Georgia H.S. Writing Test (GHSWT). 2 How the Writing Assessment is Scored ANALYTIC Scoring Four domain of writing are scored –Ideas –Organization –Style.

Georgia H.S. Writing Test (GHSWT)

2 How the Writing Assessment is Scored ANALYTIC Scoring Four domain of writing are scored –Ideas –Organization –Style –Conventions Papers receive a score of 1-5 in each domain. Domains scores are weighted and added together to determine the raw score. The raw score is converted to a scale score which is reported to the school/student.

3 Weighting of Domains Weighting means that the scores in some writing domains will be given more weight than others in determining the total score that a student receives. Scoring Domain Domain Weight% of total score Ideas2 x raters’ scores40% Organization1 x raters’ scores20% Style1 x raters’ scores20% Conventions1 x raters’ scores20%

Introduction: Scoring Information4 Domain Score to Total Weighted Raw Score Conversion Domain Scores Total Weighted Raw Score Ideas (x 2) Org. (x 1) Style (x 1) Conv. (x 1) Rater 1 Rater 2 1111 1111 1111 1111 10 Rater 1 Rater 2 2222 2222 2222 2222 20 Rater 1 Rater 2 3333 3333 3333 3333 30 Rater 1 Rater 2 4444 4444 4444 4444 40 Rater 1 Rater 2 5555 5555 5555 5555 50 The following table indicates the total weighted raw scores for several domain score combinations. Two raters score each student paper, assigning a score of 1-5 in each of the four domains. The range of total weighted raw scores is 10 – 50.

5 Raw Score to Scale Score Conversion Raw ScoresScale Scores 10100 X200 X250 50350 Does Not Meet Meets the Standard Exceeds the Standard

6 Performance Level Descriptors for GHSWT Does Not Meet the Standard (100 – 199) Writing samples that do not meet the standard demonstrate limited focus on the assigned topic or persuasive purpose and may lack an introduction or conclusion. The writer’s position may be unclear. Development is minimal, and ideas are listed rather than developed. Ideas may not be grouped appropriately, and transitions may be limited. The writing shows little awareness of audience or reader concerns. Word choice and sentences are simple and/or repetitive. The writer’s voice is inconsistent or not apparent. Frequent errors in sentence formation, usage, and mechanics may interfere with or obscure meaning. Demonstration of competence may be limited by the brevity of the response. Meets the Standard (200 – 249) Writing samples that meet the standard are generally focused on the assigned topic and persuasive purpose and contain a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The writer’s position is clear and sufficiently developed. Supporting ideas are developed with some examples and details, and the writer addresses some reader concerns. Supporting ideas are presented in a generally clear sequence. Related ideas are grouped together and connected with some transitions. Word choice is generally engaging, and there is some variation in sentence length and structure. The writer’s voice is clear, and the writing shows awareness of the audience. Sentence formation, usage, and mechanics are generally correct, and errors do not interfere with meaning. The text is of sufficient length to demonstrate effective writing skills. Exceeds the Standard (250-350) Writing samples that exceed the standard are consistently focused on the assigned topic, persuasive purpose, and audience, and have an effective introduction, body, and conclusion. The writer’s position is well developed, and the validity of the writer’s position is established. Supporting ideas are fully elaborated with specific examples and details that fully address readers’ concerns and/or counterarguments. The main points of the argument are logically grouped and sequenced within paragraphs and across parts of the paper. Varied transitional elements are used to connect ideas. Word choice is varied and precise throughout the response, and sentences are varied in length and structure. The writer’s voice is distinctive, and the writer demonstrates sustained attention to the audience in the introduction, body, and conclusion. Sentence formation, usage, and mechanics are consistently correct in a variety of contexts. Errors are minor and infrequent. The text is of sufficient length to demonstrate effective writing skills in a variety of contexts.

7 Persuasive Writing

Genres: Persuasive Writing8 Defining Persuasive Writing Persuasive Writing: Writing that has as its purpose convincing others to accept the writer’s position as valid, adopt a certain point of view, or take some action. Method: Provides logical appeals, emotional appeals, facts, statistics, narrative anecdotes, humor, and/or the writer’s personal experiences and knowledge.

9 Objectives for Persuasive Writers Shape the reader’s attitude on a topic the reader hasn’t thought much about Reinforce existing attitudes to make readers feel more strongly Reverse attitudes they want the reader to abandon –Persuade them to like something which they don’t like now –Convince them that a problem exists which they may not know about From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

10 Awareness of the Persuasive Purpose Demonstrating Awareness of the Persuasive Purpose Establishes a clear position on the issue Provides relevant supporting ideas Selects convincing details and examples appropriate to the audience assigned in the writing prompt Uses specific rhetorical devices to support assertions Addresses readers’ concerns, counterclaims, biases, and expectations

11 Reader Concerns in Persuasive Writing Reader Concerns are the expectations a reader brings to a piece of writing. General reader concerns: Readers have a need for enough information to understand the writer’s purpose and message. A reader should be able to pick up a paper without knowing the assigned prompt or assigned genre and be able to identify the writer’s purpose. A reader should be able to tell if he/she is reading a report, an argument, or a narrative. Specific reader concerns: Reader concerns will vary based on the task assigned in the writing topic. For persuasive writing, reader concerns often involve the other possible points of view on an issue.

12 Counter Argument Anticipates and acknowledges opposing points of view Responds to alternative points of view with respect, but at the same time shows that there is a better way Supporting ideas develop both the writer’s and the reader’s point of view

13 Types of Arguments Arguments from the heart –Appeal to readers emotions and feelings Evoking anger, sympathy,,fear, happiness, envy. Love Arguments based on values –Ask readers to live up to highest values by complaining they are not doing so. Aligning your cause with values your readers hold Arguments based on character –Readers tend to believe writers who seem honest and trustworthy Sounding sincere, open-minded, knowledgeable Referring to common experiences Building common ground Respecting readers Arguments based on facts and reason –Offer factual evidence for every claim made Writing with the skeptical reader in mind Clarifying the issue for the reader From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

14 Arguments from the Heart: Emotional Appeals Embarrass readers into contributing to a good cause: “Change a child’s life for the price of a pizza.” Make readers feel the impact of their gift: “Imagine the smile on that little child’s face.” (compassion) Tell readers a moving story: “In a tiny village in Central America…” Use guilt: “Because of this, you owe it to them.” Use patriotism: “All good Americans do this…” Use greed: “There’s a payoff in this for you too!” Use pride/ego: “You’re the only one who could do this for us.” From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

15 Arguments Based on Values Typically compare what is and what ought to be. –A person or group does not live up to current values –Past values were better or nobler than current ones. –Future values can be better or worse than current ones. From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

16 Arguments Based on Character Establish authority by drawing on personal experience Be honest about who you are and what you do or do not know Acknowledge other perspectives or point of view on the topic Presenting your ideas clearly and fairly will improve your credibility. Making people laugh will make them like you. From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

17 Arguments Based on Facts and Reason Furnishing detailed evidence for every claim made in an argument Facts make strong arguments May employ the writer’s personal experiences From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

18 Combination Arguments For the GHSWT, arguments don’t have to follow a single pattern. Writers may use a combination of all types of arguments. By making students aware of these four types, you provide them with: – More possibilities for generating supporting ideas during the GHSWT. –A deeper understanding of how the persuasive writer can interact with his/her audience.

Genre Considerations 19 Students are expected to write a response that is appropriate to the assigned genre. Genre is thought of in terms of the purpose rather than the format of the response. When deciding whether a sample is appropriate to the assigned genre the extent to which the writer addresses the persuasive purpose of the prompt is considered, rather than simply the format in which it is written.

Genre 20 A response to a persuasive topic may contain extensive factual information about an item to help the reader understand why it is desirable. Even if parts of the paper read like an information piece, the details about the item serve as support for the writers position. Likewise, the writer could include an extended narrative to illustrate what life is like without the item. The details in the story may reveal why the item is so important. Therefore the response does address the persuasive purpose in that the story contains compelling evidence to convince the reader that the item is important. Genre is thought of in terms of purpose rather than format.

21 Narrative Arguments The narrative argument must clearly illustrate the writer’s position and support for that position The narrative can be a real or imagined experience The narrative must be persuasive The narrative should be framed in a way that both sets the stage for the issue and at some point links the story to the writer’s position – the “so what.”

22 Persuasive Strategies The reader must be able to understand the writer’s position, the writer’s evidence, and the writer’s line of reasoning (the link between the position and the evidence). How does the writer gain reader support for his/her position? –Emphasizing benefits for the reader/audience –Address reader/audience concerns and perspectives –Present evidence –Show logical reasons –Respect and/or engage the reader

23 Writing Topics (Prompts) 1.Sample Writing Topic (Prompt)Sample Writing Topic (Prompt) 2.Understanding the Writing TopicUnderstanding the Writing Topic 3.Format of the Writing TaskFormat of the Writing Task 4.The Writing ChecklistThe Writing Checklist

24 Sample Writing Topic (Prompt) Writing Situation Many public school systems across the country require students to wear uniforms. Some educators believe that wearing uniforms will help students concentrate more on their school work. On the other hand, some students argue that having to wear uniforms prevents them from expressing their individuality. Your principal is considering whether students at your school should wear uniforms. Directions for Writing Write a letter to your principal expressing your view on school uniforms. Provide convincing reasons and specific examples to support your position.

25 Fall 2008 GHSWT Writing Topic Writing Situation Many states are increasing the minimum driving age to prevent accidents involving teenage drivers. Some teenagers are worried because they depend on driving to get to work or school activities. Decide what you think about this issue. Directions for Writing Write a letter to your state representative that explains why the driving age in Georgia should be raised, lowered, or remain the same. Support your position with specific examples and details.

26 Fall 2007 GHSWT Writing Topic Writing Situation Many students do not think the subjects they study in high school prepare them for the real world they will face after graduation. The principal at your school is asking students for their opinions about new courses that could be offered to prepare students for life after high school. What new course do you think should be offered? Directions for Writing Write a letter to convince the principal that your new course should be offered. Be sure to explain why your new course is needed, using specific examples and details.

27 Understanding the Writing Topic : The Writing Situation All GHSWT writing topics contain two sections – the Writing Situation and the Directions for Writing. The Writing Situation gives the background for the writing assignment. The first sentence of the Writing Situation introduces the general topic. The remaining sentences in the Writing Situation help the writers think about different aspects of the topic, realize that they do know enough about the topic to write and then to focus their individual responses.

28 Understanding the Writing Topic: The Directions for Writing The Directions for Writing tell what the students are supposed to do for the writing assessment. The first sentence of the Directions for Writing provides the students with a format for writing and gives the students an identifiable audience. The final sentence of the Directions for Writing reminds the students to give many specific examples and ideas to elaborate their supporting ideas.

29 Format of the Writing Task 1.The Directions for Writing specifies a format - such as a letter, speech, or a newspaper article - to give students a writing task that is similar to real world writing situations. 2.Regardless of the specified format, students should have a clear controlling idea that is well developed with relevant details and examples. 3.Adhering to the conventions of a particular format is not evaluated on the state writing assessment. 4.For example, if students are asked to write a letter, they will not be penalized if they fail to address the letter to the person named in the prompt or sign their name at the end of the letter. 5.Likewise, it is not necessary for students to write their responses in two columns to simulate a newspaper article. 6.The students’ writing ability is being evaluated, not their knowledge of formatting letters, speeches, or newspaper articles.

30 The State Prompt Formula Writing Situation (“A” Part) One sentence introducing the general topic. One to two sentences providing some broader context. Directions for Writing (“B” Part) The actual question—asking the student to communicate clearly about specific aspects of the general topic (1-2 sentences). General Topic Context for the Topic Format, purpose, audience, & task

31 2008 Persuasive Writing Topic Writing Situation (“a” part) Many states are increasing the minimum driving age to prevent accidents involving teenage drivers. Some teenagers are worried because they depend on driving to get to work or school activities. Decide what you think about the issue. Directions for Writing (“b” part) Write a letter to your state representative that explains why the driving age in Georgia should be raised, lowered, or remain the same. Support your position with specific examples and details. General Topic Context for Topic Writer’s Task: Format, Purpose, Audience

32 SAT Writing Excerpt (“A” Part) Winning does not require people to be against someone else; people can reach their goals through cooperation just as well as they can through competition. Winning is not always the result of selfish individualism. People achieve happiness by cooperating with others to increase the happiness of all, rather than by winning at others' expense. Ours is not a world in which the price of one person's happiness is someone else's unhappiness. Assignment (“B” Part) When some people win, must others lose, or are there situations in which everyone wins? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. General Topic Context for the Topic Writer’s task

33 Release of Writing Topics The writing topics for Grades 5, 8, and 11 will be released each year after the writing assessment is administered. The released writing topics for each grade will be posted on the GaDOE website. –Go to: http://www.gadoe.org/ci_testing.aspxhttp://www.gadoe.org/ci_testing.aspx –Click on “Writing Assessments” –Scroll to the bottom of the page and then click on “Grade 11 Writing Assessment” –Check the Grade 11 Resources Box Teachers may use these released topics to help prepare students for future writing assessments.

34 Persuasive Writing Topics Each of the Georgia Writing Assessments in grades 3, 5, 8, and 11 assess persuasive writing. Please see the GaDOE website and the Assessment and Instructional Guide for prompts from other grade levels. For struggling grade eleven writers, some of the grade 5 and grade 8 persuasive prompts may be appropriate.

35 Reading and Understanding the Writing Topic Students need to know in advance what the GHSWT writing topics look like and where to find the assigned task. Use the released writing topics as a large group to discuss and to practice determining what the persuasive purpose of the topic is. Teach students how to find the cues given in each GHSWT writing topic.

