1. Effective Workplace Communications Welcome Presented by Ray Rusin

2. Based in Kansas City ______________________ Ph.D. in psychology Author: Managing Differences: How to Build Better Relationships at Work and Home Conflict Resolution: Mediation Tools for Everyday Worklife, McGraw-Hill Creator: Manager-as-Mediator Seminar And Self-as Mediator Seminar Daniel Dana, Ph.D. President DMI, Inc.

3. Welcome to Self Mediation: * A core workplace competency *The Self-as-Mediator Seminar ™

4. Foundation Ideas Good mediation techniques can be used by non-professional mediators. Mediation does not always require a third party. Mediation does not require an “event”. Individuals, like organizations, can and should strategically manage conflict.

6. Goals Learn a new way of seeing conflict so that differences can be managed “on line” to prevent conflict Think strategically about conflict ImmediateLong term Discuss a core competency for resolving conflicts “off line”... Self Mediation Not miss the men’s semi-final freestyle fantail diving competition!

7. Let’s get acquainted What’s your name? Where are you from? What’s your job? May be unnecessary if pre-acquainted } How do you know when there is a “conflict or communication” problem? –What did you hear – see – become aware of? –What were its outcomes (positive and/or negative), if known?

8. avoiding threatening facial expressions withholding information pre-empting agitation body posture not returning messages raised voices getting the boss to take sides getting co-workers to take sides shouting hostile gestures “silent treatment” no eye contact etc. Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes” What behaviors show that conflict is present?

9. avoiding withdrawin g withholding information not returning messages silent treatment etc. threatening pre-empting getting others to take sides shouting hostile gestures etc. facial expressions agitation body posture fidgeting perspiring etc. ??? Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

10. Intentional behaviorsUnintentional avoiding withdrawin g withholding information not returning messages silent treatment etc. threatening pre-empting getting others to take sides shouting hostile gestures etc. facial expressions agitation body posture fidgeting perspiring etc. Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

11. Intentional (strategic) behaviors avoiding withdrawing withholding information not returning messages silent treatment etc. threatening pre-empting getting others to take sides shouting hostile gestures etc. Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

12. threatening pre-empting getting others to take sides shouting hostile gestures avoiding withdrawing withholding information not returning messages silent treatment “Flight”“Fight” Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

13. Pronghorn Antilocapra americana “American goat-antelope” 60 – 70 miles per hour Herding for safety

16. Distancing = “Walk-aways”Coercion = “Power-plays” threatening pre-empting getting others to take sides shouting hostile gestures avoiding withdrawing withholding information not returning messages silent treatment Discovering Our “Wrong Reflexes”

17. The Essential Process requires the Cardinal Rules: 1) No Walk-aways  We must stay in the Essential Process 2) No Power-plays  We must not impose one-sided solutions A Better Strategy

18. A communication tool –no new skills are needed Mediation without a third-party –the initiator wears two hats: negotiator and mediator –simple “self-help” mediation A way to get others to work with you, not against you –even “difficult people” A core workplace competency A life skill What is Self Mediation?

19. An attitude shift from me-against-you to us-against-the-problem Step 1: Find a time to talk A conversation about having a conversation No communication = no solution Step 4: Make a deal Plan the future Step 2: Plan the context Remove the land mines Protect the dialogue Step 3: Talk it out Do two simple tasks Use natural forces toward harmony to produce the Breakthrough Overview of Self Mediation

20. When to use Self Mediation? Formal resolution Informal resolution by grievance/ADR/legal system Clashes Managerial Mediation Self Mediation with self-help mediation tools

21. Self Mediation Works When Two people in the dialogue... Is the issue defined so two can solve it? On-going interdependent relationship No risk of physical violence If power imbalance, then trust... Is there risk that power/authority will be abused? Clash level

22. KnowledgeAbilities How We Do Anything Well Mediation (or music) as a performing art Skilled behavior

23. Questions…