1 Improving Communication Climates Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Chapter Summary Communication Climate: The Key to Positive Relationships Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Responding Nondefensively to Criticism

2 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Communication Climate Communication climate refers to the emotional tone. Positive communication climates are important. Satisfied couples communicate at a 5 to 1 ratio. Confirming messages are just as important in families.

3 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Confirming and Disconfirming Confirming Communication Describes messages that convey value Disconfirming Communication Describes messages that show a lack of regard

4 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Confirming and Disconfirming Types of Confirming Messages Recognition The most fundamental act of confirmation is to recognize. Acknowledgement Listening is the most common form of acknowledgement. Endorsement You agree with the ideas of the speaker.

5 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Confirming and Disconfirming Type of Disconfirming Messages Impervious Response Ignoring another person Verbal Abuse Communication that appears to be designed to create pain Generalized Complaining Disconfirming because it implies character fault

6 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Confirming and Disconfirming Type of Disconfirming Messages Interrupting Irrelevant Response A comment unrelated to what the person has just said Tangential Response Instead of ignoring the other party, using the remarks to start a new conversation

7 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Confirming and Disconfirming Type of Disconfirming Messages Impersonal Responses Loaded with clichés Ambiguous Responses Containing messages with more than one meaning Incongruous Responses Two messages that seem to contradict each other

8 Communication Climates: The Key to Positive Relationships Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Climates Develop When two people start to communicate, a climate develops. After a climate is developed, it can take on a life of its own. Spirals are defined as a reciprocating communication pattern.

9 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Types of Defensive Reactions Cognitive Dissonance Inconsistency between two conflicting pieces of information, attitudes, or behavior Attacking the Critic Verbal aggression Sarcasm

10 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Types of Defensive Reactions Distorting Critical Information Rationalization Compensation Regression Avoiding Dissonant Information Repression Apathy Displacement

11 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Preventing Defensiveness Two-dimensional nature of communication

12 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Preventing Defensiveness Evaluation vs. Description Evaluation: “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Description: “I don’t understand how you came up with that idea.” Control vs. Problem Orientation Controlling: “You need to stay off the phone for the next two hours.” Problem Orientation: “I’m expecting some important calls. Can we work out a way to keep the line open?”

13 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Preventing Defensiveness Strategy vs. Spontaneity Strategy: “What are you doing Friday after work?” Spontaneity: “I have a piano I need to move Friday after work. Can you give me a hand?” Neutrality vs. Empathy Neutrality: “That’s what happens when you don’t plan.” Empathetic: “Looks like this didn't’ turn out the way you expected.”

14 Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Preventing Defensiveness Superiority vs. Equality Superior: “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Equality: “I see it a different way.” Certainty vs. Provisionalism Certain: “That will never work.” Provisional: “I think you’ll run into problems with that approach.”

15 Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Behavior Behavioral descriptions describe the raw material to which you react. Satisfied partners offer behavioral complaints. “You always throw socks on the floor.” Unsatisfied partners make attacking complaints. “You’re a slob.”

16 Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Interpretation Interpretation statements describe the meaning you’ve attached to the other person’s behavior. “You’re a tightwad!” (no behavioral description) “When you never offer to pay me back for the coffee and snacks I often buy you, I think you’re a tightwad.” (behavior plus interpretation)

17 Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Feeling Consider the difference: “When you laugh at me (behavior), I think you find my comments foolish (interpretation), and I feel embarrassed.” “When you laugh at me, I think you find my comments foolish, and I feel angry.”

18 Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Consequence Consequence statements explain the result. Valuable for two reasons: They help you to realize why you are pleased or bothered by another’s behavior. Telling the others of the consequences of their actions can help to clarify the problem and avoid future conflict.

19 Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Intention Intention statements form the final element in the clear message format. They communicate three kinds of messages: Where you stand on an issue Requests of others Descriptions of how you plan to act in the future

20 Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Using the Clear Message Format The elements may be delivered in mixed order. Word the message to suit your personal style. If you can, combine two elements in a single phrase. Take your time delivering the message.

21 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Seek More Information Ask for specifics. Guess about specifics. Paraphrase the speaker’s ideas. Ask what the critic wants. Ask about the consequences of your behavior. Ask what else is wrong.

22 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Agree with the Critic Agree with the facts: “You’re right, I am angry.” “I suppose I was being defensive.” Agree with the critics perception: “I know I’m late. There was an accident downtown, and the streets are jammed.”

23 Improving Communication Climates Looking Out, Looking In 12 th Edition  Chapter Summary Communication Climate: The Key to Positive Relationships Defensiveness: Causes and Remedies Saving Face: The Clear Message Format Responding Nondefensively to Criticism