General Topic Context for the Topic Writer’s task Writing Situation Over the past 25 years, the U.S. government has spent billions of dollars on space exploration. Some citizens believe exploring outer space is an important use of government money. Others believe the money could be better spent helping people here in Earth. Directions for Writing Write a letter to convince your U.S. Congressional representative to either continue funding space exploration or to redirect those funds to other projects. Include specific details and examples to support your position. Georgia High School Writing Test 2009

General Topic Context for the Topic Writer’s task Writing Situation Humans have always been curious about time travel. A local science agency has selected you to travel into the past. Think about a time period in the past that you’d like to visit. Directions for Writing Write a letter the head of the agency explaining what time period you’d like to visit and why. Provide specific details and examples to justify your decision. Georgia High School Writing Test 2010

38 The Writing Checklist Student Writing Checklist for Persuasive Writing Prepare Yourself to Write Read the Writing Situation and Directions for Writing carefully. Brainstorm for ideas. Consider how to address your audience. Decide what ideas to include and how to organize them. Write only in English. Make Your Paper Meaningful Use your knowledge and/or personal experiences that are related to the topic. Express a clear point of view. Fully support your position with specific details, examples, and convincing reasons. Include an appeal to logic and/or emotions. Organize your ideas in a clear and logical order. Write a persuasive paper and stay on topic. Make Your Paper Interesting to Read Use examples and details that would be convincing to your audience. Use appropriate voice that shows your interest in the topic. Use precise, descriptive, vivid words. Vary the type, structure, and length of your sentences. Use effective transitions. Edit and Revise Your Paper Consider rearranging your ideas and changing words to make your paper better. Add additional information or details to make your paper complete. Proofread your paper for usage, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling.

39 Rubrics Overview of Score Points 1 – 5

40 Using the GHSWT Scoring Rubric: The Rubric Top to Bottom Domain Components Level of Competence Domain Title and Overview Score Point Descriptions (1-5)

41 Overview of Score Points 1-5 Five Levels of Competence Score: 1 Lack of Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 2 Minimal Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 3 Sufficient Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 4 Consistent Control (of the elements of the domain) Score: 5 Full Command (of the elements of the domain) GREEN = The degree to which the writer demonstrates control of the components.

42 Domains Assessed in the GHSWT Ideas Organization Style Conventions These are the domains assessed in several other important writing contexts. For example…

43 What’s being assessed? SAT Writing Ideas: The degree to which the writer develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support the position Organization: The degree to which the response is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas Style: The degree to which the response exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary and demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure Conventions: The degree to which the response is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics For the scoring rubrics, visit http://www.collegeboard.com/student/testing/sat/ab out/sat/essay_scoring.html)

44 What’s being assessed? AP Exam in Lit./Comp. “The score reflects the quality of the essay as a whole—its content (ideas and how they’re organized), its style, its mechanics (conventions).” For question-specific scoring guides, visit www.collegeboard.com.

45 What’s being assessed? First-Year Comp. at UGA…slightly different names; same traits Unity: a central idea, and evidence organized around the central idea. Evidence/ Development (Ideas) Coherence (Ideas and Organization) Presentation and Design (Conventions) Audience Awareness (Style) Distinction (Style) For more info, visit http://web.english.uga.edu.

46 The Components of Ideas IDEAS Controlling Idea Supporting Ideas Relevance of Detail Depth of Development Sense of Completeness Awareness of Persuasive Purpose Ideas: The degree to which the writer establishes a controlling idea and elaborates the main points with examples, illustrations, facts, or details that are appropriate to the assigned genre.

Illustrative Papers Low-Middle-High scores in Ideas These papers are designed to give you a general sense of the differences in development between low, middle, and high score points in Ideas. You will see these differences in greater depth when you study the models for score points 1-5 in Ideas. 48

Low-Middle-High scores in Ideas Low I would like to visit the 60’s and see how it was like. I would like to see how the man and women dress. I would like to see how the old houses and streets. I would like to see the old 60’s car. I would like to see the old Allstars basketball team. I would see a old football team. 49

Low-Middle-High scores in Ideas Middle Traveling back in time never crossed my mind until I was given the opportunity by the science agency. Since this chance comes only once, I would like to visit the 1950’s. There is so much information I can find out about my history, like why African Americans could not vote, why there was segregated schools, and the marches that occurred to prove points. This would help me know more about Black History. First, the fact that African Americans were not able to vote was wrong and unfair. Blacks were just as capable of voting just like whites. Once the law that African American men could vote was passed, people who were prejudiced or racist still made it hard for them. It was a challenge that African Americans in the South had to fight and I think seeing what they went through would help me appreciate things a little more. Next, education is something that is very important. What I have learned was that parents had to fight for their child’s education and things they needed like new schoolbooks instead of the old and brittle ones that they got from the Caucasian schools. Even though I have already learned some things, experiencing the difficulties of learning in that type of environment would definitely prove to me that life is a little bit better than it used to be. Finally, since I’ve never really taken extreme actions in something I truly believe in, participating in a march would be like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Marching next to some of the most powerful and influencing people like Martin Luther King Jr. would be great. Even though at times the marches became dangerous and violent, doing something to help you and your people later on in life is all that matters. And standing up for something that mattered to me is important. In conclusion going back in time to the 1950’s is well worth it. I can learn many more things about the struggles and achievements of my people. I want to be there to view the happy and sad times. The times that schools were no longer segregated, the times both African American men and women were able to vote and the time we marched for something we truly believed in. 50

Low-Middle-High scores in Ideas 51

55 Controlling Idea An effective controlling idea: Serves as the focus of the paper Ties all of the information in the paper to the assigned writing topic and persuasive purpose Helps the reader understand the writer’s purpose: “What is the writer convincing me to think or do?” May be directly stated or implied

56 Depth of Development: the key to Ideas Controlling Idea Relevant Supporting Ideas Major Details Specific Examples And Elaboration

57 Depth vs. Breadth in Ideas Score point 1 papers have neither depth nor breadth. Score Point 2 papers often demonstrate some breadth, but little depth. Score point 3 papers begin to narrow the topic and show some depth of development of the supporting ideas. Score point 4 and 5 papers demonstrate both depth and breadth.

Example of DoD in a Paragraph Sample Body Paragraph My final plea in asking you to redirect your funds concerns what I believe is the issue in the most dire and immediate need of attention and that is this countries energy and oil situation. It has come to the point that your average American family is having trouble financially with heating their homes and fueling their cars. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power generation. These energy sources are not only cheaper; they are renewable and do not impact or pollute our environment with CO2 emission. Supporting Idea Major Detail Specific Details and Examples Controlling Idea: Redirect the space exploration funds.

60 Example of Depth of Development in a Paragraph Sample Body Paragraph The main reason that states are pushing for higher age restrictions is because they claim that 16 year olds lack the capacity to operate a motor vehicle. Wrong. The problem has much more to do with inadequate training. Teens are given a simple driving test and then their license. What teens need instead is in-depth training about how to handle a vehicle in rainy or icy conditions and facts about when and where most accidents occur so they can avoid these places and times. Defensive driving techniques, like staying at least two car lengths behind the vehicle in front of you would be educational. Supporting Idea Major Detail Specific Details and Examples Controlling Idea: If you really want to reduce accidents, increase driver’s education, not the driving age.

61 Example of Depth of Development in a Paragraph Topic: Changing/raising the driving age Teens need their licenses for many practical reasons. Some of these reasons include getting to work after school and to football practice. Right now, I have to take the MARTA bus after school to my job at Starbucks. Most days, the bus is one time, but every once in a while it is late. My boss gets really angry on these days because I am late. Having a license so I could drive myself could really help this problem. Another way a license would come in handy is Saturday morning when I have football practice. Right now, I have to wake my mom up to drive me. She works hard all week long, though, and I think she deserves to sleep in. If I have my own license, I could simply drive myself without having to hassle a loved one for a ride.

62 Example of Depth of Development in a Paragraph Sample Body Paragraph Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself and my interests through my choice of clothes. But if I looked like 1,000 other people, how could I be expressive or original? No teenager likes being told what to wear everyday. I have some friends who attend schools where they have to wear uniforms. None of them ever say they like the uniforms. They are all unhappy because their individuality is stifled. I do not want to be that frustrated with my clothing. Supporting Idea Major Details Specific Details and Examples Controlling Idea: I am against required school uniforms (stated in the opening paragraph)

63 Example of Depth of Development in a Paragraph The following sample body paragraph was taken from a paper about adding a new course to the high school curriculum. The controlling idea, “A class called ‘Preparing for Life After High School’ could help students make the transition to the real world,” was stated in the opening paragraph. This new class would be quite an effective way of teaching young adults how and when each basic academic subject will be valuable in everyday life. For example, students must learn that even the most simplistic math skills can become difficult and confusing when applied to real world situations. Filing taxes is a fine example. Though the addition or subtraction itself may not be hard, if you can’t get everything in the correct column, there will be fines to pay with interest or possibly even jail time. Courses such as economics and social studies give us a general understanding of how our current economic systems come about, and why we pay taxes, but we need specific “how-to” advice so we can prepare our own tax returns. All of the core subjects could be translated for application to the real world in this new class.

Sense of Completeness Features of writing that contribute to a sense of completeness: Fullness/development of information. Addressing reader concerns related to the assigned persuasive task. Depth of development is more important than quantity of writing in determining the completeness of a response. However, grade eleven students are expected to write a multi-paragraph essay for the purpose of this assessment. 64

Common Ways Students Achieve DoD Appeal to Facts/Information Appeal to Emotion Personal Experience Humor (get ‘em laughing)

Appeal to Facts/Information In the past 25 years, the space programs main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been two major failures with the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re- entry. Both of these disasters cost millions of dollars, and more importantly, the lives of the crews on board. If there is not an alternative to the shuttle, I don’t see how we can continue to safely and successfully reap the benefits of space exploration.

Appeal to Emotion If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. How can we spend money on space when all of our troops don’t have adequate supplies? Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. We need to bring our troops home and keep America safe from people who want to harm us. Let’s not have another September 11, 2001.

Personal Experience Not only that, but other nations could use the money. I come from Africa, and there are many problems throughout this continent. For example, there is a wide epidemic of AIDS. Thousands of people in South Africa alone die from AIDS every year. Many of the people that die from AIDS are adults, which leaves orphaned children roaming the streets, looking for food and shelter. More money from the U.S. could help.

Humor Space exploration has also helped countless people, such as scientists and total nerds. Some of the greatest thinkers at NASA might not be able to contribute much to society if it weren’t for space travel. Luckily, because we put money toward leaving our atmosphere, rocket scientists have jobs and can make discoveries like nerf balls, which we all can enjoy here on earth. After all, would you rather get hit in the head with a nerf ball or a hardball? Yeah, exactly. Thanks NASA nerds!

Ideas: Score Point 1 The United States government has spent billions of dollars on the space program for over 25 years. That needs to stop. There have been problems with the space program. Two, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. Thanks for taking time to read my paper. I hope you make the right decision.

Ideas: Score Point 2 The United States government has spent billions of dollars on the space program for over 25 years. That needs to stop. The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe. There have been two major accidents and lives lost. So, the program needs to stop because there are many problems with it. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. Also, let’s not forget the people in America who are hungry and don’t have homes. There are many important problems we need to deal with instead of sending people to space. So, I think we need to stop funding space travel. Remember, there are many problems with the space program. Secondly, there are really important issues we need to address here at home. Thanks for reading my letter.

Ideas: Score Point 3 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. For one, there have been problems with the space program. Two, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space program’s main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, there are problems with it. For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe. There have been two major accidents, with the Challenger at lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re- entry. Both of these disasters cost the lives of the crews on board. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. Also, let’s not forget the people in America who are hungry and don’t have homes. There are many problems in our country we need to solve before sending the next group of astronauts to the moon. Finally, there is the energy and oil situation. It is getting tough for people to afford gasoline. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had many problems. The money could be better spent on keeping America safe and finding new energy sources.

Ideas: Score Point 4 Would you continue to fund something that was basically failing? The American space program has been filled with problems, and we have really important issues to address here on Earth. For this reason, I believe we should redirect the funds. In the past 25 years, the space programs main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been serious failures with the space program. For example, there were the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry. Both of these disasters cost the lives of the crews on board. The lost shuttles also cost the taxpayers millions. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. How can we spend money on space when all of our troops don’t have adequate supplies? Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. We need to bring our troops home and keep America safe from people who want to harm us. Let’s not have another September 11, 2001. Finally, there is the energy and oil situation. It is getting tough for people to afford gasoline. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology, in addition to wind and solar power. Not only are these sources cheaper, but they are also cleaner. By now, I hope it is plain to see what needs to be done. Don’t get me wrong: space is cool, and we benefit from exploring it. It’s just that our current program is filled with problems, and we have serious concerns to address here on Earth. Let’s get to work!

Ideas: Score Point 5 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. Because of recent failures involving the space program, and more specifically the space shuttle, and also with more pressing domestic and foreign relations issues at hand, I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space programs main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been two major failures with the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry. Both of these disasters cost a lot of money, and more importantly, the lives of the crews on board. If there is not an alternative to the shuttle, I don’t see how we can continue to safely and successfully reap the benefits of space exploration. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts, in Iraq and with terrorism. I feel that the war in Iraq needs more funds for its resolution and to bring our troops over their home safely. More funds need to go to protecting the homeland from another terrorist attack, and to catching the terrorists who could be planning these future attacks. Moreover, these are all really global issues, so I feel it is also in the best interest of the government to put more funds into keeping up foreign relations with other countries. Continued on next slide…

Ideas: Score Point 5 My final plea in asking you to redirect your funds concerns what I believe is the issue in the most dire and immediate need of attention and that is this countries energy and oil situation. It has come to the point that your average American family is having trouble financially with heating their homes and fueling their cars. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power generation. These energy sources are not only cheaper; they are renewable and do not impact or pollute our environment with CO2 emission. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had notable failures with only modest successes. Given the many challenges confronting our world, I believe the time is now to think seriously about redirecting NASA’s funds. Your next generation of voters will thank you.

76 Examples of Depth of Development in Score Points 1 and 2 Ideas Score 1Topic: Driving Age There are many reasons I think we should be able to get our licenses earlier. For one, we need a license to we can get to school and other activities. We also need a license to get to work. We also need a license so we can go on dates. Plus they look so cool in the window of your wallet. Ideas Score 2Topic: Driving Age There are many reasons I think we should be able to get our licenses earlier. For one, we need a license to we can get to school and other activities. Lots of kids have to get to sports practice in the morning and afternoons. Some have to come in early or stay late for extra help. We also need a license to get to work. Most kids have jobs. If they get to their jobs late, they could be in big trouble. It is hard to get to work on time when you can’t drive yourself. We also need a license so we can go on dates. Plus they look so cool in the window of your wallet.

