JIM STENEHJEM, ND LEAD DIRECTOR Communications JIM STENEHJEM, ND LEAD DIRECTOR

Welcome to Communication Styles "Oh, would some power the gift give us, To see ourselves as others see us! It would free many a blunder and foolish notion." - Robert Burns

Effectiveness Knowledge Skills What to do How to do Effectiveness Attitude Want to do

Successful People Understand themselves and how their behavior affects others Understand their reactions to other people Know how to capitalize on what they do well Know how to adapt their behavior to meet the needs of other people and situations

Desired Outcomes Know yourself: Understand own styles - how you affect other people. Know others: Understand other styles - how other people affect you and each other. Increase your adaptability: Able to study situations and people - adapt varied responses to accommodate others’ style needs. Complete the focus on you form before the next slide

How We Communicate 7% 55% 38% Words we use Nonverbals, Body Language How we say words: tone, inflection, volume Sounds we make 55% 38% Body Language Crossed arms closed position Clenched hands closed position Blink book Classroom teacher with tone only, 2 seconds to jump to conclusions College dorm room, "the power of thin slicing"--which says that as human beings we are capable of making sense of situations based on the thinnest slice of experience. Priming putting thoughts into the subconscious before hand effects the behavior, old words, rude words, black indicators on test Mirror others body language trust Change body language, change attitude John Horpedahl in IEP Meetings Voice Blink Doctors who were sued. If the voice appeared to be dominant, yes, if caring, no. If they don’t appear to be listening to you, are talking down to you, aren’t treating you with respect. Thin sliced from tone! They also spent 3 minutes longer with their patients. People don’t sue people they like! Voice and facial expression in Blink with married couples, 3 minutes can predict if they will be married in 15 years. John Gottman 90 percent accurate with 15 minutes 4% Quality of our breath

You cannot not communicate! Silent Messages, Albert Mehrabian Verbal Nonverbal Speed Body movement Inflection Eyes Tone Facial expression Content Gestures

How We Communicate Lag Time 7% 38% SPEAK 120-180 words per minute LISTEN 400-800 words per minute Lag Gap between the two 38%

Behavior Basics BEHAVIOR is what a person says (verbal) and does (nonverbal). INTERPERSONAL BEHAVIOR relates to the verbal and nonverbal actions that occur between at least two people. Complete the exercise 4 by underlining or circling words or phrases you think other would use to describe your most typical interpersonal behavior

Behavior Basics Habitual Response to Interpersonal Behavior Observe Draw Conclusions Based on Prior Experiences Look at examples on page 6 You Other Judgment Reaction/Feelings Quiet Loud Insincere She bugs me Fast Paced Same Motivated I like him Fast Paced Slow Paced No ambition She’s not dependable Outgoing Reserved Aloof I don’t like him Slow Paced Same Thorough I can count on her 6.Tension: Through trial and error, we have learned to behave in ways that reduce tension and make us feel comfortable.    write on page 6 7.Exercise: Tension in the work environment can lead to either positive or negative outcomes. Briefly describe the work environment in which you prefer to work: Share one thing Productive work environment: React

Perception is Reality Behavior Basics Complete the exercise 4 by underlining or circling words or phrases you think other would use to describe your most typical interpersonal behavior

Behavior Basics Communication Style The pattern of interpersonal behavior we use that feels most natural and comfortable for us.   9.Versatility refers to your ability to adapt your behavior to meet the needs of other people and situations in order to work effectively with people outside your own comfort zone rather than in conflict with them.

Behavior Basics Versatile Response to Interpersonal Behavior Observe Draw Conclusions Based on Knowledge of Styles When we don’t just react based on our experiences, but stop, reflect during the gap between observing behavior and acting, we can use other knowledge or skills. This time between observing and acting is called a gap. We call that space the interpersonal gap next slide Adapt Act Act Act Act

Behavior Basics Interpersonal Gap Words 7% Body Language 55% Voice Tonality 38% Words 7% YOUR STORY Feelings Intentions Attitudes Thoughts Experiences Communication style THEIR STORY Feelings Intentions Attitudes Thoughts Experiences Communication Style Body Language 55% Voice Tonality 38% The gap is the difference in what message is sent and what is received. Quiet Loud Insincere She bugs me Fast Paced Same Motivated I like him Fast Paced Slow Paced No ambition She’s not dependable Outgoing Reserved Aloof I don’t like him Slow Paced Same

Behavior Basics FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY YEARS. Did the same test, with two sets of words. One set included aggressive, bold, rude, bother, disturb, intrude, infringe The other considerate, appreciate, patiently, yield, polite, courteous, respect   Test take five minutes, then instructed to walk down the hall and talk to the person running the experiment I order to get their next assignment. When they get there the person is talking to someone else. People with rude words on the average interrupted after five minutes. 82% of the kind word group never interrupt, after 10 minutes of waiting.

The Golden Rule Behavior Basics Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated

Treat Others the Way THEY Want to be Treated Behavior Basics The Platinum Rule Treat Others the Way THEY Want to be Treated . . . based on their style!

