Tasmanian Clergy Conference 14 October 2015 Domestic and Family Violence

Noeline Davis Andrew Davis Presenters

What is our brief? Our brief: To ensure that clergy and pastoral workers are adequately equipped and resourced to respond to family violence and all forms of domestic abuse.

Our premise As fellow Christians we are all sinners saved by grace As people working with people, we are fallible. Dietrich Bonhoeffer “We are capable of great good as well as horrendous evil.” We need to be aware of the Hitler in ourselves whilst seeing it so clearly in others

Religious Leadership People of faith look to the clergy for guidance as a religious authority Victims often believe they are worthless and may suspect you will tell them to submit Perpetrators may count on your silence and lack of intervention How do we work with the tension of supporting people (victims and perpetrators) as well as calling people to accountability?

Domestic and family Violence

Contextualising We are taking a broad focus when conceptualising the nature of domestic and family violence Royal Commission observation: – Code of Silence – hear no evil, see no evil (Royal Commission) Alan Jenkins observation: – There can be effects if we are captive to a dominant abusive masculine practice (eg boarding schools, sporting institutions, residential care) – The most common sites of abusive behaviour are aligned with dominant and institutionalised cultural hierarchies of power Violence in a political context – it is all about the use and impact of power – Violence is used to promote conformity to one’s own ideas - through judgment, intolerance and suppression of difference – Intervention paradigms for situations of abuse require recognition of differentials in power and privilege and practices which address abuse in a context of safety and accountability

Violence and Abuse Sexual violence and abuse occur within the same parameters as any other forms of violence and abuse Perpetrators feel an exaggerated sense of entitlement along with an abdication of responsibility for the feelings and well-being of the abused person A difference in power makes this abuse possible. These common factors are reflected in the following persons actions and statements: – David, aged 37 sexually abused his 11 year old step-daughter over a period of 12 months. When interviewed, he asserted, ‘We have a special relationship; we love each other’; ‘Perhaps it’s wrong but she wanted it too’; ‘I would have stopped if she didn’t want it to go on’ – The abuse is justified as legitimate conquest in the name of love and justified as reciprocal actions of equal partners and has attributed responsibility to an 11 year old girl

Power and Controls Wheels Tactics of Control used by perpetrators against individuals Also the typical tactics of individuals and groups using power to dominate others. For example, – Racism – Ageism – Class and Clan domination – Anti-humanitarian movements eg refugees For the four wheels quoted refer to: files>VAWnet

Develop Your Own Personal Framework Where do you draw from to determine what you do? What guides you when you are working with people? What do you draw from in your training and qualifications? What do you transfer into your practice and role? What are the current beliefs that may be influencing or impacting on your practice and work?

Your Personal Framework Professional/ Practice SkillsProfessional KnowledgeTheory & Research Problem Solving Cultural Practice Communication Micro skills Interpersonal skills Reflection God ’ s Word Legislation Reading Training Policy Professional & Personal Experience Conference Professional Associations God ’ s Word Study Qualifications Readings Sermons Beliefs/ValuesProfessional IdentityOrganisational Context Belief in God Made in the image of Family Relatives Culture Gender Self Talk Self Awareness Identity Personal Experiences Society Values and Norms Attributes Behaviours Language Framework Professional Development Values & Mission Church Structure Organisational Structure Theory Culture Funding Legislation Policies & Procedures Staff Group

Working with Perpetrators

The Cycle of Violence

Warnings with Perpetrators Awareness of the buy-back/pursuit phase Colluding to minimise Avoid power struggles Encourage professional help and support Awareness about acquired brain injury and some mental illnesses Avoid power imbalance in couple counselling

Restitution? Alan Jenkins speaks about the concept of restitution rather than forgiveness when working with Perpetrators. “I have said I am sorry, she should forgive me, what more is she expecting?” The concept of restitution severs any link of entitlement between acts of atonement and expectations of reconciliation Restitution involves a process of understanding and acknowledging the abuse of power inherent in the actions, and consideration of the feelings and experiences of the others whom one has harmed

Restitution? (cont’d) It requires a journey of atonement which involves a shift from a self-centred to other-centred focus Resolution is through acceptance of the preferred outcomes of those that have been hurt - a ‘letting go of controlling the outcome’ People making their own choices – God is our greatest example – free will An opportunity to work at a spiritual level – How do I want to live? – How do I want to relate to others? – What kind of person do I want to become?