77 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 Ideas Score 3 Topic: Driving Age Dear State Representative, I wanted to let you know that teens do cause many accidents, but not as many as adults. Plus, there are many advantages to lowering the driving age. Please let me tell you more. For one, we need a license to we can get to school and other activities. Lots of kids have to get to sports practice in the morning and afternoons. Some have to come in early or stay late for extra help. Last year, I was having a hard time with Geometry, and I had to come in early every Tuesday and Thursday. That was really hard on my mom because she had to get ready even earlier on these days. We also need a license to get to work. Most kids have jobs. If they get to their jobs late, they could be in big trouble. It is hard to get to work on time when you can’t drive yourself. We also need a license so we can go on dates. I’m sure you can relate to that, right? Every kid is getting interested in people of the opposite sex, and it is lame to have your Mom or Dad drive you and your date to the movies. So, I hope you can see all the benefits that would come with lowering the driving age. Sincerely, A concerned Student

78 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 4 Ideas Score 4Topic: Driving Age Dear State Representative, I wanted to let you know that teens do cause many accidents, but not as many as adults. Plus, there are many advantages to lowering the driving age. Please let me tell you more. Teens need their licenses for many practical reasons. Some of these reasons include getting to work after school. Right now, I have to take the MARTA bus after school to my job at Starbucks. Most days, the bus is one time, but every once in a while it is late. My boss gets really angry on these days because I am late. Having a license so I could drive myself could really help this problem. We also need a license to get to practices. Most kids in my school play sports. After practice they need a ride home. This is really true when it gets dark early. Picture all the girls on the swimming team waiting in the dark for their parents to come get them. That doesn’t sound safe to me. We also need a license so we can go on dates. I’m sure you can relate to that, right? Every kid is getting interested in people of the opposite sex, and it is lame to have your Mom or Dad drive you and your date to the movies. What happens if you want to hold hands, or even kiss your date good night? So, I hope you can see all the benefits that would come with lowering the driving age. I’m sure we can think of another way to prevent accidents from happening. Did you ever consider mandatory driver’s ed. at age fourteen? Sincerely, A concerned Student

79 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 5 Ideas Score 5Topic: Driving Age Dear State Representative, I wanted to let you know that teens do cause many accidents, but not as many as adults. Plus, there are many advantages to lowering the driving age. Please let me tell you more. Teens need their licenses for many practical reasons. Some of these reasons include getting to work after school. Right now, I have to take the MARTA bus after school to my job at Starbucks. Most days, the bus is one time, but every once in a while it is late. My boss gets really angry on these days because I am late. So angry, he said he might fire me. Having a license so I could drive myself could really help this problem. We also need a license to get to practices. Most kids in my school play sports. After practice they need a ride home. This is really true when it gets dark early. Picture all the girls on the swimming team waiting in the dark for their parents to come get them. That doesn’t sound safe to me. I think our school district could get sued. This problem would be solved if these girls could hop in their own cars and be on their way. We also need a license so we can go on dates. I’m sure you can relate to that, right? Every kid is getting interested in people of the opposite sex, and it is lame to have your Mom or Dad drive you and your date to the movies. What happens if you want to hold hands, or even kiss your date good night? I would probably be so embarrassed I would want to cry. Do you want us to be lonely forever? So, I hope you can see all the benefits that would come with lowering the driving age. I’m sure we can think of another way to prevent accidents from happening. Did you ever consider mandatory driver’s ed. at age fourteen? Or how about making a law saying that teens cannot drive together? Sincerely, A concerned Student

80 Examples of Depth of Development in Score Points 1 and 2 Ideas Score 1Topic: School Uniforms I think students shouldn’t have to wear uniforms because others students have to wear uniforms. I think students will act better with out wearing uniforms. students don’t like to be dress the same way or wearing the same clothes at my high school. it hard to find uniforms at stores. uniforms cost a lot of money than regular clothes. some students don’t feel comfortable in uniforms I think students be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. uniforms keep students from doing their work or getting their work done uniforms make students go crazy. Ideas Score 2Topic: School Uniforms I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms because other students have to wear uniforms. There will be more problems at school if students have to wear uniforms and some parents will have a hard time getting uniforms for their kids. I think students will act better with out wearing uniforms. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Students don’t like to be dressed the same way or wearing the same clothes at my high school. So there may be more fights with uniforms It’s hard to find uniforms at stores. Uniforms cost a lot more money than regular clothes. Some parents can’t pay for uniforms, and some have many kids in school. So it wouldn’t be right to make students wear uniforms. Uniforms would just cause more problems at school. I don’t see why would should have to wear them. Uniforms make students go crazy.

81 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 Ideas Score 3 Topic: School Uniforms How would you feel waking up every morning and knowing already what you have to wear? I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms just because students at other schools have to wear uniforms. Everything would be so boring and plain, no personality. You would even have to wear the school’s choice of colors. I know they say you’ll have less problems with dress code, but trust me, you won’t. There will still be fights about who looks better. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Instead of concentrating on work, students will be upset and complaining all the time. Uniforms cost a lot more money than regular clothes. It’s not like you just need one pair of the bottoms and one top. They would need multiple uniforms. Some parents might not be able to pay that much. Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself. So if I look like 1000 other people, how can I express my individuality? Students don’t like to be dressed the same way. Also, wearing my own clothes makes me comfortable and that makes me fell confident. If I am confident, I can learn better. Uniforms will not solve the problems in the school that you think they will.

82 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 4 Ideas Score 4Topic: School Uniforms How would you feel waking up every morning already knowing what you have to wear? Great, right? It’s true that you would spend less time searching for an outfit, but what if what you had to wear was the same thing you wore yesterday and would have to wear tomorrow? Uniforms, to me, are anti-individualist. I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms just because students at other schools have to wear them. Everything would be so boring and plain, no personality. I know you think you’ll have fewer problems with dress code, but trust me, you won’t. There will still be fights about who looks better. No matter how we dress, some personalities are going to butt heads. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Instead of concentrating on work, students will be upset and complaining all the time. Uniforms cost a lot more money than regular clothes. It’s not like you just need one pair of the bottoms and one top. They would need multiple uniforms. Some parents might not be able to pay that much. They need that money to pay rent and food costs. Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself through the way I dress. So if I look like 1000 other people, how can I express my individuality? Also, wearing my own clothes makes me comfortable and that makes me feel confident. If I am confident, I can learn better. Students don’t like to be dressed the same way. If your reasoning for uniforms is the cliques in the school, I can tell you that uniforms won’t help. Uniforms will not solve the problems in the school that you think they will. They will create new problems that interfere with students’ learning. Students may even drop out to avoid wearing a uniform. A better solution would be to enforce our current dress code.

83 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 5 Ideas Score 5Topic: School Uniforms How would you feel waking up every morning already knowing what you have to wear? Great, right? It’s true that you would spend less time searching for an outfit, but what if what you had to wear was the same thing you wore yesterday and would have to wear tomorrow? Uniforms, to me, are anti-individualist. I think students at my school shouldn’t have to wear uniforms just because students at other schools have to wear them. Everything would be so boring and plain, no personality. I know you think you’ll have fewer behavior problems and greater concentration with dress code, but trust me, you won’t. There will still be fights about who looks better. No matter how we dress, some personalities are going to butt heads. I think students will be getting in trouble because they have to wear uniforms. Instead of concentrating on work, students will be upset and complaining all the time. When I went to private school, I was not focused on my school work, but on how goofy I thought I looked. Uniforms are more expensive than regular clothes. It’s not like you just need one pair of the bottoms and one top. Each student would need multiple uniforms. Some parents might not be able to pay that much because they need that money to pay rent and food costs. Would you rather have students be able to eat or dress identically? Uniforms keep us from expressing our individuality. I like to express myself and my interests through my choice of clothes. But if I looked like 1,000 other people, how could I be expressive or original? No teenager likes being told what to wear everyday. I have some friends who attend schools where they have to wear uniforms. None of them ever say they like the uniforms. They are all unhappy because their individuality is stifled. People who are unhappy are not going to be able to learn. I believe that school uniforms will do very little of what most administrators hope they will do. They will create new problems that interfere with students’ learning. When students are forced to wear uniforms, they lose their sense of self and feel like just another face in the crowd. Students may even drop out to avoid wearing a uniform. As long as schools actually take the time to enforce dress codes, what students wear should not be an issue. Uniforms unify dress, not students. I don’t know yet what I’m going to wear tomorrow and I like it that way.

84 Example of Depth of Development in Score Points 1 and 2 Ideas Score: 1Topic: Design a class I think this class is needed. It will help me in many ways like accomplishing my goals and get more job experience for my chosen career. It will help me accomplish my goals by giving me more of an insight on what and how I want to lead my life. So I would know if the career of my choice is right for me. So I can still explore new options. It would give me the experience that I need for what I want and how I want my life to go. The point I am trying to make is without this class I don’t know what I want. So please get this class and I will thank you. Ideas Score: 2Topic: Design a class Many people believe that we don’t really need a lot of our high school classes. For example, how many of us are going to use algebra or history in real life. That’s why I think you should have a course I would call working. When you are in high school you can get a job and I think they should have a course on that. That way when a student gets a job, they will be more experienced in what they are doing. This class will show students what is expected at work. It will teach us to act like adults when we finish school. The working class will also teach us how to manage our money and balance a checkbook. We would take field trips to different kinds of jobs. I want to be able to compete for the jobs that I want. I think I am not the only person that feels that way either. I believe that if you were to do this many people would stay in school and try to get through it so they would have a better life in the future. Students wouldn’t think school was a waste of time.

85 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 3 Ideas Score: 3Topic: Design a class Many of my classmates complain that they will never use any of the subjects they study in school after they graduate because they do not know how to apply school subjects to the real world. That is why I think that an “applying school skills” class should be offered at this school. This new class would be a good way to teach teenagers how each school subject will be valuable in their everyday lives. Just because students can add and subtract doesn’t mean that they can balance a checkbook. Just because students can write a book report doesn’t mean they can write a resume. A high school diploma doesn’t mean we can take care of ourselves. Taking field trips to local businesses would show how people use their education in the working world. Students could see how newspaper writers use English skills, engineers use math skills, and doctors use scientific knowledge. This would make students care more about all their other classes because they wouldn’t think learning these subjects was wasting their time. I would want to learn about money and time management, how to write a resume, and how to take care of a house and a car, but my classmates might have different interests. If you ask them what is important to them, they will tell you. Please consider this course as an elective for the next school year.

86 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 4 Ideas Score: 4Topic: Design a class Many things are being said about the academic programs and studies being offered at this school. Being that I am a current student, I hear much more of the complaints and grievances from students than the administration does. A large portion of the students here seem to think that they may never use any of their current studies once they graduate because they are not taught how to apply general knowledge in real world situations. This is why I am proposing that an “applying life skills” class be offered at this school. This new class would be quite an effective way of teaching young adults how and when each basic academic subject will be valuable in everyday life. For example, students must learn that even the most simplistic math skills can become difficult and confusing when applied to real world situations. Paying bills and filing taxes are two fine examples. Courses such as economics give us a better understanding of how our current economic systems come about, and why we pay taxes, but not how to budget money or complete a tax return. A great way to persuade people to sign up for this class would be to offer internships with local businesses. These internships would demonstrate how people use their education in the working world. Students would see how newspaper writers use English skills, engineers use math skills, and doctors use scientific knowledge. If the class was worth a core credit, more students would sign up. It is obvious that anyone taking the class would need at least one credit in each core subject in order to further comprehend the life skills. This may encourage students to do well in their other classes. Applying life skills classes would make high school relevant to the real world we will face in the future. I would want to learn money and time management, how to write a resume, and how to maintain a house and a car, but my classmates may have broader interests. Please consider this course as an elective for the next school year.

87 Example of Depth of Development in Score Point 5 Ideas Score: 5Topic: Design a class Many things are being said about the academic programs and studies being offered at this school. Because I am a current student, I hear much more of the complaints and grievances from students than the administration does. A large portion of the students here seem to think that they may never use any of their current studies once they graduate. The core classes that most high school students are required to take include classes like English, History, Biology, or Algebra. Knowledge of these fields can be important in life, but only if you know how to apply it. This is why I am proposing that an “applying life skills” class be offered at this school. This new class would be quite an effective way of teaching young adults how and when each basic academic subject will be valuable in everyday life. For example, students must learn that even the most simplistic math skills can become difficult and confusing when applied to real world situations. Filing taxes is a fine example. Though the addition or subtraction itself may not be hard, if you can’t get everything in the correct column, there will be fines to pay with interest or possibly even jail time. Courses such as economics and social studies give us a general understanding of how our current economic systems come about, and why we pay taxes, but we need specific “how-to” advice so we can prepare our own tax returns. All of the core subjects could be translated for application to the real world in this new class. If students seem hesitant to sign up for this class, the benefits and requirements for the course could be advertised ahead of time. A great way to persuade people to sign up is to offer internships with local businesses. These internships would demonstrate how people use their education in the working world. For example, a student might watch an engineer using geometry and physics every day as he designs buildings and bridges. If the class was worth a core credit, more students would sign up. It is obvious that anyone taking the class would need at least one class in each core subject in order to comprehend the life skills addressed. This may encourage students to do well in their core classes. Applying life skills classes would make high school relevant to the real world we will face in the future. The core classes would expose students to many general fields of knowledge, but they would also leave high school prepared to live on their own as an adult with the practical skills that an adult needs to survive. Our current classes do not teach us to problem solve, so when we graduate, we make many uninformed decisions and mistakes. Personally, I would want to learn money and time management, how to write a resume, and how to maintain a house and a car, but my classmates may have broader interests. Please consider this course as an elective for the next school year.

