Bullying What is it? What can you do about it? Bartlett School February 28, 2012

What is Bullying?  What does the word make you think of? Were you bullied? How? Were you a bully? How? What did bullying look like when YOU were a child?

Take the Bullying Quiz  And the answers are:

What is a bully? This is what it looks like to a child.  ture=player_detailpage&v=FtKB3ut UIAk ture=player_detailpage&v=FtKB3ut UIAk

What is Bullying?  Bullying is a widespread and serious problem that can happen anywhere. It is not a phase children have to go through, it is not “just messing around”, and it is not something to grow out of. Bullying can cause serious and lasting harm.

Bullying is….as defined by state law SHB 1444 and ISD policy 3214  An intentional written, verbal or physical act, including but not limited to one shown to be motivated by any characteristic such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, mental or physical disability, or other distinguishing characteristics, when the intentional act: Physically harms a student or damages his/her property; or Substantially interferes with the student’s education; or Is so severe, persistent or pervasive that it creates an intimidating or threatening educational environment; or Or substantially disrupts the orderly operation of a school.

Let’s Look at the FACTS  Interesting Facts Handout

Although definitions of bullying vary, most agree that bullying involves:  Imbalance of Power: people who bully use their power to control or harm and the people being bullied may have a hard time defending themselves.  Intent to Cause Harm: actions done by accident are not bullying; the person bullying has a goal to cause harm  Repetition: incidents of bullying happen to the same person over and over by the same person or group.

Types of Bullying  Verbal: name-calling, teasing, insulting  Social: spreading rumors or lies, leaving people out on purpose, breaking up friendships, making someone do things they do not want to do  Physical: hitting, punching, shoving, kicking or even just threatening to do it. Stealing, hiding or ruining someone’s things, making someone do things they do not want to do.  Cyberbullying: using the internet, mobile phones or other digital technologies to harm others.

Who are Bullies?  Children who bully typically demonstrate a strong sense of self-esteem  They like to feel powerful and in control.  Bullies often come from homes that use physical punishment to discipline  Caregivers of bullies are typically uninvolved and lack warmth  Children who bully are often defiant toward authority figures and are apt to break rules.

What motivates a bully?  Bullies prey on an imbalance of power  They may be seeking attention.  They need to make themselves feel more important.  They need a particular reaction from the other members of the group.  Bullies believe their behavior is exciting and makes them more popular.  They may be coping with a loss.  They may have an active and impulsive temperament.  They may be victims of bullying/abuse.  They may see violence modeled at home or elsewhere in their lives.  They may have low self-esteem.

Who are the victims of bullying?  Children who are bullied are often insecure, socially isolated, anxious and have low self-esteem  They are unlikely to defend themselves or retaliate  They tend to be weaker than their peers  Parents of children who are bullied are often overprotective or enmeshed with their children.  Children who are bullied perceive parent or teacher intervention to be ineffective and are unlikely to report the problem.

Warning Signs of Being Bullied  Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings  Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing or jewelry  Has unexplained injuries  Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick  Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams  Has changes in eating habits  Hurts themselves  Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch.

 Runs away from home  Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends  Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers  Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school  Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home.  Talks about suicide  Feels helpless  Often feels like they are not good enough  Blames themselves for their problems  Suddenly has fewer friends  Avoids certain places  Acts differently than usual

Warning Signs of Bullying Others  Becomes violent with others  Gets into physical or verbal fights with others  Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot  Has extra money or new belongings that can not be explained  Is quick to blame others  Will not accept responsibility for their actions  Has friends who bully others  Needs to win or be best at everything.

Differentiating Bullying from Normal Peer Conflict/Mean Behavior  Normal conflict/mean behavior Equal power or are friends Happens occasionally Accidental Not serious Equal emotional reaction Not seeking power Remorse-will take responsibility Effort to solve the problem  Bullying Imbalance of power Repeated negative actions Intentional Physical or emotional harm Unequal emotional reaction Seeking control/material things No remorse-blames target No effort to solve the problem.

What is Cyber Bullying?  Being cruel to others by sending or posting harmful material using technological means; an individual or group that uses information and communication involving electronic technologies to facilitate deliberate and repeated harassment or threat to an individual or group.

Cyber Bullies’ Technology   Cell phones  Instant Messaging  Defamatory personal web sites  Defamatory online social web sites

What to Do????  Let’s talk about what we should do As a child being bullied As an adult to protect our children As a school

What Should a Child Do? 

What Should a Parent Do?  Talk with your child Focus on your child. Express your concern and make it clear that you want to help.  Empathize with your child. Say bullying is wrong, that it is not their fault and that you are glad they had the courage to tell you about it.  Work together to find solutions Ask your child what they think can be done to help. Reassure them that the situation can be handled privately.  Document ongoing bullying. Work with your child to keep a record of all bullying incidents. If it involves cyberbullying, keep a record of all messages and posting.

Continued…..  Help your child develop strategies and skills for handling bullying. Provide suggestions for ways to respond to bullying, and help your child gain confidence by rehearsing their responses.  Be persistent. Bullying may not be resolved overnight.  Stay vigilant to other possible problems that your child may be having. Some of the warning signs may be signs of other serious problems. Share your concerns with the social worker or principal at school.

Bully-proofing your Child  Help your child understand bullying. Explain what bullying is. It is more than physical; it can be done in person or over the phone or computer.  Keep open lines of communication with your child. Check in with your child and listen to any concerns about friends and other students.  Encourage your child to pursue their interests. Doing what they love may help your child be more confident among their peers and make friends with other kids with similar interests.

Continued…  Teacher your child to take a stand against bullying. Give guidance about how to stand up to those who bully if it is safe to do so.  Talk to your child about seeking help from a trusted adult when feeling threatened by a bully. Talk about whom they should go to for help and role- play what they should say. Assure your child that they should not be afraid to tell an adult when someone they know is being bullied.  Know what is going on in your child’s school. Visit the school website, join the PTB website and the PTB. Get to know other parents and staff. Contact the school by phone or if you have suggestions to make the school a safer and better learning place.

What we are doing here at school?  Tracking repeated behavior of students suspected of being bullies  Disciplining these students.  Creating a bullying group that will meet 2x/wk for 5 weeks.  Put “bullies” on behavior plans  Creating a victims group that will meet 1x/wk for 5 weeks on coping and dealing with bullies.  Training lunch staff to be cognizant of bullying and victims.

We need your help  Research shows that 67% of bullying happens when adults are not present. Schools do not have the resources to do it all and need parents’ help in reducing bullying. You can make a real difference by spending time at school and recess….be a good example of kindness and leadership….establish household rules about bullying (between siblings)

THANK YOU!!!!! Questions, comments, concerns, suggestions