1. Love, Courtship and Marriage
Produced by Simon Siew

2. 7 Stages in Boy-Girl Relationships
Produced by Simon Siew

3. Boys and girls interested only in themselves
Infancy-babyhood
Boys and girls interested only in themselves
Produced by Simon Siew

4. Early Childhood (before age 8)
Boys and girls seek the companionship of other children, regardless of sex (i.e. not gender conscious)
Produced by Simon Siew

5. About age 8
Boys prefer to play with boys, girls with girls (i.e. gender conscious)
Produced by Simon Siew

6. Antagonism shown between the two sex groups
Ages 10-12
Antagonism shown between the two sex groups
Produced by Simon Siew

7. Ages 13 to 14
Girls become interested in boys, try to attract their attention; boys however are aloof
Produced by Simon Siew

8. Ages 14 to 16
Produced by Simon Siew
Boys also show interest in girls; some individuals begin to pair off at this time

9. Ages 16 to 17 onwards
Going out in couples become common. and is considered to be natural among youth.
Produced by Simon Siew

10. Four stages of Love, Courtship & Marriage seen through the analogy of shopping
Friendship - window shopping, scouting to see which to buy. Don’t limit your friendship, do as many as possible, and be friendly.
Courtship – eagerly looking at the product carefully to decide whether to buy it or not. REMEMBER: See but NO Touch!
Engagement - putting a deposit for the product which is signaling your intention to buy.
Marriage - buying the product, closing the deal (no refund or return of product allowed!)
Produced by Simon Siew

11. The four processes leading to marriage
Friendship/ Relating
Courtship
Engagement
Marriage
Praying Inquiring Filtering Relating as a friend
Deepening friendship leading to commitment
Announcement of marriage intention leading to greater focus on each other. Romance begins here.
Entering into a lifelong covenant of loving each other
Produced by Simon Siew

12. Looking ahead to marriage
It is important to look ahead to marriage even though it may still be a long way off for many of us.
This is because a happy successful marriage does not come easy as it involves careful thinking and planning.
Marriage does not just happen – it takes effort, time, energy and much prayer.
Unless we make it known that we are interested in getting married and do something about it, chances are that you will remain single.
Looking ahead to marriage
Produced by Simon Siew

13. Wrong reasons for marriage
Pregnancy
Rebellion
Escape
Physical attraction
Social pressure
Guilt
Pity
Infatuation
Romance
Produced by Simon Siew

14. It is falling in love at first sight, a blind love which lacks realism.
It tends to idolize the person and sees only the attractive qualities while overlooking the flaws.
It is an emotional high which does not last long as feelings have taken over common sense.
It hits suddenly and is an instant love without any deep thought.
Often fickle - person may be in love with more than one person.
It is a selfish kind of love which cannot survive separation and brings disapproval of family.
Marks of infatuation
Produced by Simon Siew

15. Infatuation and physical intimacies
Infatuation is often marked by the fact that the couple always want to be alone and they strive on heavy petting and intimate contacts.
When the physical intimacies finally give way to sex, there is nothing more for them to experience (no more thrill) and that usually is the beginning of problems in their relationship.
Produced by Simon Siew

16. ‘PUPPY LOVE’ LEADS TO…
Produced by Simon Siew

17. A DOG’S LIFE!
Produced by Simon Siew

18. True love Waits for the right time and the right circumstances.
Has its roots in friendship.
Brings out the best in you and the other person.
Has commitment and is respectful of the other.
Produced by Simon Siew

19. Marks of true love Develops slowly. Emphasis is on giving.
Love wants what is best for the other person.
Love is willing to wait.
Has a positive behavior and is unselfish (selfless)
Recognizes faults.
Controls physical contact.
Often brings approval of family.
Produced by Simon Siew

20. What love cannot do
It is natural to want someone to love you and for you to have someone you can love in return (it doesn’t mean you are desperate!).
However you cannot make someone love you as love is always a choice and cannot be forced upon a person.
No matter how much you may love a person, you cannot change him/her to love you.
Produced by Simon Siew

21. How do you know whether the person is the right person?
You need to ask first whether you are the right person.
Seek someone with the same faith and love for God.
Check to see if your parents approve of the person.
Seek the counsel of godly people for they often can offer insights that you do not have.
Do you feel peace and joy in your heart from knowing that person?
If there is more than one person to choose from, pray for wisdom to decide on the best match for you.
How do you know whether the person is the right person?
Produced by Simon Siew

