Moving Beyond Mother Blame A Narrative Approach to Successful Parenting Andrew Duggan 8 th International Narrative & Community Work Conference. Kristiansand, Norway. 20 th, June, 2007.

1 My journey…….. 'Our children have been taken away. Please help us.' Satanic abuse: Town in shock Expert witnesses - conflict of interest?

2 Parenting – a modern paradigm

3 Concerns about the paradigm What is considered ‘successful parenting’ has become culturally biased and dominated by professional discourses and research. The blame for any psychopathology in childhood has been placed on the shoulders of mothers. Most theories about parenting problems, which include CBT, Freudian theory and attachment theory are burdensome to women and do not extend equal responsibility to male parents.

4 Mothers, Society and Parenting Many women carry the burden of societal and professional dissaproval. This is because they do not fit society’s idealized view of motherhood, or because they do not behave in ways that are considered appropriate for mothers. Young single-mothers have been the most visible target of resentment in the UK.

5 Mothers, Society and Parenting Poverty effected single-mothers have become the scapegoat for many of the UK’s social, educational and economic problems. The concept of blame and liability occurs from the moment of conception. If anything ‘goes wrong’ during pregnancy or during the neonate period, the legal focus turns to the mother, rather than the role played by society of the government.

6 The Beginning..... “ As persons seperate from the dominant or totalizing stories that are constitutive of their lives, it becomes more possible for them to orient themselves to aspects of experience that contradict these knowledges” Michael White (1991) Deconstruction and Therapy

7 A Narrative Perspective An awareness of power differentials. The ever-present possibility to reproduce dominant cultural practices. The experiences of race, gender, class and cultural background.

8 Decentred and Influential Mothers are experts in their own lives. The therapist is influential, not in the sense of setting the agenda, but in scaffolding questions and responses that enable the skills and knowledge of the mothers to become known.

9 Decentred and Influential How can I use my influence to support different sorts of tellings from mothers? How can I respond during conversations with mothers to ways of speaking that describe the child as the problem?

10 Case study Mary 29yr old single mother Two children. Girls aged 6 and 12. Referred to CAMHS via social services. Concerns about neglect School concerns Needed family therapy? Mental health problems?

11 Giving a voice to the burden of blame Social class V. Long history of domestic violence. Denied educational opportunities. Deep sense of alienation and isolation. Wants her children to have a better life than she has had. Multiple therapeutic failure. Feelings of guilt and blame.

12 A Narrative Approach What brought you here today? How can I be most helpful to you? What needs to happen for this meeting to be helpful to you? What are you most concerned about? How would you like your life to be different? What are your ideas about change?

13 Thickening the alternative story Mary wanted to improve her relationship with her children. Exploration of her unique outcomes. Examples of resistance to violence. How can this be characterised?

14 Questions…….. “What do you think of the idea that the problem is the problem and that you are not the problem? How might this affect your view of yourself as a mother?” “How might this challenge ‘mother blame?”

15 Challenging Mother Blame Protecting her children from her violent partner. Challenging a social worker at a case conference. Taking a stand against mother blame

16 Personal contributions How did Mary do this? What personal qualities had she re- discovered? What would her children and the people that know her the best say they had discovered? What is different about this story/narrative?

17 Building the relationship between mother and child. Meeting with her children. Acknowledge her concerns. What does she feel it is important to talk with her children about? What are her children’s unique outcomes? How can I bring some of their joint experiences and words into the conversations?

18 Seeing an old story A different family. How can this be developed? More than a ‘one-off occurrence’ What is the link between the unique outcomes and preferred outcomes? What are the counterplots to the effects of mother- blame?

19 Finally……. “We used to shout and fight a lot. I don’t know why we did this, but now it’s like we are a different family” One of Mary’s children.

Thank you