The Experience of Ambiguous Loss for Foster Care Children Cathey Glenn-Weinfurtner Together, We Make A Difference! Celebrate Kids! CASA Conference 2015

Understanding Ambiguous Loss What I will talk about What is an Ambiguous Loss? What are the effects of an Ambiguous Loss? How are children in foster care affected by an Ambiguous Loss?

Ambiguity What is ambiguity: What is an ambiguous loss:

Four components of the Ambiguous Loss Theory – 1. Loss that appears to have no end: where the ambiguity is in the “not knowing” – 2. Loss where a person is psychologically present, but physically absent or is physically present but psychologically absent – 3. Frozen grief: grief that is so powerful, that a person can not move forward after the loss. – 4. Boundary Ambiguity, not knowing who is in or out of the family system

How Does Ambiguous Loss Apply to Children in Foster Care? Foster care is full of situations were losses are not clear-cut or final.

How Does Ambiguous Loss Apply to Children in Foster Care? – When a child is removed from their parents because of abuse or neglect:

For Children in out-of-home care: When they are removed, children feel: From not having a clear understanding of what has happened to them, children feel:

For Children who transition into Foster Care, Life Changes! To keep them safe, their life is interrupted Their hopes and dreams and expectations are affected by change Because of the effects of abuse and neglect, home, as children know it, no longer exist!

When Children transition into Foster Care they Experience Loss For reasons unclear to them, children experience loss!

With Ambiguous Loss The Stress with Ambiguous Loss is in the “Not Knowing”

For children in foster care, the loss causes behavior and emotional distress! Family is still present:

Cognitive and Emotional Stresses for Younger Children Temper tantrums Enuresis (lack of control of urination) Lack of concentration Destructiveness

Cognitive and Emotional Stresses for Adolescents Depression Teen Pregnancy Self- Harm Legal Issues

Ambiguous Loss Two Types of Uncertainty – Person is physically present, but emotionally absent. – Person is emotionally/psychologically present, but Physically absent.

Psychologically Present/ Physically Absent For Children in Foster Care, a parent can be Physically Present, but Psychologically Absent!

Physically Absent/ Psychologically Present A Parent who is Physically Absent in between visits, is still Psychologically Present in the hearts and minds of their children!

Very Stressful Kind of Loss For children in out-of-home care Ambiguous Loss is a very stressful kind of loss!

Boundary Ambiguity Not knowing “whose in or whose out” of your family The foster care child experiences Boundary Ambiguity about their new role and the role of others in their life

How Am I Suppose to Act Absolute Reactions to Attachment:

Getting Stuck in Grief For children in care, their relationship with the lost parent/sibling can become frozen in time.

How Does One Find Closure? As CASAs, we want to help the child find answers. With Ambiguous Loss how does one find closure?

AS A SOCIETY, WE ASSUME PAIN IS BAD IF NOT ELIMINATED From the time we are children our messages about grief and loss are: (James and Friedman, 2002)

Keep the Door Ajar Pauline Boss suggest that to cope with loss: For children in Foster Care:

Help Them Talk How do we help a child talk?

Who Is My Family Activity?

After a Loss Make of List of What’s Left When one experiences a loss, it is helpful to look at what is left after the loss:

The key is not to try to find closure for the loss, but to learn to live with it and move forward despite the loss! (Boss, 2006)

References Boss, P. (1980). Normative family stress: Family boundary changes across the life-span. Family Relations, 29, Boss, P. (1999). Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief. Harvard University Press, Cambridge, MA. Boss, P. (2006). Loss, Trauma, and Resilience: Therapeutic Work with Ambiguous Loss. W. S. Norton & Company, NY. Di Ciacco, Janis A. PhD. (2008). The Colors of Grief: Understanding a Child’s Journey through Loss from Birth to Adulthood. Jessica Kingsley, London and Philadelphia. James, John W. & Friedman, Russell (2002). When children grieve: For adults to help children deal with death, divorce, pet loss, moving and other losses. Harper, New York. Moore, A. (2008). The Effects of Ambiguous Loss on Behavioral Problems in Children Placed in Out-of-Home Care. Doctorial Dissertation, Drexel University. May, 2008.