Managing Conflict Bennie Good

2 What does this picture say to you?

Role Play Pair up One person makes a fist The other person tries to convince them within 2 minutes to open their fist 3

Conflict Scenario Convince a child that it’s time to put the toys away and take a bath 4

Be Aware of Yourself Why is the issue important? Does it really matter? 5

Be Aware of Others Trust Experience Understand Care 6 Bob McKillop Head Basketball Coach Davidson College

Scene for Cooperative Resolutions Listen Pay Attention “Involvement, Involvement, Involvement!” 7

The Most Important Question What do you want? 8

Questions for Conflict Resolution 1.What do you want? 2.What are you doing to get it? 3.Is it working? 4.Do you want to figure out another way? 9

Effective Communication in Conflict Situations 1.Spoken Words 2.Tone of Voice 3.Body Language 4.Emotions 10

Negotiating Limits and Rules 11 Dr. Harry Dinkle

Negotiating Limits and Rules Be clear about boundariesBe clear about boundaries Stick to themStick to them Involve the group in determining those limitsInvolve the group in determining those limits 12

Scenario 1 13

Scenario 1 The parents of a 16-year-old son set his Saturday night curfew at midnight. The first week, he comes in at 12:05. Is that OK? The parents trust him and they are so glad that he is home safe that they accept the late arrival and say nothing about it. The next Saturday, he comes in at 12:15. The parents are again relieved that he is home and safe, and so again they say nothing. The next week, he comes in at 12:30, and the parents freak out. They give him their very best lecture about trust and responsibility. The boy’s eyes glaze over as he listens. What time will he come in next? Probably about 12:20. He splits the difference between what he understood was OK and what he knows is not. 12:15 was OK, 12:30 was not, so the real curfew time (originally set at midnight) must actually be somewhere around 12:20. TRANSITION: What is the lesson here? 14

Scenario 2 15

Cooperative Approach 1.What do you want? 2.What are you doing to get it? 3.Is it working? 4.Do you want to figure out another way? 16

Directive Approach This is what I want. This what I understand you are doing. This is why that isn’t working for me. Here’s what I need for you to do. 17

Leader – Group Contract My Job is To do all I can to ensure your safety To help you get the most out of this experience To be honest with you and treat you with respect Your Job is To tell me when you don’t feel safe. To help me ensure your safety To be honest with me and treat me with respect 18

Ultimate goals of conflict resolution to build on common ground to listen to find solutions 19

Thank You! “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” Mark Twain 20