THE ART OF BEING A PARENT NOW A DAYS LOVING OUR CHILDREN WITHOUT FEAR: UNDERSTANDING THE CHILD AND FAMILIY SERVICES ACT AND ITS IMPACT ON THE LATINO/HISPANIC COMMUNITY. MODULE II

What is art? Tolstoy said that: ”In order correctly to define art, it is necessary, first of all, to cease to consider it as a means to pleasure and to consider it as one of the conditions of human life.” “Every work of art causes the receiver (your child) to enter into a certain kind of relationship both with him who produced, or is producing, (you the parent) the art…” http://www.csulb.edu/~jvancamp/361r14.html. Parenthesis is mine

Parenting For ages, parents have borne society’s responsibility in the upbringing of their children. Global political, social and economic changes in the last decades have deeply affected today’s parents ability on dealing with their teenagers and young adults’ problems and growing pains.

Parenting ii Schools’ are always calling for parents’ participation and support in PTAs, or input in dealing with every day students’ issues. Communities and community leaders are complaining about youth crime and youth rowdiness in their midst.

Parenting iii The media is laden almost daily with news of violence among young people. Authorities castigate parents for not providing their children with appropriate and positive role modeling. Lastly, the government’s Law and Order approach is bringing greater responsibility on parents,… Carrillos

HOW TO… HANDBOOK II A comprehensive and supportive augmented guide for parents, guardians, and foster parents (target groups) with adolescent children, concerned on finding solutions to problems as a way of preventing youth crime, keeping the family together, and maintaining safety in the communities Luis Carrillos - 2008 HISPANIC DEVELOPMENT COUNCIL

Chapter 1 IS YOUR CHILD OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW INVOLVED IN GANGS AND/OR USING/ABUSING DRUGS OR ALCOHOL?

INTER-RACIAL DATING; IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT? Chapter 2 INTER-RACIAL DATING; IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH IT?

Chapter 3 WHY I SHOULD COMMUNICATE WITH MY CHILDREN? Talking Frankly With Your Children Effective Communication Practices

Chapters 4 and 5 WHAT ARE MY RIGHTS? WHERE CAN I GET MORE INFORMATION? AND WHERE CAN I GET HELP OR ASSISTANCE?

WHY I SHOULD COMMUNICATE WITH MY CHILDREN WHY I SHOULD COMMUNICATE WITH MY CHILDREN? Talking Frankly With Your Children Effective Communication Practices The relationship between parent and child needs to be checked and counter checked every day, as a positive relationship needs to be nurtured. Negative relationships need to be transformed to prevent situations of family separation, youth homelessness, youth crime, and drug and alcohol abuse.

THREE BASIC QUESTIONS MUST BE ADDRESSED: What happens when children decide they don’t want to communicate with their parents? How should parents respond to this silent challenge? When children move out are parents still responsible for them? How can parents respond to their children when they are acting out. This in a way that creates positive interaction?

Some recommendations First reaction Don’t say much at the moment, the situation may escalate. Don’t get into arguments that can lead to violent actions. Avoid an intransigent kind of action. Do not react abruptly or go on the offensive or get defensive. Stay calm and allow some cooling off time. Remove yourself from your child’s presence to avoid further conflict and approach him/her later when you are both calm, then deal with the issue when you have both cooled down and the tension has eased.

recommendations Converse calmly as if with a friend, but with respect and authority. The best response is to communicate in an intelligent way, not with insults coming from both sides. If you feel like your emotions may get the best of you, stop, take a breath and listen first, then analyze the problem.

recommendations Be firm, do not back track from what both parent and child have agreed upon as to what is and what is not acceptable behaviour. In your response and decisions don’t let it slide one time expecting the child to take you seriously the next time you want to discipline him/her.

recommendations Do not tolerate any form of violence. As a parent, you have to take a decisive stance when it comes to violence. If as a parent you cannot deal with the violence, seek professional help from anyone you may think will be able to help you in solving the awkward situation. How can professional help be defined in this case? And how can one find more details? A parent may not know where to start looking for professional help. In Chapter V Where can I get help or assistance? there is a list of recommendations.

Parents’ check list A Healthy Family is a Strong Family Listening, engaging, negotiating, and role-playing activities with the children are useful and important remediation actions. Plus 13 other useful hints

Parents’ check list Involve yourself in your children today for a better tomorrow Go deep and find out what is happening to your children, reach out to them, take into account the situations in which they find themselves, or situations the family is going through. If everything fails and you cannot control your children, seek professional help. Plus 17 other useful hints

Thank you very much Questions Comments