Transaction Analysis By Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

Transaction Analysis By Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor

Transactional Analysis
P A P A Introduction Transactional Analysis Ego States Four Life Positions • Stroking Transactions • Change C C • • • •

What is Transactional Analysis?
A method of dealing with behavioral disorders Developed by Eric Berne who believed that the majority of our life experiences are recorded in our subconscious minds in an unaltered fashion and become a part of the way we behave The behavior is subconsciously designed to get reactions and determine how others feel about us.

Transactional Analysis Penfield, & Berne • Penfield’s Electrodes
• The Brain is a Recorder • Feelings are permanently locked to associated Experiences • People can exist in two states – in an Experience and Observing it • Recorded Experiences & Feelings can be Replayed & Relived • Ever hear music or conversations in your head? Ever felt déjà vu? C C

Transactional Analysis Penfield, & Berne • Eric Berne
• Transactional Analysis – social intercourse • Transactional Stimulus • Transactional Response • Ego states - Parent, Adult, Child • Four Life Positions • Time Structuring • The Goal is Autonomy • Release or recovery of: • Awareness • Spontaneity • Intimacy C C

P A P A Transactional Analysis • A Language of Psychology • A Model of Regularities for explaining why and how: • People think like they do • People act like they do • People interact/communicate with others like the do • A Tool - Parent, Adult, & Child • A new meaning against traditional ones • They all apply to every transaction • Normal people oscillate between them • Freedom of choice in communicating with people • Languaging – getting an idea from A to B is as important as getting an idea C C

P A P A Transactional Analysis • Structural Analysis • Individual personality • Transactional Analysis • What people do and say to one another • Game Analysis • Ulterior transactions leading to a payoff • Script Analysis • Specific life dramas compulsively played out C C

Structural analysis Natural child – spontaneous, impulsive, feeling oriented, self-centered & pleasure loving Adaptive child – compliant, conforms to the wishes & demands of parental figures

Nurturing parent - comforts, praises and helps others
Critical parent – finds faults, displays prejudices, disapproves and prevents others from feeling good about themselves A major goal is to figure out which ego state a person is using

Transactional analysis - Transactions between people are seen as having 3 levels: Complementary – both people are operating from the same ego state Crossed – the other person reacts from an unexpected ego state Ulterior – two ego states within the same person but one disguises the other

Game analysis - ulteriorly motivated transactions that appear complimentary on the surface but end in bad feelings: 1st Degree games – minor upset, played socially end up with minor discomfort 2nd Degree games – more intimate end up w/bad feelings 3rd Degree games - usually involve physical injury

Very few games have a positive or neutral outcome In these games, people play one of three positions: Victim Persecutor Rescuer

Script analysis – everyone develops a life script by age 5 & these scripts determine how one interacts with others based upon the interpretation of external events A negative life script occurs when the person receives lots of injunctions by the parents that used the word DON’T

Common negative life scripts: Never – one never gets to do what one wants Until – one must wait until a certain time or until something is done to be able to do something they want to do Always – one must continue to do what one has always done

After – a difficulty is expected after a certain event Open-ended – one does not know what to do after a given time Mini-scripts: Hurry up! Try harder! Be perfect! Be strong! Please someone! These drivers allow for temporary escape from life scripts

Transactional Analysis in Management
P A P A Transactional Analysis in Management C C • Simple Language Non-Threatening Self Analysis Existing Success in Organisations Built in Humour Appropriate for “Normal” People Useful at Work & Home Personality Theory simplified Motivation Theory simplified A Leadership Style A Training Tool An aid in dealing with Conflict Problems • • • • • • • • • •

Ego States Parent Does not mean responsible Adult Does not mean mature Child Does not mean childish

Ego States Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Parent
Father Mother Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Parent Child Adult

Parent Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Adult
Ego States Parent Adult Mother Father Child C Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Recording of Internal Events Felt Concept of Life C

