1. Chapter 11 - Attraction and Exclusion
The Need to Belong
Attraction: Who Likes Whom?
Rejection
This is an overview of the topics of the chapter. Before beginning the chapter there is a slide based on the chapter introduction that can be used to stimulate classroom discussion.

2. Attraction and Exclusion
Anything that draws two or more people together
Social acceptance
People like you and include you in their groups
Rejection (Social exclusion)
People exclude you from their groups

3. Tradeoffs - Testosterone A Blessing and a Curse
Testosterone is a hormone associated with masculinity
Testosterone is a mixed blessing
High testosterone men are more exciting, but less reliable
Interested in exploring new places and less prone to stay at home
Technology Tip: “Feminine Males More Attractive” is a student-friendly research review published by the BBC on testosterone, feminine versus masculine faces, and perceived attractiveness (
Technology Tip: Invite students to participate in an online study of perceived attractiveness at alittlelab.com

4. Tradeoffs - Testosterone A Blessing and a Curse
Testosterone is better suited for finding mates than maintaining stable families
Testosterone reaches peak around age 20 and declines thereafter
New fathers – testosterone drops
Technology Tip: Research suggests that men with highly masculine faces are perceived as less desirable as long-term mates. See research summary, “Women’s Attractiveness Judgments Track Men’s Affinity to Children, Hormone Levels” (

5. The Need to Belong
Need to belong is powerful drive within human psyche
Form and maintain close lasting relationships
People usually form relationships easily
People are reluctant to end relationships

6. Two ingredients to belongingness Regular social contact with others
The Need to Belong
Two ingredients to belongingness
Regular social contact with others
Close, stable, mutually intimate contact
Having one without the other = partial satisfaction
Technology Tip: Interpersonal contact via the Internet may be similarly unsatisfying. Research indicates that social isolation is a cost of Internet usage; see “Stanford Internet Charges a Steep Social Cost” ( and “Isolation Increases With Internet Use” (

7. The Need to Belong
People do not continue to form relationships
Most people seek four to six close relationships
Even in people-rich environments, most people form social circles of about six people

8. Not Belonging Is Bad for You
Failure to satisfy a need to belong leads to significant health problems
Death rates are higher among people without social connections
People without a good social network have more physical and mental health problems

9. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Friendships and close relationships are at or near the top of the list of what people say makes them happy; people desire to be liked by even the most casual of acquaintances.

10. Major Antecedents of Attraction
The Person Next Door:
The Propinquity Effect
Propinquity
Being near someone on a regular basis
The finding that the more we see and interact with people, the more likely they are to become our friends.
Familiarity encourages liking

11. Major Antecedents of Attraction
The Person Next Door:
The Propinquity Effect
The propinquity effect works because of the mere exposure effect, the finding that the more exposure we have to a stimulus, the more apt we are to like it.

12. Neighbors Make Friends – and Enemies
Festinger et al. (1950)
Strongest predictor of friendships was propinquity
Ebbesen et al. (1976)
Strongest predictor of enemies was propinquity
Regular contact amplifies or multiplies power of other factors
Teaching Tip: Ask students to consider their closest college friends (and their least favorite people). Does propinquity seem to play a role?

13. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Similarity
As we get to know each other better, other factors besides propinquity and attractiveness come into play in determining liking. Key among these is similarity to ourselves.
People who are similar are attractive because they validate our own self-worth and we assume that people who disagree with us have negative personality traits.

14. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Similarity
People change to become more similar to those with whom they interact
High self-monitoring – maximize each social situation
Low self-monitoring – interested in permanent connections and feelings

15. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Similarity
Spouses are similar in many respects
IQ, physical attractiveness, education, SES
Couples more similar in attractiveness more likely to progress to committed relationship
Matching hypothesis
People tend to pair up with others of similar attractiveness

16. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Similarity
As cultures progress and form large, complex groups, more need for complementarity
Risks in joining a new group
People tend to look for similarity

17. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Reciprocity
One of the most potent determinants of our liking someone is if we believe that that person likes us.
If we believe somebody else likes us, we will be a more likable person in their presence; this will lead them to actually like us more, which leads to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

18. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Reciprocity
Liking begets liking (reciprocity)
Mimicking increases liking
If someone likes you, initially it is very favorable, but if that liking is not returned, it can be a burden

19. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Reciprocity
A person’s level of self-esteem moderates how we are affected by other people liking us.
Swann and colleagues (1992) have shown that people with high self-esteem like and interact with those who like them, but people with low self-esteem prefer to interact with somebody who criticized them.

20. Major Antecedents of Attraction
The Effects of Physical Attractiveness on Liking
Physical attractiveness is a major determinant of liking in studies of first impressions.
Most people show preference for attractive over unattractive

21. Major Antecedents of Attraction
The Effects of Physical Attractiveness on Liking
What is beautiful is good effect
Attractiveness = superiority on other traits
Attractive children are more popular with peers and teachers
Babies prefer attractive faces

22. Major Antecedents of Attraction
The Effects of Physical Attractiveness on Liking
Debate has existed on sex differences in the importance of physical attractiveness.
Feingold (1990) reports that both sexes value attractiveness, although men value it somewhat more than women; however this difference is larger for stated attitudes and values than for actual behavior.

