1. Conversations
A locally managed sequential interchange of thoughts and feelings between two or more people. They are interactive and extemporaneous.
Microsoft Photo

2. Pragmatic Problem- Consideration Conversations
Casual
Social
Conversations
Pragmatic Problem- Consideration Conversations
Spontaneous interactions between people, with no planned agenda
Conversational episodes in which at least one participant has a communication goal

3. Pragmatic Problem-Consideration Conversations
Skipping
a stage
may
provide
less
satisfaction
Greeting and small talk
Topic introduction and statement of need for discussion
Information exchange and processing
Summarizing decisions and clarifying next steps
Formal closing

4. Characteristics of Conversations
Formality – degree to which the conversation must follow rules, procedures or rituals.
Turn-Taking – alternating between speaker & listener.
Speaker can decide who’s next
Nonverbally signaling our desire to go next
We can self-select to go next by talking next
We can interrupt
Topic Change – method by which people introduce new topics
Talk Time – fair sharing of speaking time
Scriptedness – common conversations that happen so often they are routine, as if to follow a script (co-narration).
Conversational Audience – who’s conversing & eavesdropping.

5. Cultural Variations United States Low Context Cultures
Participatory – everyone joins in
Include categorical words such as certainly, absolutely
Relevant comments that are directly to the point
Speaking one’s mind
Silence is seldom good
Japan
High Context Cultures
Ritualized, formal & structured
Include qualifiers such as maybe, perhaps
Indirect, ambiguous and less relevant comments
Creating harmony
Silence indicates truthfulness, embarrassment, disagreement 5

6. Cooperative Principle
Conversations will be satisfying when the contributions made by conversationalists are in line with the purpose of the conversation.

7. Conversation Maxims Quality Quantity Relevancy Manner Morality
Truthful information
Quantity
Not too much or too little
Relevancy
Related to the topic
Manner
Specific, organized, and understandable
Morality
Meet moral/ethical guidelines
Politeness Be
courteous

8. The Effective Conversationalist
Presents quality information.
Provides free information to enable others to talk.
Ask questions that are likely to motivate responses.
Credits sources.
Practices turn-taking.
Maintains conversational coherence.
Practices politeness.

9. Effective Communicator’s “Bag of Tricks”
Is equipped with information on a wide range to topics.
Is willing to offer “extra” information when questions are asked
Asks questions.
Balances speaking and listening.
Uses conversational directors like “Don’t you agree?” or “What do you think?” which draw the other person into the conversation.
Keeps interruptions at a minimum.
Makes sure that comments relate to previous comments by others.
Is polite.
Is ethical, authentic, empathetic, supportive, conforming, an active listener, and treats others as equals.

10. Empathy is the process of identifying with the feelings of others.

11. Approaches to Empathy
Empathic Responsiveness – taking on an emotional parallel response of another, feeling “same” the emotion – sharing the emotion
Perspective Taking – imagining yourself in place of another
Sympathetic Responsiveness – feeling of concern, compassion or sorrow for another’s situation – “emotional concern” or sympathy – feeling a somewhat different, yet similar emotion

12. How do we Empathize? Actively attend to what the person is saying.
Observe and understand both verbal and nonverbal messages, using paraphrases and perception checking to help you.
Draw on your experience to understand the situation.

13. Reading nonverbal effective empathetic responses
You can do quite well, if you concentrate!
Nonverbal primary emotions such as happiness, sadness, surprise, anger, and fear are recognized with greater than 90% accuracy.
Other nonverbal embedded emotions such as contempt, disgust, interest, determination, and bewilderment are recognized with 80-90% accuracy.
(Leathers, 1997, p. 41)

14. Effective Support Messages Steps (research by Brant Burleson, Purdue University)
Show your intention to help.
Provide acceptance and positive regard.
Express situation interest.
Show empathy and understanding.
Make yourself available.
Be an ally.

15. Supporting messages – a statement whose goal is to show approval, bolster, encourage, soothe, console, or cheer up
Recognize others’ good feelings and affirm their right to have them.
Give comfort when a person has negative feelings.

