1. Act Two Getting edgy, dear? Where the hell is Levine? Its two hours since I called him… Hes probably asleep somewhere. Rip Van Levine of the catskills Im in no hurry Well, I am. I cant wait to get you out of here and into the deep freeze. Where you belong. Ooh, somebody will thaw me out.

2. Where the hell is he? Would you call inspector levine to the phone please… Hes somewhere in the hotel, well, page him. I dont care how late it is… This is urgent. Hoover! Mr. J Edgar Hoover. Hello J. Edgar. Levine! What the hell have you been doing? [patient into bed? Elizabeth] I tried.

3. Inspector, do you drive a team of snails? I distinctly said it was an emergency. … do you know what its like to drain an olympic size pool? What were you using, a tea cup? Levine these keys - [levine on the pool] bloody knees and elbows, what a mess. Levine - Oh! I almost forgot. I have a letter for mrs. Corban.

4. Give it to me! Take it easy, maybe its just a bill. Inspector, I demand to see that letter. Are you elizabeth douglas? No, but neither is she. [elizabeth] Ill open it.

5. Ill open it. [levine reading letter] estate in cash An estate! [elizabeth and levine] detroit, harbour springs, back to detroit, then here. Two weeks ago? Dont you see, levine, somewhere along the line they found out what was in the letter…. Sure! They wouldnt have gone to all this trouble for just my insurance...

6. Its my wifes inheritance youre after, arent you? Corban, this is your wife. Levine, I can prove that shes not. She seems like a better catch than ever. That car outside, thats not my car... I thought we were talking about wives, not cars.

7. My real wife is in my real car. Here! The key. My key. It doesnt fit that car. [liz then levine] … they are because they each have one of those marlin fish on them. Pure genius! … they look exactly the same to me. Try them! For gods sake, try them. What kind of detective tests keys by looking at them? Im tired… test the keys when Im good and read, is that clear?

8. Yes. Im ready… premises while my investigation is in progress. Ill watch her levine. She wont get away. … that way we save manpower! Aaagh! Tell me, are you going to go quietly? The question is, will you?

9. You dont give up easily, do you?.. A very wealthy widow. Youll see, the best laid plans of mice and men, and female frauds. Well, here we go. Your key, now mine. … what a bump I gave myself getting out. Corban.. I swear to you, Levine, the key didnt fit. Sure, Sure.

10. Thats not my car! [levine then elizabeth] Ill only be a minute Levine, I, I dont know what to say. You were right. I – what? Your key doesnt fit that car.

11. What! I dont - but I used her key twice. Then you believe me, you - Just a minute. So your key doesnt fit. What does that prove? It proves they got a different car, that mine is somewhere else. Theres another possibility.

12. What? That car is yours, and this key belongs to a different car. You cant be serious. You get a new marlin every year, right? And you think I picked up a stray key? Accidentally. For all I know, on purpose.

13. Thats ridiculous! Any more ridiculous… thats the end of that. Thats not the end of that! You cant walk out on me now. … Id say this case is closed, but as a person… As a person? Crazy feeling you cant be as crazy as I think you are.

14. Hold on levine. Stick with me a little longer. Theyre planning to kill me. She told me! Ive checked these pills… Ackerman, hes your psychiatrist, right? Wrong! He told me youve been his patient for three years. Then he needs a psychiatrist. Ive never heard of him. He said youd deny it. Something about your aggressions.

15. What can I say to that? Advised against marrying. Nervous state was, what was the word? Precarious. Meaning? Meaning you could have a breakdown at any time. Levine, do you believe that? Yes, and no.

16. You still have that crazy feeling? Something tickling me… how much insurance you got? A hundred thousand. Does your wife know shes the beneficiary? Of course. You dont keep a thing like that from your wife. Whatre you driving at? Nothing. Just something to put in the old filing cabinet.

17. Levine, Im in a trap. The stake is now a half a million dollars. Nothing will stop them. Help me! Ill try, but youll have to help me. Anything. Tell me how. Stop shouting… loupe in our eye and start looking for the imperfection. The flaw in their plan. Play along… and no more imaginary corpses.

18. I tell you - Now I need names. Who knew you and elizabeth? Our marriage witnesses to start with. Parker and Ms. McKay. Ive already started with them. God bless you! Did I sneeze?

19. No, inspector. That one was on the house... And miss mckays roomate says shes gone to canada. Call the mounties levine. Theyll find her. Nelson eddys also away for the weekend. I mean more names. A million people saw us. At harbour springs, the restaurants. I dont need a million. I need a dozen.

20. That many? … like you said before, some may have been paid to shut up. Then you agree with me. Im still not convinced that anythings wrong. Then why?

21. … Ill step up the search to find elizabeth. And when we find her… Yes? Then well know whats what. Youre a prince levine. … all you have to do is holler. Right? Right.

