Teens and Dating: Safety First Presented by Diana Loiewski diana@talkcounts.com

Today’s Outcomes Understanding…. that all relationships begin with the relationship you have with yourself. four rules for healthy relationships five rules to healthy decision making domestic violence

All relationships begin with the relationship you have with yourself. The relationship that you have with yourself develops within the context of families and the communities in which we grow-up.

What is the relationship that you have with yourself? What is your self-talk?

Activity How do we support our teens in feeling good about themselves so they in turn develop healthy relationships? Please complete this activity first with yourself and then with your teen.

Relationships begin with YOU! We teach people how to treat us!

Relationships can be thought of as concentric rings Spending time with others in different settings Acquaintances: Evaluating each other socially for similarities and difference

All Relationships are built in SNAIL Time Slow Down Negotiate Ask Investigate Listen

Four Rules to Any Healthy Relationship Trust Respect Shared goals Communicate openly, honestly, and directly

Code of Conduct

Example of a Code of Conduct Tell Mutual Consent on all decisions

What is your Code of Conduct? I am willing to…. I am not willing to…

Safety Requires Life-Long Learning Responsibility for personal safety increases each time a person gains more independence. Education and repeated practice are important keys to reducing vulnerability. When children are young it is the parent’s job to keep them safe. Once we allow children leave our side, we need to teach them that safety is their number one responsibility. It’s a life-long learning process for individuals with disabilities to be safe, as well as for nuero typical children. My daughter met a person through a dating app. The first meeting was in a public place. I knew where she was going and we agreed to a check in time. We always used “how is grandma” as a code phrase for an exit plan. When I text at my check in time. My 26 year old informed me that the date was over, the person was bragging about giving a friend a bloody noise and my daughter was getting weird vibes. So, I asked her how she exited the date. She shared that she allowed the date to walk her to her car! I said, what! You were feeling uncomfortable and then you allowed the date to walk you to your car? What could have gone wrong? What would your exit plan have been? What could you do next time?

Meeting someone… How do you protect your safety? Discuss this with the person sitting to your left.

Teach teens to Always have an exit plan TTL TELL someone where he/she is going, with whom, and when he/she is expect to be home. TAKE a fully charged cell phone. LOOK always know where he/she is and always develop an exit plan prior to leaving the home.

Pay attention to how he/she feels when he/she is with someone Teach teens to… Pay attention to how he/she feels when he/she is with someone 1 of 10 HS students has purposefully hit/slapped a boyfriend/girlfriend... 1 in 3 teens is a victim of physical abuse from a dating partner…   Girls between the ages of 16-24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence.

Teach :If someone makes you feel uncomfortable… If you have that icky- thinking something is wrong, nervous Feeling… Our gut feeling tells us when we are feeling uncomfortable and it help us to sense things that may go wrong. It tells us when we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. It helps us notice when we are feeling uncomfortable with a person that we are with. We all have this internal voice. The problem is that we often ignore it. Some say that we ignore our gut feeling because we are too polite or we give in to peer pressure. We have to teach children not to ignore their feelings and instead to react. If they sense that something may go wrong leave the area and seek a trusted adult. How often have you had a feeling that you should leave or stop what you were doing and you didn’t?

Take your Judgment hat off. Only 33% of teens in violent relationships tell a trusted adult.

Feeling the Body’s Comfort Signals Ask how she is feeling? safe, calm, trust, respect, happy, free, peaceful

Teaching listening to inner voice Ask how he is feeling? protected, cared for, cherished, loved, secured

Feeling the bodies comfort signals Ask how she is feeling? scared, worried, insecure, anxious, jittery, nervous

Teaching to listen to inner voice Ask how she is feeling? frightened, distressed, uneasy, shaken, terrified, panic

Share your experiences Describe a time where you didn’t listen to your inner voice and the outcome wasn’t positive.

Discussion Signs of Healthy and Unhealthy relationships Physical Emotional Financial Cyber Turn to the person on your left and talk about the signs of healthy and unhealthy contact physically, emotionally, financially and cyberly

Practice Scenarios Each table has been provided with a worksheet of scenarios. With a partner go through the scenarios and determine: 1.What should you do? 2.What can go wrong? 3.What can be your exit plan? Lastly, how you might share the advice with your teen. Practicing scenarios is very important so that your teen knows your families expectations and has a learned way to react. In my family we practice scenarios while on dates like you would fire drills and this strategy not only provides your teens with life-long tools it also supports communication within your relationships.

Pink Flags and Red Flags practice Warning, Warning We began today with discussing teaching teens to listen to their gut feeling/inner voice. We know that practicing listening and taking action is an important piece to protecting teen safety while dating. We are going to play a game that supports listening to pink and red flags. Take ACTION and Distance Yourself

Relationships need to be investigated over time and in different settings.

The Five Principles of Healthy Decision Making Legal Ethical Safe Appropriate Aligned with Values

Healthy relationships are built in SNAIL time Abiding by the Four Rules And The Five Principals of Healthy Decision Making