Ego States Parent Recording of External Events birth to 5
Adult 10 months on Child C Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Recording of Data acquired & computed through exploration & testing Thought Concept of Life Recording of Internal Events Felt Concept of Life C

P A P A Ego States C C Critical Parent Nurturing Adapted Child Natural Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel Adult

Ego States Critical • Can’t you turn in a report on time just once?
Parent C • Can’t you turn in a report on time just once? • What? It takes 1 week to answer an ? • I’m surprised at you. The quality of this work is terrible. C

Ego States Nurturing • I’m only trying to help you
Parent C • I’m only trying to help you • Let me clean up that desk for you • You’ve done a good job C

Ego States Adult • What are the alternatives • Can’t we reach
P A P A Ego States Adult C • What are the alternatives • Can’t we reach some sort of agreement? • What consequences will this action have? C

Ego States Adapted • Anything you say sir. • Sorry, I’ll try to
Child C C • Anything you say sir. • Sorry, I’ll try to improve. • What would we do without you?

Ego States rule anyway • Forget about it. He is just the boss
P A P A Ego States C C • Nobody follows that rule anyway • Forget about it. He is just the boss • Let’s take off work today. Who wants to work Friday afternoon anyway? Natural Child

1. Parent Decisions Probability Estimating Ego States Exteropsychic
(archaic) C C Computer Decisions Probability Estimating 2. Data Bank (updated) 3.Child (archaic) Neopsychic Archeopsychic

Updated validated Parent data
Ego States Updated validated Parent data Updated Adult data Updated appropriate Child data C C Parent (archaic) Child P Computer DataBank A REALITY C

Ego States Parent Adult Adult Child Child Parent Parent Adult Child P

• We need all Ego States – dropping one
means 2/3 human potential • States, and not Roles • Realities • Unedited recordings • What the child understood at the time – differs from reality? • TA is like sorting your mind into drawers C C

Ego States – Parent Clues
• Physical • Furrowed brow, pursed lips, pointing finger, head wagging, horrified look, foot tapping, hands on hips, arms folded, wringing hands, tongue licking, sighing, patting another on the head, & other individual ones C C

Ego States – Parent Clues
• Verbal • Stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, shocking, lazy, poor thing, sonny, honey, ridiculous, disgusting, now what, not again, • How dare you? • I’m going to put a stop to this • I can’t for the life of me.. • Now always remember.. • If I were you.. • How many times.. • The use of “always” & “never” • The use of “should” & “ought” C C

Ego States – Child Clues
P A P A Ego States – Child Clues C C • Physical • Tears, quivering lips, pouting, temper tantrum, high pitched whining, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, downcast eyes, teasing, laughter, delight, hand raising, nail biting, squirming, giggling

Ego States – Child Clues
P A P A Ego States – Child Clues • Verbal • I wish, I want, I dunno, I don’t care, I guess, when I grow up, bigger, biggest, better, best, look no hands • Why, what, where, who, when, & how are the Adult operating in the little person C C

Ego States – Adult Clues
P A P A Ego States – Adult Clues • Physical • Continual movement of the face, eyes, body • Non movement is non listening – cultural? • Head tilted is listening with an angle • Adult allows the curious & excited child to show it’s face C C

Ego States – Adult Clues
P A P A Ego States – Adult Clues C C • Verbal • Why, what, where, who, when, & how • How much, in what way, true, false, comparative, probable, possible, unknown, objective, I think, I see, it is my opinion

P A P A Ego States • Parent • Prejudicial views (not based on logic or facts) on things such as: religion, dress, salespeople, traditions, work, products, money, raising children, companies • Nurturing views: sympathetic, caring views • Critical views: fault finding, judgmental, condescending views • Adult • Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on objective analysis of information (data, facts) • Make decisions based on logic, computations, probabilities, etc., not emotion • Child on child-like emotions, impulses, feelings we have experienced • Child-like examples: impulsive, self-centered, angry, fearful, happy, pleasure seeking, rebellious, curious, eager to please C C