88 The Bottom Line in Ideas The more SPECIFIC the development, the better. Specificity is a phenomena that few college students and adults exhibit. Like anything, getting specific takes practice. Here’s a simple drill: Put this paragraph (or any paragraph lacking in development) on an overhead projector: Lastly, if you really want to be careful, give teens some restrictions. There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car, all kinds of bad things can happen. Also, kids should not be allowed to drive at night. I believe that if these mandates were set in place, accidents would go down. More so than raising the driving age Brainstorm with your students: highlight sentences that could use some more specific elaboration (e.g., what kinds of bad things can happen?). Work together to make these ideas more specific. Practicing this technique again and again as a class will pay dividends.

89 Mistakes Writers Make in Ideas Doesn’t read the entire writing topic and therefore misunderstands the assigned task Writes too little Doesn’t develop supporting ideas with examples and details Repeats the same idea throughout the paper Includes irrelevant information

90 Instructional Strategies for Understanding Depth of Development Review the Levels of Development slides in the GHSWT Assessment and Instructional Guide with students. Allow students to discuss the amount and type of elaboration used at each level. Discuss the length of the sample papers in the guide. Students can practice reading sample GHSWT papers without knowing the topic ahead of time and try to write a prompt to fit the responses. As a group, read and discuss the sample GHSWT papers that receive 4s and 5s in Ideas. Develop a list of strategies for writing based on these models.

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 1: GEN/SPEC One of the many things that the money could go toward here on earth is helping children less fortunate than us. We could help them to have a better life; help them find their way through the world.  How could we help kids “have a better life?” Specific Details Kids need access to regular checkups and immunizations for measles and mumps. Redirect funds to national and local scholarship programs so poorer kids get a shot at college. General Details Kids need better healthcare. Poorer kids need access to good education.

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 2: ELABORATE One of the many things that the money could go toward here on earth is helping children less fortunate than us. We could help them to have a better life; help them find their way through the world. For example, we should redirect funds to national and local scholarship programs so poorer kids get a shot at college.  Okay, how does a college education help kids? For example…an appeal to facts/information People with a college degree make about twice as much as people without one. Who couldn’t use more money?

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 3: Little Help From My Friends One of the many things that the money could go toward here on earth is helping children less fortunate than us. We could help them to have a better life; help them find their way through the world. For example, we should redirect funds to national and local scholarship programs so poorer kids get a shot at college. People with a college degree make about twice as much as people without one. Who couldn’t use more money? Any place you’d encourage your partner to:?

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 1: GEN/SPEC I think Georgia will take this one because of their strong offensive line. They have the size up front to help control the line of scrimmage.  Okay, good. But what kind of “size do they have up front”? Specific Detail The average weight for a UGA offensive lineman is 290 pounds, meaning the total weight of the line is approximately 3/4 of a ton. General Details The average UGA offensive lineman is substantially larger than his Florida counterpart on defense.

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 2: ELABORATE I think Georgia will take this one because of their strong offensive line. They have the size up front to help control the line of scrimmage. The average weight for a UGA offensive lineman is 290 pounds, meaning the total weight of the line is approximately 3/4 of a ton.  Elaborate on this detail with an appeal, a personal experience, or humor. For example… Elaboration through appeal to facts/information: This kind of size creates serious holes for Knowshon Moreno. No wonder he is averaging 5.6 yards/carry. These kinds of numbers will prove the ESPN pundits wrong. Georgia by 5.

10-minute IDEAS exercise # 3: Little Help From My Friends I think Georgia will take this one because of their strong offensive line. They have the size up front to help control the line of scrimmage. The average weight for a UGA offensive lineman is 290 pounds, meaning the total weight of the line is approximately 3/4 of a ton. This kind of size creates serious holes for Knowshon Moreno. No wonder he is averaging 5.6 yards/carry. These kinds of numbers will prove the ESPN pundits wrong. Georgia by 5. Any place you’d encourage your partner to:?

97 Thinking About Your Audience (as you write) What assumptions are you making about your readers values and goals? How are your readers different from you? What do they have in common with you? What are your readers likely to know about this topic? What is your own attitude toward the topic? What kinds of responses from readers do you want to evoke? How can you establish credibility with your readers? From Everything’s an Argument by Andrea Lunsford

98 Instructional Strategies for Ideas Generating Supporting Details for Persuasive Topics Students should practice asking the “So what?” question about a variety of topics: What matters to me about this topic or issue? Why should the reader care about this topic or issue? Encourage students to include relevant personal experiences in their persuasive writing. Both real and imagined stories and “what if” scenarios are engaging ways of presenting evidence or information in response to persuasive topics. Students can practice imagining themselves in various situations if they have no personal experience with a topic.

99 Oral Practice Persuasive writing strategies can all be practiced orally in small or large group settings. Choosing a position Brainstorming supporting ideas Brainstorming types of evidence Developing a Worst case scenario Intros/conclusions Understanding Audience Answering the “so what” question.

100 Focus Questions for Generating Persuasive Supporting Ideas What cues are in the writing topic itself? What do I know about this topic? What is my position on this topic? What are the positions of my parents, friends, grandparents, teachers, ministers? Was this an issue in the past? Will this be an issue in the future? What is the worst thing that could possibly happen if this issue is not resolved? What could be changed to solve this problem? Why should we all care about this issue?

101 How to Narrow a Writing Topic This is an important skill in a timed test. If student writers try to cover too much territory during the GHSWT, their papers will not have the depth to “meet the GPS standard.” 3-4 major supporting ideas are probably all a writer can thoroughly develop in a timed writing assessment.

102 Outline for Structuring Persuasive Paragraphs 1.Introductory statement(s) 2.Claim/supporting idea #1 3.Evidence 4.Real life or imagined scenario #1 5.The “so what?” – why should the reader care about your claim. 6.Transitional link to next idea/paragraph.

Everyone says teens shouldn’t be driving. The fact is we are probably better equipped to drive than a lot of adults. Our reaction times are undoubtedly better thanks to years of honing that skill with our video games. Just yesterday my sister was on Oak St. when a dog ran out of nowhere, thanks to her lightning quick reaction time she applied the brake immediately. An older driver with slower reaction times may have had to swerve into the other lane with traffic causing an accident or would have slowed too late and killed Lassie. Being a teen driver does not make us less safe and we all want our fellow drivers (and beloved pets) to be safe. 103

104 The Bottom Line in Ideas The more SPECIFIC the development, the better. Specificity is a phenomena that few college students and adults exhibit. Like anything, getting specific takes practice. Here’s a simple drill: Put this paragraph (or any paragraph lacking in development) on an overhead projector: Lastly, if you really want to be careful, give teens some restrictions. There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car, all kinds of bad things can happen. Also, kids should not be allowed to drive at night. I believe that if these mandates were set in place, accidents would go down. More so than raising the driving age. Brainstorm with your students: highlight sentences that could use some more specific elaboration (e.g., what kinds of bad things can happen?). Work together to make these ideas more specific. Practicing this technique again and again as a class will pay dividends.

105 The Components of Organization ORGANIZATION Overall Plan Introduction Body Conclusion Sequence Of Ideas Grouping Of Ideas Persuasive Organizing Strategies Transitioning Organization: The degree to which a writer’s ideas are arranged in a clear order and the overall structure of the response is consistent with the assigned genre.

107 The Five Paragraph Essay There are effective 5 paragraph essays and ineffective 5 paragraph essays. A 5 paragraph essay can be a 5 in Ideas or a 2 in Ideas and everything in between. A five paragraph strategy is an effective way to approach a timed writing assessment, but all high school students need to know that there is nothing magical about the number five or having three body paragraphs. Having a strategy helps students: –Organize their supporting ideas quickly –Understand that each part of a paper serves a different purpose –Understand that introductions and conclusions can contribute to or weaken their written arguments –Understand the audience

108 Formulaic Writing Characteristics of A Formulaic Paper The writer announces his or her thesis and three supporting ideas in the opening paragraph. 1.The writer restates one supporting idea to begin each of the three body paragraphs. 2.The writer repeats or restates his/her controlling idea and supporting points in the final paragraph. 3.Entire sentences may be repeated verbatim from the introduction, used as topic sentences in each of the body paragraphs, and repeated in the conclusion.

109 Limitations of Formulaic Writing Formulaic writing does not demonstrate an understanding of the principles of effective organization. Formulaic writing does not demonstrate a purposeful grouping or sequencing of ideas. Formulaic writing does not demonstrate an understanding of transitions. Formulaic writing will adversely affect a writer’s scores in Ideas, Organization, Style, and Conventions because the repetition limits the variety demonstrated in each scoring domain.

110 Sample of Formulaic Writing I believe students at our school should not have to wear uniforms. The first reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because they are boring. The second reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because you can’t play sports in uniforms. My third and final reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because uniforms are expensive. The first reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because they are boring. If everybody had to wear the same thing everyday, it would be boring to look at. It would be better if we got to pick out own clothes. So making us wear uniforms to school we just be too boring. The second reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because you can’t play sports in uniforms. It is really hard to play sports in school uniforms, because sometimes we have to play hard to win. We can’t play sports in uniforms. My third and final reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because uniforms are expensive. You would have to buy more than one uniform, so you would have something to wear every day. Having to buy all those uniforms would be too expensive. In conclusion, those are my reasons why we should not wear school uniforms. They are really boring for the students, we can’t play sports in uniforms, and they are too expensive for us.

111 Sample of Formulaic Writing I believe students at our school should not have to wear uniforms. The first reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because they are boring. The second reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because you can’t play sports in uniforms. My third and final reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because uniforms are expensive. The first reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because they are boring. If everybody had to wear the same thing everyday, it would be boring to look at. It would be better if we got to pick out own clothes. So making us wear uniforms to school we just be too boring. The second reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because you can’t play sports in uniforms. It is really hard to play sports in school uniforms, because sometimes we have to play hard to win. We can’t play sports in uniforms. My third and final reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because uniforms are expensive. You would have to buy more than one uniform, so you would have something to wear every day. Having to buy all those uniforms would be too expensive. In conclusion, those are my reasons why we should not wear school uniforms. They are really boring for the students, we can’t play sports in uniforms, and they are too expensive for us.

112 Sample of Formulaic Writing I believe students at our school should not have to wear uniforms. The first reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because they are boring. The second reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because you can’t play sports in uniforms. My third and final reason why we shouldn’t wear uniforms is because uniforms are expensive. If everybody had to wear the same thing everyday, it would be boring to look at. It would be better if we got to pick out own clothes. It is really hard to play sports in school uniforms, because sometimes we have to play hard to win. You would have to buy more than one uniform, so you would have something to wear every day. In conclusion, those are my reasons why we should not wear school uniforms.

113 Introduction-Body-Conclusion: The Overall Plan Introduction: Sets the stage for the development of the writer’s ideas and is consistent with the purpose of the paper Body: Includes details and examples that support the controlling idea Conclusion:Signals the reader that the paper is coming to a close

114 Persuasive Organizing Strategies IntroductionSupporting ideasConclusion ArgumentAddress counter-argumentConclusion IntroductionBoth sides of the issueConclusion IntroductionAnecdote illustrating positionConclusion

115 Effective Organization The organizing strategy is appropriate to the writer’s argument and topic and guides the reader through the text. Ideas are sequenced and grouped appropriately and logically. The introduction sets the stage for the writer’s argument. The conclusion provides a sense of closure without repetition. Transitioning is used to connect ideas within paragraphs and across parts of the paper.

116 Grouping of Ideas In order to effectively group ideas in a piece of writing, the writer must first understand the logical relationships between the ideas that support the controlling idea. Grouping ideas within paragraphs is not the same as formatting paragraphs. Grouping involves the logical presentation of ideas rather than simply indenting to indicate the beginning of a paragraph.

117 Related Ideas Grouped Together First off, it is true that teens get into wrecks. Some teens think they know best and drive stupid. They do things that are dangerous and hurt themselves and others. But it is true that older drivers do stupid stuff too. Just last week I saw a grown woman hit a parked car. Man, that’s sad. (All ideas relate to the fact that drivers of all ages get into accidents) Secondly, I think the problem has more to do with not enough training. All drivers are given a simple driving test and then their license. No wonder there are so many accidents. Why not just give a person their license? To reduce accidents, people need more training. They need to know when to be careful and when to take chances behind the wheel. (All ideas relate to the need for more driver’s education.) Lastly, if you really want to be careful, give teens some restrictions. There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car, all kinds of bad things can happen. Also, kids should not be allowed to drive at night. I believe that if these mandates were set in place, accidents would go down. More so than raising the driving age. (All ideas relate to the need for tighter restrictions on teen drivers.)

118 Related Ideas Grouped Together I t is true that teens get into wrecks. Some teens think they know best and drive stupid. They do things that are dangerous and hurt themselves and others. But it is true that older drivers do stupid stuff too. Just last week I saw a grown woman hit a parked car. Man, that’s sad. I think the problem has more to do with not enough training. All drivers are given a simple driving test and then their license. No wonder there are so many accidents. Why not just give a person their license? To reduce accidents, people need more training. They need to know when to be careful and when to take chances behind the wheel. If you really want to be careful, give teens some restrictions. There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car, all kinds of bad things can happen. Also, kids should not be allowed to drive at night. I believe that if these mandates were set in place, accidents would go down. More so than raising the driving age. *Even if a writer fails to correctly format paragraphs, ideas may still be grouped logically.

119 Sequencing of Ideas Sequencing: The way the writer orders the ideas of the paper to implement the overall plan. Clear sequencing helps the reader understand the writer’s ideas. Effective sequencing: Ideas build logically on one another and lead the reader through the paper. Ineffective sequencing: The ideas may have little relationship to one another and could be presented in any order.

120 Ineffective Sequencing One way we could help reduce accidents is to increase driver’s education. We need to impose more restrictions on teen driving Make insurance costs for teens high so that only serious teen drivers will drive. Plus lots of teens text while driving. What about the teens who get lower than a 2.0 grade point average?

121 Effective Sequencing The main reason that states are pushing for higher age restrictions is because they claim that 16 year olds lack the capacity to operate a motor vehicle.  Wrong.  The problem has much more to do with inadequate training.  Teens are given a simple driving test and then their license.  What teens need instead is in- depth training about how to handle a vehicle in rainy or icy conditions and facts about when and where most accidents occur so they can avoid these places and times. Defensive driving techniques, like staying at least two car lengths behind the vehicle in front of you would be educational.

