1. U NIT 3: C OUPLES Chapter 6: Marriage, Intimate Relationships, and Society Chapter 7: Intimate Relationships and Marriage Chapter 8: Relationship Issues and Trends

2. C HAPTER 8: R ELATIONSHIP I SSUES AND T RENDS Overview Intermarriage Same-sex relationships Infidelity Spousal violence Divorce

3. R ELATIONSHIP I SSUES Men and women undertake marriage with the hope of having a meaningful and enduring relationship that meets their needs with someone they love The motivation to marry is partly a biological desire to form a sexual relationship Perhaps to have children The married couple is also the primary social group in most societies People enjoy their social lives and interact with others as couples

4. R ELATIONSHIP I SSUES The acceptance of romantic love as a basis for marriage underlines the expectation that marriage meets individuals’ need to be loved and desired and the reciprocal need to be exclusively with the one they desire The focus on romantic love clouds the importance of marriage as a social, legal, and religious institution in Canadian society

5. R ELATIONSHIP I SSUES Relationships that are outside the accepted norms of family or society appear to be less stable on the whole Marriages between individuals from different social or cultural backgrounds are more likely to end in divorce, the legal dissolution of a marriage Relationships between partners of the same sex also may face difficulties Confusion based on gender roles from families of origin

6. R ELATIONSHIP I SSUES Serious problems in negotiating mutually satisfying roles within a relationship might threaten the relationship’s stability Violence and extramarital sexual relationships are problems involving one individual betraying the trust and respect that are the basis of committed relationships When problems in a relationship seem overwhelming, couples may seek counseling, or the help of a third party, in negotiating solution to their problems Divorce has become the solution to a failed marriage for about one-third of married couples in Canada The various factors affecting the stability of relationships will be examined in this chapter

7. I NTERMARRIAGE

8. Intermarriage, or heterogamy, is marriage between partners who are from different social, racial, religious, ethnic, or cultural backgrounds Opposite of homogamy Different characteristics are of greater concern in different parts of the world Interracial marriages might be controversial in parts of the US Interfaith marriage between a Catholic and a Protestant are of greater concern in Northern Ireland Marriage between an Aboriginal woman and white man has some legal implications (involving status) in Canada

9. I NTERMARRIAGE Intermarriage, whether the difference is racial, religious, or ethnic, is becoming more common in Canada There are currently no restrictions on intermarriage There has been little research done on intermarriage in Canada But it may be a factor that will affect a couple’s satisfaction with their relationship and its durability

10. I NTERMARRIAGE In a diverse society like Canada’s, children of all races, religions, and ethnic groups attend school together and grow up together They are socialized together at school, community activities, and through exposure to media, in to a similar mass culture Canadian society is quite successful at raising kids to be “colour blind” To see others of a different race, religion, or ethnicity, as equal and similar in culture Thus it is more likely that young people will meet, be attracted to, and fall in love with someone from a different background

11. I NTERMARRIAGE The differences, if there are any, between individuals of different races, religions, or ethnic backgrounds exist in their personal family lives Intermarriage brings together two individuals who share similar contemporary culture But discover they have different “roots” when they begin to negotiate the roles, rules, and rituals of their marriage “Roots” are the different expectations, customs, roles, and rituals of family life

12. I NTERMARRIAGE Interracial marriages are the most visible forms of intermarriage Research in interracial marriage reflects the concerns of the societies In the US, prejudices about race have resulted in assumptions that individuals who marry someone of another race are motivated by: Rebelling against their families A desire to marry up by choosing someone of a more “desirable” race

13. I NTERMARRIAGE Clayton Majete, an American sociologist and anthropologist, disproved these assumptions in his research When individuals have similar socio-economic backgrounds, racial differences have little impact on: The aspirations of individuals Their reasons for marrying The daily routines of their married life Interracial couples adjust to marriage as well as any couple does

14. I NTERMARRIAGE Couples in interfaith marriages in Canada face a different set of problems Faith is a chosen attribute, unlike race, and it is possible to convert to another faith Partners in an interfaith relationship usually have similar economic and educational backgrounds But their family and social experiences might have been quite different While interracial couples face the challenges of racism in society, interfaith couples face difficulties within their families and relationships

15. I NTERMARRIAGE Interfaith couples have to examine their personal and cultural value systems to negotiate the daily lifestyle they will share with each other They must decide: Whether to compromise some of their beliefs and customs or to accept their spouse’s beliefs and customs as well as their own What faith identity to provide for their children It is not surprising that interfaith marriages are more likely to succeed if at least one partner doesn’t practice his/her religion or is willing to convert