23. What is Attractive?
For men, clothing represent wealth and status
High wealth and status men are more attractive
Body shape influences attractiveness
Cultural variation in ideal body weight
People agree who is beautiful but not why
Evolutionary psychology - beauty in women
Health and Youth

24. Symmetry is a powerful source of beauty
What is Attractive?
Symmetry is a powerful source of beauty
Typicality is a source of beauty
Average or composite faces are more attractive than individual faces
For both sexes, this standard includes large eyes, prominent cheekbones, and a big smile. For women, a small nose and chin, narrow cheeks and high eyebrows are considered attractive; for men, a large chin is considered attractive.
Technology Tip: A recent project finds a strong relationship between symmetry and dancing ability, especially for men. See details online at “Dance Symmetry Project” (
Technology Tip: Judith Langlois has an extensive website detailing her work on physical attractiveness. See the images of the “average” faces she used in her research along with additional details at the “Langlois Social Development Lab” (

25. Major Antecedents of Attraction
The Effects of Physical Attractiveness on Liking
There is a some truth to the association between physical attractiveness and sociability
This may be due to a self-fulfilling prophecy.

26. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Theories of Interpersonal Attraction: Social Exchange and Equity
Social exchange theory:
how people feel about a relationship depends on their perceptions of the rewards and costs of the relationship,
the kind of relationship they believe they deserve (comparison level), and
their chances for having a better relationship with someone else (comparison level for alternatives).

27. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Theories of Interpersonal Attraction: Social Exchange and Equity
Equity theory:
people are happiest with relationships in which the rewards and costs a person experiences and the contributions he or she makes to the relationship are roughly equal to the rewards, costs, and contributions of the other person.

28. Major Antecedents of Attraction
Theories of Interpersonal Attraction: Social Exchange and Equity
Reinforcement theory
Behaviors reinforced will be repeated
In attraction, people like those who are rewarding to them
Interpersonal rewards
Do favors for someone
Praise someone

29. Familiarity and Exposure
Social allergy effect
Annoying habits become more annoying over time
Familiarity and repeated exposure
Can make bad things worse
Can encourage liking someone

30. Being excluded, rejected, and ignored Effects of rejection
Ostracism
Being excluded, rejected, and ignored
Effects of rejection
Inner states are almost uniformly negative
Technology Tip: Kip Williams has designed a virtual game called Cyberball that can be used to reproduce the situation of the excluded Frisbee player. Three versions of the game are available for download (
Technology Tip: Lisa Zadro and Kip Williams designed a classroom activity to demonstrate the effects of ostracism ( that received an honorable mention in the Social Psychology Network’s Action Teaching Award competition. Details are available at the Social Psychology Network home page (

31. Rejection
Rejection sensitivity
Expect rejection and become hypersensitive to possible rejection
“You hurt my feelings” = “You don’t care about the relationship”
Implicit message of rejection

32. Rejection
Extent of hurt feelings is based on
Importance of relationship
How clear a sign of rejection you receive
Initial reaction to rejection – numbness
Interferes with psychological and cognitive functioning

33. Food for Thought - Social Rejection and the Jar of Cookies
Fears of rejection are linked to eating binges and eating disorders
Rejected people are more likely to eat fattening or junk food
Rejection undermines self-regulation
Baumeister, DeWall, et al., (2005)
Teaching Tip: Ask students to reflect in writing on the last time they indulged in lots of ice cream, cookies, or other sweets. Can they identify a precipitating event related to their consumption? Have the class brainstorm ways to prevent such binges in the future.

34. Behavioral Effects of Rejection
Show decreases in intelligent thought
Approach new interactions with skepticism
Typically less generous, less cooperative, less helpful
More willing to cheat or break rules
Act shortsighted, impulsive, self-destructive

35. Behavioral Effects of Rejection
Repeated rejection can create aggression
Aggression can lead to rejection
Common theme in school shootings is social exclusion
Technology Tip: The PBS series Frontline devoted an episode to understanding Kip Kinkel, a teenager who killed his parents and then shot and killed several classmates. Details, transcripts, and interviews are included at “The Killer at Thurston High” (
Discussion Tip: Many traditional age college students came of age when school shootings happened with some regularity. Ask them to describe how their schools responded to such incidents and any sensitivity training they underwent in the wake of such shootings.

36. Loneliness
Painful feeling of wanting more human contact
Quantity or quality of relationships
Little difference between lonely and unlonely
Lonely have more difficulty understanding emotional states of others
Loneliness is bad for physical health

37. What Leads to Social Rejection?
Children are rejected by peers
Because they are aggressive
Because they withdraw from contact
Because they are different in some way
Adults are most often rejected for being different

38. What Leads to Social Rejection?
Adults are most often rejected for being different from the rest of the group
Groups reject insiders more than outsiders for the same degree of deviance
Deviance within the group threatens the group’s unity

39. What Leads to Social Rejection?
Bad apple effect
One person who breaks the rules may inspire others to do the same
Threat of rejection influences good behavior

40. Romantic Rejection and Unrequited Love
Attribution theory and women refusing dates
Privately held reasons were internal to the man, stable and global
Reasons told the man were external, unstable and specific
These reasons encourage asking again

41. Romantic Rejection and Unrequited Love
Men are more often rejected lover; women do the rejecting more often
Stalking
Women are more often stalked