Ego States • All are present • All have value
C C • All are present • All have value • Child – intuition, creativity, spontaneous drive, enjoyment • Adult – survival, dealing with the world, mediate Parent & Child • Parent – parent of children, automatic responses One is usually dominant Different States for different communications Different States for different people Message sent and received from different States How people say something (what others hear) is just as important as what is said • Parent runs on ‘old tapes’ – 20+ years old • • • • •

Four Life Positions I’m not OK You’re OK You’re not OK • - • - •
I’m OK - You’re not OK You’re OK -

Four Life Positions • I’m not OK - You’re OK
A P A Four Life Positions C C • I’m not OK You’re OK • Every Child – even happy childhood ones • Happens around the age of 2 – first 3 positions • Happens due to on & off Stroking • This position has hope as there is Stroking from the You’re OK position • The first understanding or equilibrium • Built on the appraisals of others • If this is not confirmed or settled it give rise to the next 2 positions • Unless changed to the 4th position it remains lifelong • People do not shift back and forth • The first 3 positions are non verbal – conclusions vs. the 4th position of explanation • Results in “Mine is Bigger” game for relief of this unjust position • I’m not OK comes from Adaptive Child • However, everyone is born OK – a baby is in fact perfect

• I’m not OK - You’re not OK
P A P A Four Life Positions • I’m not OK - You’re not OK Slowing Stroking and Increasing Punishments Longs to be an infant again Loses interest in living In Autism this may be the first position Possibly 1% C C • • • • •

Four Life Positions • I’m OK - You’re not OK Abused child
I’m OK comes from being OK when alone Strikes back when older No matter what they do the fault is with Others • Will not believe future Strokes from others, as are Not OK • The ultimate expression here is Homicide • 4% of Cases, two facing each other a big problem • • • •

Four Life Positions • I’m OK - You’re OK
A P A Four Life Positions C C • I’m OK - You’re OK • People live out their positions • The 4th position is the only real way forward – only Hope • It is a Position not a Feeling • Includes infinitely greater amount of data than the others • Includes experiences and things not yet experienced • The only Conscious and Verbal Position • The only Proactive (not Reactive) Position • Cannot Guarantee instant OK feelings but can switch off Feelings from past Positions • First 3 is Why? 4th is Why Not? • Can accept uncertainty unlike the other 3 - rationalise • We can change – Thinking is separate from Cause & Effect • Data Processing Order – Parent, Child, Adult • Goal is the Emancipated Adult – Freedom to Choose

Four Life Positions You Me -ve Adaptive Child Get Away From
OK I’m not ok, you’re ok -ve Adaptive Child Get Away From Introjective Position I’m not ok, you’re not ok -ve Adaptive Child & Critical Parent Get nowhere Futility Position I’m ok, you’re ok All states +ve Get on with Ideal Position I’m ok, you’re not ok -ve Critical Parent Get rid of Projective Position You Not OK Me OK

Four Life Positions • About oneself – Higher is Adult, lower is Child
I can think for myself I’m worth knowing I’m stupid I’m worthless • About others – Higher is Adult, lower is Parent People can be trusted Everyone has good points People are bad Everyone is incompetent • • • • • • • •

Four Life Positions • You’re OK for children comes from Stroking
A P A Four Life Positions C C • You’re OK for children comes from Stroking • I’m Not OK is also with happy children; happy children = parents unconditional love • Knowing the positions does not mean feeling OK; but you can make bad feelings go away • I’m OK does not mean I’m perfect • Treat a person the way they are and they will become worse; treat them as their potential and they will be as they should be

Stroking • Positive Strokes • Negative Strokes • Conditional Strokes
Need Solitude Comfort Zone Need Strokes • The types of Strokes you seek depend on your Okayness • No Strokes is the worst • The worst punishment in Prisons is Solitary Confinement

