2. Conflict Management... Improving Communication Presented by Tom Goodman, M.Ed. Director of Coaching Education

3. Introduction and Goals/Objectives Why Conflict Mgt at a Soccer Seminar? Conflict Mgt Concepts and Styles Role Play and Reaction Tips Applying the Tips Steps To Succeeding at Conflict Mgt Take Aways Discussion Items

4. Develop a better understanding of your own skills/challenges around dealing with conflict. Come away with tips/techniques on how to deal with various conflict situations. Develop an awareness of how CM techniques can improve your effectiveness at managing people. Create a better environment for you and all of the people you work with. Goals and Objectives

5. To improve communication between you, your staff, parents and players. Because in all organizations/groups, dealing with conflict is very natural and reoccurring. Because CM is not the responsibility of just one person/group. Your ability to deal positively with CM will help to attract and retain staff, players and family to our organizations. Why Conflict Mgt?

6. Because our organizations are very diverse. Because these are critical skills for maintaining a high quality organization. Why Conflict Mgt? (Cont’d)

7. Recognizing differences around us. (opinions, attitudes, perceptions) Understanding these differences. Then agreeing on how we are going to come to a resolution. LEARN then PROBLEM SOLVING What IS Conflict Mgt?

8. Gossip Backstabbing Pettiness Low Trust Tension Wasted Time Obstacle to Innovation and Creativity Results of Unmanaged Conflict

9. Try to just get along – smooth it over. Take things personally – get upset. Give in too easily – don’t stand up! Thinks things will go away if left alone. Have to win EVERY battle. Are ineffective in relationships and teamwork. People who are Unskilled in Conflict Management

10. No gossip Trust Direct Communication Willing to Deal with the Issues Higher Productivity Healthy team Environment Signs of Good Conflict Management

11. Address the conflict – meet it! Sees the conflict as an opportunity Are good at active listening Can hammer out tough agreements Settle disputes equitably and with pace Can find common ground Get cooperation with minimal noise People Who are Skilled in Conflict Management

12. Nice Avoid Collaborate Tough Results Effective Relationships L H H L / WW / W W / LL / L Compromise Conflict Styles

13. Cautious –Delay confrontation; avoid conflict Seeking –Anticipating/Planning actions Strong –Value winning; takes firm positions Peaceful –Value peace in position; holds back needs Conflict Styles “Understand Your Own and Others”

14. Calm –Control emotions when temp rises Feeling –Need to express feeling to communicate Compromising –Quick middle ground; exchange concessions Solution Focused –Win-win approach; both parties needs valued Conflict Styles “Understand Your Own and Others”

15. Situation: DOC is confronted by a coaching candidate who failed the D License. The candidate is very angry and upset and does not understand how he could have failed, especially after he had received positive comments from another staff instructor regarding his practice coaching session. (Note communication, styles and what could have been done differently.) Then….DISCUSSION! Role Play

16. Situation: A Competitive U12 Boy’s Coach is confronted by a parent who is very angry and upset and does not understand why the coach only played her son for 10 minutes in the semi final state cup match. (Note communication, styles and what could have been done differently.) Then….DISCUSSION! Role Play

17. Opposite of conflict is cooperation! Invite opposite views where you look to understand the other side’s views and opinions. Look for COMMON GROUND! Tips to Build Your Skills “Get on the Same Team”

18. Insensitive Language? Raise voice? Demeaning terms? Dictating answers? Challenging others? Blaming remarks? Are you inviting conflict when it doesn’t exist??? Describe some that you find irritating. Tips to Build Your Skills “Don’t Pour Gas on the Fire”

19. Absorbing the energy of your opponent Let others blow off steam Listen, Nod, Ask Clarifying Questions Ask open-ended questions Re-state their position to signal you understand them, etc. Tips to Build Your Skills “Practice Aikido”

20. Break the problem into smaller pieces Look at specific areas rather than larger general problems –“Your coaching points were non-existent” becomes… –“Your coaching points were too general and the players were confused as to who you were correcting” Tips to Build Your Skills “Downsize the Conflict”

21. Recognize your own emotional reactions such as impatience or non-verbals Recognize them and substitute them with something more neutral Separate the person from the problem Focus on the facts, respect the person Try on their views, look for common interests Pause…collect yourself if emotion takes over Tips to Build Your Skills “Emotionally Charged”

22. “What do they need that I have?” “What could I do for them outside this conflict that could allow them to give up something I need now?” Tips to Build Your Skills “What have you got to trade?”

23. Explain your thinking and ask them to explain theirs. Keep to short bursts of info (30-60 seconds) Tips to Build Your Skills “Clear Problem-Focused Comm.”

24. When you’re at an impasse – use a third party to resolve conflicts! Present both sides and agree to let the outcome stand Tips to Build Your Skills “Get Help”

25. Recognize specific people, issues, styles or groups which affect how you handle conflict Tips to Build Your Skills “Know Your Hot Buttons” (or Seeing Your Blind Spots)

26. DOC is confronted by the parent of a player who was cut from ODP this year but had been on the team last year. The age level staff coach passed the parent on to you. Also deal with the age level staff coach. Using the 5 steps, walk through your conflict situations and evaluate the results. Key steps that affected outcome? What did you learn? Role Play

27. Shed your rose colored glasses Identify your position/your interest Speculate on the other party’s stated position and underlying interests 5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt 1 – Step Back and Prepare

28. Acknowledge that you have thought about the other party’s needs –“You’d like…..is that pretty close?” State your win / win intent –“I really want to find a solution that will satisfy both of us” Acknowledge any areas of agreement –“Let’s review where we agree…we both want…” Acknowledge basic differences Check your understanding –“Is that how you see it?” 5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt 2 – Create an Env. for Cooperation

29. 5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt 3 – Agree on Win/Win Criteria Clarify criteria important to the other party –“So you would be happy with practices on Wed/Fri that start at 5pm, right?” State what criteria are important to you –“For me, I have to meet my job commitment and then drive across town….” Review the joint list of criteria you agree to use in evaluating alternatives

30. 5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt 4 – Create Alternatives Agree not to evaluate, but to generate possibilities –Ground rules! Brainstorm alternatives together –“Let’s think of some ideas here.” –Use of facilitator?

31. Against established criteria Listen to each other Have accountability Take action 5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt 5 – Evaluate Alternatives and Agree on a Solution

32. Conflict situations are all around us Taking a proactive approach to understand your own style and working to improve it, will enhance your overall effectiveness in your job Communication is key! Learn from each situation and others Take Aways

33. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION! Tom Goodman, M.Ed Director of Coaching Education tgoodman@usyouthsoccer.org