CHAPTER 9 USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

CONFLICT Expressed disagreements between individuals Inevitable in all human relations They can happen between children, children and teachers, teachers and children, parents and teachers and teachers and parents as well as children and parents.

CONFLICTS ONLY BECOME NEGATIVE When they degenerate into violence.

VIOLENCE Words and actions that cause harm, psychologically and physically,

NON PRODUCTIVE REACTIONS ON THE PART OF ADULTS HAPPEN: Emotional discomfort caused by the conflict Need to “remind” certain children who is in charge Need for a child to “learn the consequences” of his actions Frustration at being distracted from “time on task” Not knowing what to do

THE MAIN REASON THESE ACTIONS HAPPEN IS Teachers fail to understand the positive life lessons that children can learn from the modeling and teaching of conflict management.

WE NEED TO Work hard to make conflicts into practical real life learning opportunitites

SOCIAL PROBLEM SOLVING Ability to manage potential and actual conflicts in peaceable ways. Not all children possess the social competence to prevent a conflict from happening

MEDIATION What we need to provide for the children. teaching verbal responsiveness in place of aggression and victimization.

SELF REGULATION Child’s ability to control their emotion and behaviors as the major factor in social competence, but is it really???? Does the “just say NO “campaign work? Can we just say NO to feelings?

IMPULSE CONTROL OR EMOTIONS MANAGEMENT Cluster of skills children need to develop to do social problem solving

CONFLICT RESOLUTION Refers to a positive response AFTER a conflict has begun, Can’t we prevent and negotiate through conflicts instead???

GUIDELINES FOR USING CONFLICT MANAGEMENT The teacher calms down all parties before starting Need to get everyone to thinking parts of their brains, not just the fight or flight part

GUIDELINE TWO: The teacher intervenes firmly, not as the moral authority but as a democratic leader. Do not make judgments Put aside who was right and who was wrong Use leadership to hear what is being said and to negotiate a solution

GUIDELINE THREE: As a mediator, the teacher shares the power. The process of mediation involves an outside party assisting two or more persons to resolve a conflict that they cannot resolve on their own. We must feel owner ship of the problem before we can resolve it Do not impose quick solutions to the children

GUIDELINE FOUR The teacher supports the right of personal expression and the skill of effective communication Ensures mutual respect Helps the children to build empathy Reinforce that all members are valuable to the community of the classroom

GUIDELINE FIVE: The teacher does not need to mediate perfectly for children to learn social problem solving skills. We don’t have to be perfect or have just the most perfect thing to say. As long as it is in a respectful cooperative manner the children will learn from this experience

WHAT DO CHILDREN HAVE CONFLICTS OVER? Property, territory or privilege. The younger the child, the more likely the conflict is to concern property: toys, clothes, even people can be viewed as their own property.

STRATEGIES FOR EFFECTIVE MEDIATION Acknowledge and support feelings Help children define the problem Use the concrete situation to reinforce that the problem has at least 2 sides Encourage the children to see the whole problem and how their behavior contributed to it Encourage children to suggest their own solutions

If children cannot come up with solutions, suggest some but be sure that all agree on whatever solution is reached. Over time nudge children from mediation to negotiation, where the teacher does less and less while the children do more and more

PEACE PROPS Item that is given to each child, and they can only speak when they are holding the item

5 FINGER APPROACH Cool down everyone

POINTER FINGER Discuss and agree on what the problem is…

TALL MAN Brainstorm solutions With the teachers help

RING FINGER Agree on a solution and how it will work. Then discuss what can be learned from the situation and monitor closely

BABY FINGER Implement it and try it out to see if it works, if not then go back to either defining the problem or brainstorming Don’t give up!!!

TWO POT HOLES THAT CAN TRAP US Blaming the children for the conflict, rather than focusing on the mediating Teacher determining the resolution for the children.