Its bad to think well of myself… I cant be happy unless a certain condition – like success, money, love, approval, or perfect achievement – is met…
Ineffective Paradigms I cant feel worthwhile unless a certain condition is met. I am entitled to happiness (or success, health, self-respect, pleasure, love) without having to work for it. One day when I make it, Ill have friends and be able to enjoy myself. Work should be hard and in some way unpleasant. Joy is only gained through hard work. I am inadequate…
Continuing… Worrying insures that I will be prepared to face and solve problems. So the more I worry, the better. Life should be easy. I cant enjoy it if there is problems. The past makes me unhappy. There is no way around it. Theres a perfect solution and I must find it. If people disapprove of me, it means I am inferior, wrong, or no good. If I try hard enough, all people will like me. If I try hard enough, my future will be happy and trouble free… Life muse be fair. It doesnt matter anyway – translated…I dont matter.
The I Am… Not… List 10 Afraid… List 10 Working on…
Injunctions What decisions have you made up about the program… What story did you make up about the event? You attach the meaning… There is no inherent significance in ANYTHING!
Dont make mistakes! Possible decisions: I am scared of making the wrong decision, so I simply wont decide. Because I made a dumb choice, I wont decide on anything ever again. I better be perfect if I hope to be accepted
Dont Be The basic message – I wish you hadnt been born… Possible decisions: I will keep trying until I get you to love me If things get terrible, I will kill myself
Dont be close Related to Dont trust and Dont love Possible decisions: I loved once and it backfired – never again! Because it is scary to get close, Ill keep myself distant.
Dont be Important If you are constantly discounted when you speak… Possible decision: If, by chance, I ever do become important, Ill play down my accomplishments…
Dont be a child… Always act adult, dont be childish and make a fool of yourself – keep control of yourself Possible decisions: Ill take care of others and wont ask much of myself. I wont let myself have fun.
Dont grow… This message is given by the frightened parent who discourages the child from growing up in many ways… Possible decisions: Ill stay a child, and that way I will get my parents to approve of me… I wont be sexual, and that way my Father wont punish and push me away.
Dont succeed… Possible decisions: Ill never do anything perfect enough, so why try? Ill succeed, even if it kills me. If I dont succeed, then I will not have to live up to high expectations others have for me.
Dont be you… This involves suggesting to children that they are the wrong sex, shape, size, color, or have ideas or feelings that are unacceptable to parental figures… Possible decisions: They would love me only if I were a boy (girl), so its impossible to get their love. I will pretend to be a boy (girl).
Dont be sane/Dont be well Possible decisions I will get sick and then I will be included I am crazy.
Dont Belong… This injunction may indicate that a family feels that the child does not belong anywhere… Possible decisions: Ill be a loner forever… I will never belong anywhere…
Alcoholic Families Dont Talk Dont Trust Dont Feel Translates to future relationships Programs very powerful Manifested later in life