16. I NTERMARRIAGE Marriage between individuals of different ethnic background is the most complex form of heterogamy Ethnicity can be a complex mixture of national and racial heritage, religion, and culture In Canada, many people are “hyphenated Canadians” or have two cultures (ex: Japanese- Canadian) Self-identification as a member of an ethnic group suggests that an individual adheres to the specific value system, family structure, and role expectations that are associated with that ethnic group

17. I NTERMARRIAGE The major variations among ethnic groups involve: Gender roles within marriage and in the workplace The independence and responsibilities of children The relationship between the conjugal and extended family Each of these affects how a couple will negotiate their relationship at each stage Now that women are working outside the home, children are staying in school longer, and social programs are providing support for families, differences among ethnic groups are decreasing

18. S AME S EX R ELATIONSHIPS

19. S AME -S EX R ELATIONSHIPS Over the past several decades there has been great resistance to the recognition of same-sex relationships In recent years there has been a tremendous acceleration in the acknowledgement of such relationships A survey released in April 2001 showed that 55% of Canadians supported same-sex marriages Another in June 2001 shoed 65% supported them The 2001 Canada census for the first time asked people whether they lived with a common-law partner of the same sex

20. S AME -S EX R ELATIONSHIPS Same-sex relationships have always existed In his discussion of love, the ancient Greek philosopher Plato suggested that early humans were essentially 2 people combined and that there were 3 sexes Two male halves Two female halves One of each As punishment for their misbehaviour, Zeus cut all humans into two people, each doomed to wander the Earth in search of his/her other half Since then there have been homosexuals and heterosexuals all seeking their other half, the one person with whom they can share themselves and their lives

21. S AME -S EX R ELATIONSHIPS In Plato’s Greece, homosexual relationships were commonplace and were considered normal Today, the legal debate concerning same-sex relationships challenges society to examine the purpose of marriage and the role of intimate relationships in the lives of individuals At the root of the debate is whether homosexuality is normal, and therefore, acceptable

22. S AME -S EX R ELATIONSHIPS Some religious opponents of homosexual relationships quote the Bible to argue that God condemns them Other religious scholars argue that the literal interpretation of the Bible no longer governs most sexual behaviour Some scholars believe that God created homosexuality as normal behaviour for a minority of human being Therefore, same-sex couples who wish to enter a relationship based on love and commitment should be able to have their relationship blessed within their faith

23. S AME -S EX R ELATIONSHIPS Homosexual men and women want stable love relationships based on affection and companionship Contrary to popular belief, same-sex relationships don’t mimic heterosexual gender roles An individual’s gender identity is not affected by his/her homosexuality Homosexual couples often negotiate their roles based on interests and personal strengths Satisfaction with same-sex relationships depend on the same variables as heterosexual relationships Mutual respect Shared values and goal Ability to manage conflict Regardless of sexual orientation, individuals have the same expectations of their intimate relationships

24. S AME -S EX R ELATIONSHIPS The debate about same-sex relationships can be viewed from several theoretical perspectives Symbolic interactionism can be used to investigate how being homosexual affects individual identity and the nature of homosexual relationships Systems theory can be used to explain how couples establish their lives together Developmental theory can be used to illustrate how enduring same-sex relationships progress through a series of stages as couple adjust their relationships through the inevitable crises presented in the lifespan

25. I NFIDELITY

26. Evolutionary psychologists’ studies suggest that it is inherent in the nature of humans to be unfaithful Early man was motivated to have many sexual partners to enhance his chance of having offspring Women tended to be very selective about her sexual partners to improve the chances of having the man stay to support their offspring

27. I NFIDELITY However the norms of Western societies define extramarital sexual relationships as unacceptable behaviour Limiting sexual partners benefits a society because it strengthens the conjugal family, ensuring the greatest population growth and the support and socialization of offspring Adultery does not work to the benefit of society, so people are taught that it is wrong

28. I NFIDELITY The actual rate of sexual infidelity is more difficult to determine “The Monogamy Myth” states that, based on informal surveys, 60% of men and 40% of women have had extramarital sex The General Social Survey found that 23% of men and 12% of women in America have had extramarital sex Based on these results, it seems that people do have extramarital sex, despite their opinion that it is unacceptable behaviour

29. I NFIDELITY Contrary to the excuses that evolutionary psychology might suggest, extramarital affairs don’t appear to be about sex Psychologists and marriage counselors have found that individuals have affairs when their needs are not met in their marriages Infidelity is more exciting than marriage, not because the sex is better, but because of the initial passion of a secret relationship, apart from the routine of everyday life