16. Ineffective Support Messages
Condemning and/or criticizing the other person’s feelings and behavior
Imply that the other person’s feelings are not warranted
Don’t tell the other how to feel
Don’t focus attention on the yourself
Never intrude by representing a level of concern greater than is appropriate within the relationship

17. Interpreting (Framing)
Reframes information to help the other understand from a different perspective
Information
and
Experiences

18. Using Other-Centered Messages
Ask questions that prompt the person to elaborate on what happened
Emphasize your willingness to listen to an extended story
Use vocalized encouragement and non-verbal behavior to communicate continued interest
Affirm, legitimize, and encourage exploration of feelings expressed by partner
Demonstrate the you understand but avoid changing the focus to you.
Women use other-centered messages than men.
Rapport vs. Report Talk

19. Giving Advice
Definition - Advice giving messages present relevant suggestions that a person could use to satisfactorily resolve a situation.
In general, advice messages should not be expressed until our supportive intentions are fully understood.

20. Verbal and physical responses to people and/or their messages
Feedback
Verbal and physical responses to people and/or their messages
Self-disclosure
Sharing biographical data, personal ideas and feelings that are unknown to the other person
Opening up the “Secret” Johari Window to another. 20

21. Johari Window Known to self Not known to self Open Blind Known to
others
Secret
Unknown
Not known
to others
W, p. 271; V / V, p. 76 21

22. Appropriate Self-disclosure Order Chronologically:
Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.
Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated.
Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you
Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships
Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk 22

23. Appropriate Self-disclosure
Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you
Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk
Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated.
Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.
Reserve intimate or very personal self-disclosure for ongoing relationships 23

24. self-disclosure has the greatest positive effects.
Reciprocal
self-disclosure
has the greatest
positive effects. 24

25. Women tend to engage in “rapport talk” to share experiences and establish bonds.
Microsoft Photo 25

26. Men tend to engage in “report talk” to share information, negotiate, and preserve independence.
Microsoft Photo 26

27. Masking Feelings Displaying Feelings
Concealing verbal or nonverbal cues that would enable others to understand how a person is feeling
Displaying Feelings
Expressing feelings through facial reactions, body responses, or paralinguistic reactions 27

28. Describing Feelings
Describing feelings is the skill of naming the emotions you are feeling without judging them
Describing feelings increases the likelihood of having a positive interaction and decreases the chances of creating defensiveness 28

29. Why Don’t We Describe Feelings?
People believe that when they say “I feel” they are evaluating others.
No active vocabulary for describing feelings – p.240
Afraid that describing feelings makes you vulnerable
Afraid that if you describe your feelings you will be judged
Afraid to harm relationship
Some cultures encourage members to mask their feelings 29

30. Giving Constructive Criticism
Describe the behavior by accurately recounting precisely what was said or done, without labeling the behavior good or bad, right or wrong.
Preface a negative statement with a positive one whenever possible.
Be as specific as possible.
When appropriate, suggest how the person can change the behavior. 30

31. Asking for Criticism
Think of criticism as being in your best interest.
Before you ask, make sure that you are ready for an honest response.
If you take the initiative to ask for criticism, you will avoid surprises. 31

32. How to Get Good Feedback
Specify the kind of criticism you are seeking.
Don’t act negatively to the criticism.
Paraphrase what you hear.
Give reinforcement to those who take your requests for criticism as honest requests.
Thank them! 32

33. Summary Disclosure & Feedback Skills
Self-disclose the kind of information you want others to disclose to you
Self-disclose more intimate information only when you believe the disclosure represents an acceptable risk
Continue intimate self-disclosure only if it is reciprocated.
Move self-disclosure to deeper levels gradually.
Reserve intimate or very personal self- disclosure for ongoing relationships
Feedback
Describe Your Feelings
Identify what triggers your feelings
Mentally name your emotion – be specific
Verbally own the feeling
Own your Feelings – Use “I”
Give Effective Feedback
Describe the Behavior – be specific
Highlight Positive Behavior
Identify Negative (harmful) Behavior thru Constructive Criticism
Suggest How to Change the Behavior 33