22. [elizabeth enters, levine, the elizabeth] good. Id like danny to get some rest. Huh rest in peace is what she means. [levine] … lock himself in his bedroom and I dont want him disturbed tonight. Ill never sleep. [no more lines til scene 2] [Sidney enters]… excuse me.

23. Who the hell are you? … morning calisthenics? Shes gone! … shell be back soon. What are you doing here? Delivering.

24. Delivering what? … bringing brunch, personally, myself. Damn it! Who the hell sent you here? … not nice, especially from a newlywed. How do you know Im a newlywed? …OK your wife told me youre newlyweds.

25. My wife! … she left you a note. Danny darling! Big brother! So, youre another member of the mountain mafia. Huh? The catskill cosa nostra. Out, Buster! And take that poison with you! … because your wife is such a sweetheart.

26. So my wife sent you here. What then? My wife? Youll never get me! … have a cuppa coffee, itll wake you up. Thisll take care of me, huh? Absolutely. My own secret blend.

27. Ill bet. … that coffees too good to waste on plants. All right, little man, you can go back and report that mr. corban didnt go for your deadly delicacies. … come on, have a cup of coffee. All right, if you have some too. … what are we playing, musical glasses?

28. Im a very careful man. Mashugeh is maybe a better word. You know, its good. Its very good. You wife asked me for the recipe. I couldnt care less. … how often do you see a real red head?

29. What did you say? I said something wrong? [repeat what you said]…you mean she is miss clairol. Im sorry, Im sorry My wife is a red head. Whos giving you an argument? You saw my wife! What else have I been saying?

30. Sidney, youre my boy! Newlyweds are some emotional bunch. Tell me, when did you see my wife? When? when? When? When she ordered the brunch, of course.. About five days ago.

31. Five days ago. Five days ago! You said five days ago. Wow-ee! What a honeymoon he must be having. Sidney, baby, you just saved my life! Wait, how do you know she was my wife? … fifty seven dollars and twelve cents. But she stayed in the car. … I notice! Im not dead yet.

32. Oh, god bless you! [start dialing] You, too. … Ive got a living to make, so Ill go. No, no! Dont go. Have brunch with me. Inspector Levine, please Levine? He eats lunch by me every day. Hurry, please, its important.

33. Levine too?... OK, Ill stay. Levine, Levine, this is Corban. So you think Im crazy, huh… Ive found a man who saw Elizabeth. Weve got it now!... Weve got it. The flaw in their plan! Hurry… [hang up] Yes, sidney, my boy, they didnt count on you, you, the flaw in their plan… [car] Oh my god, shes coming back!

34. Whos back? Lucretia borgia! Listen, sidney, keep your mouth shut when she comes in… She may have that priest with her. Priest? Is there another woman? Uh, yes, but for gods sake, dont talk about it… dont talk about my wife. So soon… whos this, your mistress?

35. No, no, uh, yes! … She dont know threes a crowd? I, I didnt tell her I got married. Whos gonna tell her now, your wife? No, no, my wifes not here. She, uh, shes with her sister in Rockaway. Whats in rockaway, richard burton?

36. Listen, shes very jealous. Dont mention my wife. Let me handle it. Clam [elizabeth]: I didnt know you had company. This is sidney, of sidneys sandwich shoppe. [elizabeth then sidney] you didnt see me there… because I was here. I ordered some sandwiches. [elizabeth and sidney back and forth] listen to her fancy-schmantzy with her fresh coffee.

37. What the hell is keeping him? Waiting? Tell her already. Huh? [sidneys caught. Elizabeth:] darling, have you been telephoning? No. Of course not. Then why is the phone on the coffee table?

38. Oh! Yes, I did. I called sidney for sandwiches. … are you expecting someone. No. No one. [sidney trips up, elizabeth:] mrs. Corban Dont listen to her, sidney. Shes just trying to make trouble. … has he been telling you Im not his wife?

39. Sure I told him. … sidney] heres your chance. Maybe you want I should leave? No! No, dont go sidney, please! … elizabeth] hes suspicious of everyone! Havent you noticed? Dont listen to her sidney! [Weve met, Sidney] I dont recall the pleasure.

40. Youre wasting your time. Thats not going to work. [father, nice to meet you. Sidney] me too Hes a phony! [buzzy up to speed. Interesting. Elizabeth] how, unexpected. Yes, how unfortunate that youve slipped up! An unexpected banana peel! Sidney saw the real elizabeth… And in two minutes inspector levine is going to walk through that door, and sidney is going to tell him the truth…

41. In two minutes, itll be finis, kaput, itll be all over. Whatll be all over? Whats going on? Get behind me, sidney, they wont touch you. They wouldnt dare, just two more minutes. End of act two