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Revise and Edit STAAR English Writing 2011 Released Test Questions Revise Part IEdit Part I 1.1. 2.2. 3.3. 4.4. 5.5. 6.6. 7. Revise Part IIEdit Part II.

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Presentation on theme: "Revise and Edit STAAR English Writing 2011 Released Test Questions Revise Part IEdit Part I 1.1. 2.2. 3.3. 4.4. 5.5. 6.6. 7. Revise Part IIEdit Part II."— Presentation transcript:

1 Revise and Edit STAAR English Writing 2011 Released Test Questions Revise Part IEdit Part I 1.1. 2.2. 3.3. 4.4. 5.5. 6.6. 7. Revise Part IIEdit Part II 1.1. 2.2. 3.3. 4.4. 5.5. 6.6. 7. 8. Set up your answer sheet like the example below.

2 Revise Section 1 These questions refer to the whole selection. Read the selection before reading the questions. Use your knowledge of essay writing to help you answer the questions.

3 Underline or highlight key words and analyze the question. 1.) Janie does not like the way she expressed her thesis in sentence 4. Which of the following should replace sentence 4 to create a more effective and sophisticated thesis statement? THINK: Do I need to use a dictionary to look up effective and/or sophisticated? What do I know about a thesis statement? What should it tell the reader? What information do I need to determine whether a thesis is effective or not?

4 Is it enough to read sentence 4 or is it necessary to reread the entire paragraph?

5 A. Watching commercials is serious business, and people should be wary of what they allow into their subconscious minds. B. Advertisers are busy trying to sell products that you may or may not have a reason to buy. C. People shouldn’t be blinded by the flashing lights and bright colors that the advertising industry uses to make commercials captivating. D. As potential consumers, we must be aware of the propaganda techniques advertisers use to tempt us into purchasing their products. 1.) Janie does not like the way she expressed her thesis in sentence 4. Which of the following should replace sentence 4 to create a more effective and sophisticated thesis statement?

6 2.) The word pondering does not effectively convey Janie’s meaning in sentence 7. Which of the following would be the best replacement for pondering? A touching B craving C carrying D relishing (6) They’ve just finished a game of volleyball and are reaching for a refreshing soda. (7) You find yourself pondering the soft drink featured in the commercial. (8) But before you head to the store, stop and think twice. THINK: Do I need to use a dictionary to look up pondering? Do I need to use the dictionary to look up any of the answer choices? Are there context clues to help me determine the meaning Janie’s trying to communicate?

7 3.) Janie wants to tell more about the statement she has made in sentence 9. Which of these ideas would best follow and support sentence 9? A. Wouldn’t you love to get on the bandwagon? B. The advertisers have convinced you that you will have as much fun as the people on the beach if you drink the same brand of soda. C. This means that everyone on the beach should drink soda. D. This bandwagon technique is one technique that television and magazine advertisers use to persuade people to buy a certain soft drink. THINK! Is it enough to read sentence 9 or is it necessary to reread the entire paragraph? Here is Sentence 9 (9) You’ve just been a victim of the bandwagon technique. (5) Imagine flipping on the television and seeing a group of young, fit people on a sunny beach. (6) They’ve just finished a game of volleyball and are reaching for a refreshing soda. (7) You find yourself pondering the soft drink featured in the commercial. (8) But before you head to the store, stop and think twice. (9) You’ve just been a victim of the bandwagon technique. ??? Underline or Highlight key words. What is the ? Really asking? 3.) Janie wants to tell more about the statement she has made in sentence 9. Which of these ideas would best follow and support sentence 9? (9) You’ve just been a victim of the bandwagon technique. ??? Notice- the question says “best FOLLOW and SUPPORT”..so are we replacing the sentence? Revising the sentence? Make sure you read carefully and know what kind of change you are making. Support does not mean repeat!

8 (14) You’ve been led to make this connection by the advertising technique known as transfer. (15) From the ad alone you’ll never know or be sure how good the shoes really are. (16) It’s also important to keep in mind that the celebrities were paid to endorse the shoes. 4.) What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 15? Underline or Highlight key words. What is the ? Really asking? 4.) What is the most effective revision to make in sentence 15? Revision- what does this mean? Is it the same as changing, modifying, altering, improving? Use your dictionary. A.From the ad alone you’ll never know how good the shoes really are, you can’t be sure. B.From the ad alone you’ll never know how good the shoes really are. C. From the ad alone you’ll never know how good for sure the shoes really are. D. No revision is needed in this sentence. (15) From the ad alone you’ll never know or be sure how good the shoes really are.