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory I II III IV 1 a b c d a b d c d a c b Total I II III IV We all display general patterns of behavior when we interact with others. Although most people are fairly adaptable, each of us have certain behavioral preferences that are more predictable than we think, particularly when we are under stress or pressure. Our preferences are revealed through our personality and in the way we interact and communicate with others. These behavioral patterns of communication are called our “communication style.” Sometimes differing styles produce tension, which can lead to conflict over time, mainly when the parties involved do not understand and appreciate style differences. The first step toward reducing tension and improving communication is to better understand how we communicate with others. If we can identify how our style impacts others, how other styles impact us, and how we perceive others and others perceive us, we can avoid unproductive behavior, reduce tension, and learn how to communicate more effectively.

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Circle 3 words from the style column with the largest number. Add to your table tent #1 style largest, # 2 small Review pages 18-21 for your style and check 3 do’s or don’t you most agree with. Pages 22 and 23 Select 2 items you agree with most on each page 8:20 start go to group by 8:25 We all display general patterns of behavior when we interact with others. Although most people are fairly adaptable, each of us have certain behavioral preferences that are more predictable than we think, particularly when we are under stress or pressure. Our preferences are revealed through our personality and in the way we interact and communicate with others. These behavioral patterns of communication are called our “communication style.” Sometimes differing styles produce tension, which can lead to conflict over time, mainly when the parties involved do not understand and appreciate style differences. The first step toward reducing tension and improving communication is to better understand how we communicate with others. If we can identify how our style impacts others, how other styles impact us, and how we perceive others and others perceive us, we can avoid unproductive behavior, reduce tension, and learn how to communicate more effectively.

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Beige Lion Red Dolphin Blue Panda Green Beaver PERSONAL INTERACTION INVENTORY   The column with the greatest number is your dominant “communication style.” The next number in descending order is your secondary style. The higher the number, the more likely you are to exhibit the characteristics associated with that style. Circle the words that you most identity with in your column with the largest number Telling vs Asking Expressive vs Controlled Driver Telling – Controlled Expressive Telling – Expressive Amiable Telling – Expressive Analytical Asking - controled

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Beige Lion Driver Style Feel in Charge Like a Challenge Quick Action Decisive in conversations Can be seen as: Too brief One-way communicator Poor listener Blunt Jeff Schatz or John or Becky Scmidt.

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Beige Lion Driver Style You tend to want: Freedom, power, independence, quick results Your Challenge: To make this characteristics work for you and not against you with others

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Red Dolphin EXPRESSIVE Style Feel your persuasive Like to be around people To be popular To be positive Talkative Can be seen as: Too Talkative Speak without preparation Overselling ideas Giving too much information Gary Schill- Great sales and positive people

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Red Dolphin EXPRESSIVE Style Your Challenge: You want popularity, influence, and public recognition

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Blue Panda AMIABLE Style Sincere Like being part of a group Like stability Need time to adjust to new ideas You Don’t tell all you know Can be seen as: Respond slowly to information Need too much personal attention Turned off by an aggressive person All about the group and being part of a group

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Blue Panda AMIABLE Style Challenge for you: Your tendency is to build roots, feel needed, and to be asked— not told– what to do.

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Green Beaver ANALYTICAL Style Thorough Like low risk situations, cooperative, Organized, standard procedures Very logical Can be seen as: Excessively detailed Write long memos Overemphasize when writing Slow to trust others Really analytical. Can be maximizer instead of satisfiser Give people the facts and it will be clear what to do. All get along.

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Green Beaver ANALYTICAL Style Your Challenge: You want thinking time, low-risk situations, cooperative relationships, organization, and long explanations.

Form Groups by Same Styles Help you understand you Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Form Groups by Same Styles Help you understand you Each person share the key words you chose in your style and why Share the items you checked on the do and/or don’t lists Done by 8:50

Scoring Personal Interaction Inventory Groups Help us understand you Share from the do and/or don’t lists with the team members New Groups Now form new groups based on your second style Done by 8:50

General Considerations and Conclusions How we develop a mystery . . .fairly “solid” before age 10.  Preferred, dominant style (single color), stress levels go up, revert back to our dominant styles  As people mature . . . “technicolored” communication shift styles depending on the situation or demand.  “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”  Little difference from different cultural backgrounds.  

General Considerations and Conclusions Include elements of all four styles when addressing groups! When you superimpose your “style of communication” on another person whose style is very different from yours, you can be certain there will be miscommunication. Practice listening for key words or phrases in someone else’s communication Almost everyone has one or two dominant styles.  

Behavior Basics Versatile Response to Interpersonal Behavior Observe Draw Conclusions Based on Knowledge of Styles Adapt Act Act Act Act

Behavior Basics Interpersonal Gap Words 7% Body Language 55% Voice Tonality 38% Words 7% YOUR STORY Feelings Intentions Attitudes Thoughts Filters Experiences Communication Style THEIR STORY Feelings Intentions Attitudes Thoughts Filters Experiences Communication Style Body Language 55% Voice Tonality 38%

Negafirmative (nayg' uh firm' uh tiv) v. Nodding in agreement with someone even though you don’t have the slightest clue as to what they’re talking about.