Understanding the Effects of Your Behaviors The goal of today’s session is to understand how your behaviors can make it harder or easier for your parents to understand and support you. Understanding the Eye-Catcher Facilitator: Only go over a couple of behaviors (e.g., lying to parents), as the participants will be generating a whole list of behaviors during their in-session activity. What are a couple of behaviors that teens engage in that may make it more difficult for parents to support or understand their kids? What are a couple of behaviors that you engage in which would allow parents to understand and support you more? Explain what was learned from the Eye-Catcher regarding this goal. Human Knot: Process how the teen’s behaviors influence the whole family, how negative behaviors influence the family negatively, how positive behaviors influence the family positively, and possible parental responses to the teen’s positive and/or negative behaviors. Role-play: Process the participants reactions to the teen actor’s behaviors, how the parent most likely felt, and behaviors that the teen should do instead that would encourage support and understanding from his/her parents.

Responsibility What is Responsibility? How is responsibility on behalf of the teen related to parental support and understanding? Facilitator: For the following questions, have the teen participants answer the questions, first. Follow up with any additional information. Responsibility is when a person is dependable, reliable, and completes their obligations, duties and expectations (for example, completing all of your chores without being asked to.) By demonstrating responsibility, your parents are more likely to trust you. When your parents trust you, they are more likely to allow additional freedoms – more autonomy, more likely to support your decisions. In turn, you are more likely to feel supported and understood by your parents, which facilitates openness and honestly on your behalf. The process then becomes circular.

Irresponsibility What is Irresponsibility? How does not showing responsibility harm the parent/teen relationship? Why does this work against you getting what you want? Facilitator: For the following questions, have the teen participants answer the questions, first. Follow up with any additional information. Irresponsibility is when a person is not dependable, not reliable, does not complete obligations, duties, and/or responsibilities (for example, not going to school). If parents learn to distrust you, your parents are more likely take away freedoms, and you are more likely to earn negative consequences. In turn, you may start to lie to your parents, continue to engage in irresponsible behaviors (for example, staying out past curfew), and you and your parents are more likely to get into conflicts. When parents do not trust you, they are less likely to support any of your independent decisions or allow you to engage in outside activities with friends. Parents are also less likely to understand why you do what you do; why you are behaving irresponsibly. In turn, you and your parents are more likely to engage in more conflicts harming your relationship.

Parent-teen Relationship In the parent-teen relationship, there needs to be Give and Take between the parents and the teen. What does Give and Take look like in a parent-teen relationship? Why is Give and Take important in the parent-teen relationship? Give and Take: When you and your parents are able to compromise or settle your differences; when you and your parents both give up something to acquire something you want in a manner that makes both of you satisfied. An example of Give and Take in the parent-teen relationship: A 16-year-old girl wants to go the beach for the weekend with her friends. Instead of the parents immediately saying no to this (for example, because she is too young to go without an adult), the parents ask questions regarding the trip. For example, who is going on the weekend trip, how are you going to get there, where are you staying, will there be any adults, etc. In a Give and Take relationship, the parents and the teen would continue to discuss the weekend trip until a compromise is reached (for example, a friend’s mother is going to the beach also, but will stay in the room next door). In this situation, the teen is able to go to the beach with her friends, but the parents feel more comfortable allowing the teen to go because another parent is going to be near. In this situation, the parents are going to trust, support, and understand their teen more than if the the teen was dishonest about the arrangements and did not agree to let her parents talk with the mother who is going.

Communication Is Essential What is its use and why is it important for the parent-teen relationship? Types of communication: Non-assertive Aggressive Assertive When using good communication skills, people can communicate what they need directly and respectfully. Good communication makes it clear to parents that the teen should be trusted and is mature. Facilitator: Each of the communication styles will be further explained during the role-plays. Go ahead and explain to the participants that they will learn more about communication styles, but that it is important when communicating with their parents to use the assertive communication style. Non-assertive: Avoiding saying what you think, feel, want, or believe. Aggressive: Saying what you think, feel, want, or believe in ways that deny another person’s right to be treated with respect. Assertive: Saying what you think, feel, want, or believe in ways that don’t damage another person’s right to be treated with respect.

It is now time to engage in the Activities

Wrap-Up Why is it important for you to understand that your behaviors can affect a decision your parents have to make? How can you present yourself as someone who is responsible? What have you learned today and how can this be applied in your own home? Provide handouts. Explain how to use them at home and when to take a look at them. Pass out and discuss the out of session activities, if applicable. Remember to discuss the activity during the next session.