THE 3 R’s KIDS NEED FROM EVERYONE! Respect, Responsibility, & Resilience Deborah Gilboa, M.D.

hap·pi· ness: noun good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy INGREDIENTS: Confidence Competence Relationships

KID BRAINS Temperament Character Content-free Genetic Biologic Content-rich Culture-based Experience-dependent

MOVING TARGETS Character predictors in children/teens Culture-based Gratitude Curiosity Self-control Grit Culture-based Experiential learning

If you could wave a magic wand... Which behavior would you change?

THE 3 “R’s” KIDS REALLY NEED Respect CONFIDENCE, gratitude, curiousity Responsibility COMPETENCE, self-control Resilience RELATIONSHIPS, grit

RESPECT Tone of voice. Titles of respect. Eye contact Body Language Secret Code Negotiating Privacy 3 sentences; amazing results!

RESPONSIBILITY How can I help? Homework Practice Community service One work ethic; 2 sentences

The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! WHAT IS RESILIENCE? The ability to RECOVER from ADVERSITY! What do we know? Bad things happen. There are always choices to be made. Feelings change over time. Recovery requires tools and experience. What do people need? PRACTICE.

Who needs it? Adults! Kids! When we are… When they are… Hurt Angry Scared Overwhelmed Stressed!

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO ADULTS? Nurturing Children, partners, parents, siblings, friends Working Jobs, volunteering, continuing education Reacting Illness, injury, deadlines, the UNEXPECTED Exploring Relationships, finances, communities, opportunities SEARCHING… for balance

WHAT’S THE ANTIDOTE? What do we need? 1. Communication 2. Respect 3. Health 4. Opportunity 5. RESILIENCE

HOW DO ADULTS GET IT? Perspective – Control what you can control Strategies Clear goals Accessible, safe stress relievers Manageable commitments Well-developed support network Resources we’re willing to use

HOW DO KIDS? “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!” Mistakes teach resilience. Praise the process. Let life teach the lesson. Choices, within limits. Encourage some risk-taking. Reach out for resources! “I’ll be really interested to see what you do!”

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