1. Defense Mechanisms

2. Defense Mechanism Defense Mechanisms enable people to avoid admission to themselves and others of an unpleasant part of self-concept. Just as the two methods of protecting yourself from physical attack are to flee or fight, the mechanisms for defensive communication fall into the two categories of avoidance and attack.

3. Defense Mechanisms Each defense mechanism defines a particular way in which an individual distorts reality so that the world will look the way they want it to be. The fact that these defense mechanisms become habits we perform unconsciously makes them difficult to recognize, especially in ourselves.

4. Defense Mechanisms Becoming acquainted with some of the most common defense mechanisms and increasing our awareness of when we use them may be a valuable step in helping us become better communicators! What are these Defense Mechanisms?

5. Distorting Critical Information Rationalization – One of the most common ways to avoid a threat to our self-concept is to rationalize, that is, to think up a logical but untrue explanation that protects the unrealistic picture we hold of ourselves. For example, Everybody cheats a little or you can cheat because this information isn’t important. Compensation – Rather than face a problem head on, compensators stress a strength in some other area of their personality, hoping it will camouflage what they feel is their fault. For Example, Someone that isn’t happy at home compensates by putting all of their energy into becoming successful in business or the girl that can’t make friends with other women and compensates by attracting as many boyfriends as she can (or vice versa). Compensating missing relationships with buying toys, etc.

6. Distorting Critical Information Dependency or Regression – Rather than admit we don’t want to do something, we convince ourselves that we can’t do it. We resort to a behavior that is more characteristic of an earlier age, an age when we were more helpless. For example, The person that says they want a relationship with you but they aren’t ready, might really mean she simply doesn’t care enough about the relationship to make it grow. Or the person that would like to improve their life but really isn’t willing to put in the work necessary to change his present situation.

7. Avoiding Threatening Information Repression – Rather than facing up to an unpleasant situation and trying to deal with it, we protect ourselves by denying its existence or “pretending nothing is wrong.” For example, the couple that has a spender and a saver. Rather than work to solve the problem, they continue as if there is no problem until resentment builds up. Or the family with an alcoholic parent or teen into drugs trying to pretend everything is ok. Emotional Insulation and Apathy – People avoid hurt by not getting involved or pretending they don’t care. For example, a couple breaks up and one of them is so hurt by the break up that they become insulated and refuses to become involved again. They also become apathetic by saying they don’t care about whoever hurt them.

8. Avoiding Threatening Information Displacement – We vent our aggressive or hostile feelings against people or objects that are seen as less dangerous than the person who caused the feelings originally. For example the child who slams the door or beats up on a younger sibling because their parent told them to clean their room. Or the adult that gets angry at his boss and rather than risk getting fired, they take out their anger on their family. Undoing – In undoing we make up for an act that doesn’t fit with our ideal self-concept by offering a symbolic token of apology, usually to the person we’ve hurt. For example, the young man that is always late picking up his date may bring gifts to show that he’s not so bad. Or a parent punishes his child then feels guilty and may be extra nice to the child for a while to raise his own self-esteem.

9. Attacking the Critic Verbal Aggression – Sometimes the easiest way to avoid criticism is to drown it out! Illustrated in the attitude of the best defense is a good offense. When someone criticizes you, you counterattack by telling that person of their faults. They may be true, but they don’t answer the criticism. Sarcasm – A less direct form of aggression is when we react to criticism with a barbed, humorous message…witty and quick thinking, but also hostile and hurtful.