Sequencing: Order Matters Here’s what you have so far: One of the many things that the money could go toward here on earth is helping children less fortunate than us. We could help them to have a better life; help them find their way through the world. …  How could we help kids “have a better life?”?  Kids need to access to basic healthcare, like yearly check-ups and immunizations. Couple of options from here: a) elaborate on why check-ups / immunizations matter b) transition to another specific way to care for kids.

Sequencing: Order Matters Here’s what you have so far: One of the many things that the money could go toward here on earth is helping children less fortunate than us. We could help them to have a better life; help them find their way through the world.  Kids need to access to basic healthcare, like yearly check-ups and immunizations. Either presents sequencing opportunities: a) Elaborate on why check-ups / immunizations matter (  Without the immunizations, kids can develop terrible conditions like mumps.) b) Transition to another specific way to care for kids (  Beyond this, we could redirect funds to national and local scholarship programs so poorer kids get a shot at college.)

Sequencing: Order Matters Putting it all together… One of the many things that the money could go toward here on earth is helping children less fortunate than us. We could help them to have a better life; help them find their way through the world.  Kids need to access to basic healthcare, like yearly check-ups and immunizations.  Without the immunizations, kids can develop terrible conditions like mumps.  Beyond this, we could redirect funds to national and local scholarship programs so poorer kids get a shot at college.

125 Transitions Making Connections Between Ideas Transitions lead the reader through the paper by linking parts of the paper and ideas within paragraphs. Transitions are used between sentences, between paragraphs, and within sentences and within paragraphs Transitions can signal the type of relationships between ideas May be explicit or implicit –May be a single word, a pronoun, a phrase, or a logical linking of ideas –Explicit transitional words: for instance, consequently –Implicit transitional devices: synonym and pronoun substitution, moving from general to specific or from specific to general

126 Transitions in Action There is a growing problem of teen related accidents and fatalities in recent years. Careless teens who believe they are invincible carelessly drive and cause many accidents. How many times do you read about a fatal wreck caused by some kid who was trying to text while driving? Although this problem purportedly has to do with age and experience, then how is it that there are some teens that drive better than adults? I believe that the driving age isn’t the problem. The problem is the lack of required driving courses, passenger restrictions, and time restrictions in many states. The teens that get into bad wrecks and get hurt more than likely have one or more other teenagers in the car. Moreover, the majority of these accidents occur in the wee hours of the morning. I believe that if these mandates were set in place, they would have a far greater impact on teen drivers than raised driving ages. That’s because no matter how old you are when you start driving, you always start with the same amount of experience: 0. Therefore, everyone should have to take at least 40 hours of driver’s education, and teens under 18 should not be allowed to drive with other teens or to drive past the hour of midnight.

Effective Transitions However For example Moreover Therefore

However  When you want to show contrast between ideas “ In the past years, the space program has had notable failures; the number of successes, however, has been modest. ”

For example  When you want to set up a SPECIFIC example There have been serious failures with the space program. For example, there were the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry.

Moreover  When you want to discuss a new but related idea in the same paragraph “A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. How can we spend money on space when all of our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan don’t have adequate supplies? Moreover, there is the constant of another terrorist attack. Shouldn’t we be pouring resources into keeping America safe?”

Therefore  When you want to show how one thing leads to another. “The American space program has been filled with problems, and we have really important issues to address here on Earth. Therefore, I believe we should redirect the funds.”

Organization Score Point 1 The United States government has spent billions of dollars on the space program for over 25 years. That needs to stop. There have been problems with the space program. Two, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. Thanks for taking time to read my paper. I hope you make the right decision.

Organization: Score Point 2 The United States government has spent billions of dollars on the space program for over 25 years. That needs to stop. The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe. There have been two major accidents and lives lost. So, the program needs to stop because there are many problems with it. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. Also, let’s not forget the people in America who are hungry and don’t have homes. There are many important problems we need to deal with instead of sending people to space. So, I think we need to stop funding space travel. Remember, there are many problems with the space program. Secondly, there are really important issues we need to address here at home. Thanks for reading my letter.  This is an example of FORMULAIC/SKELETAL organization Intro Announces Minimal Grouping Conclusion repeats Intro

Organization: Score Point 3 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. For one, there have been problems with the space program. Two, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space program’s main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle.  Now though, there are problems with it.  For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe.  There have been two major accidents, with the Challenger at lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re- entry.  Both of these disasters cost the lives of the crews on board. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. Also, let’s not forget the people in America who are hungry and don’t have homes. There are many problems in our country we need to solve before sending the next group of astronauts to the moon. Finally, there is the energy and oil situation.  It is getting tough for people to afford gasoline.  The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil.  For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had many problems. The money could be better spent on keeping America safe and finding new energy sources. Clear intro Grouping Sequencing (  ) Transitions Clear, but slightly repetitive conclusion

Organization: Score Point 4 Would you continue to fund something that was basically failing? The American space program has been filled with problems, and we have really important issues to address here on Earth.  For these reasons, I believe we should redirect the funds. In the past 25 years, the space programs main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle.  Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been serious failures with the space program.  For example, there were the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry.  Both of these disasters cost the lives of the crews on board. The lost shuttles also cost the taxpayers millions. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts.  How can we spend money on space when all of our troops don’t have adequate supplies? Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack.  Shouldn’t we be pouring resources into keeping America safe?  Let’s not have another September 11, 2001. Finally, there is the energy and oil situation.  It is getting tough for people to afford gasoline.  The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil.  For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology, in addition to wind and solar power.  Not only are these sources cheaper, but they are also cleaner. By now, I hope it is plain to see what needs to be done. Don’t get me wrong: space is cool, and we benefit from exploring it.  It’s just that our current program is filled with problems, and we have serious concerns to address here on Earth.  Let’s get to work! Intro sets stage Grouping Sequencing (  ) Transitions Effective summary without repetition

Organization: Score Point 5 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. Because of recent failures involving the space program, and more specifically the space shuttle, and also with more pressing domestic and foreign relations issues at hand, I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space programs main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle.  Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been two major failures with the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry.  Both of these disasters cost a lot of money, and more importantly, the lives of the crews on board.  If there is not an alternative to the shuttle, I don’t see how we can continue to safely and successfully reap the benefits of space exploration. If we discontinue funding for space travel, where should we redirect it?  Excellent question!  A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts, in Iraq and with terrorism.  I feel that the war in Iraq needs more funds for its resolution and to bring our troops over their home safely. Moreover, funds need to go to protecting the homeland from another terrorist attack, and to catching the terrorists who could be planning these future attacks.  These are all really global issues, so putting money into security helps to keep up foreign relations with other countries. Continued on next slide… Intro clearly sets stage Grouping Sequencing (  ) Transitions

Organization: Score Point 5 While we’re talking about keeping America safe, we must address this countries’ energy and oil situation.  It has come to the point that your average American family is having trouble financially with heating their homes and fueling their cars.  The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power generation.  These energy sources are not only cheaper; they are renewable and do not impact or pollute our environment with CO2 emission. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had notable failures with only modest successes. Given the many challenges confronting our world, I believe the time is now to think seriously about redirecting NASA’s funds. Your next generation of voters will thank you. Effective summary without repetition Grouping

138 Example of Score Point 1 in Organization All this talk about the driving age makes me sleepy. So, I think I’ll take a nap, bye. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Oh, I just heard an announcement that there are ten minutes remaining. I don’t see what the big deal is, people will always get in accidents. Changing the driving age won’t help. So just eat, drink, and be married. There is insufficient writing in this response to determine competence in ORGANIZATION.

139 Example of Score Point 2 in ORGANIZATION There are some good reasons to raise the driving age. There are also some good reasons to lower it. Or maybe we should just keep it the same. First off, there are some good reasons to raise the driving age. There are a lot of bad teen drivers on the road, they don’t pay attention. That’s it for raising the driving age. Second, there are some good reasons to lower the driving age. Kids need a way to get to work after school. Or some kids have sports practice after school. That’s it for lowering the driving age. Last, we could keep the driving age the same. There don’t seem to be too many bad things happening to teens on the road.  Maybe we should just keep things the same. So, there you have it. Some reasons for raising the driving age. Some reasons for lowering the driving age, and some reasons for keeping it the same. Do what you think is best. The organizing strategy is formulaic. The writer shows only minimal control of grouping, sequencing, and transitions. Related Ideas Grouped Transitions Ideas Sequenced (  ) Ideas Repeated in Conclusion

140 Example of Score Point 3 in ORGANIZATION I heard that the state legislature is talking about raising the driving age to eighteen. I think there are better ways we can reduce accidents. I believe I have an effective solution. First off, I think the problem has more to do with not enough training and restrictions. Not all teens take the proper driver training courses. I always see students texting while driving. The eat their cheeseburger in traffic. They cram like 100 kids into the back seat.  No wonder there are so many wrecks. How about we put some restrictions on teen drivers? There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car; all kinds of bad things can happen. Also, kids should not be allowed to drive at night. Oh, and how about banning cell phones for everyone under the age of 25? You could also make driver’s ed. mandatory. Kids should take like 4 hours of driver’s ed. per week. They can learn several key safety tips. The instructors are very knowledgeable, and they want you to succeed on the road. If kids can’t afford driver’s ed., it could be offered through schools. So please talk to your coworkers at the state legislature. It’s not the age that matters. It’s the amount of training people get. Plus, if your really concerned about teens driving, just give them more restrictions. There is clear grouping. Sequencing is clear but not necessarily logical. Some transitions link ideas. Related Ideas Grouped Transitions Ideas Sequenced (  ) Less Repetition in Conclusion Intro is Clear

141 Example of Score Point 4 in ORGANIZATION I heard that the state legislature is talking about raising the driving age to eighteen. Please, I’m begging you, talk some sense into your coworkers. It’s not about age. There are plenty of crazy 50 year olds driving. Getting good driver training is what teens need. Granted, it is true that teens get into wrecks. Some teens think they know best and drive stupid.  They do things that are dangerous and hurt themselves and others. But it is true that older drivers do stupid stuff too.  Just last week I saw a grown woman hit a parked car.  Man, that’s sad. I think the problem has more to do with not enough training. All drivers are given a simple driving test and then their license.  No wonder there are so many accidents.  Why not just give a person their license? To reduce accidents, people need more training. They need to know when to be careful and when to take chances behind the wheel. If you really want to be careful, give teens some restrictions.  There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car; all kinds of bad things can happen. Moreover, kids should not be allowed to drive at night.  I believe that if these mandates were set in place, accidents would go down.  More so than raising the driving age. So please talk to your coworkers at the state legislature. It’s not the age that matters. It’s the amount of training people get. Plus, if your really concerned about teens driving, just give them more restrictions. There is clear grouping. Sequencing is more consistently logical. A greater variety of transitions link ideas. Related Ideas Grouped Transitions Ideas Sequenced (  ) Little Repetition in Conclusion Intro is Engaging

142 Example of Score Point 5 in ORGANIZATION In some states, the state legislature is increasing the minimum driving age form 16 to 17.  This decision came about because of the number of teen-related accidents that have been a constant problem in recent years.  Although the decision has somewhat decreased the amount of accidents, it has also greatly hindered teens trying to get from school and work without fear. There is a growing problem of teen related accidents and fatalities in recent years.  Careless teens who believe they are invincible carelessly drive and cause many accidents.  How many times do you read about a fatal wreck caused by some kid who was trying to text while driving?  Although this problem purportedly has to do with age and experience, then how is it that there are some teens that drive better than adults?  No matter how old you are when you start driving, you always start with the same amount of experience: 0. I believe that the driving age isn’t the problem.  The problem is the lack of passenger restrictions, and time restrictions in many states. The teens that get into bad wrecks and get hurt more than likely have one or more other teenagers in the car. Also, the majority of these accidents occur in the wee hours of the morning.  I believe that if mandates were set in place, they would have a far greater impact on teen drivers than raised driving ages.  For example, teens under 18 should not be allowed to drive with other teens for one year after getting their license or to drive past the hour of midnight. The main reason that states are pushing for higher age restrictions is because they claim that 16 year olds lack the capacity to operate a motor vehicle.  Wrong.  The problem has much more to do with inadequate training.  Teens are given a simple driving test and then their license. What teens need instead is in-depth training about how to handle a vehicle in rainy or icy conditions and facts about when and where most accidents occur so they can avoid these places and times.  Defensive driving techniques, like staying at least two car lengths behind the vehicle in front of you would be educational. Overall, I believe this is a very bad idea. It doesn’t help the new driver out at all; in fact, it actually hurts them. What we need are state sponsored mandatory driving programs for teenagers and minor limitations on driving. That would make a real difference. There is clear grouping. Sequencing is nearly always logical. A wide variety of transitions link ideas. The conclusion provides more definitive closure. Related Ideas Grouped Transitions Ideas Sequenced (  ) Conclusion Provides Definitive Closure. Intro sets stage

143 Introductions: What NOT to do Repeat or barely paraphrase the writing topic. “The school system are considering uniforms for the students to wear.” Formula thesis and three supporting points that gives away all the writer’s ideas and requires the writer to be able to restate the thesis and major supporting points in order to move beyond score point 2. “We should not have to wear uniforms at school for three reasons. The first reason is because uniforms…The second reason is because uniforms…The third reason is because uniforms…”

144 Planning to Write: Developing an Introduction Introduce the topic by saying something about the issue and why people might have different points of view about it. Find a hook to engage the reader’s emotions: compassion, guilt, fear, outrage. Try to establish common ground with the reader. Hint at the purpose of the piece of writing.

More Effective Intros Thought-provoking Questions Setting the stage for the body of the paper Directly Addressing the Reader Addressing the counterpoint Compelling Statement or Quote

Thought-provoking Questions What if Thomas Edison gave up before inventing the light-bulb or the telephone ? Many people today are discouraging the use of government money for space exploration. The idea that this is a waste of money is absolutely preposterous. Without space exploration, we would have no idea what it is like in outer space. Moreover, space exploration could help the overcrowded world, present cures for diseases, and help the environment. These are the problems facing my generation everyday, and with space exploration they could become problems no other generation has to deal with again.

