1. Chapter 15: Love and Commitment
Objectives
1. List the components of lasting love.
Describe factors that affect partner selection.
Explain how to determine readiness for commitment.
Describe the different types of love.
List the components of lasting love.

2. Since there are so many types of love, how do you define it?
What is Love?
Since there are so many types of love, how do you define it?
subject of songs, poetry and movies
has been called a “miracle”
credited with “making the world go round”
people claim to love restaurants, TV shows and football games

3. There are many different types of love.
Examples:
love you feel for your friends vs. the love you feel for your family
the affection of a big brother for a little sister is not the same as his love for his girlfriend
a child’s love for a puppy vs. a parent’s love of country

4. Building Blocks of Love
being attracted to him/her
being excited to see and be with him/her
feeling at ease with each other
being friends first
sharing happy experiences

5. Building Blocks of Love
respecting their values and integrity
understanding and respecting their feelings
recognizing and appreciating things they do for you
taking pride in their accomplishments
being concerned for their happiness

6. Building Blocks of Love
being concerned for their safety
showing admiration for talents/personality
desiring to make them happy
hoping for a future together
LOVE

7. 3 Components of Relationships
Intimacy
Commitment
Passion

8. 3 Components of Relationships
Intimacy – being close to someone & sharing personal things (feelings, ideas, hopes, desires, etc.)
Passion – strong emotional feelings that move you to express things verbally & physically
Commitment – pledging yourself to another person; promising to be true & faithful

9. The Three Components of Relationships
Activity
Complete Worksheet
The Three Components of Relationships

11. Love vs. Infatuation

12. Infatuation
infatuation: a love experience that is based on a sudden, intense attraction
the feelings are very real and very powerful
this kind of love disappears in time
can be pleasant or painful, depending on the attitude of the second person involved
infatuated partners make the mistake of playing up good qualities and ignoring the bad and they focus on unimportant features

13. Infatuation is ………. Is common during teen years
Grows rapidly—love at first sight
Does not last long
Occurs shortly after breaking up with someone—known as “on the rebound”
Is centered on a few admired traits in the other person
Is often based on physical traits or feelings
Does not see or acknowledge the other person's weaknesses
The relationship stays the same for a long time—does not go anywhere
Selfish and possessive of the other person—jealous
Disagreements are common -- fighting

14. Infatuation is ………. Daydream—cannot concentrate on necessary tasks
May lose your appetite
Is easily influenced by the person they are infatuated with
Creates a selfish relationship—"How can he/she help me get what I want?"
Other people's opinions matter too much
May be based on physical enjoyment–a couple who finds themselves bored without physical stimulation
Feelings of insecurity
Lack of trust in partner
Feels a real need to marry
Causes lack of ambition and to disregard problems

15. Love is …….. Grows slowly, beginning with friendship
Lasts over a long period of time
Involves the entire character and personality of the partner
The relationship grows and matures as time passes
Little jealousy—accepting of one another's feelings
Work harder at assigned tasks
Less emotional and moody—more happy and kind
Opinions of other people are not as important

16. Love is ……..
Fun times and friendship are more important than a physical relationship
Share common interests
Enjoy being together without need of expensive entertainment
Trust and have confidence in self and in the relationship
Trust the partner
There is no rush to make decisions—the future is planned with confidence
More vital, more energy
See life realistically

17. SELF-ASSESSMENT: THE LOVE ATTITUDES SCALE
Activity
Complete Worksheet:
SELF-ASSESSMENT: THE LOVE ATTITUDES SCALE

19. Also known as “puppy love”, it is an exaggerated form of love.
ROMANTIC LOVE
Also known as “puppy love”, it is an exaggerated form of love.

20. SEXUAL LOVE
The intimate expression of love. This type of love is best saved for a committed married couple.

21. PRAGMATIC LOVE
A rational reasoning kind of love.
Arranged marriage

22. PLATONIC LOVE
Spiritual and intellectual relationship between a man and a woman. Non-sexual.

23. COMPANIONSHIP LOVE
Typically found in good friendships

24. ALTRUISTIC LOVE
Selfless love, or concern for the spouse. AKA compassionate love.

25. MANIC LOVE
A crazy, possessive, jealous kind of love.

26. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Showing love towards someone regardless of his or her actions or beliefs.

