1. iParenting Marc K. Wruble, Ph.D. drwuble@plattevillefamily.com Twitter: #drwruble Facebook: Platteville Family Resource Center

2. Viewer Warning The Information in this presentation is intended for mature audiences. Although not the intent of the presenter, the information presented may be considered offensive or objectionable to some audience members.

3. Overview What do we want for our children What is cybersex and sexting What parents need to know and look for Ways to help our children make appropriate and healthy decisions How parents can help

4. Most parents want their children to: Be happy Successful Safe Well adjusted

5. People are happiest when: Communicating face-to-face Involved in meaningful relationships (family, friends, etc.) Relaxing, at peace, and enjoying simple things Immersing themselves in meaningful activities Being aware of, and contributing to, something bigger than themselves

6. Communication Hierarchy The amount of estimated information communicated decreases from top of the hierarchy to the bottom 1.f2f (face-to-face)(100%) 2.Wc2Wc (webcam-to-webcam) (80-90%) -resolution and speed dependent 3.V2V (verbal-to-verbal)(33%) 4.T2T (text-to-text)(10-15%)

7. Practice Makes Perfect How the Brain and People Work –Adapt to the situation –Learn by experience and imitation –Healthy habits, healthy brain/person

8. A Simple Rule Think of iTechnology as a person

9. Would you allow someone to come into your house and… Show pornographic pictures to your child? Sexually solicit your child? Insult, degrade, bully, or threaten your children? Access your personal and financial information without your consent? Tell your children to steal other people’s property? Take embarrassing pictures of your children that could be later used against them

10. Of course not! But this is what can happen if parents allow the information from technology to enter into their home unfiltered and if children are not “immunized” against the negative effects of 24/7 itechnology Public and Permanent

11. iTechnology and it’s Effects

12. Cell/Smart Phones

13. Cell phone risks Two-fold increase in rear-end accidents among teenagers and older drivers while using a cell phone (Strayer, Drews, and Crouch, 2006) Some teens/adults who have been caught sexting have been criminally charged with possessing/trafficking in child pornography

14. Cell phone risks Excessive use of cell phones can lead to: Addiction A teenage girl logged 303,000 text messages (cbsnews.com) Unhealthy (weak-ties) relationships Poor social skills (rudeness, inconsiderate) – “Your private conversation is interfering with my public!”

15. Texting and Sexting Average U.S.: –girl 12-14 years old 80 texts/day –boy 12-14 years old 30 texts/day –girl 14-18 years old 100 texts/day

16. Texting and Sexting Adolescent hyper connection to peers can lead to disconnection from adults and themselves Hyper connection similar to being on-call 24/7 Illusion of self-importance

17. CyberBullying Girls, particularly older girls, report more online bullying –About 4 out of 10 girls reported being the victim of online bullying Social network (e.g., Facebook) users are also more likely to report online bullying Bullying & harassment happens more ONLINE than offline

18. CyberBullying Teach love and kindness. Remember the Golden Rule! Treat others as you would want to be treated. Instead of judging ask, “I wonder if that person likes carrots?”

19. Cyber Bullying Intervention and Prevention Ask the child questions to see if it is a pattern at school Determine what skills she needs to deal with mean classmates Pay respectful attention: encourage the child to talk Do not deny or minimize the event: be supportive

20. Cyber Bullying Intervention and Prevention Validate the child’s feelings Ask “How would you like those girls/boys to treat you? What can you do to take care of yourself?” Alert the school. Keep notes that track the bullying behaviors Co-view media and talk with children about what’s an appropriate way to treat others

21. Cyber Bullying Intervention and Prevention Get a copy of the schools anti-bullying policy Parents and schools must work together Resources –stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov –theantidrug.com –stopcyberbullying.org

22. Videogames

23. Viewer Warning! Playing videogames too much may harm you After only 1 hour/day of time spent gaming, grades start to decline After only 20 hours/week playing videogames, the brains of gamers start to look and act like brains of crack cocaine addicts Videogame use more than 1 hour/day can decrease interest in real life activities (sports, face-to-face relationships and friendships) and decrease social skills

24. Media

25. Girls at Risk The Fear The media has as much effect of people’s attitudes and behavior as smoking does on people who smoke. The more you do it, the higher the risk of negative effects.

26. The Effects of Multitasking Effects: –Task (i.e., homework) can take 25-400% longer depending on the complexity and similarity of the tasks (Meyer, 2001). –Less flexibility in learning (rote memory vs. understanding) –Can help develop skills of managing large networks of friends and acquaintances (Ito, 2008), but may interfere with ability to have long- term relationships (Greenfield, et. al., 2008)

27. Effects on the brain Mile Wide, Inch Deep Knowledge? –Fast communication is appealing, but does not promote deliberation and integration –The dominant routine (switching attention) for the developing teen brain can become the dominant routine

28. Teens, Porn and The Digital Age A 2008 study found that 93 percent of boys and 62 percent of girls viewed online pornography prior to age 18. 1 out of four 8 year olds have been exposed to hard core pornography One estimate puts the number of sexually explicit web pages at 400 million and counting.