22. Differentiating between God’s will and God’s wisdom
God’s will is not hitting the bull’s eye because God’s will is more comprehensive than that.
Some people believe that God’s will is very specific e.g. that there is ONLY one person whom He has predestined for you to marry and that marrying anyone else is against His will.
On the contrary, it is possible that there may be more than one person approved of God and you will want His wisdom to decide on the better choice/match.
Differentiating between God’s will and God’s wisdom
Produced by Simon Siew

23. Seeking out those approved of God (within His will)
Those approved of God are those of the same faith and love for Him and who follows the Bible.
2 Cor. 6:14,15 - Do not be yoked together with unbelievers….What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
Someone who is a Christian but who is already married or has a lifestyle contrary to God’s words cannot be considered as one approved of God.
Seeking out those approved of God (within His will)
Produced by Simon Siew

24. Seeking God’s wisdom to decide the best match among those approved of Him
After separating those approved of God from those who aren’t, pray and seek after God’s wisdom to determine which among those approved is the best choice for you.
This is where the issue of compatibility comes in.
Produced by Simon Siew

25. How compatible are you with your friend
How compatible are you with your friend? How much does the 2 circles interlock as the friendship progresses
YOUR FRIEND
YOU
Produced by Simon Siew

26. Hardly anything in common with each other Not the best of choice
YOUR FRIEND
YOU
Produced by Simon Siew

27. A little bit in common with each other Possibly a good choice but will have much to work on in marriage
YOUR FRIEND
YOU
Produced by Simon Siew

28. Much in common with each other Definitely a much better choice
YOUR FRIEND
YOU
The two have become soul mates
Produced by Simon Siew

29. Areas of compatibility
Spirituality – ardent for God versus complacent, compromising
Values – strong moral values versus immoral ones
Produced by Simon Siew

30. Areas of compatibility
Personality – introvert versus extrovert
Tastes – sophisticated and refined versus coarse and rough disposition
Produced by Simon Siew

31. Areas of compatibility
Intellectual level – knowledgeable and well read versus simple
World views – parochial (narrow) versus universal (wide)
Produced by Simon Siew

32. Areas of compatibility
Interests
Hobbies
Games
Sports
Music
Politics
Produced by Simon Siew

33. Areas of compatibility
Future outlook – what each other wants for the future and the directions of their lives
Produced by Simon Siew

34. Areas of compatibility
Approach to conflict resolution
Flaring up openly / embarrassing each other in public
Violent outburst
Silent treatment / ignoring the other
Complaining through a third party
Expressing problems through writing to each other
Speaking openly to each other truthfully and tactfully
Produced by Simon Siew

35. What makes men and women attractive
Like attracts unlike i.e. the feminine and masculine appeal of both sexes.
A man seeks to marry a woman and NOT a man and vice versa.
The draw of a woman more often lies in her soft, gentle and kind nature and demeanor than for her looks (even those that is important too).
The draw of a man lies in his ability to inspire confidence and to project strength and security as well as display wisdom. The warmth of his personality helps too.
Produced by Simon Siew

36. How do we make friends with the opposite sex
Create opportunities rather than wait for things to happen (be proactive). Take the initiative to make new friends and have a wide circle of friends.
Learn to do self-introduction or ask others to introduce you to friends
Research - find out about the other person through your friends.
Look for opportunities when it would be totally alright to be with that person.
Be creative in the way you seek the person’s friendship so that it won’t seem like you are wooing the person which can be quite alarming for one who is not ready. E.g. Be of service to the other.
Produced by Simon Siew

37. How do we know the other person like us?
Person is stealing glances at you.
Unusual number of ‘‘coincidental’ bumping into each other. Person likes to be in your company.
Person is extra helpful to you - always volunteering to help you.
Person starts sending letters or s, cards or gifts at every possible occasion or is Texting SMS you frequently.
Person is asking your friend about you.
Person is asking you things which are personal e.g. birthday, tel. numbers.
Starts offering to pay for your food or other expenses.
How do we know the other person like us?
Produced by Simon Siew

38. The four processes leading to marriage
Friendship/ Relating
Courtship
Engagement
Marriage
Praying Inquiring Filtering Relating as a friend
Deepening friendship leading to commitment
Announcement of marriage intention leading to greater focus on each other. Romance begins here.
Entering into a lifelong covenant of loving each other
Produced by Simon Siew

39. Wedding