Presentation on theme: "TM This course no longer uses the hard copy CTC Advanced Manual. Participants can download the manual either before or after the class. The manual will."— Presentation transcript:
1 TMThis course no longer uses the hard copy CTC Advanced Manual. Participants can download the manual either before or after the class. The manual will not be used during the class.Participants will get the double sided laminate and wallet card as their tools during the class.Emphasize that the downloadable CTC Advanced manual is of high value for those who are motivated to master the CTC toolkit.
2 CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY ADVANCED Initiate conflict with another personNavigate through difficult situationsEffectively assert ourselves where theother person is resistant to our point of viewThis is an important slide you can use to emphasize those times when we have to assert ourselves and actually initiate conflict with another person, but in a creative and effective manner.Key Points:Initiate conflict: CTC Advanced shifts the focus from fielding conflict to initiating conflict in a constructive and skillful manner. An emphasis is placed on asserting ourselves in uncomfortable situations.Navigate difficult situations: Managing personality differences to create effective partnerships is a difficult task that requires a careful and skilled approach. CTC Advanced focuses on addressing common disagreements and style differences in a manner that models Kimpton Culture.Effectively assert ourselves to resistant people: CTC Advanced provides the tools to effectively communicate our opinions when the listener may be resistant to hearing our point of view.
3 ROLE PLAYWe will change this slide to focus on the “Mad-libs” approach to creating custom scenarios using fill in the blank.
4 KIMPTON CULTUREA unanimous commitment to self-leadership, creativity, and high performance through team and personal developmentNo culture statement breakout (optional). You can show the slide as a reminder of the spirit of the course, and the spirit of “stay true to you.”In its place you can create a custom breakout. For example, in dyads, attendees can discuss their takeaways from CTC Intro and what successes they have had using the CTC system.Use this slide to relate CTC to Kimpton Culture, and to highlight the following points. You can verbalize the points below as you present the slide.We all need to model CTC in order to practice Kimpton CultureKey aspects of the Culture Statement that relate to CTCHow using CTC helps us practice Kimpton Culture4
5 EXERCISE Situations where you applied CTC Results you achieved How did you model Kimpton Culture?This is an important slide to set up the class. Remind the class of the seduction of using“problem-solving” as a common approach that limits the opportunity to use the CTC model.Confidentiality: We will be talking about actual conflicts and real people. Others in the group may infer who students are talking about. Have the class all hold up their hands to confirm that they will keep these topics confidential and not talk about them outside of the class.Avoid Problem –Solving: The biggest hindrance to practicing CTC is to quickly assume that we have the solution the person needs and then tell them our answer. This inhibits communication and can appear condescending. Use the CTC skills, don’t problem solve.Be Self-Aware: Observing our personality patterns, especially those we learned in the Nine Doors courses, is a quick way to improve communication skills. If we activate our own or others challenge-oriented personality patterns we have a higher probability to create conflict with others.Challenge yourself in role plays: CTC Advanced is a unique opportunity to practice managing difficult situations. Pick difficult role plays to get the most out of the class.
6 GROUND RULES Confidentiality Avoid Problem Solving Be self-aware Challenge yourself in role playsThis is an important slide to set up the class. Emphasize the challenge of using “problem-solving” as a common approach that attendees miss the opportunity to use the CTC model.Confidentiality: We will be talking about actual conflicts and real people. Others in the group may infer who students are talking about. Have the class all hold up their hands to confirm that they will keep these topics confidential and not talk about them outside of the class.Avoid Problem –Solving: The biggest hindrance to practicing CTC is to quickly assume that we have the solution the person needs and then tell them our answer. This inhibits communication and can appear condescending. Use the CTC skills, don’t problem solve.Be Self-Aware: Observing our personality patterns, especially those we learned in the Nine Doors courses, is a quick way to improve communication skills. If we activate our own or others challenge-oriented personality patterns we have a higher probability to create conflict with others.Challenge yourself in role plays: CTC Advanced is a unique opportunity to practice managing difficult situations. Pick difficult role plays to get the most out of the class.
