Self-Confidence Dr. V.Sreenivassan

2 What is Self Confidence? Self-confidence primarily refers to us having a positive and realistic perception of ourselves and our abilities. A lack of self-confidence, on the other hand, is characterized by: self- doubt, passivity, submissiveness, over- conformity, isolation, sensitivity to criticism, distrust, depression, and feelings of inferiority and being unloved

3 How Does a Lack of Self Confidence Develop? Experience: We often develop feelings of inferiority and hopelessness through various negative life experiences at home, school, on the job, etc. Loss of a family member or close friend Dwelling unnecessarily on negative events such as failures and disappointment, instead of using the event as a learning experience Judging or criticizing yourself and your abilities too harshly Evaluating the outcome of situations as much worse than they really are Experiencing too much pressure from your parents and/or peers Setting unrealistic goals. Fear of failure.

4 How to Increase Your Self Confidence ? 1.Think positively about yourself. 2.Set goals that are realistic and will meet your expectations 3.Reward/praise yourself when you have done well. 4.Whenever something upsetting or disappointing occurs, be aware of your thoughts. Think logically about the situation instead of reacting merely on the basis of your emotions 5.Dwell on your strengths not on your weaknesses. Continued

5 Continued… 6.Realize that there are certain things that you are more adept and competent in than others, and that it is impossible to expect perfection in every aspect of your life 7.Do not attribute your achievement and accomplishments only to luck. Instead, give yourself credit for your own personal achievement. 8.Learn to be assertive 9.Make a list of what you feel are the major problems in your life. Then list ways to improve or change them

6 Strategies for Developing Confidence Emphasize Strengths. Give yourself credit for everything you try. Take Risks. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn rather than occasions to win or lose. Use Self-Talk. Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Self-Evaluate. Learn to evaluate yourself independently.

7 Assertiveness To express your feelings, opinions, beliefs and needs directly, openly and honestly, while not violating the rights of others. For example, learn to stand up for your rights and say "no" to unreasonable requests. Understanding that you have a right for your rights

8 Selfishness and Aggressiveness When you behave selfishly, or in a way that violates the rights of others, you are, in fact, acting in a destructive, aggressive manner --rather than in a constructive, assertive manner. There is a very fine line that divides the two manners of action. Aggressiveness means that you express your rights but at the expense, degradation, or humiliation of another. It involves being so emotionally or physically forceful that the rights of others are not allowed to surface. Aggressiveness usually results in others becoming angry or vengeful, and as such, it can work against your intentions and cause people to lose respect for you. You may feel self-righteous or superior at a particular time -- but after thinking things through, you may feel guilty later

9 Your rights 1.The right to decide how to lead your life. This includes pursuing your own goals and dreams and establishing your own priorities. 2.The right to your own values, beliefs, opinions, and emotions -- and the right to respect yourself for them, no matter the opinion of others. 3.The right not to justify or explain your actions or feelings to others. 4.The right to tell others how you wish to be treated. 5.The right to express yourself and to say "No," "I don't know," "I don't understand," or even "I don't care." You have the right to take the time you need to formulate your ideas before expressing them. Continued

10 Continued 6.The right to ask for information or help -- without having negative feelings about your needs. 7.The right to change your mind, to make mistakes, and to sometimes act illogically -- with full understanding and acceptance of the consequences. 8.The right to like yourself even though you're not perfect, and to sometimes do less than you are capable of doing. 9.The right to have positive, satisfying relationships within which you feel comfortable and free to express yourself honestly -- and the right to change or end relationships if they don't meet your needs. 10.The right to change, enhance, or develop your life in any way you determine.

11 Some tips to improve assertiveness Know your facts and have them to hand. Anticipate other people's behaviour and prepare your responses. Prepare and use good open questions. Re-condition and practice your own new reactions to aggression (posters can help you think and become how you want to be - display positive writings where you will read them often - it's a proven successful technique). Have faith that your own abilities and style will ultimately work if you let them. Feel sympathy for bullies - they actually need it. Read inspirational things that reinforce your faith in proper values and all the good things in your own natural style and self, for example, Ruiz's The Four Agreements, Kipling's If, Desiderata, Cherie Carter-Scott's 'rules of life', Wimbrow's The Guy In The Glass, etc.

12 Things to Remember for Improving Self Confidence Count the good things, not the negative Think positively about yourself Learn from your experiences Set realistic goals Be courageous Keep learning Live usefully Value simplicity Welcome change

13 Don Miguel Ruiz's – The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements was published in For many, The Four Agreements is a life-changing book, whose ideas come from the ancient Toltec wisdom of the native people of Southern Mexico. The Toltec were 'people of knowledge' - scientists and artists who created a society to explore and conserve the traditional spiritual knowledge and practices of their ancestors.

14 Agreement No 1 Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

15 Agreement No 2 Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

16 Agreement No 3 Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

17 Agreement No 4 Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret

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