9 5.) Janie would like to further develop the fourth paragraph (sentences 19–23). Reread the paragraph carefully. Which detail could best be added after sentence 21 to add to the main idea of this paragraph? Underline or Highlight key words. What is the ? Really asking? 5.) Janie would like to further develop the fourth paragraph (sentences 19–23). Reread the paragraph carefully. Which detail could best be added after sentence 21 to add to the main idea of this paragraph? THINK! Parameters? YES- Paragraph 4. “Further develop”? What does that mean? What is the main idea? Re-read the paragraph. Which detail could best be added after sentence 21 to add to the main idea of this paragraph? What is the purpose of the new sentence? The new sentence should not just REPEAT the main idea or other sentences. It should ADD detail. A. All of these are known as propaganda techniques, and they are evident in most of the commercials you see on television today. B. Emotional words are designed to evoke emotions and make you feel strongly about something. C. The role of an advertiser is to convince you that you will not be able to live without a certain product. D. Still other ads resort to snob appeal, attempting to convince you that you will appear to have more wealth or a higher social status if you use a certain product. THINK! What is the main idea? Underline it. (19) Many other propaganda techniques are evident in today’s commercials. (20) Some ads use repetition, hoping that a catchy jingle or phrase will stick in your mind and subconsciously compel you to buy a certain product. (21) Other ads use emotional words or situations to make you have strong feelings about a product or service. ????? (22) Learn to recognize the propaganda techniques that are used. (23) Just because a clever jingle about a product is stuck in your head doesn’t make that product the best one to buy.

10 6.) Janie would like to add a sentence to the end of her paper to help bring it to an effective closing. Which of the following would be the best sentence for Janie to add? Underline or Highlight key words. What is the ? really asking? NOTICE- “ADD a sentence”- is this different from revising and/or replacing a sentence? What does effective mean? Do you need to use the dictionary? What should be included in an effective closing? What do you need to read to determine which sentence would be an effective closing? At least the final paragraph? (24) Research groups have tried to determine how many commercial messages the average American sees in a day. (25) Although the number varies widely, most experts agree that a few hundred would be a conservative estimate. (26) Commercials are big business, and it’s important to remember that advertisers are well paid for influencing viewers. (27) Don’t let yourself be easily swayed. (28) Be a thoughtful consumer who pays attention to the products, not to just what the jingles and celebrities claim. ???? A.As you know, commercials are obvious attempts to influence those who participate. B.The jingles that celebrities happily sing are part of a much bigger campaign. C.The next time you’re watching a commercial, stop and think twice. D.In the end, they’re probably not worth all that much anyway.

11 Edit Section 1 Sentences are independent and the editing generally affects only one sentence. Read the questions first and then go back to the passage and highlight the sentence referenced in the question. Use your dictionary. Eliminate obvious wrong answers. The next few slides will refresh your edit skills, and this will increase your chance of success on the STAAR edit questions.

12 IndependentDependent Cannot stand alone Can stand alone Clauses & Commas

13 Dependent: After the child is seated Independent: Her mom pushed the swing. Combine: if child/dependent (weak) is on the swing, being pushed by the parent/ independent- a comma- (like a swing seat) is needed. After the child was seated, her mom pushed the swing. (not a stand alone clause) (complete with a subject and verb.) IndependentDependent, Clauses & Commas

14 Dependent: followed by the cubs (not a stand alone clause) Independent: The adult lions lead the way. (complete with a subject and verb.) Combine: If the parent leads the way (it’s strong) and the child follows there’s no assistance, swing/comma, needed. The adult lions lead the way followed by the cubs. Independent +Dependent Clauses & Commas

15 Independent ; Independent An independent clause is a complete sentence. It contains a noun and a verb. An independent clause is a complete sentence ; it contains a noun and a verb. Clauses & Semicolons

16 Independent, FANBOYS Independent F or And Nor But OrOr Yet SoSo Solution: Grandma still rides her Harley motorcycle, and her toy poodle balances in a basket between the handlebars. Run-on: Grandma still rides her Harley motorcycle her toy poodle balances in a basket between the handlebars. Clauses, FANBOYS & Commas

17 Compound Sentences with FANBOYS The teens walked to the park, but it was closed. The gentleman did not know where the sound came from, so he hid behind the tree. The cat was happy, and he slept underneath the bed. I believe technology’s impact on society is beneficial, but I realize not everyone agrees with me. Spring break was wonderful, yet it could have lasted longer!