7 CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY This is a very quick review only.You can bring up a person from the class to model the full CTC Intro approach.Or if you are teaching as a pair, then model with your partner to save time. You can have a pre-defined role play and just move quickly into your modeling.CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY
8 This slide outlines the CTC Advanced toolkit based on application This slide outlines the CTC Advanced toolkit based on application. Review this with the group, and move quickly.Hand out the hard copy laminate and wallet card at this point in the class.Demonstrate to the group with your laser pointer how the CTC Advanced toolkit works. Point to each section of the slide and describe the concept.Time: Ongoing means a constant pattern of conflict oriented behavior and/or attitude from the other person. Immediate means that the conflict is occurring as you are interacting with the other person. In the moment means “right now” which requires an immediate response to manage the situation.Conflict on the left shows the level of conflict. The top of the diagram is a higher level conflict.Clear boundaries are what is required in order to keep the conflict from becoming counterproductive. The more intense the conflict situation the greater requirement for clear boundaries.CTC ADVANCED TOOL MAP
9 CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY ADVANCED Use this slide to outline the CTC Advanced model.CTC Advanced focuses on Steps 4 and 5, Invite and Present.We assert ourselves using these steps in order to bring up conflict issues with others.It is always better to start with Invite if possible in order to have the other person be consciously willing to hear our point of view.At times, we have to start with Present because the other person is resistant to our opinion. This is a more assertive approach.If we start with Invite, we will then move to Present, so we need a well-thought out opinion to assert.Once we complete Present the other person will probably resist and start to assert in return. At this point we continue to go clockwise and move to Listen.If the other person continues to resist and we go around the circle 3 times, then we use Present to end the discussion since there is no use in going round and round with no resolution.CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY ADVANCED
10 DEALING WITH CONFLICT Name your Emotion. Don’t act it out - Use Emotion Words ChecklistCalm down, is possible, before bringing up conflictWhen we don’t address conflict it causes:- Gossip- Triangulation- Passive-aggressionVital to not- Attack- Blame- ThreatenEmphasize to the group that these are key points to using CTC Advanced.Take this opportunity to explain the importance of taking people’s emotional state into account when interacting with them. Familiarize yourself with the Feeling Words checklist, and dedicate some class time to the importance of controlling your own emotional state while initiating a conflict.Explain to the class that when you find your emotional state is disruptive, remember to:Name the emotion, don’t act it out. Review the Emotion Words Checklist in the course manual Appendix.Calm down as best possible when bringing up conflict with others. Use Feeling words to describe our state during self-disclosures.Describe why it is hard to brings things up (our range of fears). CTC will help us manage our fear and normalize it.What happens when we don’t bring up our concerns.Gossip, triangulation, passive-aggression.Vital to not:AttackBlameThreaten
11 Move quickly through this slide to provide context for Start with Invite. Describe the value of Start with Invite as the beginning of the process of dealing with conflict.Explain that this tool is used when the conflict issue is an ongoing pattern, rather than happening in the moment.Make it clear that Start with Invite is the optimal tool to use because it allows us to set the tone for the interaction with our CTC skill set. This reduces the probability of the conflict escalating.START WITH INVITE
12 The optimal way to assert ourselves is to clearly provide the expectation that we want to dialogue about a conflict issue. Invite can be used when the conflict is not happening in the moment. The ideal situation for using Invite to initiate a conflict is when we have been experiencing someone else’s ongoing pattern of negative behavior.Invite is a good approach for scheduling a formal time to talk about our issues. It allows the person we are in conflict with to prepare for a frank discussion, and ideally encourages him / her to be open to our perspective.Start with Invite Tips:Always better to start with Invite when possible.Link starting with Invite with the Emotion State Exercise.Emphasize Acknowledge with Heart and the Pause concepts.START WITH INVITE
13 START WITH INVITE Tool 1: Acknowledge with Heart: “Here’s what I’m observing.”Tool 2: Invite Dialogue: “Are you open tohear my point of view?”We are now focusing on the concept of Acknowledging with Heart. However, in this application the Acknowledgement is about our own experience.This emphasizes the concept of self-awareness of how we are impacted by the conflict that is elicited either by the other person’s patterns, and/or through the breakdown that is occurring in the relationship.The beauty of using Acknowledge with Heart is that it creates a type of “pause” in the interaction by capturing the other person’s attention. It is rare that anyone will ever elicit this type of disclosure and sincere emotion, either about another person or oneself. This shift in the interaction ideally will inspire the other person to listen to us, also with a sincere human commitment, like we are modeling.START WITH INVITE
