ENGLISH 091 October 7, 2013  MUGS Shot #3  Peer Review

Peer Review 1. Does the author clearly state their purpose/objective/ position/topic/thesis? What is the main idea of the paper? Yes, the author does a great job clearly explaining what he will be talking about in the first paragraph, near the end. The main idea of this paper is how the loss of his childhood dog changed his life forever.

Peer Review 2. Are there effective transitions? If not, how could the author improve the transitions between paragraphs? Be specific. No. The paragraphs do seem choppy and don’t really relate to one another. The author might add some transition words between paragraphs so that the reader knows what’s coming or can make connections between ideas.

To Add: additionally, in addition, again, besides, moreover, what’s more, equally important (also important), finally, further, furthermore, first (second, third, etc.) next, lastly To Repeat: as mentioned, as has been noted, in brief To Show Exception: however, nevertheless, in spite of, yet, still, despite, of course, once in a while, sometimes, unfortunately To Compare: however, on the other hand, on the contrary, in contrast, whereas, but, yet, nevertheless, by comparison, compared to, conversely, up against, balanced against, but, although, meanwhile, after all, while this may be true

To Emphasize: indeed, certainly, in any case, without a doubt, obviously, definitely, extremely, in fact, absolutely, positively, naturally, surprisingly, emphatically, unquestionably, undeniably, without reservation, always, never. To Prove: furthermore, moreover, in example, in fact, indeed, because, for, since, for the same reason, for this reason, obviously, evidently, besides, in addition, in any case To Give an Example: for example, for instance, to demonstrate, to illustrate, as an illustration, in another case, take the case of, on this occasion, in this situation

To Show Sequence: as a result, subsequently, consequently, concurrently, following this, now, at this point, afterward, simultaneously, thus, hence, therefore, first (second, third, etc.) To Show Time: immediately, thereafter, then, soon after, next, and then, finally, later, previously, formerly, first (second, third, etc.) To Summarize or Conclude: In conclusion, as demonstrated, to conclude, summing up, in brief, as a result, therefore, accordingly, consequently, hence, on the whole

Example: Overall, Management Systems International has logged increased sales in every sector, leading to a significant rise in third-quarter profits. Another important thing to note is that the corporation had expanded its international influence. Revision: Overall, Management Systems International has logged increased sales in every sector, leading to a significant rise in third-quarter profits. These impressive profits are largely due to the corporation's expanded international influence.

Example: Fearing for the loss of Danish lands, Christian IV signed the Treaty of Lubeck, effectively ending the Danish phase of the 30 Years War. But then something else significant happened. The Swedish intervention began. Revision: Fearing for the loss of more Danish lands, Christian IV signed the Treaty of Lubeck, effectively ending the Danish phase of the 30 Years War. Shortly after Danish forces withdrew, the Swedish intervention began.

Example: Amy Tan became a famous author after her novel, The Joy Luck Club, skyrocketed up the bestseller list. There are other things to note about Tan as well. Amy Tan also participates in the satirical garage band the Rock Bottom Remainders with Stephen King and Dave Barry. Revision: Amy Tan became a famous author after her novel, The Joy Luck Club, skyrocketed up the bestseller list. Though her fiction is well known, her work with the satirical garage band the Rock Bottom Remainders receives far less publicity.

Repeat the SAME word from the last sentence of the previous paragraph to the first sentence of the next. EXAMPLE: Last Sentence of First Paragraph: The Spanish ship sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. First Sentence of Next Paragraph: The ship, called a galleon, was the first to do so.

Use a SIMILAR word in the first sentence of the next paragraph to one in the last sentence of a previous one. EXAMPLE: Last Sentence of First Paragraph: The Spanish ship sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. First Sentence of Next Paragraph: The vessel withstood many storms.

Use a DETAIL from the previous paragraph in the next one. EXAMPLE: Last Sentence of First Paragraph: The Spanish ship sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. First Sentence of Next Paragraph: It's main mast stood through many storms.

Use PRONOUNS to refer to nouns in the previous paragraph. EXAMPLE: Last Sentence of First Paragraph: The Spanish ship sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. First Sentence of Next Paragraph: It reached the shores of Mexico in three months.

Use INTRODUCTORY WORDS like: in addition, meanwhile, because, since, nevertheless, however, etc. EXAMPLE: Last Sentence of First Paragraph: The Spanish ship sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. First Sentence of Next Paragraph: During a particularly fierce storm, the crew thought the end was near.

To enumerate use first, second, third, finally, lastly To express a result use therefore, thus, so, consequently To signal an example use for example, for instance, namely To show comparison use similarly, likewise, however, but To express addition use and, furthermore, besides, in addition To signal the end use in short, in conclusion, in summary

Peer Review 3. Does the introduction and conclusion focus on the main point of the essay? Does the introduction draw you in? If so, how? If not, what could the author do to improve it? Yes, both the intro and conclusion focus on the main idea of the story. The introduction is interesting, but tells more than shows. I might begin with a personal experience or something that is more action than just telling us what is happening. More sensory details would work well here.

Peer Review 4. Does the author use a variety of sentence starters and word choices? Write down one sentence from the paper that you found exceptionally well written. Most of the time there is variety, but a few places the sentences are really choppy and make it hard to read (see paragraph 3). This sentence was really well written: “His eyes filled with tears, he looked over at me and smiled, knowing that this was his last day on earth.” It was heartbreaking and honest. I could picture the moment in my mind.

Rough draft #2—turn in the first draft, the second draft AND the peer critique. The second draft MUST be typed, double-spaced, Times New Roman 12 pt. font., 1-inch margins (which is usually the default setting on a new document). Due Wednesday, October 9 th Homework