27. SELF-LOVE
An egotistic, narcissistic kind of love.

28. Lasting Love or Infatuation
Activity
Complete worksheet:
Lasting Love or Infatuation
(10-15 minutes)

29. Objectives 1. List the components of lasting love.
Describe the different types of love.
List the components of lasting love.

30. Review Describe Romantic Love. What is Manic Love?
What is the difference between love and infatuation?
Describe Unconditional Love and give an example.
What is the different between Platonic and Sexual Love.
Describe Altruistic Love.

31. Love That Lasts Real love is more than just an emotion.
Do you think people confuse it with infatuation?
How can you tell if the love you feel is the lasting kind?
Real love is more than just an emotion.
It is a relationship that puts feelings into action.
It means caring about another person so much that his or her health, happiness and well-being are as important to you as your own, sometimes even more important.

32. Dimensions of Lasting Love
Love that lasts, sometimes known as mature love, has three dimensions.
1st dimension: Romantic Love
2nd dimension: Intellectual Love
3rd dimension: Physical Love

33. 1st Dimension: Romantic Love
usually the first to appear
involves getting to know and appreciate all the wonderful things about a person
the thoughtful and spontaneous side of love
romance is the ingredient that makes a love relationship unique
kept alive through thoughtful gestures and sharing time alone together
Remember: the feelings in a lasting love relationship may become less intense over time—if the love is real, this does not matter.

34. 2nd Dimension: Intellectual Love
involves mutual respect (valuing the beliefs, opinions and life goals of the loved one)
achieve through getting to know one another (having long talks, seeing each other in different real life experiences)
friendship side of love
grows through companionship and communication
the basis of trust in the relationship

35. 3rd Dimension: Physical Love
refers to the intimacies expressed by two people in love
based on initial attraction, which is made stronger by romantic and intellectual love feelings
it is touching, kissing and holding
it is the warm, secure feelings of being close, along with the excitement and passion of sexual intimacy
Physical love is based on a desire to make the loved one feel loved and needed, rather than on a desire for personal gratification.

36. Telling the Difference
It takes time for differences between infatuation and lasting love to become apparent.
Enduring love deepens as you get to know the person.
The infatuation love-at-first-sight simply disappears upon close inspection.
Time is the only valid test of love!

37. How Love Develops
Love relationships tend to move through a series of stages:
an intense, sometimes unexpected attraction to a particular person develops
a willingness to share deepest secrets surfaces
each partner looks to the other for support and encouragement in everyday living
each partner attempts to meet the emotional needs of the other

38. How Love Develops Can you “fall in love”?
Requires:
A sense of purpose
Love in order to develop
Needs to be built through self-control and sacrifice
Must be nurtured and nourished in order to last

39. There are several theories about what affects partner choice:
Partner Selection
There are several theories about what affects partner choice:
proximity
opposites attract
similarities

40. Partner Selection Theory of Proximity proximity: nearness
your place of residence, social setting, workplace and other environment factors largely determine the people with whom you associate
closeness to specific people filters out great numbers of potential partners, leaving you with relatively few choices

41. Theory of Opposites Attract
Partner Selection
Theory of Opposites Attract
the idea that people look for partners whose qualities make up for gaps in their own personalities
people with different personalities may prove to be very compatible
Disadvantage
The differences could possibly lead to incompatibility.
Advantage
Each person fulfills the unmet needs of the other.

42. Theory of Similarities
Partner Selection
Theory of Similarities
You are most likely to match up with someone who is much like yourself in terms of age, race, religion, social group, education and interests.
This is because you will have more in common with people who have a similar background and experiences.

43. Dr. Laura's "Is it Love?" Test
Activity
Complete
Dr. Laura's "Is it Love?" Test
(10-15 minutes)