30. I NFIDELITY The behaviour of men and women differs when it comes to illicit sex Men are more likely to have an extramarital relationship that is primarily sexual Women are more likely to seek an “affair” based on romance and affection and to have sex only when they are “in love” This explains why women are more tolerant of sexual infidelity than emotional infidelity in their partners, but men are more threatened by their partner’s sexual infidelity than by their emotionally intimate relationships

31. I NFIDELITY Infidelity results in divorce 65% of the time Prior to the legalization of divorce, extramarital affairs were tolerated as a solution to unsuccessful marriages As they have been in most societies for thousands of years Now that couples can divorce, infidelity is the most common reason given for divorce In some cases, counseling can help the couple recover from the affair and negotiate a better relationship However, few relationships can completely recover from infidelity because it destroys the trust in the relationship

32. V IOLENCE

33. S POUSAL V IOLENCE In 1999, 8% of women and 7% of men in marriage and common-law relationships in Canada reported that they had been the victim of violence, or the person mistreated, by their partner in the past 5 years Since spousal violence was first defined as a problem in the 1970s, research has resulted in a better understanding of the nature of violence, and the differences between: Ineffective conflict resolution skills or “arguments that get out of hand” Systematic violence

34. S POUSAL V IOLENCE Violence is any action that is intended to physically hurt someone, but it is only defined as a problem by the context In the past, hitting a wife or child was considered acceptable, even necessary, discipline In fact, the term “rule of thumb” dates back to the 19 th century common law, which gave a man the right to use a stick no thicker than his thumb to chastise his wife, children, and servants!

35. S POUSAL V IOLENCE In the early and mid-20 th century, domestic violence was seen as a private matter Police could lay charges only if they actually witnessed the assault themselves Family and friends minded their own business Women who sought help from their clergy were told to go home and work out the problem with their husbands Early in the 20 th century, women who left their husbands were guilty of desertion They lost custody of their children and were entitled to no support When divorce was legalized early in the 20 th century, cruelty was grounds for divorce, but was difficult to prove

36. S POUSAL V IOLENCE By the 1970s, the public opinion about violence had changed Violence within intimate relationships is now legally defined as assault Recent legal charges require that police respond to domestic violence calls and lay charges when there is evidence of assault

37. S POUSAL V IOLENCE In the 1970s, spousal violence was regarded as ineffective conflict resolution Power struggle between husbands and wives Supported by the fact that spousal violence occurred in relationships of all socio-economic, religious, and ethnic backgrounds Some people developed effective ways of settling their conflicts amicably A minority of people used violent tactics

38. S POUSAL V IOLENCE The intergenerational cycle of violence states that individuals who… Experienced violence or abuse as a child, or Who observed the assault or abuse of their mothers …are more likely to become either victims or perpetrators of violence in their intimate relationships Social role theory suggests that individuals learn how to behave in a role such as “wife” or “husband” by observing and imitating significant role models Suggests violence is a learned behaviour

39. S POUSAL V IOLENCE Social role theorists suggest that victims and perpetrators of violence can learn more effective ways of dealing with anger and resolving conflicts in order to break the cycle of violence, such as: Counseling Anger management Communication Conflict resolution skills

40. T HE C YCLE OF V IOLENCE

42. S POUSAL V IOLENCE Why do women stay in violent or abusive relationships? The cycle of violence showed that the violent phase of the cycle was followed by a period in which the perpetrator was apologetic and remorseful It was possible for both partners to believe that the violence wouldn’t happen again Systems theory explains that the couple had established a pattern of interaction that is difficult to change Social exchange theory suggests the women stay because the consequences of leaving the relationship were worse than tolerating occasional assaults

43. S POUSAL V IOLENCE Women usually experienced many bouts of violence before eventually leaving a violent spouse Women’s shelters, transition houses, and counseling programs have been established in communities across Canada to help women break out of the cycle of violence and begin to establish a new life for themselves and their children

44. S POUSAL V IOLENCE The understanding that spousal violence was a universal problem was challenged by the 1993 Violence Against Women Study Suggested that poor men were twice as likely to beat their wives as well- off men Half the perpetrators were under 29 years of age

45. S POUSAL V IOLENCE The following key risk factors were identified: Unemployment for more than one month Personal bankruptcy A drop in wage or salary Taking an additional job to make ends meet Child support or alimony payments that he did not have before A move to less-expensive accommodations Taking in a boarder to make ends meet One or more demotions Loss of income due to return to school Some other important career setback Some other significant negative change in economic circumstances The presence of each of these factors increased the likelihood that a man would assault his wife