Setting the stage for the body of the paper There has been a current controversy surrounding space exploration. Should we continue to fund it or not? It is important that the pro-space argument be heard. The U.S. government has supported space exploration for over 25 years. The few billion dollars per year is a small percentage of the annual budget. This money is well spent; NASA needs to continue.

Directly Addressing the Reader Dear Representative Barrow, Your tax-payers’ dollars have gone to the space exploration program. Although learning about the world around us is important, there are more important areas to which these funds should be directed. In the recent tragic events and problems that have accumulated since the dawn of the new millennium, there is money needed to assist in solving these problems so that we can have a better America, and a better Georgia, to live in.

Addressing the Counterpoint The United States government has been funding the space program for over 25 years. Granted, there have been some great successes, like putting a man on the moon. In addition to these successes, however, there have been failures, like the Challenger and Columbia disasters. Couple this with today’s pressing domestic and foreign issues, and I believe you will agree that it is time to redirect NASA funds to other programs.

Compelling Statement or Quote In 1969, Neil Armstrong landed on the moon for the United States of America. Upon taking the first step, he famously said, “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” But was it? That little journey he made was not free, and it did not bring world peace or put an end to hunger. The government is wasting money on space exploration when they should be using that money on problems that we are facing now.

More Effective Conclusions Questions for the Reader to Consider Summary of Key Points Without Repetition Reminder of Personal Connections the Reader Has to the Topic New but Related Issue to Consider Compelling Statement

Questions for the Reader to Consider Outer space could be the answer to some of our most troubling problems on Earth. How would you feel if you were the one to discourage this only to find out that you denied hundreds of people a much better life? Space exploration could help our overcrowded world, present cures for vexing diseases, and help our environment. However, if we don’t fund this exploration, we will never know what we are missing or how good we could have had it.

Summary of Key Points Without Repetition By now, I hope it is plain to see what needs to be done. Don’t get me wrong: space is cool, and we benefit from exploring it. It’s just that our current program is filled with problems, and we have serious concerns to address here on Earth. Let’s get to work!

Reminder of Personal Connections the Reader Has to the Topic Ted, I think be now you can see that we should not only continue spending money on space exploration, but we should think about increasing the funds. Just remember, you represent a district in the Georgia Tech area. Think how the alumni will feel if you vote to stop sending funds to NASA, considering how many folks at NASA are Yellow Jackets.

New but Related Issue to Consider Overall, this issue raises many additional questions about what we spend money on. Beyond space travel, can we really afford to give big banks billions of dollars? Can we really afford a new Air Force One every year? We have too many basic but serious problems to contend with. There are too many people in our country and world, right here, right now, who need help. Let’s not forget them in order to explore the final frontier.

Compelling Statement We can’t afford to have our heads pointed to the heavens when there are millions reeling before us. It would be nice to know the composition of Mars’s surface, sure. But how many people on Mars are dying of cancer?

157 Mistake Writers Make in Organization Writes a draft without prewriting Repeats the same information in the introduction, body, and conclusion of the paper. Does not group related ideas. Begins the paper with no introduction and/or ends with no conclusion. Does not use transitions to link ideas within paragraphs and across paragraphs. Uses the same transitional device throughout the paper.

158 Instructional Activities for Organization Understanding Logical Structure/Overall Plan Print copies of the papers in the Assessment and Instructional Guide that represent effective organization. –Cut the photocopies into individual sentences or paragraphs. –Divide the class into small groups or pairs. –Ask students to reconstruct the entire argument from the pieces they have been given. –Some students may need practice reconstructing paragraphs before attempting to reconstruct entire student papers. –Ask students what strategies they used to approach this task. –Show students the original paper in its entirety.

159 Instructional Activities for Organization Writing Effective Introductions and Conclusions Using a student writing sample with a minimal introduction, model and brainstorm ways of turning an ordinary introduction into an effective one. For persuasive conclusions, model making predictions about an issue, calls to action on an issue, and answering the question: “What will the world be like if you don’t take my advice?” these can be extreme and exaggerated to make a point and reiterate the writer’s position. Photocopy persuasive writing samples in the GHSWT Assessment and Instructional Guide. –Cut off the introduction or conclusion (or both) for several papers. Ask students to try to write introductions to fit the body of the paper or ask students to write a body to fit the introduction to the paper. –Repeat with conclusions.

160 Planning to Write: Developing an Introduction Introduce the topic by saying something about the issue and why people might have different points of view about it. Find a hook to engage the reader’s emotions: compassion, guilt, fear, outrage. Try to establish common ground with the reader. Hint at the purpose of the piece of writing.

161 The Components of Style STYLE Word Choice Audience Awareness Voice Sentence Variety Style: The degree to which the writer controls language to engage the reader.

163 Word Choice Effective word choice is determined on the basis of subject matter (topic), audience, and purpose. –In persuasive writing: strengthens the writer’s position on an issue Word choice establishes the tone of a piece of writing. Effective word choice “shows” rather than “tells” the reader about the subject or topic. Word choice involves more than the “correct” dictionary meaning of a word. Word choice goes beyond precision to include the connotations (the associations, meanings, or emotions a word suggests) of words.

164 Effective LANGUAGE “in action” LevelExample Simple and Ordinary Word Choice There are lots of reasons we should keep the driving age the same. One reason is kids are not bad at driving. They just need good training. Good training would help a lot. Kids will get better at driving. More effective word choice There are several reasons we should keep the driving age the same. For starters, kids are not totally incompetent at driving. They just need the proper training. The right training would help a student’s confidence go through the roof. Their driving will be safer, causing the accident rate to decline.

165 Levels of Language (described in the Grade 11 Scoring Rubric) LevelExample Precise and Engaging “I cannot deny that segregation or even tension exists between these groups, nor that attire seems to be a defining variable among these groups.” Simple and ordinary: “We like to wear the clothes we got on.”

166 Types of Language (described in the Grade 11 Scoring Rubric) Descriptive: uses details that appeal to the senses and enables the reader to see, hear, and/or feel what the writer recounts Figurative: figures of speech or phrases that suggest meanings different from their literal meanings (hyperbole, metaphor, simile, irony) Technical: precise terms and phrases used to clarify or explain a particular subject matter or process Carefully crafted phrases: the purposeful selection of vivid words and phrases to create a sustained tone and engage the reader; groups of words that convey a clear meaning and serve a particular rhetorical purpose

167 Examples: Descriptive: “In the party class, there will be 150 video games to choose from. Oh, did I mention the snacks? Chocolaty Snickers, salty, cheesy popcorn, and ice-cold fizzy Coke are just a few things you can grab.” Figurative: The cooking class teaches students about healthier choices than that 3,000 calorie cheeseburger topped with a layer of cholesterol.” Technical: “In the golf class, students could learn how to “draw” the ball, which means making the ball curve from right to left (if you’re right-handed).” Carefully crafted phrases: “Not only will drama encourage students to use their god-given talents and abilities, but it will also help them build strong, life-long relationships.”

Descriptive Word Choice  Gives the reader a clearer sense of your ideas…works well with appeals to facts/information Simple The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe. Descriptive The shuttle program not only costs taxpayers billions, but it is also dangerous There have been serious failures in recent years. For example, there were the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry.

Figurative Word Choice  Allows you to emphasize a point in a humorous or dramatic way. Simple UGA’s team line is pretty big. Figurative Florida’s defense will have find it tricky breaking through the five concrete barriers protecting Matthew Stafford.

Technical Word Choice  Works well with appeals to facts/information, especially in math, science, and social studies essays. Simple UGA’s team is pretty big. Technical The average weight for a UGA offensive lineman is 290 pounds, meaning the total weight of the front five is approximately 3/4 of a ton.

171 Audience Awareness To What Extent Does the Writer Attempt to Engage the Reader? Emotional Appeals Figurative Language Language with Strong Connotative Meanings Evocative Voice Rhetorical Questions; “How would you feel if..” Addressing the reader: “You should” or “We all should” Example of Audience Awareness… Don’t you think your younger constituents would appreciate it greatly if you took this approach?

172 Tone Tone refers to the attitude a writer expresses toward the reader, the subject, and sometimes himself/herself. –To be effective, tone must be consistent with the writer’s purpose. –Tone is established through choice of words and details. Example of effective tone… The main reason states are pushing for higher age restrictions is because they claim that 16 year olds lack the capacity to operate a motor vehicle. Wrong. The problem has much more to do with inadequate training.

173 Voice Voice refers to the degree to which the writer’s personality is evident. –A helpful reminder to students is to keep the audience in mind when letting voice come through (i.e., try not to alienate the audience). Example of effective, humorous voice… But it is true that older drivers do stupid stuff behind the wheel too. Just last week I saw a grown woman hit a parked car. Man, that’s sad.

174 Sentence Variety How Sentences Vary: 1.Length The number of words Word length 2.Structure Simple Complex Compound Compound-complex 3.Type Declarative Interrogative Imperative

175 The differences in SENTENCE VARIETY are clear. LevelExample Little variety There are lots of reasons we should keep the driving age the same. One reason is kids are not bad at driving. They just need good training. Good training would help a lot. Kids will get better at driving. More sentence variety There are several reasons we should keep the driving age the same. For starters, kids are not totally incompetent at driving. They just need the proper training. The right training would help a student’s confidence go through the roof. As a result, their driving will be safer, causing the accident rate to decline.

Sentence Variety and Style Avoid too many simple sentences. Avoid similar sentence beginnings. Aim for control.

Avoid too many simple sentences Too many: There have been problems with the space program. It is really expensive. It is not really safe. There have been two accidents and lives lost. Better: There have been problems with the space program, such as high costs and poor safety. There have been two accidents and lives lost.

Avoid similar sentence beginnings Repetitious: The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. Better: This needs to stop because there have been problems with the space program. Beyond this, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world.

Aim for control! Overloaded: Because of recent failures involving the space program, and, more specifically, the space shuttle, and also with more pressing domestic and foreign relations issues at hand, I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. Better: Because of recent failures involving the shuttle program and more pressing issues facing our country, I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs.

Style: Score Point 1 The United States government has spent billions of dollars on the space program for over 25 years. That needs to stop. There have been problems with the space program. Two, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. Thanks for taking time to read my paper. I hope you make the right decision. 1 in Style because of brevity

Style: Score Point 2 The United States government has spent billions of dollars on the space program for over 25 years. That needs to stop. The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. The first reason this needs to stop is there have been problems with the space program. For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe. There have been two accidents and lives lost. So, the program needs to stop because there are many problems with it. The second reason this needs to stop is, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. America is at war on two fronts. Plus, there could be another terrorist attack. Also, there are many people in America who are hungry and don’t have homes. There are many problems we need to deal with instead of sending people to space. So, I think we need to stop funding space travel. Remember, there are many problems with the space program. Secondly, there are really important issues we need to address here at home. Thanks for reading my letter. Word choice is mostly simple and repetitive; there is little sentence variety in this paper. Simple, repetitive word choice

Style: Score Point 3 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. For one, there have been problems with the space program. Two, there are really important issues to deal with in the U.S. and across the world. I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space program’s main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, there are problems with it. For one, it is really expensive. Secondly, it is not really safe. There have been two major accidents, with the Challenger at lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry. Both of these disasters cost the lives of the crews on board. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. Also, let’s not forget the people in America who are hungry and don’t have homes. There are many problems in our country we need to solve before sending the next group of astronauts to the moon. Finally, there is the energy and oil situation. It is getting tough for people to afford gasoline. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had many problems. The money could be better spent on keeping America safe and finding new energy sources. Some lapses into simple word choice, but most of the word choice is engaging. There is some variation in sentence length and structure. Simple word choice More engaging word choice

Style: Score Point 4 Would you continue to fund something that was basically failing? The American space program has been filled with problems, and we have really important issues to address here on Earth. For this reason, I believe we should redirect the funds. In the past 25 years, the space program’s main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been serious failures with the space program. For example, there were the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry. Both of these disasters cost the lives of the crews on board. The lost shuttles also cost the taxpayers millions. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts. How can we spend money on space when all of our troops don’t have adequate supplies? Plus, there is the constant threat of another terrorist attack. We need to bring our troops home and keep America safe from people who want to harm us. Let’s not have another September 11, 2001. Finally, there is the energy and oil situation. It is getting tough for people to afford gasoline. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology, in addition to wind and solar power. Not only are these sources cheaper, but they are also cleaner. By now, I hope it is plain to see what needs to be done. Don’t get me wrong: space is cool, and we benefit from exploring it. It’s just that our current program is filled with problems, and we have serious concerns to address here on Earth. Let’s get to work! Lapses into simpler word choice are less frequent. Engaging word choice Simpler word choice

Style: Score Point 5 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. Because of recent failures involving the space program, and, more specifically, the space shuttle, and also with more pressing domestic and foreign relations issues at hand, I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space program’s main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been two major failures with the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry. Both of these disasters cost a lot of money, and more importantly, the lives of the crews on board. If there is not an alternative to the shuttle, I don’t see how we can continue to safely and successfully reap the benefits of space exploration. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts, in Iraq and with terrorism. I feel that the war in Iraq needs more funds for its resolution and to bring our troops over their home safely. More funds need to go to protecting the homeland from another terrorist attack, and to catching the terrorists who could be planning these future attacks. Moreover, these are all really global issues, so I feel it is also in the best interest of the government to put more funds into keeping up foreign relations with other countries. Continued on next slide… Engaging word choice Less effective control of language Break this sentence into two.

Style: Score Point 5 My final plea in asking you to redirect your funds concerns what I believe is the issue in the most dire and immediate need of attention and that is this countries’ energy and oil situation. It has come to the point that your average American family is having trouble financially with heating their homes and fueling their cars. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner, wind and solar power generation. These energy sources are not only cheaper; they are renewable and do not impact or pollute our environment with CO2 emission. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had notable failures with only modest successes. Given the many challenges confronting our world, I believe the time is now to think seriously about redirecting NASA’s funds. Your next generation of voters will thank you. Word choice is consistently engaging; there are very few lapses in control of language. Engaging Word choice Less effective control Of language

186 Example of Score Point 1 in Style All this talk about the driving age makes me sleepy. So, I think I’ll take a nap, bye. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Oh, I just heard an announcement that there are ten minutes remaining. I don’t see what the big deal is, people will always get in accidents. Changing the driving age won’t help. So just eat, drink, and be married. There is insufficient writing in this response to determine competence in STYLE.

