1. Student Aspects, Summer Follow up, and The Crucible evaluations.
Writing comments, improvements
and suggestions

2. Read and follow instructions!
It sounds simple, elementary even, but many student lose points by failing to follow the instructions.

3. General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA
this is an advanced English class; work should be presented using correct grammar and solid writing skills
essays and paragraphs should be titled
write in third person (never use second unless in quotation; first is allowable only when noted)
a paragraph needs a topic sentence; an essay needs a thesis statement

4. General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA continued
discuss literature in the present tense
when responding to a prompt regarding literature with a paragraph or essay, always introduce the author (full name) and title—later the author may be referred to by his last name
titles of major works (like The Crucible) are italicized or underlined (in-class writing); minor works are placed in quotations
avoid absolutes—always, never, etcetera

5. General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA continued
do not write “I believe,” “I think,” “I feel,” etcetera—if a writer is sharing someone else’s ideas, parenthetical citation will give credit; otherwise all statements are considered the author’s
what is written in English class (with very few exceptions) is formal—avoid contractions, symbols, and abbreviations

6. General Writing Requirements for Miller’s English IIIA
write legibly—it’s wrong if Ms. Miller can’t make it out
avoid careless errors—the title of the play should be spelled correctly—it’s on the test; ditto for characters’ names; do not call a play a novel, etcetera

7. Easy Grammatical Fixes
NEVER place a single comma between a subject and its verb
NEVER place a colon immediately after a be verb
Many rules of English grammar have exceptions: these do not—memorize them

8. Aspects of Literature
its’ is not a word it’s = the contraction of it is its = the possesive of it

9. Aspects of Literature
Use present tense to discuss literature as well as film and television. Student error: “A plot-twist is an unforeseen sudden change in the plot of which the reader did not expect. Rod Sterling’s The Twilight Zone was notorious for including plot twists at the end of the episodes. What is wrong?

10. Aspects of Literature
“A plot-twist is an unforeseen sudden change in the plot of which the reader did not expect. Rod Sterling’s The Twilight Zone was notorious for including plot twists at the end of the episodes.
Wording: “unforeseen sudden”
Past tense: “did not expect” and “was”
Improvement: Plot twists offer unforeseen changes. Notoriously, Rod Sterling’s The Twilight Zone includes plot twists to conclude episodes.

11. Aspects of Literature
“There” statements: Expletives are words or phrases which add nothing to sentences. The most commonly utilized expletives in student writing are there statements (there is, there are, there have been, there was, there were, etc.)

12. Aspects of Literature “There” statements continued
There statements weaken prose. Ridding papers of there statements offers the fastest way to strengthen weak writing.
Good news: it is fairly easy to rid writing of there statements.
Offer: anytime a student is writing in/for my class and can’t think of anything to write but a there statement, he should ask for help. I will help the student eliminate it and learn to do so himself

13. Aspects of Literature
“There” statements continued Student example “There are millions of books in the world, but only a select few are chosen to become part of the elite, the classics.”

14. Aspects of Literature
“There” statements continued “There are millions of books in the world, but only a select few are chosen to become part of the elite, the classics.” Improvement: Despite millions of books world wide, only a select few find elite status: the classics.

15. Summer Follow Up
Run-on sentences (r/o) A major issue which shows up again and again in student writing is run-on sentences. In order to correct run-on sentences, students must understand dependent and independent clauses.

16. Summer Follow Up Run-on sentences cont. Clauses
Clause: a group of words with a subject and a verb
Dependent (aka subordinate) clause: a clause that can’t stand alone as a sentence (contains a subject and a verb but not a complete thought)
Independent clause: a clause that can stand alone as a sentence (complete thought)

17. Summer Follow Up
Run-on sentences cont. Another aid in eliminating run-on sentences is an understanding of sentence types.

18. Summer Follow Up Run-on sentences cont.
Simple sentence: a sentence containing only one independent clause
Compound sentence: a sentence containing two or more independent clauses

19. Summer Follow Up Run-on sentences cont.
Complex sentence: a sentence containing one independent clause and at least one dependent clause
Compound/complex sentence: a sentence containing at least one dependent clause and two (or more) independent clauses

20. Summer Follow Up
Run-on sentences—punctuating independent clauses Two independent clauses may be written as two separate sentences—utilize a period and a capital letter to correct. Two independent clauses may be divided with a comma and a coordinating conjunction (and, but, so, etc.). Two independent clauses may be separated by a semicolon.

21. Summer Follow Up Run-on sentences—punctuating independent clauses
Two independent clauses may be separated by semicolon, a conjunctive adverb (however, therefore, moreover, nonetheless, etc.), and a comma.
Two independent clauses may be separated by a colon if the first introduces a second clause which modifies the first. (This usage occurs infrequently—do not force!)

22. Summer Follow Up
Student example: “She doesn’t feel as if her life is missing much, she doesn’t need all the comforts of Western society.” What causes the run-on sentences above? How can the error be corrected?

23. Summer Follow Up
Run-on sentences cont. “She doesn’t feel as if her life is missing much, she doesn’t need all the comforts of Western society.” “. . . much. She. . ..” “. . . much, and she ” “. . . much; she ” “. . . much; moreover, she ”

24. The Crucible Evaluation Question 7
Is The Crucible chiefly concerned with religion, morality, history, or justice? Select one and defend the selection with two-to-four sentences of logical support.

25. Question 7 - Student Response
This student receive 5/5 for the response. The main concern of The Crucible is morality and the irony of what some people believe to be good morals. This is illustrated in the fact that people with the best morals are the ones that die for it because they refuse to lie after being accused. Also, the people who mistakenly have bad morals, such as the court, are the ones who condemn those with good morals.

