2. Communication How do we communicate? Why is it so important to be an effective communicator when working with children and adolescence?

3. Validating Personal Superficial Levels of Communication Communication reinforcing people’s feelings about themselves. Communication involving opening up and talking about feelings, beliefs and opinions that mean something to you. Communication making up the majority of our communication. Talking about the weather, home, school, food, etc.

4. Event Influence Personal Quality Compliment Superficial Personal Validating

5. Communication Types/Styles Touch –Hugging, holding hands, physically close Verbal –Sharing one’s feelings, listening, heart-to-heart talks, caring words Task –Achievement, accomplishments, hard work, status, things

6. Communication Assessment Complete the quiz.

7. “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Words, tone of voice and body language.

8. What does George’s tone of voice and body language say?George’s tone

9. The Power of Body LanguageBody Language

10. Constructive Communication “I” Messages Clarity Timing Asking Questions Reflective Listening Respect and Consideration Avoiding Intense Anger

11. “I” Messages – State the feelings and thoughts you are having at the time of communication. Lets others know how you feel without making people defensive. Examples “I feel frustrated when… I am angry because you forgot…

12. Destructive Communication Blaming Interrupting Endless Fighting Character Assassination Calling in Reinforcements Withdrawal Need to be Right

13. Blaming – Frequently blame each other while trying to find out who is at “fault”, who started the fight, etc.” Examples – You are the one that’s not listening. You did this…. You should of … Interrupting – Interrupts another person, it is a sign that one idea is more important than another. Stop communication, Shows disregard for other person’s ideas.

14. Endless Fighting – Arguments that never end. Bring up the old issues that have nothing to do with what’s happening now. Examples: Just like when you… Character Assassination – Name calling, belittling comments about sensitive subjects, and insulting remarks. (Sarcasm) Examples: Destroys self-esteem, trust, and communication.

15. Calling In Reinforcements – Involves outsiders in your personal relationships and quarrels. Example: to save face Withdrawal – Withdrawing from communication avoiding conversation in families communicates hurt, rejection, neglect, indifference, &/or anger. Example: “I don’t care” “fine” “I’ll do it”

16. Need to be right – Some people refuse to admit any need to always be right. Compromise is a win-win situation.

17. Hammer of Communication THE HEAD IS LIKE CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION. It is smooth and rounded and is used to build and help put things together. THE CLAW IS LIKE DESTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION. It is sharp and dangerous and is used to destroy and tear down relationships. THE SHANK IS LIKE NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION: It is strong and can be used to support construction or destruction. THE HANDLE OF THE HAMMER IS LIKE US– IT IS THE DRIVING FORCE. We are in control of our communication and choose to use it in a constructive or destructive manner.

18. Clarity – Meaning what you say and then saying what you mean. Problem is interpretation. (Sarcasm) Example: I hope you had a great time at the movie last night with all your other friends! Timing – Select a good time to do your important communicating. Examples: Asking for something when parents walk in from work.

19. Asking Questions – People seldom say what they really mean the first time. Example: Why, What, Where, When, Do you mean…. Reflective Listening – listener mirrors back thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. Purpose is to clarify. Example: Are you saying? You seem to be saying?

20. Communication  45 % listening  30 % speaking  16% reading  9% writing  It has been estimated that 85% of what you learn is through some form of listening!

21. Let’s Communicate For each negative technique use a constructive technique and provide an example of it.

22. You to “I” Messagesto

23. Journal

24. Instead of half listening…..

25. Listen with Full Attention

27. How Well Do You Listen?

28. When the listener mirrors back the thoughts and/or feelings the speaker is experiencing. –“Are you saying …” –“You seem …” If the listener if wrong then the speaker can restate in a different way. Reflective Listening

29. Is Phil a good reflective Listener? reflective Listener? reflective Listener? Is Phil a good reflective Listener? reflective Listener? reflective Listener?

30. Listening Blocks I must defend my position. I’m looking for an entrance into the conversation. I don’t have time to listen to you. I already know what you have to say. I know what you should do.

31. Active Listening Ask questions, not with yes, no or one word answers. Use appropriate eye contact. Not if understand or ask for clarification. Don’t cross arms or legs or lean back. Lean slightly forward. Facial expressions and tone of voice. Be honest and sincere.

32. How to Listen Actively  Focus all attention on speaker  Establish eye contact  Attend: lean toward speaker  Nod or use other means of expressing “I’m present and paying attention.”

33. Four Active Listening Techniques:  Reflective  Clarifying  Encouraging  Empathizing

34.  Reflectively  Listen for “feelings” that are not stated  Eliminate your judgement.  Rephrase or summarize what the speaker has said to be sure you understand  Clarifying  Ask the speaker, “are you looking for advice or someone to listen?”  Don’t tell speaker what to do! Do not say “well, if it was me…” it isn’t

35.  Encouraging  Give signals you are really interested and involved. “Uh-huh”, “I understand”, “I see” or “tell me more”  Empathizing  Actually feeling the other person’s feelings as you listen  If sad, the listener feels sad (for the speaker)  If happy, the listener feels happy, etc.

36. Active Listening Open-ended questions –Closed: Are you feeling bad today? –Open: How are you feeling today? Reflection (paraphrasing)

37. Scenarios…..

38. Listen for Feelings…

39. Non-VerbalNon-Verbal Video Clip Video Clip “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” How do you do? How can you improve?

40. Eye Contact Keep still – don’t fidget Posture Personal Space

41. What problems do you sometimes find when people are trying to tell you something? What happens when the communication is not clear? In what ways do we communicate other than the use of words? Can we become confused when the words are different than the body image?

42. Read! Read over the Communication Packet and answer the questions. Have Fun!

43. Territory We all mark our own territory. –Unwritten seating arrangements. –Spreading coats, books, etc. Visual Territory –Glances are less than three seconds. Lots of empty space, leave spaces between.

44. Space Public Zone 12’ and up Social Zone 4’ – 12’ Personal Zone 18” – 4’ Intimate Zone Touching – 18”

45. Non-Verbal Cues Shaking Hands Defensiveness Suspicion and Secretiveness Honesty Frustration Confidence Nervousness Boredom

46. Where does our Communication come from? Gestures – What do they tell us?

47. You’ve Got Mail

48. Conflict Resolution – the 7 C’s The Foundation Communication Criticism Creativity

49. 7 C’s Resolution Styles Co-exist "There's only you and me and we just disagree." Capitulation "Let's try it your way." Compromise "A compromise would surely help the situation." Collaboration “L Let’s work together to solve this problem.”

50. Is the use of violence a form of conflict resolution?

51. What should we teach children?