1. ] [ Whip Around What is your favorite Interpersonal Communication concept you have learned thus far? Think about these questions. Be prepared to share aloud with the class.

2. INTERPERSONAL CONFLICT 11 Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

3. ] [ Our Agenda The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict Conflict in Personal Relationships Power and Conflict Managing Interpersonal Conflict Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

4. ] [ Interpersonal conflict is an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict

5. ] [ Points to remember from that definition: Conflict is an expressed struggle It occurs between two or more interdependent parties It is about goals that the parties perceive to be incompatible It arises over perceived scarce resources It includes interference Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. The Nature of Interpersonal Conflict

6. ] [ In relationships, conflict... Is natural Has content, relational, and procedural dimensions Can be direct or indirect Can be harmful Can be beneficial Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Conflict in Personal Relationships

7. ] [ Common topics of conflict in marriage Personal criticisms Finances Chores Children Employment In-laws Sex Use of time Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Conflict in Personal Relationships

8. ] [ Sex and gender affect conflict Girls and women are encouraged by gender socialization to “play nice” and avoid conflict Boys and men are encouraged to engage in conflict directly, using competitive or aggressive behaviors, but also not to hurt women Passive aggression and demand-withdraw patterns frequently characterize conflict between women and men Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Conflict in Personal Relationships

9. ] [ Culture can affect conflict Individualistic cultures teach people to stand up for themselves in the face of conflict Collectivistic cultures encourage accommodation, rather than conflict, to preserve group harmony Language used during conflict can differ between low- and high-context cultures Cross-cultural conflict is common because of different traditions and expectations Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Conflict in Personal Relationships

10. ] [ Conflict can be common online The disinhibition effect encourages people to say or do things online that they would not in person This can encourage new conflicts or inflame existing ones Several communication strategies can help people avoid or manage conflict in online settings Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Conflict in Personal Relationships

11. ] [ Power is the ability to influence or control other people or events Power is context-specific Power is always present Power influences communication Power can be positive or negative Power and conflict influence each other Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Power and Conflict

12. ] [ French and Raven’s five forms of power Reward power Coercive power Referent power Legitimate power Expert power © Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Power and Conflict

13. ] [ Sex and gender influence power Patriarchy is a common organizing principle for human societies Several nations have female heads of state and women in powerful positions Masculinity and femininity express different messages about power Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Power and Conflict

14. ] [ Variables in Conflict Styles Gender Men and women approach conflicts differently Adolescent boys tend to use direct aggression Adolescent girls tend to use indirect aggression Gender conflict style is often stereotyped and not always the same

15. ] [ Culture influences power People in high-power-distance cultures accept power differences as normal, even desirable People in low-power-distance cultures often question power differences © Amos Morgan/Photodisc/Getty Images, RF Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Power and Conflict

16. ] [ Gottman’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling © Davis Freeman/Queerstock, Inc/Alamy, RF Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Managing Interpersonal Conflict

17. ] [ Whip Around Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education.

18. ] [ Strategies for managing conflict Competing Avoiding Accommodating Compromising Collaborating © BananaStock/PunchStock, RF Copyright © 2017 McGraw-Hill Education. All rights reserved. No reproduction or distribution without the prior written consent of McGraw-Hill Education. Managing Interpersonal Conflict

19. ] [ Conflict Styles Avoiding No Way Accommodating Your way Competing My way Collaborating Our way Figure 11.1

20. ] [ Conflict Styles Avoiding (Lose – Lose) When people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict Avoidance reflects a pessimistic attitude about conflict under the belief that there is no good way to solve the problem at hand Typically leads to unsatisfying relationships Not always a bad idea

21. ] [ Conflict Styles Accommodating (Lose – Win) Occurs when you allow others to have their way rather than asserting your point of view If accommodation is a genuine act of kindness, generosity, or love, then chances are good that it will enhance the relationship People from high-context, collectivist backgrounds are likely to regard avoidance and accommodating as face-saving

22. ] [ Conflict Styles Competing (Win-Lose) Occurs when there is a high level of self concern and a low level of concern for others Direct Aggression When a communicator expresses a criticism or demand that threatens the face of another Passive Aggression Occurs when a communicator expresses hostility in an obscure or manipulative way

23. ] [ Conflict Styles Compromising (Partial Lose – Lose) Gives both parties some of what they want although both sacrifice part of their goals Compromising actually negotiates a solution where both lose something Some compromises do leave both parties satisfied

24. ] [ Conflict Styles Collaborating (Win – Win) Shows a high degree of concern for themselves as well as others The goal of collaboration is to find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved Collaboration gives you a way of creatively finding just the right answer for your unique problem

25. ] [ Ineffective Conflict Styles Avoiders People who hate arguing and will avoid discussing conflict issues at all costs Erupters People who lose their temper and become very emotional when angry

26. ] [ Conflict Styles Which Style to Use Some issues to consider when deciding which style to use: The relationship The situation The other person Your goals

27. ] [ Conflict in Relational Systems Complementary Style Partners use different but mutually reinforcing behaviors Symmetrical Style Both partners use the same behaviors Parallel Style Both partners shift between complementary and symmetrical patterns

28. ] [ Conflict in Relational Systems Complementary “fight-fight” style common in unhappy marriages Some distressed marriages suffer from destructively symmetrical communication Escalatory spiral Both complementary and symmetrical behaviors can produce “good” results as well as “bad” results

29. ] [ Conflict in Relational Systems Destructive Conflict Patters: The Four Horsemen Criticism Defensiveness Contempt Stonewalling

30. ] [ Conflict in Relational Systems Conflict Rituals Usually unacknowledged but very real patterns of interlocking behavior Nothing inherently wrong with interaction in many rituals Rituals can cause problems though when they become the only way relational partners handle their conflicts

31. ] [ Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers Isn’t the Win-Win approach too good to be true? Not only is it a good idea, it actually works Win – Win produces better results than a Win – Lose approach

32. ] [ Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers Isn’t the Win-Win approach too elaborate? The approach is detailed and highly structured Try to follow all of the steps carefully After you become familiar and skilled at using all steps you will be able to use whichever proves necessary

33. ] [ Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers Isn’t the Win-Win approach too rational? You might need to temporarily remove yourself from the situation to calm down Be sure your partner understands the process

34. ] [ Constructive Conflict: Questions and Answers Is It Possible to Change Others? The key lies in showing that it’s in your partner's self-interest to work together with you You can also boost the odds of getting your partner's cooperation by modeling the communication skills described in this book