26. Question 7 – Student Response
What is good?
Follows instructions
Provides thoughtful and logical commentary
Answers question
What could be improved?
pronoun issues
fewer be verbs; more action verbs

27. The Paragraphs
The instructions: select three of the following and discuss in a well-developed (approximately seven-to-twelve sentences), MLA formatted, third person, present tense paragraph.

28. The Paragraphs Identify and discuss a major irony in The Crucible.
A prompt
Identify and discuss a major irony in The Crucible.

29. Student Example
In Arthur Miller’s the Crucible, there are several examples of irony throughout the novel. Back in the late seventeenth century, people were very superstitious and the littlest thing out of the ordinary would raise confusion. Salem goes into ruins because no one is there to take care of anything. While trying to save Salem from witches, they ultimately lead to the ruin of their village. (continued next slide)

30. Student Example continued
With liveston running amuck, rotting crops lay in the fields, and children left uncared for, Salem was left in a shadow of its former self. What they did to Salem was worse than what they were trying to protect it from.
What is good about this response?
What about this response needs improvement?

31. Student Example Positives
Some knowledge of history and play is demonstrated
Introduces title and author’s full name
Discusses an irony (although it is never labeled as such)

32. Student Example Negatives
Discusses literature in the past tense
Some questionable word choice
Comma splice
Run-on sentence
“there” statement
Ends paragraph with a preposition
Calls play a novel
Salem exists today, so the witch trials did not cause its ruin
Lack of clarity (“liveston”)?

33. Student Example
One major irony in The Crucible reflects on Puritan values. A citizen may be openly accused of witchcraft with little or no proof. The courts have been created in such a way that somebody accused of witchcraft is nearly automatically sentenced to death. Escaping this fate is only possible by confessing to the crime, whether or not the “perpetrator” is guilty. (continued on next slide)

34. Student Example continued
This means, for an innocent person, they must confess to being a witch/warlock to live. One would think the Puritans would wish to persecute confessed dealers with Satan, not free them! This ironic, religious value defines a crisis in The Crucible.
What is good here?
What here needs improvement?

35. Student Examples Positive
responds to prompt (discusses an irony)
follows instructions (7-12 sentences, present tense, third person)
seems knowledgeable about play and time period (Puritan community)
understands irony
clear and confident voice

36. Student Example Negatives
no introduction of author
pronoun/antecedent agreement error
uses “one” to avoid first/second person
comma issues
occasional awkward wording
Underlining?

37. The Paragraphs
Same instructions: select three of the following and discuss in a well-developed (approximately seven-to-twelve sentences), MLA formatted, third person, present tense paragraph.

38. The Second Prompt
Consider the deleted scene, Act 2, Scene 2. Discuss how the scene might have changed the play and why Miller might have decided to remove it.

39. Student Example
In Aurthor Miller’s The Crucible, the deleted scene, Act 2, Scene 2, is open to interpretation. One reason it may have been taken out is the difference in the characters’ emotions. John Proctor is seen as almost a “bad guy” because his relationship with Abby is more developed here and it shows that
(continued on next slide)

40. Student Example Continued
John still is leading her on a little and showing the relationship still exists. In the rest of the play, Proctor looks like he totally regrets the relationship and treats Abby hatefully, contrasting to this scene. Continually, Miller may have decided that he didn’t want the reader to feel sympithetic to Abby because of (continued on next slide)

41. Student Example Continued
Proctor’s treatment of her. Miller may have wanted Abby to look justified in her constant struggle to win Proctor over. Finally, it is possible that Miller simply didn’t like the flow of the play with Act 2, Scene 2, included a decided to take it out. Miller’s reasoning to vague & unknown, but the play runs just smoothly without the scene as with.

42. Consideration
What is good here?
What here needs improvement?

43. Student Example Positives
Introduces play and author (although spelled incorrectly)
Uses present tense
Utilizes third person
Title set off appropriately

44. Student Example Negatives
Awkward word choice at times Spelling Misreading of play suggested (Proctor does not treat Abby hatefully in Act 1) Support needed (example: how might the deleted scene make Abby look justified or the audience gain sympathy) Proof reading—too many errors/concerns, even for an in-class write Sentence structure

45. Student Example
In the play The Crucible, Arthoir [spelling unclear on student copy] Miller origianally had a scene in Act 2 in which Proctor confronts Abigail on everything she is doing, but Miller later excluded that scene from the play. If Miller had kept the scene in the play, the viewers would see a different side of Abigail and may have a different perspective on her than without the scene. (continued on next slide)

46. Student Example Continued
In the scene, it becomes more and more obvious that there is something wrong with Abigail. She goes off on rants about people in Salem and how they are all hypocrites, and she still believes that John Proctor wants his wife dead so he can be with Abigail, even though he tries to tell her forcefully that he loves his wife and doesn’t want Abigail. It becomes clear that Abigail has
(continued on next slide)

47. Student Example Continued
something wrong with her through the stage notes when it says Proctor begins to see her madness. This scene softens Abigail’s character because it shows she’s crazy, and viewers may feel sympathy toward her. The sympathy for her is not wanted because she is the main antagonist in the play. Miller might not want that feeling toward her because it would soften the whole take of the play.

48. Student Example
What here is good?
What here needs improvement?

49. Student Example Positives
Introduces title and author (possible spelling error)
Seems thoughtful
Minimal grammatical errors
Knowledge of play and characters demonstrated
Responds to prompt
Shows knowledge of literary devices

50. Student Example Negatives
Spelling
Word choice (more variety needed)
Sentence structure occasionally awkward
“there” statement
Seems redundant at times
Fails to set off title appropriately