1. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 1 Conversation is how we relate to others, therefore, it is the basis of relationships The quality of our conversations determines the quality of our relationships Purpose of Conversation

2. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 2 Dialogue — The free flow of meaning between two or more people The Pool of Shared Meaning is the birthplace of synergy Understanding the Power of Dialogue

3. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 3 Effective conversations meet our objectives Ineffective conversations do not meet our objectives Effective Versus Ineffective

4. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 4 Social convention/being polite Genuine concern Looking for feedback Changing someone’s mind Learning Deepening the relationship Other? Conversation Objectives

5. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 5 1.Opinions vary 2.Stakes are high 3.Emotions run strong The “Difficult” or “Crucial” Conversation Important because of the move to collaboration and teamwork where communication is the most valued workplace skill.

6. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 6 Talking to a co-worker who behaves offensively Asking a co-worker to repay a loan Giving the boss feedback about her behaviour Examples of Difficult Conversations

7. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 7 Critiquing a colleague’s work Talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments Confronting a colleague about a substance abuse issue Talking to a co-worker who is hoarding information or resources Discussing personal hygiene issues Examples of Difficult Conversations

8. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 8 Broken rules Mistakes Lack of support Incompetence Poor teamwork Disrespect Micromanagement Issues Likely to Lead to a Difficult Conversation

9. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 9 1.Notice your own physical signals 2.Notice your emotions 3.Notice behaviours “Emotional Self-Awareness” How Do You Spot a Difficult or Crucial Conversation?

10. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 10 We avoid them and suffer the consequences (such as fear, mistrust) How Do We Typically Handle Difficult/Crucial Conversations? We face them and handle them poorly and suffer the consequences (such as damaged relationships) We face them and handle them well Do we handle them well? No, we’re usually on our worst behaviour!

11. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 11 Nothing kills the free flow of meaning like fear, which leads to the fight (violence) or flight (silence) response. Silence = withholding meaning Violence = trying to force meaning Most Common Conversation Errors

12. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 12 1.What do I really want for myself — what do I value? (For example, to “win” or to be heard.) 2.What do I really want for others — what is my responsibility toward others? (For example, to “lose” or to be respected.) What Can We Do? Start with Emotional Intelligence

13. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 13 3.What do I really want for the relationship — as a leader in this organization? (For example, to damage it or deepen it.) 4.How would I behave if I really wanted these results? What Can We Do? Start with Emotional Intelligence

14. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 14 1.See/hear 2.Tell a story 3.Feel 4.Act Understand Your Story Emotions don’t just happen. They depend on our thoughts, which are based on our beliefs and assumptions.

15. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 15 1.SHARE your facts 2.TELL your story 3.ASK for others’ paths 4.TALK tentatively 5.ENCOURAGE testing STATE Your Path

16. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 16 Case Study

17. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 17 1.Check out reading materials on effective conversations. 2.Consider coaching for more effective conversations. Where To From Here? 3.Use the steps to plan for a difficult conversation. 4.Use the 5 keys for having difficult conversations using emotional intelligence!

18. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 18 1.Know what you want (self-awareness) 2.Take initiative (leadership) 3.Watch for safety (awareness and empathy) 5 Keys to Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence 4.Master your stories (self-awareness) 5.State your path and encourage others to share their path with you (assertiveness and empathy)

19. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 19 Stay in dialogue! Avoid silence and violence! Talk so others will listen and listen so others will talk.

20. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 20 Why are you having this conversation? What is your ideal outcome? What outcome are you willing to accept — what is your bottom line? Know What You Want

21. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 21 Take a leadership position Do not avoid or procrastinate having a difficult/crucial/ emotional conversation Take Initiative The sooner, the better; however, take the time you need to prepare Take the high road — what is the positive/constructive outcome you seek?

22. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 22 Use your empathy to pay attention to how others are feeling If they feel unsafe, be prepared for silence or violence Be ready to step out of the conversation, make it safe, and step back in Watch for Safety

23. Having Difficult Conversations Using Emotional Intelligence — 23 … and encourage others to do the same Let others see what’s beneath the surface Be a role model for what you’d like to see in others State Your Path … Be transparent about your process

24. Summary Know what you want Refuse Suckers’ Choices Watch for Safety Master Your Stories State Your Path and encourage others to share their path with you Stay in Dialogue! Avoid Silence and Violence! Talk so others will listen and listen so others will talk.

25. Reflecting on the Learning The best ideas I got from the day… How these ideas apply to me… How these ideas apply to my company… What I would like to know more about…

26. Where to from here? 1)Be part of the solution. 2)Consider self-assessment with the EQ-i 2.0 or the EQ-360 3)Consider coaching, training, learning programs related to Emotional Intelligence (subscribe to EQ2GO;-) 4)Obtain resources related to learning more about Emotional Intelligence –We’ll send you an annotated bibliography. 5)Support the idea of Leading with Emotional Intelligence!