Stroking • Positive Strokes
A P A Stroking C C • Positive Strokes • Praise, complements, recognition, affection, rewards, sympathy, consolation, self-satisfaction from job well done • Negative Strokes • Put-downs, criticism, degrading, ridicule, scolding, punishment, discounting • Conditional Strokes • Strokes with Ulterior Motives • Strokes given for what you do, rather than for what you are: • Performance oriented strokes • Accommodation & conformity oriented strokes

Stroking • Physical from parents, partners
• Psychological from teachers, friends, partners, acquaintances, managers • Physical Strokes early in life move to Psychological Strokes later • Positive for Being • “Morning, Karen. Morning, John, you’re looking very smart.” • Positive for Doing • “This report is excellent.” • Negative for Being • “Why are you so unhelpful ?” • Negative for Doing • “You’re late again.”

Stroking • Maslow lists ‘optimum stimulation’ with food &
C C • Maslow lists ‘optimum stimulation’ with food & water as a primary need • Stoking mostly comes from people – charity baskets do not fill hungry hearts • We will get Strokes one way or another – like in the case of starvation • Most common way getting strokes is Games • One source is reliving Stroking from the past – think of a hobby & it will mostly connect to someone • People entering a room always have a question: “How do I get Strokes around here” • Some people need more than others • Scientists may need only one a year

Stroking • Stroking is needed and seeked daily by most of us
P A P A Stroking C C • Stroking is needed and seeked daily by most of us • Relationships get reliable Stroking • Need to see the whole person to be able to give Positive Strokes – specially the Child • However beware of “Peda Throwing” • While we give Strokes, understand that others also ‘need’ to give Strokes • People in grief do not need advice or material – they need you • Listening is one of the biggest strokes

Stroking - Relationships
Children Parent Friend C C Spouse Me Etc. Colleague Etc. Etc.

Stroking - Forms Eye Contact Listen Ask Questions Use Names
look to validate Listen empathically at the other person’s pace Ask Questions keeping the other in mind Use Names to validate the individual Give Yourself Away risk a real conversation or encounter Be A Rewarder thank you, letters, compliments – do it today

Stroking - Forms 7. Carry an Address Book, Postcard, & Pen
never lose travel or waiting time 8. Plan spontaneous things happen to planners 9. Don’t Allow Discounting reinstate a hello or other transaction 10. Loosen Up humour diffuses any situation (kiss kid) 11. Doers Do, and Tryers Try new feelings only come out of action 12. Don’t Be Over Numerous in Your Intentions one call vs. a list of 99 that you will call in the year

Transactions 1 Parent Parent Adult Adult Child Child 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Complimentary Crossed Ulterior
Transactions Complimentary Crossed C C Ulterior Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Non Verbal Psychological Level Social Level Expected Response No Conflict Produce Conflict Stop Communication Hurt Feelings

Transactions - Complementary
Appropriate & Expected response Parallel communication arrows No Conflict Communication continues C C • • • • Parent Adult Child 2. Parent Adult Child What time do you have? I’ve got 11:15 Parent Adult Child 2. Parent Adult Child You’re late again I’m sorry, it won’t happen again 1. 1.

P A P A Transactions C C Critical Parent Nurturing Adapted Child Natural Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Don’t Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel Adult

Transactions - Crossed
P A P A Transactions - Crossed Not Appropriate & not Expected response Crossed communication arrows • Communication breakdown Conflict C C • • • Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child What time do you have? The clock is on the wall for you to see Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child You’re late again I know, I had a flat tire 1. 1. 2. 2.

Transactions - Ulterior
P A P A Transactions - Ulterior C C • Disguised Communication Non Verbal communication arrows May or may not be in conflict May or may not be communication breakdown • • • Angular Duplex Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child 1. The Sale ends tomorrow I’ll have one of those 1. Please come into my office I’m a little busy right now 2. 2.