18 Commas with subordinating conjunctions connect two parts of a sentence that are not equal IndependentDependent, Independent +Dependent Remember! Because it is raining, we have an umbrella. We have an umbrella because it is raining.

19 Then vs Than Then- transition word I will study, then I’ll go to Karen’s house. Than- comparison Vera is more determined than her older sister.

20 Affect vs Effect Affect- verb- to influence, to impress, to change Effect – noun- a result, a consequence

21 To vs Too vs Two The preposition to refers to a place, direction, or position.preposition To is also used before the verb in an infinitive.verbinfinitive The adverb too means "also" or "excessively."adverb Two refers to the number 2. Example: Meg was too tired to walk home. I was tired, too. The two of us walked to a phone booth, and I called for a cab.

22 Their vs There vs They’re Their is the possessive form of they. There is an adverb (meaning "at that place") and a pronoun used to start a sentence.adverbpronoun They're is a contraction of they are. Example: There are three children in our family. They're all girls. Two of them are sitting over there. Their sister is at home.

23 Commas and Dashes to Offset the renaming of something (appositive) and when including extra information Ralph, my best friend, attends Saturday lecture. My best friend, Ralph, enjoys golf. The third book of the series, Mockingjay, is a page turner. Our doctor, whom we visit often, is on vacation. English 101, which is required for most students, is a challenging course. I enjoyed Saturday, and the performances -classical and modern-were enlightening.

24 Ralph, my best friend, attends Saturday lecture. My best friend, Ralph, enjoys golf. The third book of the series, Mockingjay, is a page turner. Our doctor, whom we visit often, is on vacation. English 101, which is required for most students, is a challenging course. I enjoyed Saturday, and the performances- classical and modern-were enlightening. Commas and Dashes to Offset the renaming of something (appositive) and when including extra information

25 Apostrophe ’ Contractions don't = do not I'm = I am he'll = he will who's = who is shouldn't = should not didn't = did not could've= could have Ownership Singular-one person Ted’s phone (phone of Ted) Karen’s purse (purse of Karen) Plural-more than one person Two cats’ toys (toys of two cats) Three friends’ letters (letters of three friends) Children’s food (food of children) Five days’ journey (journey of five days)

26 Verb Tenses Present Tense- I play football in the backyard. Past Tense- I played football in the backyard yesterday. Future Tense- I will play football in the tomorrow. Present Perfect Tense- I have played football. Past Perfect Tense- I had played football. Future Perfect Tense- I will have played football.

27 Punctuating “Quotes” Rule 1: Periods and commas always go inside quotation marks. Examples: The sign changed from "Walk," to "Don't Walk," to "Walk" again within 30 seconds. She said, "Hurry up." Rule 2: The placement of question marks with quotes follows logic. If a question is in quotation marks, the question mark should be placed inside the quotation marks. Examples: She asked, "Will you still be my friend?" Do you agree with the saying, "All's fair in love and war"? Here the question is outside the quote.

28 Edit Part I

29 1.) What is the correct way to write sentence 4? A.But the new band director who was determined to change things had a name of Mr. Parker. B.But the new band director, Mr. Parker, was determined to change things. C.But the new band director was determined to change things, named Mr. Parker. D.The sentence is written correctly in the paper. (4) But the new band director was determined to change things, his name was Mr. Parker. Ralph, my best friend, attends Saturday lecture. But the new band director, Mr. Parker, was determined to change things. Consider EACH answer choice.

30 2. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 7? A.Insert a comma after school B.Change couldn’t to couldn’t hardly C.Change investigating to investigatting D.No change should be made in sentence 7. (7) When he heard about the opening for a new band director at our school he couldn’t help investigating. After the child was seated, her mom pushed the swing. The adult lions lead the way followed by the cubs. Consider EACH answer choice.

31 3. What change needs to be made in sentence 11? A.Delete the semicolon B.Change took to taken C.Change director’s to directors’ (how many directors are there?) D.Nothing needs to be changed in sentence 11. (11) But we weren’t laughing for long; Mr. Parker hadn’t took the band director’s job to be funny. An independent clause is a complete sentence; it contains a noun and a verb and can stand alone. Consider EACH answer choice.

