1. Today’s Mind Menu
A philosophy of communication (we are not born communicators)
Character and personality ethics
Turning behaviors into character
Empathetic Listening
Supportive/Defensive Communication
Conflict – the bright side
Dialogic Listening

2. A Philosophy of Courageous Communication
Self – critical analysis
Listening, the most used and least taught communication skill
Kaizen
Honesty with self and others

3. Courageous Communication
We sometimes teach people to lie, based on how we respond when they speak the truth

4. Character vs. Personality Ethics
Character ethic - people experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate sound principles into basic character
Personality ethic - success is a matter of personality, public image, attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques that lubricate interaction

5. Character vs. Personality Ethics
In character based ethic, others come to rely on our strong character and dependability
In personality ethic people may only know us based on a given situation, or how we present ourselves rather than who we are

6. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephen R. Covey
An approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness that is:
Principle centered
Character based
Inside-out

7. A View from the Inside Out
When we want to change a situation, we must first change ourselves
Who/what we are communicates far more than what we do
The way we actually see the problem might be the problem

8. Habits Become Character
Be proactive – response-ability
Begin with the end in mind - collaborative
Put first things first – prioritize
Think win/win – abundant and creative
Seek to understand before seeking to be understood – empathy and dialogue
Synergy – creative collaboration
Rest

9. Empathetic Listening Sympathy, Apathy, Empathy, Monologue, Dialogue
Dialogic listening
Confirming communication

10. “Paths” in Communication
Sympathy – feeling an emotion for or about another person “I feel ___ for you.”
Tends to have “me” orientation
Apathy – lack of feeling
Tends to have no orientation
Empathy - Ability to view and understand issues from another person’s perspective, being other oriented

11. Empathetic Listening
Listening to help another person empower themselves to work through (find resolution) their own issues
“Give a person a fish…”

12. The Empathetic “Hand-up”
Define the issue
Analyze the issue
Generate solutions
Pick a solution and visualize how the solution will be achieve
Evaluate the success

13. Empathetic Skills and Challenges
“Paraphrase plus” – listen reflectively
Support disclosure
Don’t interrupt
Avoid giving advice
Self reflection – “what did I do well, what could I have done better”

14. Confirming Communication
People know that we value them and the relationship
People feel acknowledged and directly respond to
People know we understand their feelings and thoughts
People feel supported
People know we have positive regard

15. Dia-logic Reasoning together to produce solutions
Dialogue – a discussion between two people
Dialogic listening – listening to work through issues that are occurring within a relationship; being “we” oriented and empowering a relationship

16. What Creates Conflict?
Interdependent people perceive incompatible goals and interference from the other in achieving them
Conflict is fear based

17. Nature of Conflict—True or False?
If two people engage in relationship conflict, it means their relationship is in trouble
Conflict hurts an interpersonal relationship
Conflict is bad because it reveals our negative selves (our pettiness, our need to be in control, our unreasonable expectations)

18. Types of Conflict
Pseudo
Ego
Issue

19. The Dialogic “Hand-shake”
Both people describe perceptions of problem as well as their feelings about it
Both describe circumstances in which problem occurs
Both describe what they would like to see happen; generate solutions to the problem
Mutually choose solution and visualize the plan to carry it out
Each describes how they will know the solution has been successful or unsuccessful

20. Dialogic Skills and Challenges
Try to address problems in the present
Be clear about the intent of the discussion
Keep problems “between” people rather than “on top” of people
Learn how to “paraphrase plus” – listen reflectively

21. Dialogic Skills and Challenges
Support disclosure
Don’t interrupt
Ask for clarification when necessary, don’t assume
Try to think “we” rather than “me/you”

22. Defensive Climate Evaluation vs. description You and I statements
Control vs. problem orientation
My way, as opposed to our way
Strategy vs. spontaneity
Pre-planned communication for outcome, rather than here/now

23. Defensive Climate Neutrality vs. empathy
Uninvolved with other’s views, instead of seeing their views
Superiority vs. equality
I’m ok, you’re not; rather than we’re ok
Certainty vs. provisionalism
Mind is made up, rather than flexibility