Transactions • Direct or Indirect
P A P A Transactions • Direct or Indirect • Speaking so a third person can overhear • I wonder if the boss knows that he is upsetting people • Straightforward of Diluted • Half hostile and half affectionate • Hey genius, when are you going to finish this book? • Intense or Weak • Superficial or lack of feeling • Whatever you say • Gallows Transactions • Amusement at a persons misfortune • Reinforces negative behaviour • Losers game C C

Transactions - Differences
P A P A Transactions - Differences C C • We differ in 2 ways • Content of Parent, Adult, & Child • Function of Parent, Adult, & Child • Contamination • Exclusion • Ideally Parent, Adult, & Child should be separate • Smooth transitions between the three • Too rigid means slow people • Too fast means unpredictable

Differences - Contamination
P A P A Transactions Differences - Contamination C C Parent birth to 5 Prejudice (parents beliefs) Adult 10 months on Child Delusion (grounded in fear) Hallucination (abuse as child) birth to 5 Decontaminate your Adult

Differences - Exclusion
P P Transactions Differences - Exclusion A C A C Parent Adult • Parent contaminated Adult with blocked out Child • A person who cannot play • Unhappy and controlled childhood Child

Differences - Exclusion
P P Transactions Differences - Exclusion Parent Adult with blocked • Child contaminated out Parent • A person without a conscience Adult • Extremely brutal Parents • No remorse Child • Can be a Psychopath A C A C

Differences - Exclusion Parent
Transactions Differences - Exclusion Parent • Blocked out or decommissioned Adult • Out of touch with reality A C A C • Conflicting info gives up on being Adult • Psychotic • Can be Manic- Depressive Child

Differences - Programming
Transactions Differences - Programming Adult using Parent Programming Parent Adult C Adult rejecting Parent or Child C Parent Adult Child Programming Child Parent Adult Child Adult using Child Programming

Transactions • Being in one State evokes a response
from a Complimentary State – Child evokes Parent • In a Conflict, first compliment the other’s State and then move both to Adult • Discounting is a big crossed transaction • Ulterior happens when one is hiding the Parent or Child • TA encourages Honesty vs. Ulterior

Transactions - Tips at Work
• How I see them: themselves: • How they see • Boss: Critical Parent • Boss: Nurturing Parent • Peers: Nurturing • Peers: Adults Parents • Support Staff: • Support Staff: Most Mostly consider Natural Children, themselves Adults some Adapted except some admit to being Natural Children, few Adults Children C C

Transactions - Tips at Work
• Try mostly to keep Adult to Adult • Do not get your Parent or Child “Hooked” • Do divert into Natural Child to Natural Child sometimes • Holidays, sport, music, etc • Don’t get into Critical Parent to Adaptive Child • “You haven’t given me any reason for…” • Nor Nurturing Parent to Adaptive Child • “If I were your boss, I would agree…” • “I agree, threshold assessment is nonsense” • Certainly, don’t do Adaptive Child to Nurturing Parent (with a hidden third party Critical Parent) • “I’m sorry I have to ask this, but the …. demands it” • Nor Critical Parent to Critical Parent • “I agree, young people today are illiterate”

• What makes People Want to Change?
• Pain • They are hurt sufficiently • They have invested in the same slot machines without any returns for a long time • They are severely ill and want relief • Boredom • “So what” becomes “there is more to life than this” • Enlightenment • I’m OK – You’re OK is the only Proactive Position to initiate change C C

Change • We are not helpless even though we feel we are
• When we are responsible (response able) then we can change • If we are part of the problem then we can be part of the answer • We cannot change others; others change only when we change ourselves – start with yourself

Change - Requirements • Wanting comes first
P A P A Change - Requirements C C • Wanting comes first • Requires Child participation – Want instead of Have To • Positives work, negatives don’t • New Year’s don’ts – replace with something first • Dos are exhilarating, don’ts are depriving • Have a Reward in sight • Continuous ones – not only a big one at the end • A new Internal Model • If parents are not good enough pick & be another • We change a little at a time • Small change over time becomes large (airplane 1 deg) • Record your Gains • The Child likes to see progress - proof