32 4. What change should be made in sentence 12? A. Change respectable to respectible B. Delete the comma after band C. Change was going to were going D. Change them to him (12) He was there to turn us into a respectable band, and nothing—not even a bunch of lazy, flippant teenagers—was going to stop them. Consider EACH answer choice.

33 5. What change needs to be made in sentence 18? A. Change were even tempted to was even tempted B. Change the comma after quit to a semicolon C. Change ourselves to ourselfs D. Change rising to risen (verb tenses) (18) At first there was a lot of grumbling, and a few students were even tempted to quit, after a while, though, we found ourselves somehow rising to Mr. Parker’s expectations. Consider EACH answer choice.

34 6. What change needs to be made in sentence 19? A.Change the comma to a semicolon B.Change almost to allmost C.Change breathe to breath D.No change is needed. (19) As we marched onto the field at the first football game, I could almost hear a collective breathe of amazement from the crowd. Consider EACH answer choice.

35 7. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 23? A.Change He combined to Combining B.Change excellence to excellent C.Change compasionate to compassionate D.Make no change (23) He combined his thirst for excellence with a compasionate, caring heart. Consider EACH answer choice.

36 Revise Section 2

37 1. How can Tasha revise sentence 7 to more clearly establish the thesis of this paper? A. How can a swimmer record such an amazing video? B. His video was so popular that people around the world have now seen it. C. Who do you suppose the photographer was? D. The photographer who recorded the world- famous footage was a sea turtle. 1. How can Tasha revise sentence 7 to more clearly establish the thesis of this paper?

38 2. Sentences 10 and 11 are choppy and ineffective. What is the best way to revise these sentences? A.Shultz charged the battery, while then discovering the video along with several photos. B.After charging the battery, Shultz discovered the video along with several photos. C. While charging the battery, Shultz then discovered the video along with several photos. D. Shultz charged the battery because he discovered the video along with several photos. (9) The camera’s waterproof case was covered with sea debris, but the camera inside was undamaged. (10) Shultz charged the battery. (11) He then discovered the video along with several photos. (12) He decided to hunt down the camera’s owner.

39 3. Sentence 14 is unclear because it contains an indefinite reference. Tasha can clarify the meaning of this sentence by changing it to — A. the dive B. the camera C. the photo D. them (13) One of the photos on the camera showed two men preparing for a scuba dive. (14) Shultz posted it on an Internet scuba site. 3. Sentence 14 is unclear because it contains an indefinite reference. Tasha can clarify the meaning of this sentence by changing it to —

40 4. Tasha wants to improve the transition between the third paragraph (sentences 13–17) and the fourth paragraph (sentences 18–20). Which sentence could best follow sentence 17 and help improve this transition? (13) One of the photos on the camera showed two men preparing for a scuba dive. (14) Shultz posted it on an Internet scuba site. (15) Visitors to the site determined that the photo had been taken in Aruba, a Dutch island off the coast of Venezuela. (16) Armed with this information, Shultz then posted family photos from the camera on an Aruban website. (17) Right away, an Aruban woman contacted him and said that she recognized the children in some of the photos. (18) The camera belonged to Dick de Bruin, a sergeant in the Royal Dutch Navy. (19) De Bruin had lost the camera while he was working in the waters off the coast of Aruba. (20) When De Bruin and his diving partner had realized that the camera was gone, they had joked that it would probably be found somewhere in Costa Rica or Panama. A.As soon as the woman identified the children’s family, the mystery was solved. B.She wasn’t certain but thought she might know who they were. C.Months before, they had been in the area with the Royal Dutch Navy. D.As a matter of fact, some are calling this woman a hero.