29. Effects of Porn on Teens –modeling and imitation of inappropriate behaviors –unhealthy interference with normal sexual development –emotional side effects (including nightmares, and residual feelings of shame, guilt, anxiety and confusion) –stimulation of premature sexual activity – the development of misleading and potentially harmful attitudes toward sex

30. Technology Addiction? Spend too much time Keep using despite health, school, or social problems Use to numb, alter, or avoid feelings Efforts to cut back are unsuccessful Family or friends believe there is a problem The behavior is part of another medical or psychological concern (OCD, Depression, Anxiety)

31. Technology is NOT the problem Obviously, there are many advantages to today’s communication technology –Amount and ease of accessing/gaining knowledge –Portability –Recording events, memories, etc. –Safety –Social Relationships

32. Ethical Use The challenge is to proactively teach children to use information technology in a way that: –Is safe –Enhances learning –Enhances character development –Improves the quality of life

33. Encourage being a good person Teenagers who have a secure sense of self-worth (i.e., sense of self as a human being) are less likely to use drugs Self-worth is not related to intelligence or participation in athletics

34. Emphasis better placed on … Character Development True self qualities –Self-respect –Self-acceptance –Self-compassion –Self-love –Self-care

35. Emphasis better placed on… Happiness Balancing caring for self and caring for others

36. Teach them well, because the way children use information technology will help develop children with strong character or children who are characters computer savvy children want guidance, not just adult prohibitions, to use the technology safely

37. How to help

38. Use the Best Filter ever made!

39. YOU!!

40. Warning signs for Parents: Internet Child clicks off or minimizes a screen, or frequently shuts off the computer when you are around Child is secretive about computer usage or refuses to talk about sites and people visited, and personal profile History is erased after their usage Uses “Private” browsing

41. Safety tips for Parents Make sure that your child does not spend an excessive amount of time online. Limit your child’s messaging to a parent-approved list of buddies. Warn your children that people are not always what they seem to be. When things go wrong, don’t overreact. Be educated, be open, and build trust. Establish family rules about appropriate internet/phone usage Check the computer HISTORY; deleting it is considered an admission of guilt and results in a loss of computer privileges Co-view television shows, movies, etc. and use it as an opportunity to teach your values

42. Safety tips for caregivers Talk to your kids… ask questions. Have open discussions about safety, dangers, advantages and disadvantages. Tell your kids you want to be a friend on their Twitter, facebook profile. Teach your children to never give personal information over the internet. Keep the computer in a public area of the house. Use parental controls and filtering software.

43. Safety tips for caregivers Talk to your kids… ask questions. Have open discussions about safety, dangers, advantages and disadvantages. Tell your kids you want to be a friend on their Twitter, facebook profile. Teach your children to never give personal information over the internet. Keep the computer in a public area of the house. Use parental controls and filtering software.

44. Safety tips for children/teens Don’t do or say anything online that you wouldn’t offline. Nothing is anonymous. Delete messages from people you don’t know. What you post online stays online forever. You never know who copied your post, cloned it, printed it out, or archived it. When something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. Get out of the site, chat, etc. Never go alone to an offline meeting.

45. Tips for raising a healthy family in a toxic culture Make Family Time –Have Dinner together more nights than not, but not in front of the TV –Discuss each other’s day –Discuss current events –Say “I love you” at least twice a day –Have a Family Night Each week different member chooses game Can include: silence/prayer, role-playing, etc.

46. Tips for raising a healthy family in a toxic culture Screen and limit “screen time” –Limit TV Children and adults read more Children less influenced by advertising Children at lower risk for obesity General Rules: –No screen time for children under two years old –1 hour/day for preschoolers –1-2 hours/day for 5-8 year olds –2-3 hours/day for 8-12 year olds

47. Tips for raising a healthy family in a toxic culture Ways to limit negative TV/Internet influences: –Allow a fixed amount of TV/computer viewing time each day Can use a regular timer or a specialized one that parent programs Block unwholesome Internet Sites with filters Teach your kids to critique or ignore advertising (switch channels, get a snack, etc.) Take and interest in their shows/games Co-view their media choices

48. Tips for raising a healthy family in a toxic culture Cell phone goes in parent(s) bedroom at 10 PM and can be returned at 6:30 or 7 AM Let them know you know Monitoring software http://www.mireview.com/ Go to the “Dark side of the moon”

49. Tips for raising a healthy family in a toxic culture Create/participate in a community of parents who understand and exert parental authority including: –Know your personal and family values and say NO to violations of those values –Do no allow or provide alcohol to youth under 21 years old –Insist on knowing where children are and who they are with

50. The importance of co-viewing Co-viewing websiteCo-viewing website with co-viewing ideas and possible questions The good news is that there are many opportunities to teach values and ethical decision making by “co-viewing” TV shows, Youtube videos, movies, and music with your children.

51. Filtering Software http://www.wellresearchedreviews.com/co mputer-monitoring/WebWatcher.htmlhttp://www.wellresearchedreviews.com/co mputer-monitoring/WebWatcher.html

52. Resources for Parents and Youth Netsmartz.com iSafe.com wiredsafety.org Safekids.com Kidshealth.org ikeepsafe.org http://www.socialshield.com/company Raising G-rated children in an X-rated world

53. Resources for Parents and Youth stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov theantidrug.com stopcyberbullying.org Projectgirl.org www.aap.org/advocacy releases/june09socialmedia.htmwww.aap.org/advocacy releases/june09socialmedia.htm http://safetynet.aap.org www.healthychildren.org