1. WELCOME. TODAY IS SEPTEMBER 1 ST WORD OF THE DAY: CAPACIOUS, ADJ. HAVING A LOT OF SPACE INSIDE; ROOMY. YOU NEED YOUR JOURNAL, A YELLOW BOOK, AND SOMETHING WITH WHICH TO WRITE.

2. A ROUGH-COATED, DOUGH-FACED PLOUGHMAN STRODE THROUGH THE STREETS OF SCARBOROUGH, COUGHING AND HICCOUGHING THOUGHTFULLY. THERE IS NO EGG IN EGGPLANT, HAM IN HAMBURGER, APPLES NOR PINE IN PINEAPPLE. ENGLISH MUFFINS AREN'T ENGLISH, NOR ARE FRENCH FRIES FRENCH. SWEETMEATS ARE CANDIES, WHILE SWEETBREADS—WHICH AREN'T SWEET—ARE MEAT. QUICKSAND IS SLOW, BOXING RINGS ARE SQUARE, AND A GUINEA PIG IS NEITHER FROM GUINEA NOR A PIG!

3. GRAMMAR TUESDAY 1 A BRIEF HISTORY OF ENGLISH GRAMMAR. PRE-ENGLISH OLD ENGLISH (ANGLO-SAXON) MIDDLE ENGLISH MODERN ENGLISH AMERICAN ENGLISH WRITE THE BLACK TEXT.

4. PRE-ENGLISH  43 AD, THE ROMANS INVADE BRITAIN, TAKING OVER THE PEOPLE AT THIS TIME CALLED BRITONS, WHO SPEAK A PRECURSOR TO THE MODERN CELTIC LANGUAGES.  410 AD, THE FIRST GERMANIC TRIBES ARRIVE IN BRITAIN, SPEAKING EAST GERMAN.  5 TH CENTURY AD, THE ROMANS WITHDRAW, THE PICTS AND SCOTS FROM THE NORTH INVADE, AND MANY GERMAN TRIBES MOVE IN TO HELP THE CELTS: ANGLES, SAXONS, JUTES, FRISIANS, SPEAKING VARIANTS OF GERMAN. CELTS RETREAT TO DISTANT PARTS OF SCOTLAND, IRELAND, WALES, AND A FEW ISLANDS.

5. OLD ENGLISH  8 TH CENTURY AD, THE SAXON KINGS BEGIN CONVERTING TO CHRISTIANITY, AND THE FIRST MANUSCRIPT IN OLD ENGLISH (ALSO CALLED ANGLO-SAXON, BECAUSE IT IS A VARIANT ON THE LANGUAGES THESE TO GERMAN TRIBES BROUGHT WITH THEM, WITH A SMATTERING OF THE LOCAL LANGUAGES)  9 TH CENTURY AD, THE DANES COME, AND THE ANGLO-SAXONS AND THE DANES BEGIN TO MIX OLD NORSE WITH OLD ENGLISH. Fæder ure þu þe eart on heofonum Si þin nama gehalgod to becume þin rice gewurþe ðin willa on eorðan swa swa on heofonum.

6. MIDDLE ENGLISH 1066 AD, THE NORMANS INVADE FROM MODERN-DAY FRANCE, BRINGING WITH THEM THEIR LANGUAGE, A VARIANT OF OLD FRENCH. 1300-1500 AD, OLD ENGLISH CEASES TO BE WRITTEN, AND THE PRONUNCIATION STYLES CHANGE WITH THE ADVENT OF MANY LOANWORDS FROM FRENCH AND LATIN. Thane yschewes þe Emperour, armede at ryghtys, Arayede with his Romaynes appon ryche stedys; Sexty geauntes before, engenderide with fendez, With weches and warlaws to wacchen his tentys, Ayware whare he wendes, wyntres and eres.

7. MODERN ENGLISH  16 TH CENTURY AD, A TRANSLATION OF THE BIBLE IS INTRODUCED, AND MANY GREEK AND LATIN LOANWORDS ENTER ENGLISH  1586 AD, THE FIRST GRAMMAR OF ENGLISH IS PUBLISHED, RELYING HEAVILY ON THE LATIN FORMS.  1604 AD, THE FIRST ENGLISH DICTIONARY IS PUBLISHED.  1760-1795 AD, THE ENGLISH GRAMMARIANS, WHOSE RULE BOOKS, PRIMARILY BASED IN PRESCRIPTIVE NOTIONS OF GRAMMAR, BECOME INCREASINGLY POPULAR.

8. AMERICAN ENGLISH  1783 AD, NOAH WEBSTER PUBLISHES THE AMERICAN SPELLING BOOK  1789 AD, NOAH WEBSTER PUBLISHES DISSERTATIONS ON THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, WHICH ADVOCATES AN AMERICAN STANDARD OF USAGE.  19 TH CENTURY AD, A STANDARD VARIETY OF AMERICAN ENGLISH DEVELOPS.  1994 AD, TEXT MESSAGE AND BLOGS ARE INTRODUCED.  2004 AD, SOCIAL NETWORKING BECOMES A THING