187 Example of Score Point 2 in Style There are some good reasons to raise the driving age. There are also some good reasons to lower it. Or maybe we should just keep it the same. First off, there are some good reasons to raise the driving age. There are a lot of bad teen drivers on the road, they don’t pay attention. That’s it for raising the driving age. Second, there are some good reasons to lower the driving age. Kids need a way to get to work after school. Or some kids have sports practice after school. That’s it for lowering the driving age. Last, we could keep the driving age the same. There don’t seem to be too many bad things happening to teens on the road. Maybe we should just keep things the same. So, there you have it. Some reasons for raising the driving age. Some reasons for lowering the driving age, and some reasons for keeping it the same. Do what you think is best. Most of the word choice is simple and repetitive. There is minimal audience awareness and sentence variety. Simpler, more Repetitive language Audience Awareness Effective word choice

188 Example of Score Point 3 in Style I heard that the state legislature is talking about raising the driving age to eighteen. I think there are better ways we can reduce accidents. I believe I have an effective solution. First off, I think the problem has more to do with not enough training and restrictions. Not all teens take the proper driver training courses. I see a lot of texting while driving. They eat their cheeseburger in traffic. They cram like 100 kids into the back seat. No wonder there are a lot of wrecks. How about we put some restrictions on teen drivers? There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car; all kinds of bad things can happen. Also, kids shouldn’t drive at night. Also, how about banning cell phones for everyone under the age of 25? You could also make driver’s ed. mandatory. Kids should take like 4 hours of driver’s ed. per week. They can learn good safety tips. The instructors are very knowledgeable, and they want you to succeed on the road. If kids can’t afford driver’s ed., it could be offered through schools. So please talk to your coworkers at the state legislature. It’s not the age that matters. It’s the amount of training people get. Plus, if your really concerned about teens driving, just give them more restrictions. The word choice is more effective in this example, and there is greater evidence of audience awareness and sentence variety. Simpler, more Repetitive language Audience Awareness Effective word choice

189 Example of Score Point 4 in Style I heard that the state legislature is talking about raising the driving age to eighteen. Please, I’m begging you, talk some sense into your coworkers. It’s not about age. There are plenty of crazy 50 year olds driving. Getting good driver training is what teens need. Granted, it is true that teens get into wrecks. Some teens think they know best and drive stupid. They drive recklessly, hurting others and themselves. But it is true that older drivers have their moments too. Just last week I saw a grown woman hit a parked car. Man, that’s sad. I think the problem has more to do with not enough training. All drivers are given a simple driving test and then their license. No wonder there are so many accidents. Why not just give a person their license? To reduce accidents, people need more training. They need to know when to be cautious and when to take chances behind the wheel. If you really want to be careful, give teens some restrictions. There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car; that’s just a recipe for disaster. Moreover, kids should not be allowed to drive at night. I believe that if these mandates were set in place, accidents would go down. More so than raising the driving age. So please talk to your coworkers at the state legislature. It’s not the age that matters. It’s the amount of training people get. Plus, if your really concerned about teens driving, just give them more restrictions. The word choice here is even more consistently effective, and there is even greater evidence of the writer’s voice, audience awareness, and sentence variety. Simpler, more Repetitive language Audience Awareness Effective word choice Voice

190 Example of Score Point 5 in Style In some states, the state legislature is increasing the minimum driving age form 16 to 17. This decision came about because of the number of teen-related accidents that have been a constant problem in recent years. Although the decision has somewhat decreased the amount of accidents, it has also greatly hindered teens trying to get from school and work without fear. There is a growing problem of teen related accidents and fatalities in recent years. Careless teens who believe they are invincible carelessly drive and cause many accidents. How many times do you read about a fatal wreck caused by some kid who was trying to text while driving? Although this problem purportedly has to do with age and experience, then how is it that there are some teens that drive better than adults? No matter how old you are when you start driving, you always start with the same amount of experience: 0. I believe that the driving age isn’t the problem. The problem is the lack of passenger restrictions, and time restrictions in many states. The teens that get into bad wrecks and get hurt more than likely have one or more other teenagers in the car. Also, the majority of these accidents occur in the wee hours of the morning. I believe that if mandates were set in place, they would have a far greater impact on teen drivers than raised driving ages. For example, teens under 18 should not be allowed to drive with other teens for one year after getting their license or to drive past the hour of midnight. The main reason that states are pushing for higher age restrictions is because they claim that 16 year olds lack the capacity to operate a motor vehicle. Wrong. The problem has much more to do with inadequate training. Teens are given a simple driving test and then their license. What teens need instead is in-depth training about how to handle a vehicle in rainy or icy conditions and facts about when and where most accidents occur so they can avoid these places and times. Defensive driving techniques, like staying at least two car lengths behind the vehicle in front of you would be educational. Overall, I believe this is a very bad idea. It doesn’t help the new driver out at all; in fact, it actually hurts them. What we need are state sponsored mandatory driving programs for teenagers and minor limitations on driving. That would make a real difference. Several carefully crafted phrases keep the audience engaged throughout the response. Simpler, more Repetitive language Audience Awareness Carefully Crafted Phrases Voice

191 Mistakes Writers Make in Style Uses language that is simple and ordinary Repeats the same words and sentence patterns Does not craft language to engage the reader or reveal his/her own attitude toward the topic to the audience. Does not address the reader anywhere in the paper

192 Instructional Strategies for Style Word Choice Encourage students to keep personal lists of interesting words or keep a bulletin board where students can post engaging words. Aloud as a class, practice generating descriptive and figurative language for students. Style is meant to be heard. Aloud as a class, practice creating images with descriptive language, similes, and metaphors. Using strong verbs is an important element of engaging writing. Post lists of passive verbs to avoid on the classroom wall. These usually include forms of the verb “to be,” has, had, have, and other verbs that lead to passive constructions. After writing practice drafts (or with AIG student writing samples), ask students to underline or highlight forms of the verb “to be,” then ask them to rewrite the sentence with stronger verbs.

193 Instructional Strategies for Style Voice Encourage writers to address the “So what?” question with each persuasive topic. Why should anyone care about this topic? What is important to me about this topic? As a large or small group each day, take an ordinary sentence from one of the samples in the Assessment and Instructional Guide and rewrite it several ways, to be both more engaging and to vary the structure. Encourage writers to include their personal feelings and attitudes about the GHSWT topic or issue in their papers. Read aloud and discuss the student writing samples in the Assessment and Instructional guide that have received scores of 4 or 5 in Style. It is more difficult for most student writers to achieve voice when writing in the third person than in the first person. Encourage writers to directly address the audience in all parts of the paper using rhetorical questions, challenges, emotional appeals, etc. Using the writing samples in the Assessment and Instructional Guide, have students rewrite all or part of a paper using a different tone. Share the variety of ways the same persuasive ideas can be presented in a paper.

194 The Components and Elements of Conventions CONVENTIONS Sentence Formation Correctness, Clarity of Meaning, Complexity, End Punctuation Usage Subject/Verb Agreement, Standard Word Forms, Verb Tenses Mechanics Internal Punctuation, Spelling, Paragraph Breaks, Capitalization Domain Components Elements

196 Overview of Score Points 1-5 Levels of Competence in Conventions Score: 1 Lack of Control Score: 2 Minimal Control Score: 3 Sufficient Control Score: 4 Consistent Control Score: 5 Full Command GREEN = The degree to which the writer demonstrates control of the components of Conventions.

197 Balancing Strengths/Weaknesses in the Components and Elements of Conventions Score Point 5 Correct and varied in all elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Requires a variety of compound and complex sentences. Score Point 4 Correct in most elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics Some elements may be weak, missing, or lack variety Requires both compound and complex sentences. Score Point 3 Correct in majority of elements of Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics, but there may be some errors in each element. Correct in two components but one component may be weak. Requires either compound or complex sentences. Score Point 2 Minimal control in all three components or one component may be strong while the other two are weak Score Point 1 Overall lack of control in all three components although some elements may demonstrate strengths

Zeroing in: Conventions Identify/Eliminate Major Editing Errors: Comma splice Fused sentence Fragment Agreement errors

Conventions Breakdown Major Editing Errors Comma splice Fused sentence Fragment Agreement errors

Comma Splice  Happens when you try to join two sentences with a comma. Fault: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school, therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 1: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 2: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school; therefore students don’t need to help clean.

Fused Sentence  Happens when you try to join two sentences without any punctuation. Fault: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 1: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Therefore students don’t need to help clean. Fix 2: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school; therefore students don’t need to help clean.

Fragment  Happens when a sentence is missing a subject or predicate. Fault: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Like cleaning hallways. They sure get them shiny. Fix: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. For example, they clean hallways. They sure get them shiny. Exception—functional fragment: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. They shine the floors with great effectiveness, and they seem to enjoy it. No whining. No complaining. You would definitely get that from the students.

Agreement/Word Form Errors Fault 1—Subject/Verb Disagreement: Janitors already does a great job cleaning the school. Fix: Janitors already do a great job cleaning the school. Fault 2—Pronoun/Antecedent Disagreement (often related to number): If a student wants to clean the school, I think we should let them. Fix: If a student wants to clean the school, I think we should let him or her. Fault 3—Incorrect Word Forms: Janitors already clean all the bathroom in the school. Fix: Janitors already clean all the bathrooms in the school.

Conventions: Score Point 1 Space exploration. Over the past 25 years, the U.S. government go to exploring outer space. Dollars on space. U.S. governmen spent billions of dollars on space exploration. Is importan use governmen. Helping people. Could be better help people here on Earth. Congressional representative. Continue fondid space exploration or to redirect those fund to other projects. Citizens. Some citizen be live exploring outer space is an importan to use of governmen help. Conclution: over 25 years the government of U.S. send new project to space, and spent billions of dollars on this actions. There are severe errors in sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. Errors

Conventions: Score Point 2 Dear U.S. Representative, To whom this many concern, im wanting to express my opioion. I think that the government needs to spend money on other projects in this world such as making the world look better, making the world more exciting, and supporting our land. The main reason why I think that the government should use money on other projects is because this world has been through so much and its starting to look very trashy. I would like to see a big change in the world. It isn’t just the terrorist attacks, or the wars that’s destroying this world, its people also who don’t care about their world, or their land. I think that exploration is space is very neat. I think its interesting to find out things that you haven’t heard or seen before, but I just think that it’s better to help our world out. I think that the government needs to be in charge more and quit letting people destroy or mess up are wonderful land. Our world is too strong and too charming to let foolish people rule it. I do think that our government does a great job, I just wish that I could see a major change in the world and that everyone would quit acting foolish and support this land instead of destroying it. There is a mix of control here—about as many correct examples as incorrect. Errors

Conventions: Score Point 3 Exploring outer space has always been interesting to humans. The U.S. government has spent billions of dollars on space exploration when there is still much improvement needed to be done on earth. The money the government uses to explore space could be used to better the world we live in. First, we could invest money into helping homeless familys getting food, shelter, and medical care. The government could build larger homeless shelters with beds and bathrooms. Medical care is expensive for everyone, but even the people who cannot pay for it, need medical care. There are many humans in the world right now starveing. Providing food to everyone is important. There is no need for anyone to be feed when so much money is being spent on exploring space. Next, the money could allow scientist to find a way to reduce trash and pollution. Humans produce a lot of trash, and some trash will not go away for years. If we keep doing this, without finding a way to get rid of trash, the world will be covered in trash. Scientist could find a way to reduce trash that is not biodegreatable or takes years to occur. Finally, we could use the money in finding a way to reduce the amount of air and water pollution. Due to cars, factory’s, and many other activities and devices, the air and water on earth is polluted. Big cities, like New York, have a major problem with air pollution. The money that is being used to explore space could be used to improve public transportation. This would make it easier for people to travel car causing less air pollution. The money the government uses to explore space could be used to better the world we live in. The money could go to helping homeless familys and children in getting food, shelter, and medical care. The government could fund scientist trying to find a way to get rid of trash and other pollution. The government could also use the money to reduce air and water pollution, such as public transportation. The planet we live on needs to be improved before money is spent exploring outer space. There are some sentence, usage, and mechanics errors, but the writer demonstrates control in the majority of the response. Errors

Conventions: Score Point 4 The U.S. government has been collecting income tax from it’s citizens since 1915. This huge sum of money goes towards government funded projects and jobs. One organization this money goes towards is NASA. This organization creates hundreds of jobs in the scientific field and lets us explore far into the outer reaches of space. But there are some critics which say that this money should be cut off and used for domestic research here on Earth. In the 1960’s the great space race was neck and neck between the United States and Russia. Finally in 1969 the USA reached the moon and started an era which created many theories and scientific breakthroughs. Some of these breakthroughs are satellite TV, GPS navigation, and long distance phone calls. Imagining the world without these things is extremely hard to do. Mars is the closest planet to Earth and looks a lot like Earth would have billions of years ago. America has put multiple robotic units on this red wasteland and is thinking of colonization in generations to come. The reason for this plan to build shelter on this planet is because of how we are treating Earth. If monstrosities like gas guzzling SUV’s and littering don’t end, then our childrens children won’t have beautiful blue skies and green grass to play in. The argument of funding litter reduction programs and the production hybrid cars instead of NASA is crazy because of the amount of money that the U.S. government has toward these programs already. To have all money go to one side will cause a great unbalance of funds and wouldn’t make any sense. We have loved this planet and at the rate we’re going, more and more animals will be added to the endangered species list. We all should be shaking in our shoes and when resourses die out, the human race will have somewhere to go. When picking a side on this argument, you should think about what you are paying for. This effects each person in the United States and it should be left up for the people to decide. So when all of this money comes flowing in and it is your decision to see where it goes, say NASA because having electric cars and reduced littering will only slow down the planet’s demise. Finding new places to live will have to happen and funding is now needed badly. The writer consistently controls the elements of Conventions. Errors

