Ways Parents Can Help Their Teens Learn to Manage Stress By Mary Threlkel & Allison Gans

3 Important Factors to Consider when determining how you can best help your teen manage stress: 1.Your teen’s developing brain 2.How you manage your own stress & ways to calm yourself down before talking to your teen 3.How you can teach your teen to manage stress

Common Stressors Grades/Homework Load Managing Peer Relationships and Conflicts Parental Expectations/Conflicts with Parents Self Esteem/Body Image Depression/Anxiety/Suicide Ideation Social Media Identity Formation Worries about the future/College or work opportunities

The Developing Teen Brain The teenage brain represents a “window of opportunity.” The brain is more open and flexible. It is primed for learning. We need to make the most of this time with our teenagers and present them with opportunities to gain knowledge and experience.

The Developing Teen Brain Continued…. Your child’s brain is under construction & not fully operational. Brain development is not completed until the early to mid 20’s The part of the brain that develops last is the pre-frontal cortex. This part allows actions to be weighed, situations judged and decisions made. Teens are often reacting from a more primitive part of the brain, the amygdala, which is highly responsive to stress. The amygdala is responsible for the “Fight, Flight or Freeze” reaction.

One particular hormone in the brain, THP, produces a different effect in the teen brain than it does in the adult brain. This hormone in the adult brain has a calming effect. In the teen brain, it’s the reverse….it raises anxiety, rather than decreasing it. GOOD NEWS: While teens may be more vulnerable to the negative effects of stress, they are also better quipped than most adults to learn how to positively respond to stress!

Managing Your Stress The FIRST step in helping your teen is managing your own stress. “Acceptance/change” principle. – Example: “My teen is doing the best he can, given his age and stage, AND, he needs to get better.” Setting a good example is one of the best ways to teach stress management. Teens do not have the same tolerance for stress as adults.

Managing Stress Continued… Practice the CALM technique when coping with meltdowns. This could be when your teen calls you the worst parent in the world OR you say something you regret to your teen.

CALM Technique C = Cool down – Remove yourself, breathe deeply. Try not to think about the bad interaction or you will stay stuck in negative emotions. Get your heart rate down before talking with your teen. A= Assess your options – What approaches might you use to talk with your child? What are the strengths and weaknesses of each approach? Should you wait until later to talk with your teen? Taking this step engages your pre-frontal cortex, facilitating good judgement. L= Listen with empathy – When you reengage with your child, recognize your child’s feeling first, without any “buts”. To empathize with your child doesn’t mean you approve or agree, but it does open up lines of communication. M = Make a plan – Use your calm mind to figure out realistic goals and how to reach them. Adapted from the book, Getting to Calm, Kastner and Wyatt, 2009

Helping Your Children Learn Self Control New research reveals that if you want your children to be truly successful, you need to help them cultivate self-control. Compared to IQ and SAT scores, self-control is twice as predictive of health, income levels and relationship stability in adulthood. (Moffitt et al. 2011)

Here are some ideas to help you teach your child self-control Take care: Help your child get back to basics, like a consistent bedtime and a nightly routine. Eating regular, healthy meals and exercising consistently are healthy habits that can help your teen’s body handle stress more effectively. Teach your teen to practice “calm self-talk”. Help your teen recognize stressful thoughts and how to combat these with coping thoughts.

Take control Help your teen determine what’s within his control and what isn’t. Parents can help teens identify which activities are required vs optional. Fewer activities can decrease stress and free up time for rest and relaxation.

Take time out Set limits for social media. Create “social media free” hours. Help your teen identify and incorporate fun, stress-relieving activities into her day/week. Does she like doing her nails with mom or shooting hoops with dad or little brother? Help your teen find time for relaxation, especially during stressful moments. This can be as simple as petting the dog, going for a walk, or closing her eyes and taking some deep breaths. Finding things that quiet the mind can serve her well now and in the future.

REMEMBER PARENTS, YOU ARE THE TO YOUR TEEN’S SUCCESS. Thank you for your attention!