14 Tool 1: Acknowledge with Heart “I’ve got some things that I’d like to talk to you about.”“I’ve been reflecting on some topics that we need to talk about.”“Let’s discuss the staff meeting we had last week.”“I’d like to bring up something I’ve been thinking about.”Show this slide to outline examples. Remember to confirm that we are acknowledging our own feelings when we use this tool. Start with Invite focuses on our feelings, not the other person’s. This is contrary to the Intro class.START WITH INVITE
15 Tool 2: Invite Dialogue START WITH INVITE “Would you prefer to talk about this now or later?”“Tell me if right now works for you.”“Are you ready to go into this topic now?”“If not now, when would you be ready to talk?”Outline how we tend to bypass each of the two Invite tools:We tend to bypass Acknowledge in our rush to assert ourselves.We also tend to jump right to Present and bypass the Invite Dialogue tool.START WITH INVITE
16 START WITH INVITE – MOVE TO PRESENT Demonstrate how once the invitation is accepted, you Move to Present, and have to be prepared with a statement that makes sense to the other person.Shifting from Invite to Present allows us to respectfully state our point. Invite sets the context, then Present states the point.In order to make the transition to Present as painless as possible, make sure that you consider the below points while assessing whether or not to start with Invite:• Make an appointment to reduce the possibility of bad timing, or not having enough time to discuss the issue.• Write down your Invite statement to prepare in advance.• Increase the probability of success by approaching the topic incrementally with clear expectations.• Reduce the possibility of resistance by using informal language and friendly body language.• Bring up conflict offline and privately, rather than in a public situation.• Model a strategic approach to the conflict.• Request dialogue, do not demand it.• Be committed to a collaborative and respectful relationship.START WITH INVITE – MOVE TO PRESENT
17 PRESENT TOOLS TOOL 1: I-MESSAGE - ACCOUNTABILITY AND OBJECTIVITY TOOL 2: SELF-DISCLOSE -STATE FEELINGSTOOL 3: MY OPINION -PERSPECTIVE AND NEEDSThe process of starting with Invite and transitioning to Present is similar to the Intro course in that we are using these steps to articulate our point.However, because now we are initiating the conflict, we need to be prepared for the other person to become defensive. Therefore expect to move to Listen once we Present.Tell the class that we will focus more on Present when we focus on the Start with Present tool which is coming soon.PRESENT TOOLS
18 PRESENT TOOLS I-MESSAGE: “I’M OBSERVING ______________________.” SELF-DISCLOSE:“HERE’S HOW I FEEL ___________________.”OPINION:“THIS IS WHAT I NEED _________________.”Show this slide so that the class can see the simple model for the application of the Present skills. Model the use of each of the scripts as a way to demonstrate in a clear and concrete way that the script is the fundamental tool for Present in all situations, both CTC Intro and Advanced.PRESENT TOOLS18
19 Make it clear to the group that you are moving on to the next tool. This slide can be used to show the value proposition and the application environment of starting with Present.Start with Present can be used when:A very assertive response is required in the moment.We have gone around the circle several times and the other person fails to respond, and continues to be aggressive.In these situations, we can skip Invite and start with Present in order to more forcefully assert our perspective.START WITH PRESENT
20 At this point in the class, the focus will be on using Present to Assert ourselves in the Moment. First, outline how this differs from moving to Present from Invite.It is always better to start with Invite, but in circumstances where this is not possible starting with Present allows us to convey our message. If you take this approach, be prepared to go around the CTC circle if the person whom you’re in conflict with become defensive.Provide the class with examples of situations in which you would continue to go around the circle. Such as:“I’m observing you are interrupting me, I’m really frustrated, I don’t want you to interrupt me.”Model such a situation with your training partner or class member.START WITH PRESENT
21 START WITH PRESENT TOOL 1: I-MESSAGE - ACCOUNTABILITY AND OBJECTIVITY TOOL 2: SELF-DISCLOSE -STATE FEELINGSTOOL 3: MY OPINION -PERSPECTIVE AND NEEDSThe process of starting with Invite and transitioning to Present is similar to the Intro course in that we are using these steps to articulate our point.However, because now we are initiating the conflict, we need to be prepared for the other person to become defensive. Therefore expect to move to Listen once we Present.Additional topics include:Pseudo-I Messages used to attack: “I feel that you are a bad person.”Major emphasis on Self-Disclosure as absolutely required (model this for the group to show the power of transparency and authenticity).Outline how we tend to not use Self-Disclosure, and the price we pay.Use model for Present and Start with Present: “I observe __________, I feel __________, what I need is ________________.” Have the class practice this so that it becomes well-ingrained.START WITH PRESENT
22 START WITH PRESENT I-MESSAGE: “I’M OBSERVING________________________.” SELF-DISCLOSE:“HERE’S HOW I FEEL ___________________.”OPINION:“THIS IS WHAT I NEED _________________.”We can apply the Present Tools with the scripts outlined on this slide. Show the class that they can use these scripts to simplify their ability to remember and to apply the Start with Present tools.START WITH PRESENT22
23 START WITH PRESENT TOOL 1: I-MESSAGE - ACCOUNTABILITY AND OBJECTIVITY TOOL 2: SELF-DISCLOSE - STATE FEELINGSTOOL 3: MY OPINION - PERSPECTIVE ANDNEEDSGo into more depth here regarding the power of Present, refer to what they learned in Start with Invite move to Present previously in the course.Always emphasize the I-messaging and the Self-Disclosure.Have a slide with the script: “I’m observing _______________, I feel ________________, I need ______________.”In some classes astute students will see that these scripts model the Three Intelligences. (I message is Logic, Self Disclose is Emotion, My Opinion is Intuition)START WITH PRESENT
