure

How we Define Failure Failing a class. Failed Marriage Being fired from a job Your business fails Feeling a failure as a parent Failing in a relationship Not having “enough” wealth Not reaching your goals Not having an expected outcome

Defining SUCCESS a : degree or measure of succeeding b : favorable or desired outcome; also : the attainment of wealth, favor, or eminence : one that succeeds http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/success

What standards measure success? Perspective: Under what perspective do we see the actual issue? Measure: By what gauge are we using to measure success? Ability: What ability and motivation are we giving to achieve the outcome? Standards: By who’s standards are we calculating the outcome? Will: Are we willing ourselves to achieve the outcome or is this controlled by someone else? Motive: Do we have motivation to achieve the outcome?

Where is YOUR focus? You failed the second test in your health class. Your parents have high hopes of your being a doctor someday. You have natural talent and want to be a musician. You’re getting married on Saturday to someone you do not love. But, you don’t want to disappoint your parents…. You got fired from a job that you hated. Secretly, you are glad, because it wasn’t a good fit. However, your parents were so proud of you because you worked for the company and you’re afraid to tell them the news.

Where is YOUR focus? You’ve tried to be the best parents to your daughter. She has been given all the best opportunities to be successful. At age 20, she decides to do drugs and ends up being arrested You feel like you failed as parents… You want to be as rich as your best friend. He has always placed a great deal of stock on wealth and compares you to him constantly. You have your own business and are successful in that venturel; but your friend makes you feel like you’re a failure.

Where is your focus? Your neighbor is always bragging about how well he is doing. You now are critical of what you have and compare your family to his… wishing they could be more like your neighbors’ family. You lost your job because of the economy, and now you feel like you failed… Your parents have labeled you, criticized you and have told you that you don’t “measure up” to what they want… but by your own rights, you are successful!

Getting Perspective: Maybe you’re living your life for someone else. Maybe you’re not happy because you just haven’t found the right job fit. Maybe you are accepting blame for something that isn't’ your fault. Maybe your not seeing your success for what it is… Maybe you lack the ability or skill or will power. Maybe you lack the motive because it just doesn’t work for you. Maybe you aren’t being true and honest with yourself or others about what you want vs. what they want. Maybe you don’t actually want the outcome because it wasn’t yours to being with? Maybe the thing the your want actually requires God-given talent, and you don’t have it. Maybe you haven’t discovered what yours is yet! Maybe your heart just isn’t in it? …And it doesn’t feel right! Maybe you need to standup for what you want and create boundaries with those in your life!!!

Questions? As for “failure,” to what degree are you going to let this have an effect on your life? To what degree are you going to measure happiness and success? To what degree are you willing to stop trying to please everyone else in your life and start LIVING your life as you were intended to live it?

“I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. “ Bill Cosby

Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. This book answer questions like: What are legitimate boundaries? What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries? – How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money? – Aren't boundaries selfish? – Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?

Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward [Hardcover] Henry Cloud Henry Cloud (Author) › Visit Amazon's Henry Cloud Page Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author Are you an author? Learn about Author Central (Author) 4.6 out of 5 stars See all reviews (57 customer reviews) | Like 1354820185 false -1 78 78 77 (78)

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. David Frost

Reality Check…. Everyone goes through struggles… Everyone will fail at something… Everyone will find difficulty in life at one point or another… Everyone will know, to a certain degree what it is like to lose something precious… Because you are human, you must run the race…

Good Quotes to take with you… “I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate. “ George Burns “Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success. Dale Carnegie

I DON’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES… REALLY? “but I’m not good enough…” Taking a bite out of the original pity party! I DON’T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES… REALLY?

Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. Booker T. Washington http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8ZuKF3dxCY&feature=related

Two Book Recommendations

Good Quotes to take with you… Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose. Bill Gates Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get. Dale Carnegie

“If failure is the back door to success, try the back door!” Nancy Holland