• Change produces Loss as well as Gain
Change - Requirements • Change produces Loss as well as Gain • We feel Loss before Gain • Freedom & Responsibility is related • Have Options • Nothing in life is sure • Otherwise you will go back • Get Help • One and Only, None and Lonely • Be shown where to look, not what to see – magic answers • TA does not work, you do • The Power of a Habit • Time saving • Energy repeatedly applied or we do the old way C C

Change - Requirements • Energy • Energy creates new Habit pathways
• Change takes energy – see Stress situations • Avoid too many changes at once • Concentrate it (10 units of energy on cake) • Energy comes from people – strokes

Honey, Have You Seen My Car Keys?
Harry and Wilma are husband and wife. One morning, Harry is running late for work and can’t find his car keys. When he asks for Wilma’s assistance in finding them, they eventually get into an argument. Who’s fault was it?

Don’t Grump At Me One summer evening recently, a lady walks into a restaurant of a well-known national chain. She places an order after waiting in line for another lady friend and four kids who are with her. After receiving her food, she discovers she did not get everything she ordered. She returns to the counter and complains, “First, I have to wait and wait to place my order. Then, you mess it up on top of that.” Robbie, who had taken her order makes a mistake in responding to the complaint. What did Robbie do? What should Robbie have done?

There’s A ‘Good’ Farmer
Luke’s father would often take the family for a drive around the countryside after supper on Sunday. His father liked to look at other farms. Luke’s father would sometimes say, “He’s a good farmer” when driving by a farm. What was the basis for his father’s conclusion?

Well It Worked the Last Time
Charlene had a very successful sales call when she called on Herman. She had ‘tons’ of information and Herman was seemingly interested in every detail, every number, every fact. When she gave the same presentation on her next stop with Paul it backfired. What went wrong and why?

Some Selling Implications of TA
Develop an adaptive selling strategy for ‘parent’, ‘adult’, ‘child’ customers ‘Best’ communication exchange for selling? Remember to respond in ‘complementary’ manner Most effective selling involves adult to adult Strokes, or positive interactions, important Verbal (e.g. hello, compliment) Touch (handshake, pat on back) A gift Listening

Being a ‘Response Able’ Salesperson
Recognize you cannot control another’s behavior, but you can affect their behavior by the way you respond to them. Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts. Keep things in perspective Don’t sweat small stuff Give it test of time Ask if it’s happened before Distinguish what can be changed from what can’t Focus on haves vs. have nots Have realistic expectations Life is not fair or perfect Bad (good) things happen, usually don’t last forever Things don’t always go according to plan People don’t always act as you’d like (remember ego state explanations, people have ‘bad’ days, etc.)

Dealing with Difficult Customers
Keep ‘adult’ ego state in control of yourself. Don’t get defensive, argumentative, emotional. Don’t take it personally. Move cautiously, stay cool, remember complementary transactions and strokes. Do not need to take continued abuse. If handled well (e.g. didn’t embarrass customer, allowed them to take something out on you), can turn out to be positive later.

Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis
When a relationship is right, details are negotiable; When tension is high, details become obstacles.

Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis
Rule #1: The customer is never wrong. Rule #2: If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.

Summary Transactional Analysis Ego States Four Life Positions • Stroking Transactions • Change • • • •

Summary 3. Be in your Adult !!! There are many lessons here….
The first three are: 1. Be in your Adult ! 2. Be in your Adult !! 3. Be in your Adult !!!

Recommended Readings 1. I’m OK, You’re OK Dr. Thomas Harris
P A P A Recommended Readings 1. I’m OK, You’re OK Dr. Thomas Harris 2. Staying OK 3. Games People Play Dr. Eric Berne C C • • •

Transaction Analysis By Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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