24 START WITH PRESENT I-MESSAGE: “I’m seeing you interrupting me again.” SELF-DISCLOSE: “I feel distracted andirritated when you interrupt me.”MY OPINION: “I need you to notinterrupt me any more.”Show this example. Ask the group what they observe.START WITH PRESENT
25 START WITH PRESENT I-MESSAGE: “I have heard that you have been talking about me behind my back.”SELF-DISCLOSE: “I’m concerned to hear thatyou have been talking to others about me.”MY OPINION: “I prefer that you talk directlyto me if you have issues with me.”Show this example. Ask the group what they observe.START WITH PRESENT
26 PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION Show the group that here the conflict level is very high and in the moment. Ending a discussion with Present is a way to stop a conflict situation so that it does not escalate. Outline the difficulties that can arise when conflict escalates:People say things they later regret.In worst case situations people act out in ways that are socially unacceptable in, sometimes in major ways.PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION
27 PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION It is important to understand that there will be times in which the person you are conflicting with is committed to remaining in conflict, rather than reaching a creative solution.Explain that this is to be used once you have gone around the circle three times and are not making progress (when role playing, we can save time by only going around the circle once).Provide examples of scenarios of when we might use Present to end a discussion, such as:The other person is in an intensely stressful situation.The other person is committed to engaging in a power struggle, and has lost sight of the issue.The other person believes that they can “win” by escalating the situation in an attempt to ware us down.A history or pattern of competitive conflict is in place, and the other person is comfortable interacting in this way, even though it is not productive.PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION
28 PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION TOOL 1: I-MESSAGE - ACCOUNTABILITYAND OBJECTIVITYTOOL 2: SELF-DISCLOSE - STATE FEELINGSTOOL 3: MY OPINION - PERSPECTIVE ANDNEEDSHave this slide up during modeling.PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION
29 PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION I-MESSAGE: “I can see that we are just goingaround and around and are not reaching commonground.”SELF-DISCLOSE: “I’m getting uncomfortablewith this process and don’t think we are going tofind resolution now.”MY OPINION: “I recommend that we stop for nowand try again tomorrow. I could meet you at9AM.”Show this example. Ask the group what they observe.PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION
30 PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION I-MESSAGE: “I’m aware that I don’twant to keep talking about this right now.”SELF-DISCLOSE: “I’m frustrated and need tocalm down before discussing this any further.”MY OPINION: “I recommend that we bothstep back and reconvene at another time.”Show this example. Ask the group what they observe.PRESENT TO END A DISCUSSION
31 This section can be done quickly since it is more of a natural skill, but one that we tend to forget.You can emphasize that reinforcing the success of having a creative result to a conflict is important in relationship building and team forming. If you do not have enough time, move directly into designing role plays and practicing the skills. This way you will have time to demonstrate the Triangulation Tools at the end of the course.We can see that Follow Up to Conflict is a tool unto itself. It can be applied after any level of conflict interaction. The goal is to demonstrate our contribution to the conflict situation as a way to maintain our integrity, and ideally to invite the other person to acknowledge their contribution as well. This is done after both parties have calmed down, and have more objectivity.FOLLOW UP TO CONFLICT
32 FOLLOW UP TO CONFLICT ACCOUNTABILITY: OUR CONTRIBUTION “I was irritated when we talked last and apologize for addingto the problem.”OUR PERSONALITY PATTERN: DEMONSTRATEOUR BEHAVIOR AS A PATTERN“When irritated I start to feel defensive and then escalate my voice…”COMMIT: DEMONSTRATE ALTERNATIVES“I need to listen more and be more objective…”Show this as an example. No exercise is necessary. This should make common sense to the class. This is a reminder of how to be conscious in our relationships.FOLLOW UP TO CONFLICT
33 CLOSING A SUCCESSFUL CTC INTERACTION “Thanks for meeting with me.” “I’m glad that we worked this out.”“I’m excited about the creative solution we came up with together.”Once we have successfully completed a CTC conversation and gotten a type of breakthrough, there can be a tendency to feel somewhat awkward. This is because it is unusual to have these types of conversations with people. Therefore, we can use a formal approach to close the conversation, rather than just moving on without acknowledging the unique experience.Use terms like: “Thanks for meeting with me.”, “I’m glad that we worked this out….”, and “I’m excited about the creative solution we came up with together.” This simple formula creates a sense of accomplishment and goodwill. Over time, these types of positive interactions with others can become a hallmark of your interactive style. This is a strong foundation for forming strong relationships that have a high trust level and a strong creative element that attracts others to you as a leader and work partner.