46. S POUSAL V IOLENCE The rate of assault for men experiencing none or only one of these events was 8 in 100 men For men experiencing six or seven of these events, the rate rose to 33 in 100 men (over 4X the lower rate) Women were most at risk of violence is they were: In newer marriages Young Living in a low-income household Living with an unemployed man Pregnant Disabled Ending or thinking of ending the relationship

47. S POUSAL V IOLENCE These factors suggest a correlation between economic instability and domestic violence, but not causality There is no proof that financial hardship makes people violent, but individuals in difficult financial situations are more likely to experience spousal violence

48. S POUSAL V IOLENCE In Canada, social and legal systems provide support for victims of domestic violence More women report assaults to the police (increased from 29% to 37% from 1993-1999) Suggests greater faith that the criminal justice system will protect women There is a policy of mandatory arrest for spousal violence Shelters and counseling services offer support for abused women and assist them in starting a new life In cases that indicate a clear threat of future violence courts issue restraining orders forbidding contact between the perpetrator and victim

49. D IVORCE

50. Divorce results from the failure of a marriage to meet the expectations of one or both marriage partners The common perception is that divorce rates are higher than ever before and people should be concerned In fact, divorce rates fluctuate to reflect: The current social and moral values concerning marriage The levels of control held by religion and state Changes in the pattern of divorce in Canada can be explained by examining the changes in divorce law and in values related to marriage

51. D IVORCE In the early 20 th century, divorce was rare in Canada In traditional marriages, the emphasis was on the economic, childrearing, and household responsibilities of marriage partners The happiness of husband and wife was not considered Divorce was only granted when one partner sued the other for the “matrimonial offences” or adultery or cruelty Being divorced resulted in social embarrassment

52. D IVORCE The development of romantic love as the basis for marriage and the changing economic role of women altered the criteria with which partners assessed their satisfaction with their relationship The Divorce Act of 1968 allowed divorce for “marriage breakdown” after a separation of 3 years Subsequently the divorce rate in Canada increased dramatically In 1986, the period of separation was reduced to one year and “no-fault” divorce was introduced Again the divorce rate increased, then steadily declined It’s currently estimated that about one in three marriages will end in divorce

53. D IVORCE Divorce occurs for many reasons, such as: Basic incompatibility of couples that chose the wrong partner (often those who divorce in first 5 years of marriage) Failure to adjust relationship through critical transitions in marriage (often those who divorce after 5 years of marriage) A greater risk of divorce is associated with factors that could affect compatibility, such as: Dissimilar backgrounds Teenage marriage Brief courtship Pregnant bride

54. D IVORCE The social exchange theory suggests that when the costs of the relationship are high, or the alternatives become more attractive than the marriage, individuals may choose to divorce Divorced people identify many “costs” as the reasons for divorce Personal reasons, such as incompatibility, irresponsibility, or immaturity suggests the couple was unable to adjust to their married status Other factors, such as infidelity, sexual deprivation, and cruelty, result from deterioration of commitment to the relationship and to the partner

55. D IVORCE The decision to divorce occurs in a 3 stage process over a 2-3 year period Stage 1: Awareness Phase One individual decides to initiate divorce, often after recognizing ongoing problems and a period of denial The partner may eventually known what’s happening but deny knowledge until confronted with a request for a divorce The partners begin to withdraw from the relationship by shifting their energies to other roles

56. D IVORCE Stage 2: Separation Phase The couple plan the break-up of their marital system, settle child custody and financial issues, notify friends and family, and create separate households Both partners must accept the economic realities of divorce Stage 3: Reorganization Phase The two individuals establish their separate lives and negotiate their new parental roles if they have children

57. D IVORCE Divorce is a non-normative event that presents individual development tasks similar to those experienced at a spouse’s death Individuals have to accept the loss and mourn the end of the relationship Individuals also have to redefine their identity as a single person and adjust their life structure They also have to adjust their social relationships with family, with friends, and at work, and form a new social network Most divorced people make a successful adjustment within a few years and many remarry, but the effects of the stress can last a lifetime

58. D IVORCE The economic consequences of divorce differ for men and women Both will experience a reduced household income and a lower standard of living The reduction in lifestyle is usually temporary for men They have a greater earning potential and most remarry Women have a lower earning potential and are less likely to remarry, especially if they’re older Women who have custody of children suffer the greatest financial difficulties

59. D IVORCE The results of a study that traced the effects of divorce for 10 years found that: 10% of divorced people reported that their quality of life was greatly improved 20% reported that it was significantly worse “Divorce is like an amputation; you survive but there is less of you.” -Margaret Atwood