1. Nine Points of Assertive Communication Introduction: Inadequate communication skills have been identified as a deficit that many people struggle with. Communication can affect a person at school, at work or within a family unit. Before this lesson is taught a student should have a clear understanding of self esteem. Students should also have been taught about verbal and non-verbal communication. After the lesson the students can be involved in role playing. Another activity would be to give the student scenarios and have them use the nine points of assertive communication to resolve the conflict.

2. Nine Points of Assertive Communication

3. Use Polite Words Call a person by their name Use appropriate words: “excuse me” “thank you” “I appreciate it”

4. Begin sentences with “I” (instead of “you”) Begin with “I” when ever possible, followed by the word that best states the problem clearly: “I think…” “I noticed…” “I didn’t like…” “I am concerned about…” Using “you” puts the other person on the defensive.

5. Say what you want Don’t leave the other person in the dark Show initiative Let the person know your goal or possible solution

6. Where appropriate: Describe your feelings This may only be appropriate with family or friends Ask how they are feeling

7. Criticize the behavior, not the person Don’t put the person down Focus on their behavior when communicating Instead of ”Your too slow!” say “I don’t think you are doing your share of the work.”

8. If you did it, Admit it If you make a mistake admit it If you are accused of something, own up to any part you actually did We all make mistakes

9. Repeat the problem back Keep on track If other topics are introduced. Repeat the problem back This indicates that you want to solve the original problem first You can talk about other problems later

10. Compromise Give something; take something It’s not a war that you have to win Be interested in solving the problem Give and take

11. Make a commitment Everyone has a clear understanding: Answer: who, what, when, where, how much, how many For example: Who’s going to do what? When are they going to do it? A commitment is a promise