34 ROLE PLAY SCENARIO SYSTEM Attendees will not have manuals (unless you decide that you want to print all or part of the downloadable manuals).Just as with CTC Intro, we will introduce you to the entire CTC Advanced toolkit, and you will spend most of the class practicing the tools using role plays.We will design custom Role Plays during the course to practice the various skills of the CTC Advanced tool. Just as in CTC Intro, the goal of role plays is to make your learning situation as realistic as possible.ROLE PLAY SCENARIO SYSTEM
35 CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY Project this slide up while the class is doing the role playing of the CTC Advanced model.Now is time for the group to practice the entire CTC approach where both parties have opinions and are both CTC users.Discuss the culture concept again, and show how powerful and transformational the CTC tool is to model the culture.As in CTC Intro, while you facilitate, you may stop the role plays and model a section of CTC that the class is not doing correctly.You can also create new dyads, have dyads model for the entire group, etc. Again, this is a very creative course, so your instinct about how to help the class get the maximum experience of using the tool is the critical goal.CONFLICT TO CREATIVITY
36 BLAMES 3RD PARTY, MANIPULATES LISTENER TRIANGULATORBLAMES 3RD PARTY, MANIPULATES LISTENERBLAMEMANIPULATIONTRIANGULATED BLAMELISTENERTRIANGULATOR WANTS LISTENER TO TAKE HIS/HER SIDE3RD PARTYTRIANGULATOR SEES AS THREATThe goal is to develop the ability to identify the difference between an employee complaining and attempting to triangulate the manager into either agreeing, or doing something the employee (triangulator) wants.This is a way for the Triangulator to avoid conflict with the 3rd Party. This is in contrast to an employee seeking legitimate guidance about how to handle a challenging person and situation.The key goal of the Listener is to identify that the Triangulator is attempting to manipulate and pass off the responsibility to manage the situation to the Listener. The Triangulator’s goal is to have both the Triangulator and Listener direct blame at the 3rd Party.Whether being triangulated, or responding to a request for advice, the Listener’s goal is to coach the employees to use CTC to solve their interpersonal problems.Key PointsTriangulator blames the 3rd Party, but will not talk to 3rd Party directlyTriangulator’s goal is to manipulate Listener to manage 3rd Party by framing 3rd Party as negativeOnce Listener is manipulated and loses objectivity then he/she is “triangulated”Triangulation occurs when Triangulator and Listener align against 3rd Party3rd Party ends up scape-goated and marginalized based on false assumptionsListener takes on Triangulator’s responsibility to handle the relationshipTRIANGULATION
37 Attempts to manipulate Listener TRIANGULATORAttempts to manipulate ListenerCTC COACHINGUSE CTC TOOLATTEMPT MANIPULATIONLISTENERSOLUTION: USE CTCListen openly and objectivelyExplore: “Say more of your feelings about …”Summarize: “You don’t know how to approach this person and want me to help you.”Invite: “I really hear that you are frustrated by this, are you open to another point of view?”Present: Coach Triangulator to use CTC with 3rd Party3rd PARTYTRIANGULATORAPPROACHES WITH CTCHelp the class see that CTC is the tool to use to both redirect the Triangulator to own their responsibility to facilitate the relationship with the 3rd Party, and to use CTC. The Listener needs to be prepared to teach and coach the Triangulator in CTC. This includes recommending taking the CTC courses, and providing follow up as necessary.TRIANGULATION TOOL