The 2004 Eskimo Swim On the brink of ridiculousness

The Eskimo Swim a.k.a. Exercise Like The Eskimos started back in 1998 for this group. Back then I had the opportunity to join the Team; however, I passed seeing as it was barely 20 degrees and cold water wouldn’t help the situation. What a mistake. So when the opportunity arose this year, I eagerly awaited my application form to join… TEAM MAJOR SHRINKAGE Note: Objects in pants are much larger than they appear.

There was just one problem, what to wear? Jack, the pioneer of the group initiated the Speedo back in It was time for us as a group to all don a Speedo, but no ordinary Speedo would do. John put in a call to the event’s organizer and his request to wear a thong came back denied. Thus, the hunt was on to find THE most ridiculous Speedo or bikini bottom for men. Of course, the leopard print was an option, as was leather with a zipper, but it wasn’t until I stumbled upon this that we knew what the team had to wear. Now, there were only a few minor problems: A) One size fits most, B) We weren’t sure it would get here in time, and C) Did it come with the snake charmers flute. WE NEED AN OUTFIT

The Solution! When you want a Cobra Cock Piece to look right, you’ve just got to make it yourself. So with two days left, Dave was on the hunt for Speedo's and John was on the hunt for Cobra material. I had leftover black leather from my Zipper Ride Halloween Costume that would make an excellent cobra. Making the cobra took some engineering. To get it to stand up and be ready to strike, I cut two “S” shapes from the leather, sewed them together, then stuffed them with a shirt that was deteriorating from a past Mir space station costume. If the space station hit the Taco Bell floating target when it crashed down in the Pacific, we’d all get free Tacos. Each Cobra needed a whole T-Shirt!

A Roadblock, an Alternative, and Success. Can you believe that in the dead of winter there isn’t a single store in Maryland that carries Speedo's? Several mall searches left us empty handed until Will got creative and wore one of Jill’s bikini bottoms. NEW FOUND HOPE! After spending way too much time on this project and staying up till nearly 3:00am, the Cobra’s were complete. Alright, so they don’t yet have the googly eyes. So you may be asking yourself, “How to attach them to the women’s bikini’s we were all going to wear? Your guess was as good as ours. At this point, the plan was to take the sewing machine to the ocean, which I did, find some Speedo's, and sew them on in the morning. Oh yeah, our costumes had one extra little piece of flare…

Matching Arm and Headbands I was so embarrassed that I did my best to hide my face. The worst part is, I liked it. GIMP MASK With some extra material I figured I’d whip us up a few Gimp Masks. Not only were they enjoyed at the swim, but our lady friends seemed to have enjoyed them also.

The Finished Product

Dilemma Come 1/1/04 at 10:00am, a heated discussion arose out of the appropriateness of wearing these Cobra-kini’s at the swim in front of old people and especially children. It took a Social Worker and an Adult to help convince us that although our outfits were hilarious and came out great, we may get kicked off the beach. So, they were never worn…except for around the house (there may be a picture but you’ll never see them). Finally, we decided to just go with the Speedo's, Gimp Masks, headbands, and armbands. I know, I know; how is it o.k. to wear a Gimp Mask and not a Cobra beats me? Here’s just a few shots of the swim. For more see the regular pictures. There’s Will to the left and Dave and John on the right. This came right from the Bethany / Fenwick website. How long we’ll stay there, who knows?

The End This has been a Club Habel productions. Copyright 2004.