41 5. Tasha wants to add the following detail to the fifth paragraph (sentences 21–27). In fact, it is estimated to have traveled close to 1,100 miles in its six months afloat! Where is the most logical place to insert this sentence? A.At the beginning of the paragraph B.After sentence 21 C.After sentence 24 D.At the end of the paragraph 5. Tasha wants to add the following detail to the fifth paragraph (sentences 21–27). In fact, it is estimated to have traveled close to 1,100 miles in its six months afloat! Where is the most logical place to insert this sentence? (21) Of course, we now know that the buoyant camera floated much farther than the two divers had predicted. (22) We also know that about two months into the journey, a sea turtle swam near the camera, inadvertently hooked a flipper onto its carrying strap, and somehow turned the device on. (23) The resulting 20-minute video shows the turtle bobbing along in the ocean. (24) Glimpses of a brightly shining sun are seen, and a few fish occasionally come into view. (25) At some point the camera and the turtle separate. (26) For the remainder of the video, the camera is pointed straight up to the sky with the clear waters of the Caribbean Sea washing over the lens. (27) Then the camera suddenly turns off.

42 6 Tasha wants to provide a better closing for her paper. Which of the following could best be added after sentence 30 to support the previous ideas and bring a humorous conclusion to the paper? A. As one viewer quipped, “I didn’t like some of the angles chosen and probably could havemade a slightly better video, but I recognize I would not be as good at laying eggs on a beach.” B. Describing the video, Shultz said, “The camera started thrashing around and a fin came into the picture.” C. De Bruin added, “But we have the sea turtle on film proving the camera floated from Aruba to the U.S. It’s unbelievable, but it’s true.” D. “I have a smile on my face. I can’t stop laughing about it,” De Bruin said. “It’s really big news on the island.” 6. Tasha wants to provide a better closing for her paper. Which of the following could best be added after sentence 30 to support the previous ideas and bring a humorous conclusion to the paper? (28) The story of the sea turtle’s video became big news on the small island of Aruba. (29) Once the video was posted on the Internet, the story quickly spread to the rest of the world. (30) While many people are impressed, some have joked about the skills of the photographer.

43 Edit Section 2

44 1. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 3? A. Delete the comma B. Change suggested to sugested C. Change allowence to allowance D. No change should be made in this sentence. 1. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 3? (3) If you add the fries and the drink, you’ve probably exceeded half of your suggested calorie allowence for the entire day!

45 2. What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 6? A. Change believe to beleive B. Change then to than C. Insert a comma after overweight D. No change needs to be made in sentence 6. 2. What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 6? (6) The researchers believe that more then 75 percent of adults in the United States will be overweight or obese by 2015.

46 3. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 9? A. Change are to is B. Change providing to provided C. Change balanced to balansed D. No change should be made in sentence 9. (9) The first step fast-food companies must take are to start providing more balanced options.

47 4. What change, if any, should be made in sentence 11? A.Change offer to offering B.Change their to there C.Change childrens’ to children’s D.No change should be made in this sentence. (11) Even if restaurant chains offer fruit and low-fat milk in their childrens’ meals, the most popular items still contain 500 calories or more per serving.

48 5. What change, if any, needs to be made in sentence 13? A. Change post to have posted B. Change clearer to clearly C. Change so that to then D. No change needs to be made in this sentence. (13) The fast-food industry should also post nutritional information more clearer so that customers can make informed choices.

49 6. What is the correct way to rewrite sentences 15 and 16? A. And while I believe that what someone eats is a matter of personal choice, it is not something that society should control. Because people need information if they are going to make wise decisions. B. And I believe that what someone eats is a matter of personal choice, it is not something that society should control, people need information if they are going to make wise decisions. C. And while I believe that what someone eats is a matter of personal choice and not something that society should control, people need information if they are going to make wise decisions. D. Sentences 15 and 16 are written correctly in the paper. (15) And while I believe that what someone eats is a matter of personal choice and not something that society should control. (16) People need information if they are going to make wise decisions.

50 7. What is the correct way to write sentence 18? A. In fact, one New York City study found that 27 percent of fast- food customers. They used information about calorie counts to make their choices. B. In fact, one New York City study found that 27 percent of fast- food customers using information about calorie counts to make their choices. C. In fact, one New York City study found something. That 27 percent of fast-food customers used information about calorie counts to make their choices. D. In fact, one New York City study found that 27 percent of fast- food customers used information about calorie counts to make their choices. (18) In fact, one New York City study found this, 27 percent of fast-food customers used information about calorie counts to make their choices.

51 8. What change is needed in sentence 23? A.Insert a comma after scale B.Change they to it C.Insert a comma after eating D.Change knowledge to knowlege (23) Instead of pushing Americans up the obesity scale they should use their position to promote healthful eating and nutritional knowledge.

52 Finished! Be sure your name is on your answer sheet.


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