Marriage (Negotiating Roles and Conflict Resolution)

Lesson Learning Goals C2.3 analyse ways in which roles are negotiated in intimate relationships

Negotiating Roles

Couples negotiate the roles that each will play in their relationship. Each couple decides if they will accept traditional roles (as reinforced by family and media), or if they will resist them and create new roles for their own relationship.

Systems Theory Skit  Read “Roles in a Marital System”, p  Create a skit about a couple negotiating to reach an agreement about house work, bed time, friendships, money, etc. Success Criteria: 1.One partner does something. 2.The other partner provides feedback over time to accept, adapt, or reject that choice. 3.Through this process of negotiating, create reciprocal roles in which the behaviours of both partners support and balance each other.

Meeting Each Other’s Needs The “natural” basis for couple relationships is reproduction. Functionalists explain that marriage serves important and clearly defined economic and social purposes. Compassionate relationships are a fairly recent social invention, and therefore spouses have to learn how to give and take to meet each other’s social and emotional needs. It is important to take an assertive “I” position and advocate for your own needs.

Traditional Roles Some argue that traditional roles are needs for a stable marriage or men, women, and children will suffer. Others argue that traditional roles prevent women and men from achieving their human potential. Readings: Matrimony as the Ultimate Adventure, p

Lesson 4: Happy Marriages

Conflict in Relationships Conflict is natural in marriage because of the challenges people face in their lives together. Conflict theory suggests that conflict is inevitable in couple relationships. Three related dilemmas exist: –Individual versus collective interest –Women’s rights versus male entitlement –“mine” versus “yours”

On a personal level within the marriage, the common conflicts resulting from these dilemmas concern two issues: 1.Division of labour 2.Expressive quality of the relationship *In compassionate relationship the goal is to maintain intimacy.

Problems in Relationships Balancing job and family Frequency of sexual relations Debt brought into marriage Husband’s employment Financial situation Household tasks

Power According to conflict theory, it all comes down to power. Individuals require power to influence each other. The principle of least interest explains that the person with the least commitment to the relationship actually has the greatest power, since the person who wants the relationship is more willing to be flexible.

Activity 1.Read “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail”, p Answer question #1. 3.What behaviour can threaten the stability of a marriage?

Resolving Conflict There are several strategies for managing conflict in relationships: 1.Express opinions, positions, and wants openly and honestly. 2.Remain focused on the problem at hand. 3.Try to understand the other person’s perspective. 4.Recognize your own influence on the interaction and the other person’s response. 5.Respond with a positive, not negative, attitude. 6.Be willing to compromise and negotiate a solution that satisfies both partners.

Activity 1.Read “Nine ‘Psychological Tasks’ Needed for a Good Marriage”, p Reword, into your own words to show me you understand, the nine psychological tasks of a happy marriage.

Marriages Made to Last Characteristics of a successful marriage: 1.Having similar values 2.Enjoying similar leisure-time activities 3.Pooling their income 4.Sharing power and decision making in their relationship 5.Having friends in common 6.Having an active social life together