Respect The traditional focus upon the psychological nature of the perpetrator can assume fixed ideas about a person’s identity. The person’s character overshadows the possibilities for respectful preferences and new possibilities Every human being is fearfully and wonderfully made - valuable to God - created in His image – you, me, perpetrators and victims Further reading: Alan Jenkins, Becoming Ethical – A parallel, political journey with men who have abused

Common Excuses for Domestic and Family Violence DISCUSSION  Financial pressure on the family causing stress  She pays more attention to Facebook than me and the kids  Drug & alcohol abuse by one or more family members  Gambling by either partner  Abuse within extended families, generational abuse  Typical and acceptable “male” behaviour  Culturally acceptable behaviour  It’s her fault – she winds me up, nags etc  She doesn’t treat me as the head of the house – she’s not submissive as Paul tells her to be  She was looking at - or flirting with - another man

Untrue Statements Domestic and Family violence only occurs in working or poorer families Violent men cannot control themselves - their behaviour is “out of their control” Women accept being abused, otherwise they would leave the situation Loving, caring partners do not use violence Only a small numbers of women have experienced domestic and family violence Alcohol and stress are to blame for domestic violence Domestic violence should not be spoken about; it is a private family matter

Untrue Statements (cont’d) Domestic violence only happens where there is unemployment and poverty in the family Women know their rights and can leave the situation if they want to Some women provoke violence and they are part of the problem In some cultures violence is acceptable and we should turn a blind eye A handful of people may die from domestic and family violence each year but not many people see or experience it first hand Older people are seldom victims All people have equal access to support services

Working with Victims

Ted Talk Leslie Morgan Steiner Domestic Violence

What Clergy can do Create a safe place - safety is paramount Listen Consider if a Safety Plan is required WARNING: When stressing safety avoid telling her what to do Assist realisation that she is not responsible for her partner’s behaviour Connect her with supports She is the expert on her own life – no matter what you or a relative thinks

The Signs  Physical injuries, including broken bones, no explanation for injuries  Threats to their safety, intimidation or harassment  Current or previous police involvement  Feelings of sadness or depression, low self esteem  Difficulty in concentration or focus  Being denied access to funds or resources and/or repeated requests for financial assistance  Over protective of children and avoidance of discussing children  Current or previous separation in the relationship  Extensive use of medications  Lack of self esteem or self confidence  Problems with sleep & sleeplessness  Nervous or withdrawn behaviours  Aggressive behaviours or language  Isolation from friends, family & community  Medical or psychosomatic illness, such as headaches or stomach problems, frequent visits to hospital or doctor  Eating disorders  Difficulty with friendships

Signs in Children  Physical injuries  Bed wetting or soiling  Psychosomatic illness  Behavioural problems  Anxious or fearful behaviours  Aggressive language or behaviours  Developmental delays  Nervous or withdrawn behaviours  Advanced maturity, sense of responsibility  Disturbed sleep, nightmares, constant waking, fear of the dark  Use of drugs or alcohol  Difficulty forming and maintaining relationships, poor social skills  Lacking in confidence, poor self esteem and self image  Sadness or depression  Eating disorders  Self-harming behaviours

Audio from the ABC Background Briefing May,

The Impact Domestic and family violence between family members occurs across all socio-economic and cultural backgrounds On average, two women a month are killed in a domestic violence incident in Australia Domestic abuse affects one in five adults in Australia at some point in their lives – for women the ratio is one in three Men experience domestic and family violence - however the vast majority of violent behaviour that occurs in the home is committed by men against women (over 80%) Many elderly are abused by a family member who does not have direct responsibility for the victim’s care - particularly in relation to financial, physical and psychological matters

The Impact (cont’d) Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander women are 35 times more likely to be hospitalised due to family violence related assaults than other women Young women aged 18 to 24 years experience significantly higher rates of physical and sexual violence than women in older age groups Women with a disability are more likely to experience violence - and the violence can be more severe and last longer than for other women. The violence often goes unrecognised People from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds that experience family violence can face significant difficulties due to a lack of support networks, language barriers, socio-economic disadvantage and a lack of knowledge of their rights and Tasmanian laws