Conventions: Score Point 5 The United States government has been funding billions of dollars to the space program for over 25 years, and I believe that that needs to stop. Because of recent failures involving the space program, and more specifically the space shuttle, and also with more pressing domestic and foreign relations issues at hand, I am asking you to redirect funding for space exploration into other programs. In the past 25 years, the space program’s main vehicle for transportation to outer space has been the space shuttle. Now though, I feel it is becoming obsolete. There have been two major failures with the explosions of the Challenger lift off, and more recently with the Columbia re-entry. Both of these disasters cost a lot of money, and more importantly, the lives of the crew on board. If there is not an alternative to the shuttle, I don’t see how we can continue to safely and successfully reap the benefits of space exploration. If funding isn’t going to the space program, it needs to be going to fund more pressing issues. A fact we can not forget is that America is at war on two fronts, in Iraq and with terrorism. I feel that the war in Iraq needs more funds for its resolution and to bring our troops over their home safely. More funds need to go to protecting the homeland from another terrorist attack, and to catching the terrorists who could be planning these future attacks. Moreover, these are all really global issues, so I feel it is also in the best interest of the government to put more funds into keeping up foreign relations with other countries. Continued on next slide… Errors

Conventions: Score Point 5 My final plea in asking you to redirect your funds concerns what I believe is the issue in the most dire and immediate need of attention and that is this countries energy and oil situation. It has come to the point that your average American family is having trouble financially with heating their homes and fueling their cars. The government really needs to fund the research and development of new and cheaper alternatives to oil. For example, we should invest money in biodiesel technology and cleaner wind and solar power generation. These energy sources are not only cheaper; they are renewable and do not impact or pollute our environment with CO2 emission. I am unhappy about where government funding has been going, especially when it comes to the space program. In the past years, the space program has had more failures than successes. I am asking for the funding going to the space program to be redirected to go to larger, world wide affairs, such as fighting terrorism, resolution in Iraq, and upholding good relations with foreign countries. Also to more domestic issues such as energy and protecting the homeland. There are very few errors in this paper, and the writer uses a variety of sentence, usage, and mechanics constructions. Errors

210 Example of Score Point 1 in Conventions All this talk about the driving age makes me sleepy. So, I think I’ll take a nap, bye. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Oh, I just heard an announcement that there are ten minutes remaining. I don’t see what the big deal is, people will always get in accidents. Changing the driving age won’t help. So just eat, drink, and be married. There is insufficient writing in this response to determine competence in CONVENTIONS.

211 Example of Score Point 2 in Conventions There are some good reasons to raise the driving age. There are also some good reasons to lower it. Or maybe we should just keep it the same. First off, there are some good reason to raise the driving age. There are a lot of bad teen drivers on the road, they don’t pay attention. That’s it for raising the driving age. Second, there are some good reasons to lower the driving age. Kids needs a way to get to work after school. Or some kids have sports practice after school. That’s it for lowering the driving age. Last, we could keep the driving age the same. There don’t seem to be too many bad thing happening to teens on the road. Maybe we should just keep things the same. So, there you have it. Some reasons for raising the driving age. Some reasons for lowering the driving age, and some reasons for keeping it the same. Do what you think is best. There are about as many correct examples as incorrect examples of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. Usage Errors Mechanics Errors Sentence Errors

212 Example of Score Point 3 in Conventions I heard that the state legislature is talking about raising the driving age to eighteen. I think there are better ways we can reduce acidents. I believe I have an affective solution. First off, I think the problem has more to do with not enuff training and restrictions. Not all teens take the proper driver training courses. I see a lot of texting while driving. They eat there cheeseburger in traffic. They cram like 100 kids into the back seat, no wonder there are a lot of wrecks. How about we put some restrictions on teen drivers? There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car, all kinds of bad things can happen. Kids shouldn’t drive at night. How about banning cell phones for everyone under the age of 25? You could also make driver’s ed. mandatory. Kids should take like 4 hours of driver’s ed. per week. They can learn good safety tips. The instructors are very knowledgeable, and they want you to succeed on the road. If kids can’t afford driver’s ed., it could be offered threw schools. Please talk to your coworkers at the state legislature. Its not the age that matters. It’s the amount of training people get. If your really concernd about teens driving, just give them more restrictions. Correct examples outweigh incorrect examples of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. Usage Errors Mechanics Errors Sentence Errors

213 Example of Score Point 4 in Conventions I heard that the state legislature is talking about raising the driving age to eighteen. I think there are better ways we can reduce accidents. I believe I have an effective solution. First off, I think the problem has more to do with not enough training and restrictions. Not all teens take the proper driver training courses. I see a lot of texting while driving. They eat there cheeseburger in traffic. They cram like 100 kids into the back seat, so it’s no wonder there are a lot of wrecks. How about we put some restrictions on teen drivers? There is no way teens should drive with other teens in the car; all kinds of bad things can happen. Kids shouldn’t drive at night. How about banning cell phones for everyone under the age of 25? You could also make driver’s ed. mandatory. Kids should take like 4 hours of driver’s ed. per week. They can learn good safety tips. The instructors are very knowledgeable, and they want you to succeed on the road. If kids can’t afford driver’s ed., it could be offered threw schools. So please talk to your coworkers at the state legislature. It’s not the age that matters. It’s the amount of training people get. If your really concerned about teens driving, just give them more restrictions. Control of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics is more consistent in this response. Usage Errors Mechanics Errors Sentence Errors

214 Example of Score Point 5 in Conventions In some states, the state legislature is increasing the minimum driving age form 16 to 17. This decision came about because of the number of teen-related accidents that have been a constant problem in recent years. Although the decision has somewhat decreased the amount of accidents, it has also greatly hindered teens trying to get from school and work without fear. There is a growing problem of teen related accidents and fatalities in recent years. Careless teens who believe they are invincible carelessly drive and cause many accidents. How many times do you read about a fatal wreck caused by some kid who was trying to text while driving? Although this problem purportedly has to do with age and experience, then how is it that there are some teens that drive better than adults? No matter how old you are when you start driving, you always start with the same amount of experience: 0. I believe that the driving age isn’t the problem. The problem is the lack of passenger restrictions, and time restrictions in many states. The teens that get into bad wrecks and get hurt more than likely have one or more other teenagers in the car. Also, the majority of these accidents occur in the wee hours of the morning. I believe that if mandates were set in place, they would have a far greater impact on teen drivers than raised driving ages. For example, teens under 18 should not be allowed to drive with other teens for one year after getting their license or to drive past the hour of midnight. The main reason that states are pushing for higher age restrictions is because they claim that 16 year olds lack the capacity to operate a motor vehicle. Wrong. The problem has much more to do with inadequate training. Teens are given a simple driving test and then their license. What teens need instead is in-depth training about how to handle a vehicle in rainy or icy conditions and facts about when and where most accidents occur so they can avoid these places and times. Defensive driving techniques, like staying at least two car lengths behind the vehicle in front of you would be educational. Overall, I believe this is a very bad idea. It doesn’t help the new driver out at all; in fact, it actually hurts them. What we need are state sponsored mandatory driving programs for teenagers and minor limitations on driving. That would make a real difference. In spite of a few minor errors, the writer demonstrates full control of sentence formation, usage, and mechanics. Usage Errors Mechanics Errors Sentence Errors

215 Determining Competence in Conventions Using the scoring rubrics appropriately requires reading for competence. This means looking for a demonstration of the writer’s ability to control the components, not tallying errors. Avoid “counting errors” to determine the Conventions score. It is necessary to evaluate the severity and frequency of errors to determine the level of competence demonstrated by the writer. Nearly every student paper contains errors. It is the degree of control – the proportion of correct to incorrect instances and the complexity of what is attempted - that determines the Conventions score. Errors in Sentence Formation, Usage, and Mechanics may force the reader to carefully reread a portion of the paper, and may prevent the reader from understanding the writer’s meaning. Even a “5” level paper may have errors in some of the elements of Conventions, but these errors do not interfere with meaning.

216 Writing Websites WebsiteURL Colorado State Universities Online Writing Labwww.writing.colostate.edu Exemplars: Developing Writerswww.exemplars.com/materials/rwr/index.html Learning-Focused Writing Assignments K-12www.learningfocused.com Purdue University's Online Writing Labwww.owl.english.purdue.edu ReadWriteThinkwww.readwritethink.org Write Sourcewww.thewritesource.com The Writing Sitewww.thewritingsite.org

217 Using the Assessment and Instructional Guide in the Classroom The GHSWT writing samples cover the entire range of student competence in Ideas, Organization, Style, and Conventions. It would be useful to print and laminate a set of models for students to review in the classroom. Each student paper contains multiple mini-lessons of what to do and what NOT to do in persuasive writing. It is important for students to see the range of writing from actual high school students in their own state. Use the Grade 8 and Grade 5 persuasive writing samples with English Language Learners and struggling readers and writers. By using the GHSWT writing samples, you can discuss student writing strengths and challenges without putting the students in your classroom on the spot. Many of the Powerpoint slides can also be used in the classroom.

218 Applying the Analytic Scoring Guidelines 1.Keep the on-demand testing context in mind. These student responses are essentially first drafts constructed with no resources. 2.Read through the entire writing sample. 3.Use the scoring rubric to make a tentative score range decision: Score point 1 or 2 Score point 2 or 3 Score point 3 or 4 Score point 4 or 5 4.Reread the entire writing sample to collect evidence to determine the score. 5.Assign domain scores for Ideas and Organization. 6.Repeat the process for Style and Conventions domains.

219 Contact Information Georgia Center for Assessment Candace Langford, clangfor@uga.educlangfor@uga.edu Mark Patterson, mpatters@uga.edu Toll Free: 888-392-8977

220 Types of Introductions/Conclusions That Invite the Reader In and/or Provide a Preview A.Thought-provoking Questions or rhetorical questions B.Description that Makes the Reader Wonder What’s Coming Next C.Directly Addressing the Reader D.Moving from the Broad Topic to the Writer’s Subject E.Brief personal narrative (anecdote) F.Compelling Statement/Evoke a vivid image G.End with a warning H.Universalize (compare to other situations) I.Make a prediction on the basis of major points

221 Sample Introduction: A Lead that Invites the Reader In A. Thought-Provoking Question “How would you feel waking up every morning and knowing already what to wear? Great, right? But what if it was the same thing you wore yesterday and probably will wear tomorrow? Would it be that great? ”

222 Sample Introduction: A Lead that Invites the Reader In B. Description that Makes the Reader Wonder What’s Coming Next “Laughing is heard quite often in the hallways of our school. The vast majority of students are laughing because their friends have said something funny, but some students laugh at their fellow classmates.”

223 Sample Introduction: A Lead that Invites the Reader In C. Directly Addressing the Reader “You are probably asking yourself: Do I take control of what the students wear to school? Is it wise to continue allowing them to choose their apparel?” “I sincerely hope that you will consider this as an alternative to the status quo.” “Pretend that you have just moved here from a small, poor town.”

224 Sample Introduction: A Lead that Invites the Reader In D. Moving from the Broad Topic to the Writer’s Subject. “Emerson once wrote, “Every heart vibrates to an iron string.” This message of individuality is part of the core of the American mindset. However, a recent controversy has arisen that some see as running completely counter to individuality. Many schools across the country are considering the adoption of uniforms.”

225 Sample Introduction: A Lead that Invites the Reader In E. Brief Narrative Related to the Issue “When I was at C. Baptist School, we were made to wear uniforms. We were to wear a red or white collared shirt with khaki or navy blue pants. That was the most uncomfortable experience of my life. I was not focused on my school work, but on how goofy I thought I looked. I realized how we all kind of looked the same.”

226 Sample Introduction: A Lead that Invites the Reader In F. Compelling Statement “Uniforms unify dress, not students and not individual lives.” “Uniformity does not solve problems; instead it stifles innovation, creativity, and individuality.”

227 Types of Conclusions: An Ending that Provides Closure A.Compelling Statement/Prediction B.Summary of Strongest Point without Repetition C.Reminder of Personal Connections the Reader Has to the Topic D.Questions for the Reader to Think About/Challenge to Reader E.New but Related Issues for the Reader to Think About F.Rhetorical Question

228 Sample Conclusion An Ending that Provides Closure A. Compelling Statement “Uniforms unify dress, not students and not individual lives.” “Uniformity does not solve problems; instead it stunts innovation, creativity, and individuality.”

229 Sample Conclusion An Ending that Provides Closure B. Summary of Key Points without Repetition “Uniforms afford numerous benefits that directly and indirectly improve performance in school. The common arguments against them are generally untrue or exaggerations. Uniforms do no do anything to stop hearts from vibrating to their own iron strings. They actually help amplify the vibrations.”

230 Sample Conclusion An Ending that Provides Closure C. Reminder of Personal Connections the Reader Has to the Topic “I know you have teenage children in public school. Please talk to them about uniforms before you make up your mind. Maybe they can help you understand my feelings and the feelings of all the students in this school. Maybe you can remember what it feels like to be a teenager and every time you turn around, someone is trying to take away your freedom to be yourself. I know if you give the issue a little more consideration that you will be able to make the best decision for our school.”

231 Sample Conclusion An Ending that Provides Closure D. Questions for the Reader to Think About “Would you want to wear the same outfit as every other woman teacher or administrator in our school every day? Would you never tire of looking just the same as everyone else? Wouldn’t it make you feel like a robot instead of a human being with personal needs and preferences?”

232 Sample Conclusion An Ending that Provides Closure E. New but Related Issues for the Reader to Think About “Uniforms are only the beginning. If this rule is passed at our school, there is no telling where it will end. Will they tell us how we have to style our hair too? Will they tell us what brand of makeup to use? What kind of toothpaste?”

Georgia H.S. Writing Test (GHSWT). 2 How the Writing Assessment is Scored ANALYTIC Scoring Four domain of writing are scored –Ideas –Organization –Style.

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Georgia H.S. Writing Test (GHSWT). 2 How the Writing Assessment is Scored ANALYTIC Scoring Four domain of writing are scored –Ideas –Organization –Style.

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